Ho-wdy, Superfiends! Welcome to another shocking Throwback Thursday! With Wonder Woman kickin’ all sorts of booty at the Box Office and Captain Marvel set to fly into cinemas, badass superheroines are finally getting their well-deserved time in the Bat-shaped spotlight. Howl-ever, there are plenty of awesome crime-fightin’ women who don’t get the love they deserve. Women like… Yesiree! Just two years after Wonder Woman came to television, mad geniuses Sid and Marty Krofft introduced us to Electra Woman and Dyna Girl on The Krofft Supershow. The Supershow spawned 16 segments, which were later released as 8 episodes. It was cheap, cheesy, derivative of the ’60s Batman series, and I loved every single thing about it! Just check out this eXXXcellent opening:
The show’s goofy as all heck, but gleefully so. With a budget of five cents and a Moonpie, the creators built a wackadoo Silver Age comic funhouse of a show that’s beyond words. Diedre Hall and Judy Strangis are both totally groovy as the tit-ular superheroines. Sure, they weren’t exactly Meryl Streep and Helen Mirren, but they didn’t need to be! They were the two awesomely campy super butt-kickers this world needed. If you need someone to beat the snot out of hammy magicians and sinister glam rockers, Electra Woman and Dyna Girl are the far-out chicks for you. 🙂
In ho-nor of this show and its powerful leads, we’ve got a full episode of the show that has to be seen to be believed! It features death traps, hyno-tunes, and a villain who looks like the unholy lovechild of The Joker and Beef from Phantom of the Paradise. Enjoy. 🙂
A young woman named Elizabeth (Marie-Georges Pascal) travels by train to live with her fiancé, the owner of a vineyard. She discovers that the pesticide being sprayed on vineyards is turning people into killer zombies.
Ho-wdy, Ho-rror Headhunters, and Happy Slay-borday!! 😉 It’s another #MonsterMovieMonday here at Kinky Ho-rror, so we’re serving up a head-y dose of cranial creepiness with a cl-Ass-Sick fright film called…
Y’know, most scientists have a pretty good head on their shoulders… but Dr. Bill Cortner has an even better one in a pan!
At least, he has ever since his fiance, Jan, lost her head in a most literal sense. Using some of that ol’ mad science, he keeps her head alive and searches for a new body for his bride-to-be. Howl-ever, Jan-in-the-Pan is less than thrilled with her body-less existence, so she calls upon a literal monster in the closet to help her get revenge. If all that sounds weird, it’s only because it is.
Yessiree. Kinky Kreeps… this one’s a favorite o’ mine. Some call it “So Bad, it’s Good”, I call it an eccentric cl-Ass-Sick. Audacious, delightfully sleazy, and weird all over… this one’s unforgettable! There’s plenty o’ gratuitous cheesecake and some fairly strong gore for its time. And in its own goofy way, the film is a pretty engaging sci-fi melodrama. It boasts some pretty good camerawork and a strong central performance from Virginia Leith as the fiend without a body. As far as insane B-movies go, this one’s a-head of the curve.]Use your head… check out this freaky fright film below! 🙂 xoxo
(Submitted by our Goon Reviewer, Mr. Andrew Peters…Thanks, Ho-rror Ho-mie! 🙂 xoxo)
Well, the future didn’t quite turn out the way the ‘90s thought it would, did it? Computers, as advanced as they are, can’t quite do everything we thought they would do, especially make a computer virus biological and giving the host the ability to shoot it out of their eyes. Kinda missed the mark on that one just a bit. Black leather jackets with random pieces of plastic armor stapled to them didn’t quite become the fashion trend we expected them to, nor did using way too much hair gel and spiking it in random directions. You know what else didn’t work out? The cynical, snarky attitude of these movies that seemed to scream, “fuck you, grandpa! You’re too old and slow and we’re hip!” I don’t really know where I’m going with this and my segway isn’t really going to work the way I thought it was going to, but I think regardless of how bad these movies got, we always remembered them; Hackers, The Lawnmower Man, The Net, or any movie that featured someone frantically typing a keyboard spouting nonsense, really… I could go on.
And then there are the films we have forgotten, until you see them and then you wish you could forget all about them. Movies like Game Over, aka Maximum Surge and Cyberjack, aka Virtual Assassin (I can never tell which is more stupid’ the actual title or the alternate title), the latter of which I recently picked up at a pawn shop for sixty cents and no matter how many times I stick a fork in the light socket, I can’t short circuit my brain and burn the memory of this movie out of my head. I don’t know how else to explain how generically stupid it is, but this is one of those instances where that makes it more enjoyable. How else to explain it? Well the film is pretty much Die Hard mixed with every bad ‘90s cyberpunk movie, complete with bad wardrobes and goofy techno-babble and there isn’t really anything to comment on without making fun of it since it’s wildly ridiculous… so let’s just do that, shall we?
Michael Dudikoff, who must have been taking a break from “starring” in all those American Ninja movies, stars as ex-cop turned janitor, Nick James. Oddly enough, at no point does he shout at anyone, “I’m Nick James, bitch!” Can we pause for a second and ask the real question at matter here; does anything really star Michael Dudikoff? I mean, sure the guy kinda knows martial arts, but let’s face it… he’s kind of a weenie, with his prepubescent teen voice and his, erm, beautiful head of hair. Alright, so the guy may not quite be at the level of B-movies, but I would say at least C to higher grade of Z-movies.
Anyway, he’s the janitor at this high tech, super lab place that makes all kinds of techy, computery things. You know, the kind that doesn’t matter, because even for made up mumbo-jumbo it’s total bullshit. It’s here that a scientist, Dr. Royce and his way too hot daughter, Alex (Suki Kaiser), are developing some kind of a computer virus that is becoming too intelligent (I think, seeing as it’s kind of unclear) and is the first virus that can also become biological that will give the host supercomputer powers, I guess since it’s heavily foreshadowed that’s what will happen later. This calls the attention of an elite hacker terrorist group led by Brion James who sports a black leather jacket with shoulder pads that only could have existed in the ‘90s and created by Rob Liefeld and hair styled after Dragon Ball Z’s Gogeta. He and his goons storm the place and take it over, threatening to execute everyone inside if they don’t get control of the virus. But there is one slight oversight to their plan… their roster of employees fortunately doesn’t include the janitorial staff, which seems to only compose of one man. And that man is none other than Nick James, who is almost immediately discovered and shot in the arm, but luckily he’s a tough guy in a ‘90s action movie, so he just walks that shit off. He kinda just hides in a vent for a while and watches as some of the hostages get wasted and Alex’s father gets shot dead for trying to shutdown the virus. Come to think of it, he’s kind of a lousy hero.
He eventually does come out of hiding, take out some of the terrorists using gimmicks like a hologram where he uses multiple images of himself to outsmart a goon and sock him right in the nose. It’s a scene that tries to make the hologram scene from Total Recall more artsy, like 2001 with strobing lights that follow people running down a hallway. It actually makes the action scene a little confusing. Anyway, Nick finally gets a gun and mows down the stereotyped thugs, including the black guy who speaks with a Rastafarian accent, because his trait is that he’s the black guy. There’s also the wildman with bleach blonde hair named Numb who is constantly cackling madly to himself and intently staring at people and saying off putting, creepy things in an attempt to be, well, creepy, but he’s more annoying and I wish I could repeatedly kick him in the nuts until he’s crying so hard that he can no longer cry and make noise. He could not exit the movie fast enough. But that’s just me.
Finally, they break through the firewalls, hack the mainframe and Brion James hooks himself into the computer and uploads the virus into himself and, boy, do I feel stupid for writing all of that out. Brion James can now shoot green computer energy from his eyes and hack into things, like SWAT team members that are apparently androids and has them attack the police so he can make his escape. However, he didn’t count on the resilience and martial arts training of a computer engineering conglomerate’s janitorial custodian! The final confrontation is extremely flaccid. It’s like sex lasting only a few seconds and you’re like, “oh, that’s it?” But, you’re happy it’s just over. That’s this movie.
I did skip a few things, like how Brion James is the one who caused Nick to lose his job as a police officer, but once you see how lousy he was at his job, I would say that it was overdue or he was gonna be on his way out the door sooner or later. There’s also a subplot that involves a sportsball team (they never say which sport, but I would guess that it’s baseball) and Nick and Alex constantly make jokes about how their outfield sucks or whether or not this team won the big game, but it’s just trappings. Nick has also lost a lot of money betting on this team and owes some mobster a ton of money who eventually comes after him, but Nick runs away and then it’s dropped faster than Cannon Film’s Masters of the Universe 2. I think it was just a way to show off their pointless technology, like the CRT videophone.
You know what? Let’s talk about the technology for a second. In these type of movies, there is this needlessness to overly complicate something that is already fine and simple. Take for instance a security card you scan through a reader on a door. You swipe it, the reader accepts it, the door unlocks and you go through it. Simple and effective. Toward the beginning when Nick goes to work, he swipes his card and then a monitor in front of him has to display his own photo and personal information – which I’m sure he’s more than well aware enough of – and then it has to read it back to him. Why? Because, computers! And technology! Look at how advanced it is! Isn’t that more impressive than just swiping a goddamn card? It does give Michael Dudikoff the opportunity to throw out a one liner. Here’s a spoiler; it sucks.
First of all, how the hell did this movie cost two million dollars? I don’t even see half of that on screen, which is something that seems to be a staple of these movies; over expensive that doesn’t perform at the box office or goes straight to video and is almost immediately forgotten about. I mean, this is a film that doesn’t even have a Wikipedia entry nor are there any reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. It seems that the whole world doesn’t know about this movie, so allow me to be one of the few to introduce you to this direct to video dreck. Sure, the plot is nothing more than a rip-off of one of the greatest action movies of all time, but the aesthetic of putting it in an overly complicated and silly cyberpunk world makes it fun simply for the aesthetic. And its overall badness.
It’s the most gruesome day in the week… #TerrorTuesday! Please do not panic… but SCREAM! Scream for your lives!!! We’re going to the animals this week with Terror is a Man, a 1958 fright film from the Philippines. It concerns a mad scientist (of corpse ;)) whose ghastly, island-based eXXXperiments transform a panther into a fantastical Panther Man. Guess he’s a Carolina fan.#GOPANTHERS!! #KEEPPOUNDING!! 😉 You savvy ho-rror ho-unds may notice a certain resemblance to ho-rror classic The Island of Dr. Moreau. While it’s not an official retelling of the story, it’s a kreepy kewl take on the basic concept. It’s moody, spooky, and has a PURRRfect cat-creep. The only thing that’s missing is Marlon Brando and his Mini-Me. Take a trip to Blood Island below:
So what happens when these two tit-ans of awesome get together?
Pure, unadulterated madness.
Yes, dear freaks… back in 1981, Harry and Giger collaborated in a big, bad way. Harry wanted to take an “alien” approach to her debut album, so she hired the Swedish mad genius to conjure up a nightmarish work o’ art for the cover. The result is Harry lookin’ a great deal like a Cenobite… Yup, nothing creepy about that.
That’s certainly kookoo… at least, Harry thought so. So much so that she named the album KooKoo after seeing Giger’s work.
In addition to the album cover, Giger also designed and directed two videos for Harry: Backfired and Now I You Know You. The former looks like the world’s most disturbing magic show, with Giger doing the ol’ sword box trick on Harry. As for the latter, it’s pure Giger. For that video, Giger (xeno)morphed Harry into an otherworldly creature through body paint. I don’t know about you creeps, but I kinda wish Alien: Covenant looked like this.
(Submitted by , bc you can’t spell “erotic” without “eric”, #amirite??? 😉 Thanks, Kinky Ho-miebot! 🙂 xoxo)
Featuring: Robert De Niro, Harry Canyon – voice by Richard Romanus, Tommy Pistol, Misty Stone, Bill Bailey, Eric John, Angela Jones & Bruce Willis.
Taxi Driver (1976)
A mentally unstable Vietnam War veteran works as a night-time taxi driver in New York City where the perceived decadence and sleaze feeds his urge for violent action, while attempting to save a preadolescent prostitute in the process.
Heavy Metal (1981)
A glowing green orb – which embodies ultimate evil – terrorizes a young girl with an anthology of bizarre and fantastic stories of dark fantasy, eroticism and horror.
Taxi Driver: A XXX Parody (2011)
It’s more of a serious porn remake than a parody that’s intended to make you laugh.
Pulp Fiction (1994)
The lives of two mob hit men, a boxer, a gangster’s wife, and a pair of diner bandits intertwine in four tales of violence and redemption.
When The Texas Chainsaw Massacre hit the scene in 1974, it was huge. There was nothing quite like it to say the least. No other horror movie had presented itself in that way, so the imitators were sure to follow, although none of them would really come close. In 1980, Motel Hell would come pretty close, but just misses the mark and not in a bad way. In fact, Tobe Hooper (the director of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) was originally slated to direct. Whereas TCM is dark and grisly, Motel Hell has a whole lot of charm and is quite a lot of fun… you know, for a movie about kidnapping/abducting, murder and cannibalism. As much as I love TCM, you can’t say the same thing, simply because it’s not meant to be.
Motel Hell actually feels more like a cash-in of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2, which wouldn’t happen for another five years. It’s odd that a film that didn’t intend on parodying the original TCM ended up blending horror and comedy decently that TCM2 would later also do. However, I don’t feel that Motel Hell is quite as dark as TCM2, not to take anything away from it still being a good film. In fact, Motel Hell was supposed to be much more dark with more violence and gore and included much more disturbing moments in the film, like a bestiality scene. There’s something the TCM films never had. In the end, the tone was lightened, the gore was used sparingly and what we got was still a fairly humorous and entertaining horror comedy armed with one of the best taglines, “It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent fritters!” An obvious nod at the cannibalism in the movie, but a hint at what Farmer Vincent puts in his famous smoked meats, unbeknownst to his customers.
Along with his sister Ida, Farmer Vincent (played by legendary Rory Calhoun) run the Motel Hello – which for fun acts as the title card as the “o” in “Hello” flickers dimly – where they don’t seem to get a whole lot of customers. I guess that’s okay since they are able to keep up their farm and… well now I am just thinking about how weird having a farm and a hotel next to each other is. This is getting into Eaten Alive territory, another Tobe Hooper film. You think all those bills would be stacking up, but it seems like Vincent’s famous smoked meat is so famous, people come around from all over the place just to get a taste of his smoked meat.
For those of you wondering, yes, that pun was intentional.
But what’s in those meats that makes them taste so damn good? Well, nothing but the finest ingredient… people! Vincent and Ida set traps to snare their victims, slicing their vocal cords (so they can no longer scream), plant them up to their chins in soil in a secret garden and feed them nothing but the finest feed, even if they aren’t the finest specimens. Like, would you ever think a balding, doughy health inspector who is nosing around the farm would be tasty? Vincent sure does. How about a drug addled metal group called ‘Ivan and The Terribles,’ one of which happens to be Cheers’ John Ratzenberger? He’s only in a couple scenes and I can’t remember if he even has a line of dialogue, but blink and you could miss him. Or a swinging couple that can’t sense danger when it’s literally tying them up and drugging them. Yeah, farm life is good for Vincent. Nothing quite like waking up and being your own boss, smoking your meat and having others from all over want to savor it.
Okay, I’ll stop with all the meat smoking puns. Anywho, Vincent’s life is about the change (not to make this sound like a wacky romantic comedy, but it kinda is) when a cute victim named Terry survives one of his traps. While being nursed back to health, she understandably has some questions, like “where is my boyfriend?” Vincent informs her along with the Sheriff, Bruce, who just happens to be his dimwitted brother, that he buried the body, so everyone should move on and forget about it. And that’s exactly what happens. Terry just seems to accept it and starts to fall more and more for Vincent while Bruce is falling for Terry. Oh boy, love triangles! Except, this is kinda like a hillbilly one, so you know at some point somebody will be pointing a shotgun at somebody.
Let’s talk about Bruce for a moment. Bruce is the comedic relief in a film that is about half comedy, so needless to say that he’s probably gonna get under your skin at some point. He also comes off as possessive and stalker-ish when it comes to Terry and I know, it’s supposed to be cute and charming, but when he’s forcing himself onto her and trying to make out with her while she screams and begs for him to stop, it’s kinda hard to want to support your lead.
Rejecting Bruce and growing closer with Vincent, even Ida begins to grow jealous of her, even going as far as attempting to drown her. She’s saved by Vincent which pretty much guarantees him a ticket to Bone City, but Vincent suggests that they should be married first and she agrees. Clearly this upsets Bruce so much that he actually goes and does actual cop stuff, like investigate the scene of the accident, even though it’s, like, days or weeks later. Hey, better late than never. Meanwhile, Vincent and Ida are immediately drugging Terry so that she passes out, allowing them to get to work. So, do they plan on doing this to her every night, because it’s going to get suspicious sooner or later, right? Luckily, Vincent plans on showing her the ancient art of smoking meat, a skill that is sure to come in handy on their honeymoon. If she doesn’t go along with it, at least they can always cook her too. Unless Bruce can stop them in time and I don’t blame anyone who doesn’t have faith in him.
Look, it all boils down to a gnarly chainsaw fight between Bruce and Farmer Vincent who is wearing a giant pig’s head. The movie is awesome just for this iconic scene alone, but luckily it’s very entertaining throughout the entire movie and Farmer Vincent is a likable character even if he isn’t doing the right thing, even if he believes he is. He’s a well developed enough of a character that you kinda follow along with him, which is a good thing, because this is his movie. You spend some time with the other characters, but not enough to get to know them outside of the single trait they are given. Except Bruce who comes off as a bumbling buffoon pervert.
However, I can’t say the same about the horror aspect. It’s a film about turning people into food and yet it’s not scary. Hell, it seems like it’s barely the trappings. Even films like Blood Diner explore (or in that case, exploit) the idea of cannibalism and make it visceral, somewhat painful and gory. In Motel Hell, the characters kinda mention it here and there, although occasionally some human carcasses or limbs can be seen. I don’t know if they were hoping it would have the same impact that Quint’s speech from Jaws would have, but the horror element in this film seems a little lackluster. Same can be said about most of the humor and being a horror comedy, like Evil Dead 2 and Blood Diner, they could have really explored using the splat-stick angle (after all, we are talking about people becoming smoked meat), but the film shies away from that as well.
I still like the film, quite a bit actually. I think it’s an honest attempt at a horror comedy and although I don’t think it’s the best example nor does it reach its potential in either genre, it still does both well. A few years ago, Scream Factory released a newly restored Blu-ray that looks fantastic and comes with enough special features to cram your meathole, like Audio Commentary with director Kevin Connor, moderated by filmmaker Dave Parker, The Making of MOTEL HELL featuring interviews with director Kevin Connor, producers/writers Robert Jaffe and Steven Charles Jaffe and actor Marc Silver, Ida, Be Thy Name: A look back at MOTEL HELL’s frightful female protagonist Ida Smith, Another Head on the Chopping Block: An interview with actor Paul Linke, From Glamour to Gore: An interview with actress Rosanne Katon, as well as a theatrical trailer and a still gallery. It also was given some great new artwork.
It’s an idea that was fully realized, but once the studio thought it would be too weird, they backed down and what you get is a watered down version of that vision, but at least that still entertaining. Especially that chainsaw fight.
Ho-wdy, Kinky Homies! Last night, I watched the most bodacious of film sequels…
That’s f-right, eXXXcellent Ho-(rror Dudes! I revisited the Stygian nightmare fuel that is Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey. And boy, is it strange! It’s loaded with creepy bunnies… …Killer Robots…
…The Devil himself…
…German Expressionist-Like Family Reunions…
…References to classic British cinema…
A Matter of Life and Death (1946)
…and bitchin’ “rap” tunes.
Yes, my darklings… Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey is a delicious buffet table of radical ’90s weirdness (one we may get back to very soon ;)), and it gave us the seXXXiest Grim Reaper in the hereafter.
And modest, too!
When they say “bald is beautiful”, they’re clearly talkin’ ’bout his scythe-wieldin’ hunk!
First of all, the man takes his board games DEADly serious, like everyone should! (CLUE ain’t no laugin’ matter, son!!!! ;))
Secondly, he’s got killer rhymes! Raise the roof, you adorableAngel of Death, you…
Third(ly? :)) he’s clearly an Ingmar Bergman fan…
The Seventh Seal (1957)
Fourth(-ly? -ily? ;)), he’s frenemies with THE MOTHERFREAKIN’ CRYPTKEEPER! I mean, besides Arnold Schwarzenegger and the EC Ghoulunatics, who else has had the ho-nor of sharing the spotlight with Ol’ Crypty!? Why this happened, I will never know. But it’s pure magic nonetheless!
Last but not least, he bares a striking resemblance to Demon Knight star William Sadler, and if he ain’t an example of Manly Meatiness, I don’t know who is! 🙂 Party on, Grim! You make death feel so alive!!!! 😉 xoxo
It’s a beautiful, spooky silhouette puppet film by Richard Mansfield, based on the short story by Amelia B. Edwards. Narrated with a 7:45 running time.
A young man is lost in the snow, with thoughts he’ll die. He then meets an old man that takes him into his house. The old man tells him the depressing story of his life (we don’t hear), and then another tragic tale about a coach.