#TBT: The “Monster Mufflers” Edition

Ho-wdy, Ho-rror Ho-mies! As you creeps probably know, the Universal Monsters are getting a brand-new shared universe, and they’re hoping to give Marvel a run for their “mummy!”
We here at KH love a good Monster Mash, especially one from the original House of Horrors.  Starting with 1943’s Frankenstein meets the Wolfman, Universal has had a rich history of having grand ol’ ghouls go face-to-fang. However, there are two iconic monsters that have yet to appear in the same film…

Yes, it’s true… The Mummy and The Invisible Man, Universal’s baddest bandaged baddies, have never co-starred in a film together! Now, I know there’s a fair chance that the “wrap” stars will appear together in an installment of the new franchise, but it’s been over 80 years! You would think that Universal would throw us an invisible and/or mummified bone, but they never did.

However, the gauze ghouls did get a chance to share the spotlight in a commercial for Meineke Mufflers in 1988. Not only are The Mummy and The Invisible Man here, but they are positively horrible.. in a good way! 🙂 That Mummy could stomp around in a real monster movie, as far as I’m concerned! I don’t recall the Invisible One being much of a driver, but I suppose The Mummy would need a new a muffler for the ol’ chariot… 🙂

It’s not Universal, but it does the trick!

Check out the creepy commercial below:

Health Care: The Medical Attention Edition, Part 2

(Submitted by Smutmaster Eric, the kinkiest ho-mie a gal could ask for. 😉 Thanks, my freaky friend! 🙂 xoxo)

The Give A Fuck Foundation (2012)

While masturbating on her off time, the hospital administrator wonders in to visit Dr. Lezley Zen M.D. After that she goes to see a patient (Michael Vegas).

Anything Else (2003)

Jerry Falk (Jason Biggs) learns a lesson the hard way when he falls head over heels in love with a beautiful but flighty girl, Amanda (Christina Ricci).

Black Dynamite (2009)

Black Dynamite (Michael Jai White) is the greatest African-American action star of the 1970s. When his only brother is killed by The Man it’s up to him to find justice.

Joy Mulligan/Stacy Adams as Nurse.


Ho-stess’s PS#TBT to my own Doctor Adventure. 🙂

#ThreesomeThursday: The Stepmom Teaches Edition

(Submitted by none other than Smutmaster Eric…Thanks, Kinky Ho-miebot!! 🙂 xoxo)

Stop Fucking My Boyfriends Mom (2016)

Description:

India Summer loves to sneak her stepdaughter Adria Rae’s boyfriends into the sack. Damon Dice, Adria’s new boyfriend, is next in line to be her conquest. She asks her mom to not fuck her boyfriend, and India promises she’ll try.

Damon resists India’s advances in the kitchen, and goes off to find Adria. Strutting out of the kitchen, India drops clothes every step of the way, finds Damon frantically jacking it in the hallway (as he watches Adria), pushes him against the wall and starts sucking on his cock. When Adria comes out of her room and finds them, India offers to turn the awkward situation into a learning experience.

Use What You Got (2015)

Description:

Jessy Jones is enjoying some time to himself when his stepmom India Summer walks in on him masturbating. When India tries to talk about it, Jessy confesses his concerns about whether size matters and his ability to please his girlfriend Alli Rae. After a bit of discussion, India suggests that maybe Jessy needs to build up his stamina and then offers to give him some insight on his penis size.

While India is giving him advice on how to use it, Alli arrives. Watching India suck off her boyfriend’s cock gets her turned on, and the two decide to work together to help Jessy increase his confidence and get over his problem of cumming too fast.

Ho-stess’s PS- Me as a a Stepmom/Educator. 😉 #TBT

In the Mirror: The Reflections Edition, Part 5

(Submitted by our beloved Smutmaster, Eric…Thanks, my Kinkiest of Ho-mies! xoxo)

Featuring: Lynda Carter, Helen Slater, Maika Monroe & Olivia Hussey

Wonder Woman: Season 3, Episode 5 – Disco Devil (1978)

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A telepathic disco dancer is using his powers to steal information from government scientists visiting a Washington D.C. hot spot. Diana must enlist the aid of a second telepath to foil the scheme.

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A House in the Hills (1993)

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An aspiring actress gets a housesitting job and finds herself in a cat-and-mouse game with a deadly ex-con.

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It Follows (2015)

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A young woman is followed by an unknown supernatural force after a sexual encounter.

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Psycho IV: The Beginning (1990)

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Norman Bates recalls his days as a young boy living with his schizophrenic mother while fearing his unborn child will inherit his split personality disorder.

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Ho-stess’s PS-
Eric requested I post a new mirror pic with this set, but I’m currently visiting my sister (and very lil’ nephews:) in NC, and private mirror time isn’t really a thing right now. So, you’re gonna have to settle for these #TBT pics (circa 2007) instead…I owe ya one (thousand ;)), Eric!! 🙂 xoxo

#TBT: The “Billion Dollar Voorhees” Edition

Happy Friday the 13th Eve, Ho-rror Ho-mies!!! 🙂

I don’t know about you creeps, but I’m in a shock ‘n’ roll kinda mood and there’s only one ghoul I can think of that is monster enough to ho-nor Mah Boo with some revolting rockin’ rhythms… Mr. Alice Freaking Cooper!!! 🙂

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Ol’ Black Eyes is back… but he’s not the only one…

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Talk about a Monster Mash of the highest order! 😉 In collaboration to rival David Bowie and Queen’s Under Pressure, Alice Cooper and Mah Boo joined forces in 1986, resulting in three songs created for Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives. These songs were Teenage Frankenstein (another clas-sick!), Hard Rock Summer, and the definitive anthem for Jason’s day, He’s Back (The Man Behind the Mask)!

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In a time when his career was just about dead (hard to believe, I know!!), The Coop took a page from Jason’s book and rose from the grave! He’s Back applies almost as much to Mr. Cooper as it does Jason. The success of this song (and the entire Constrictor album that spawned it) served as sign that Cooper was about to return in a big way and he did just that with Poison in 1989. You just can’t keep a bad ghoul down! 🙂

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As for Mah Boo, this really was his return to the Silver Scream! Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning seemingly did what no final girl could ever do: kill off Jason for good! In his place, a two-bit copycat did the slashing! Friday Fanatics demanded the return of the slashiest movie slasher EVER and the studio obliged. He’s Back is a triumphant declaration to the fans, informing us that Jason’s back and he’s here to slay!! 😉

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To promote this beauty of a song, a video was made featuring Jason and Alice doing their  Freaky Fang! Take one part Rocky Horror Picture Show and one part Demons (1985), and you get the greatest (non-Thriller) horror music video of all time! (Unless Helena counts as ho-rror… ;)) Take it away, you gruesome twosome!

Proving that Camp Crystal Lake is still in his heart, Alice still occasionally rocks the mausoleum with this clas-sick! Here he is, performing He’s Back in 1991..

…and in 2013, proving that he and Jason are still the best musical monster buddies ever!! Mah Boo even does away with a pesky paparazzo here!

Keep that Friday Feeling alive, Ho-mies, and prepare to get yo Jason on tomorrow!! 🙂 xoxoxo

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PS- Who wore it better?

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alicemesmallNevermind…I know the answer. 😉 #NOTWORTHY!!! xoxoxo

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#TBT: An Orion Pictures Release Edition, Part 3: Weekend Adventure, Jealousy, and Fear.

(Submitted by Mr. Smutmaster Eric…Thanks, Kinky Ho-mie EXXXtraordinaire!! 🙂 xoxo)

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Featuring: Melanie Griffith, Jeff Daniels, Kate McNeil, Jason Beghe & Boo as Ella.

Something Wild (1986)

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A free-spirited woman “kidnaps” a yuppie for a weekend of adventure. But the fun quickly takes a dangerous turn when her ex-convict husband shows up.

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Monkey Shines (1988)

monk A quadriplegic man has a trained monkey help him with his paralysis, until the little monkey begins to develop feelings, and rage, against its new master. (Ho-stess’s Side Note: I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!!!!! That is all. ;))

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Happy (Belated ;) Birthday, Bruce Campbell (aka “You Don’t Know Jack”)

(#TBT to this awesome show, as well as to yesterday (June 22) when it actually was Bruce Campbell’s birthday. 😉 This post submitted by Anton Phibes, and late-posted by me, bc I believe in being fashionably late with everything, basically… 😉 HAPPY ONLY SLIGHTLY LATE BIRTHDAY, BRUCE CAMPBELL!!!! My bewbage is ho-nored to ho-nor you!! 😉  xoxo)

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Happy Birthday to the official Chin of Horror, Bruce Campbell! Now, I’m sure most of you are very much familiar with the greatness that is the Evil Dead trilogy, as well as his brilliant turn as Elvis in Bubba Ho-Tep. While those four films are classic, I’d wager that many of you don’t know Jack… (“OOOH!! I DO, I DO!!!!!!!” -D.P., waaaay too eXXXcitedly ;))

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Jack of all Trades was created by Eric Morris and produced by Sam Raimi, Rob Tapert, and our boy Bruce. This trilogy of terror was also responsible for Evil Dead, so despite not being horror, Jack of all Trades has much of Evil Dead‘s DNA coursing through it. The series set at the turn of the 19th century on the fictional French-controlled island of Pulau-Pulau in the East Indies. (Belated ;)) Birthday Boy plays Jack Stiles, an American secret against working for Thomas Jefferson.To shield his identity, he adopts the identity of the Daring Dragoon, a masked Scarlet Pimpernel-type swashbuckler.

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This series has its tongue placed so firmly in its cheek that it actually sticks out the other side. Pop culture references are plentiful, as is a gleeful silliness. History is rewritten constantly and purposefully. All of this is complimented greatly by its star. Campbell is the kind of bostierous hero you want him to be, spewing one-liners constantly and consistently. Basically, it’s Bruce Campbell playing an Errol Flynn type in the most Campbell-like way possible. Bruce is simply perfect in this.

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Jack of All Trades was made on the cheap and that, for better or for worse, is apparent throughout. The sets, costumes, and just about everything has a gawdy colorful quality reminiscent of a theme park show. That aspect actually gives the series a charm suited for its goofy nature. However, I can’t help but think there is a truly epic adventure waiting to get out. With a historical event such as the French Revolution playing a huge part and larger-than-life characters, Jack of All Trades should’ve been grander than the budget would allow it to be.

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Despite this, the series is still a Hell of a dandy treat. Bruce kicks ass and lives up to his reputation, no chainsaw needed. While the series could’ve been a true classic, what we got is still good times. Plus, it has one of the all-time great intros to any live-action series. If you don’t know Jack, it’s time to get acquainted.

Groovy Birthday, Bruce. Hail to the King, Baby!

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NECA “Terminator 2” T-800 Classic Video Game Appearance Review

(Submitted by Andrew Peters…Thanks, Mr. Goon!! 🙂 xoxo)

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If I could go back in time, I would stop game developer LJN from obtaining any film licenses, therefore preventing their development of the horrid, horrid game adaptation of Terminator 2 on NES. But then I would have altered this future, therefore preventing the creation of NECA’s Classic Video Appearance figure of the T-800 from the game! I definitely wouldn’t want to do that, so I’ll endure this game ruining a whole weekend in my childhood, so that one day in the future, I can show you this amazing figure.

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Standing at the usual 7” tall and using the body from the Ultimate T-800 to give it nearly 30 points of articulation, this figures paint scheme mimics that of its 8-bit counterpart. I know these figures may look simple, but I think that’s part of the appeal of them, along with the nostalgia. It also comes packaged in what other than a duplicate of the NES package. I don’t think this is a design I could ever get tired of seeing, it’s just that cool.

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Arnie comes with his trademark lever action shotgun and two interchangeable heads; one that is bad to the bone, wearing the shades and the other is battle damaged, revealing his T-800 endoskeleton. Personally, I love them both, but I have to admit how much I love the pixelated paint scheme on the battle damaged head. It looks real haunting.

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This ultimate killing machine should be available now for around the usual $20. Unlike the video game, this is worth having in your collection. Buy this figure if you want to live! Ahem, sorry trying to end this thing on a Terminator 2 reference.

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Ho-stess’s PS– It’s #TBT...You know I HAD to add these!! (#SorryNotSorry!! 😉 xoxo)

Ho-stess’s PPS– More T2 Terrificness, bc I had a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE crush on Edward Furlong back in the day!! 🙂

(He could still totally get it, FYI. #MEOWWWWWWWWW!! #PetSematary2Rules!! 😉 xoxo)

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#TBT: An Orion Pictures Release Edition, Part 1: Deadly Machines

(Big thanks to Eric for the awesomeness!! 🙂 xoxo)

Orion Pictures Corporation is an American distribution company that produced and released films from 1978 until 1999, and was also involved in television production and syndication throughout the 1980s until the early 1990s. In 2013, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer revived the Orion name for television; a year later Orion Pictures was quietly relaunched by the studio.

orion1The Terminator (1984)

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Featuring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Michael Biehn, & T-800.

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(Ho-stess’s Side Note: Michael Biehn is sooooooooooooo hot in this!!! :))

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mbt3RoboCop (1987)

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Featuring: Peter Weller, Nancy Allen, ED-209, & Kurtwood Smith.

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#TBT: Avengers Review (It’s Not Horror, but Suck It! ;)

It’s my site (which means I can do what I want ;)), and as far as I’m concerned, today is officially Avengers Day!! 🙂

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(Those last two are from the movie, right? ;))

I’m getting ready to see Age of Ultron in a few, so I thought it might be cute to see what we unsuspecting humans thought of the OG Avengers when it first came out. Let’s Delorean it back to the simpler days of 2012 and see what KH contributor Adam had to say about it for this edition of #TBT, shall we? (Side Note: I can already give you my review of AoU, despite not having seen it yet. It’ll be something to the effect of “Holy Cow!! It was awesome!!!”, but I’ll let you know if that changes for some reason. *SPOILER ALERT* It won’t. ;))

Take it away, Big A!! 🙂 xoxox

Review: The Avengers (from 2012, submitted by Mr. Adam ;))

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Synopsis: “Marvel Studios presents Marvel’s The Avengers-the Super Hero team up of a lifetime, featuring iconic Marvel Super Heroes Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Thor, Captain America, Hawkeye and Black Widow. When an unexpected enemy emerges that threatens global safety and security, Nick Fury, Director of the international peacekeeping agency known as S.H.I.E.L.D., finds himself in need of a team to pull the world back from the brink of disaster. Spanning the globe, a daring recruitment effort begins.” (Marvel)

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Many discussions surrounding this film will begin with the phrase; “A few years ago, no one would ever imagine this film being a possibility.” Sure, those statements have become cliché at this point, but it’s entirely true. Then Marvel became its own studio, and the rest is history. While “Iron-Man” gave birth to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, “Thor” and “Captain America” are the lynchpin films for the plot to this movie. I think the above plot synopsis is enough summary, so allow me to dive right into my thoughts.

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I like the fact that the filmmakers involved decided to cut and paste story lines and elements from several incarnations of the comics, coupled with a nice dose of Joss Whedon’s imaginative genius. This allows the film to appeal to the hardcore fan base, while not being tied down to one specific story-line. Naturally, the first issue of this long running comic book was given its due by having Loki as the primary antagonist. As badass as Loki is as a villain, Thor took him down in the solo film, so to have him go toe-to-toe with 5 other superheroes would seem moot. Enter the Chitauri. When fans first heard of an alien foe in the film, they began clamouring for either the Skrull’s or the Kree. Instead, the Chitauri were chosen. Their complicated back story from the books was seemingly ignored. As a reader, that’s disappointing, but is in the best interest of the film. Knowing that they are power-hungry, world conquering S.O.B’s is enough to understand why they would become strange bedfellows with Loki. They want the Tessaract (Cosmic Cube) and Loki wants to rule Earth and stick it to his brother. The plot is straight forward, effective, and accessible for average Joe-public.

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I now turn my attention to the main talent in front and behind the camera. Having known that this film was on its way for a while, I’ve been excited yet concerned. I was worried how Marvel would unite all these superheroes, without it feeling forced. Well, my concern disappeared when they hired Joss Whedon. The guy has as much sci-fi street-cred as Tony Stark has money! Thanks hits like Buffy/Angel, Firefly, and his stint on Astonishing X-Men. His strengths are writing strong characters and humor. Both are on display here. Joss manages to capture each hero’s personalities expertly. So well in fact, that if I didn’t know better, I’d think he’d had a hand in writing all the Marvel Studio’s films. Two mainstays of Avengers comic books are the teams differing opinions, which leads to the odd fight, and the humor. Both are transplanted to the film in an organic fashion, without feeling forced, or as a form of lip-service to the fans. I like the trepidation that Joss infuses into the characters, where Bruce Banner/ The Hulk is concerned. With the exception of Tony Stark, they’re all worried about setting him off. The Hulk is finally getting his due, but more on that later.

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My only two negatives of this film are as small as Ant-Man but I’ll point them out anyways. I found it very confusing that two ordinary human beings, Hawkeye and Black Widow, had seemingly less of a struggle with the Chitauri army then Captain America, a super-soldier who has endurance “far in excess of an ordinary human being.” I also thought that there was a bit too much humor just prior to Agent Coulson’s “death”. I realize Coulson has been the source of many comedic moments in most of his appearances in the solo films, yet the humor prior to his death lessons the emotional impact of the only significant unexpected casualty of the MCU.

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Once again, Robert Downey Jr. proves that he was born to play Tony Stark/Iron-Man. He had so many humorous moments, my favorite being his jab at Thor in the forest fight. Also, he really sells the dramatic self-sacrificing heroic moment near the film’s end. Chris Evans plays Steve Rogers, man out of time extremely effectively. His straight laced performance highlight Steve Rogers leadership skill, that it’s no wonder the rest of the team would follow him. Chris Hemsworth had the perfect mix of confident swagger and humanity, which really shows character growth in between the first Thor film and this one. Scarlett Johansson seemed more comfortable in her role as Black Widow this time around compared with her turn in “Iron Man 2.” She and Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye had solid chemistry, making their implied shared back-story palpable. Hopefully, this will be further explored in the future. Tom Hiddleston was magnificently maniacal as Loki. His portrayal of the villain stands tall amongst other Marvel villains, including Willem Dafoe and Ian McKellen. In fact, I’d put him second amongst comic book movie villains, only to Heath Ledger’s Joker. Hiddleston has mastered the smug superiority that makes you detest Loki. Samuel L. Jackson was his usual badass self as Nick Fury. It was nice to finally see him use a weapon in this one. Although, I felt Jackson’s delivery of his “call to arms” speech after Coulson’s death lacked conviction to be honest.

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Then there’s Mark Ruffalo as Bruce Banner/The Hulk. In my opinion Banner and his green alter-ego took command of every scene they were in. Ruffalo plays Banner as someone who has resigned himself from trying to “cure” his condition, instead trying to fly under the radar and avoid volatile situations. Ruffalo also put the focus on Bruce Banner the intelligent scientist, more so then any other film portrayal. This film also brought us a more heroic Hulk. I was smiling from ear to ear when Bruce Banner willfully transformed into The Hulk to face the Chitauri. That brings me to the action/visual effects. Once again The Hulk took centre stage. Firstly, he looked great. Facially he looked like Mark Ruffalo, complete with beard stubble, and slightly grey temples. Secondly, every fight scene Hulk’s in gives new meaning to the phrase “Hulk Smash!” Be it battling with Thor, obliterating the Chitauri army, or pummeling Loki, The Hulk had me laughing and cheering the entire time.

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The rest of the visual effects and fight scenes were superb as well. The last act of the film was an all out brawl between our heroes and their antagonists. The action pieces called to mind action scenes from “The Ultimates” and “Secret Invasion.” The transitioning between fights felt like flipping through comic book pages, giving every hero their moment in the spotlight. The final act was the most action packed finale I’ve seen for a movie in this genre at the time. If that wasn’t enough, the mid credit scene left you salivating for more.

The Avengers threw down the gauntlet to all other movies to raise their game. This film really feels like the culmination of a comic book storyline. In fact, put into perspective it is sort of the conclusion to the first Marvel Cinematic Universe story arc. Many superhero movies are adaptations of their source material. Joss Whedon’s The Avengers is truly an example of a comic book coming to life on the big screen. For me, is the definition of a motion comic in the truest sense of the word.