Happy 4th of Boo-ly!

Happy Fourth, my fellow A-Scare-icans!

Yes, creeps, I’m proud to be an A-Scare-ican! I mean, we have produced some of the grooviest monster media ever! America brought us the Universal Monster films,  Halloween, Scream, The Exorcist, Jaws,  Freaks, Scream 2… and others! 😉 Edgar Allan Poe and H.P. Lovecraft were born here, along with EC Comics, William Castle, and Vincent Price!  Yes, other countries have produced some most eXXXcellent horror, but I’m thrilled to be part of country with such a rich history of spookiness!

Skullebrate the day! Start with a Fourth-tastic fright flick…Might I suggest I Know What You Did Last Summer, the scariest 4th of July cl-ass-sick of them all?

It’s the kind of awesomely ’90s slasherpiece that helped to make America spooky cool. How can you go wrong with a movie that features a murderous fisherman with a hook, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and this bit o’ awesome…

Plus, it makes good use of the Ho-rrorday…

IKWYDLS is sincerely required Independence Day viewing in my Book of Shadows!  😉

After the movie, listen to some patriotic music…

And then take in some monster fireworks…

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all ghouls are created groovy, that they are endowed with certain unalienable frights, that among these are awesome monster movies, eXXXcellent terror, and the pursuit of creepiness!

Happy 4th, Kinky Ho-mies!

 

#MMM: The Grim Reaper

Ho-wdy, Kinky Homies! Last night, I watched the most bodacious of film sequels…

That’s f-right, eXXXcellent Ho-(rror Dudes! I revisited the Stygian nightmare fuel that is Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey. And boy, is it strange! It’s loaded with creepy bunnies…
…Killer Robots…

…The Devil himself…

…This thing…

…German Expressionist-Like Family Reunions…

…References to classic British cinema…

A Matter of Life and Death (1946)

…and bitchin’ “rap” tunes.

Yes, my darklings… Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey is a delicious buffet table of radical ’90s weirdness (one we may get back to very soon ;)), and it gave us the seXXXiest Grim Reaper in the hereafter.

And modest, too!

When they say “bald is beautiful”, they’re clearly talkin’ ’bout his scythe-wieldin’ hunk!

First of all, the man takes his board games DEADly serious, like everyone should! (CLUE ain’t no laugin’ matter, son!!!! ;))

Secondly, he’s got killer rhymes! Raise the roof, you adorableAngel of Death, you…

Third(ly? :)) he’s clearly an Ingmar Bergman fan…

The Seventh Seal (1957)

Fourth(-ly? -ily? ;)), he’s frenemies with THE MOTHERFREAKIN’ CRYPTKEEPER! I mean, besides Arnold Schwarzenegger and the EC Ghoulunatics, who else has had the ho-nor of sharing the spotlight with Ol’ Crypty!? Why this happened, I will never know. But it’s pure magic nonetheless!

Last but not least, he bares a striking resemblance to Demon Knight star William Sadler, and if he ain’t an example of Manly Meatiness, I don’t know who is! 🙂
Party on, Grim! You make death feel so alive!!!! 😉 xoxo

Scary Shorties: Tales from the Crypt – The Third Pig

Happy Birthday to one of the creepiest, awesome-est spookshows in the history of Terrorvision, Tales from the Crypt! 🙂

In ho-nor of the birth of Tales from the Crypt, we’re bringing you its death…

Knowing that it would soon be time to head back to the crypt forever, The Cryptkeeper decided to go out with a scream in the form of a batshit insane work of animated carnage known as The Third Pig.
That’s F-right, boils and ghouls! Tales from the Crypt’s last tale was a scary tale of cartoon carnage and hammy horror!
Directed by Bill Kopp and Patrick A. Ventura, The Third Pig is a cracked retelling of—you guessed it—The Three Little Pigs! The tit-ular Third Pig (Cam Clarke of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fame) stands trial for the murder of his two brothers who were actually killed by the Big Bad Wolf (Bobcat Goldthwait). Unfortunately for the poor pig, the jury is made up completely of wolves and they find him guilty. Out for revenge, the Third Pig creates a hideous Franken-pig to avenge his brothers. Looks like The Wolf’s in for a rude a-bacon-ing! 🙂
While that description may sound relatively straightforward, the actual episode is anything but. It’s the kind of wackadoo, Ren & Stimpy-like madness that could only spawn from the naughty ’90s! Sure, it ain’t your typical Tale from the Crypt, but it’s an outrageously weird bit o’ cartoon craziness and a wonderfully ballsy way to end a cl-ass-ic series. 🙂

Go back to the Crypt by clicking on the boXXX below:

 

News Bleed: The “Phantom of Little China” Edition

Starship Troopers gets animated in this trailer for the latest invasion. 🙂 The Daily Dot

Big Trouble in Little China: The Game gets an awesome new trailer… Yessir! The check is in the mail!  /FILM

The Phantom of the Opera and The Hunchback of Notre Dame creep into the Dark Universe! Vive la France! Coming Soon

It looks like TNT’s Tales from the Crypt is staying buried. 🙁 Bleeding Cool

(Literally me when I found this out… :()

Let’s turn on the juice and see what shakes loose… Beetlejuice joins Lego: Dimensions in Halloween.   Nerdist

Watch Dokken rock Dream Warriors live… AIN’T GONNA DREAM NO MORE!!!!!!!! 🙂 Bloody Disgusting

The Blob remake poster looks a little… Alien. Movie Web

Wonder Woman’s Connie Nielsen and Robin Wright will bring Amazonian power to Justice League. 🙂 Den of Geek!

News Bleed: The “THE GREAT WAR IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Edition

Finally…YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MSN

Another reason to shoot your load… 😉 Hollywood Reporter

Get your first taste of Netflix’s Castlevania! 🙂 i09

Check into Hotel Transylvania: The Series this June! 🙂 Cartoon Brew

Sneak a peek at the Alien 6 Film Collection and the Alien: Covenant Steelbook! IGN

The Resident Evil film franchise is set to rise from the grave with a reboot. (It’s been so long since the Final Chapter came out…IN DECEMBER!!! ;))  Variety

Tom “Spider-Man Not Child’s Play” Holland swings into an Uncharted prequel film. 🙂 Deadline

Cujo will leave his paw print on The Dark Tower. 🙂 Dread Central

The Tales from the Crypt Complete Series Set screams its way onto DVD on Robert Englund’s and my birthday…BEST PRESENT EVER!! :)) Bloody Disgusting

In #NotHorrorButSuckIt news, Tom Cruise confirms that Top Gun II is happening. That Maverick! 🙂 Screen Rant


To a new world of Gods and Monsters… Universal gets serious with their new monster series, now known as the Dark Universe! 🙂 Nerdist

And, sadly, we had to say goodbye to the great Roger Moore this week R.I.P., Mr. Bond. 🙁 xoxo Movie Web

 

Creepy Comic Carnival: The “You Big Dummy” Edition

Dedicated to Don Rickles. xoxo

“Ladies and gentlemen, attention please!
Come in close, so everyone can see!
I got a tale to tell.
A listen don’t cost a dime..
..And if you believe that, we’re gonna get along just fine!”

Salutations from the Carnival, culture vultures! Our dead-lining act is real wooden one from the demented dummies at EC Comics! It concerns a voice-thrower with a secret so shocking, it’ll leave you speechless! From the putrid pages of Tales from the Crypt #28, it’s The Ventriloquist’s Dummy!

Y’know, my fabulously freaky friends… horror dummies are a rather dull bunch. They either come to life to engage some rather tired terror or they play mind games with weak-minded. Well. our performer ain’t no dummy-dummy! This seasoned pro has an act that’s really FLESHED out! Impressively, for a monster from the ’50s, there ain’t a single termite to be found. Armed with a twinning secret, this old-timer is ready to show Today’s dull dolls how it’s done!

For your amusement and education, I give you The Ventriloquist’s Dummy!

Heh. How’s that for a punchline, creeps? I gotta HAND it to Larry: he kept his brother close!

Of course, with a yelp yarn this disgusting, HBO just had to take a stab. They got a Scream Team to Hand-le this one! Richard “The Omen” Donner helmed this doll scripted by Frank “The Walking Dead” Darabont. The late. great Don Rickles played the ventriloquist with a fistful of terror. As a terror-ific tribute to the creep-comic, Rickles’ voice-thrower shares a last name with artist “Ghastly” Graham Ingels. Don’t be a dummy! Check out this Chiller-Diller below!

Sorry, Folks! The Carnival is closed. All Out and Over, All Out, All Over!

Creepy Comic Carnival: The “Pranks for Nothing!” Edition

(Submitted by that Interdimensional Man of Mystery known only as…The Talker. Thanks for this festive fiXXX, Ho-rror Ho-mie! :)) xoxo

“Ladies and gentlemen, attention please!
Come in close, so everyone can see!
I got a tale to tell.
A listen don’t cost a dime..
..And if you believe that, we’re gonna get along just fine!”

Step right up, my foolish friends! To-day is indeed a rare one: April Fools’ Day. What a truly glorious howl-iday this! Ghouls and boils are encouraged to commit as many horrible, nasty acts to their “friends” and “loved ones” as possible, and the victims are just supposed to laugh it off ’cause tradition! Heck, lyin’ is grinned upon, if you do it well enough! It’s cruel! It’s mean! It’s a gas! Even your old boney Talker likes to gag around on this day! Why, about an hour ago, I gave a fellow a peanut can full of snakes… Cobras, that is!

If there’s any group of creeps who appreciate a sick joke, it’s the fine fiends over at EC Comics! Their joke concerns two doctors and a corpse that’s not quite dead. Puzzled, my abominable audience? See, I’m not the sort to spoil a good punchline, so I’ll let the comic tell this twisted joke. Chickens need not read on! With sickening artwork by Jack Davis, this one will surely knock ya dead! From the putrid pages of Tales from the Crypt #37, it’s Dead Right!

Still craving some jolting japes, folks? Well, good ol’ Horrorwood’s got ya covered! See, when HBO’s Tales from the Crypt was still hauntin’ the airwaves, they adapted just about every EC chiller-diller they could get their slimy claws on, including Dead Right! Under the new title of Abra Cadaver, the HBO skeleton crew made the men brothers and added some good ol’ fashioned nudity and a tinge o’ gore! For your amusement and education, I present Citizen Kane

APRIL GHOULS’!

Sorry, Folks! The Carnival is closed. All Out and Over, All Out, All Over!

Happy Birthday, John Astin!

A Happy Birthday to the mysterious, spooky, and all-together ooky John Astin, the lovable looney who played Gomez Addams on The Addams Family!

With his wild-eyed exuberance and a cheeky grin, John Astin as Gomez was the frightful father every creepy kid dreamt of. On the series, this groovy ghoul had a lust for life (and death) that was irresistible, and his chemistry with Carolyn Jones made us all want a romance like Gomez and Morticia. After Addams, Mr. Astin portrayed mad scientist Prof. Gangreen in three Attack of the Killer Tomatoes sequels, The Riddler in two episodes of Batman with Adam West, a deranged director in an episode of Tales from the Crypt, The Judge in Peter Jackson’s The Frighteners, and had a one-man show as Edgar Allan Poe. While not necessarily genre fare, Mr. Astin played the father of Night Court‘s Judge Harry Stone, a part played by magician, IT star, and KH favorite Harry Anderson (#rawwwwr). For a lifetime of spooky-cool achievements and a vested interest in keeping it creepy, we salute John Astin. Good show, old man!

Happy Birthday, William Gaines!

A very Happy Birthday to beloved comics MADman, William Gaines! 😉

Bill Gaines is the groovy ghoul who published EC Comics, creating generations of wonderful lunatics! Gaines introduced light-hearted gore and morbid merriment to comics, and gave us a true comic book hero: The Crypt Keeper. If you prefer yuks to yuck, Gaines was also the man who drove us mad… by publishing Mad Magazine!   When his comics were under attack for their “questionable morality,” Gaines fought the good fight and spoke at the Senate Subcommittee on Juvenile Delinquency to defend  his horror comics.  Some say it was a mistake, but we salute Mr. Gaines for having the courage to stand up for his medium. For making the world Madder and publishing the best terror tales, we will always love the Holy Heck out of Bill Gaines! 🙂 xoxo

For all you EC Fan-Addicts out there, check out this segment from the Horror Hall of Fame with Gaines himself:

#FBF: The Evil-lution of “And All Through The House…”

(It’s just not Cryptmas without a look back at this Ho-rrorday Cl-ass-ic…Submitted by Anton Phibes. Thanks, you festive fella, you!! 😉 xoxo)

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December… That it was time to begin our Ghoultide Celebration! To most fright fans, the festival of Christmas is as sacred as Halloween. After all, this is the time of Grinches, Krampus, and other mythical creatures. We tend to celebrate this time of year in our own inimitable way. ‘Tis the season to be scary, after all! We’ll kick off this slayride by discussing a classic Holiday tale, “…And All Through The House!”

and all through the house 0

“…And All Through the House” first appeared in “Vault of Horror #35,” and it may just be the single most famous terror tale those GhouLunatics at EC every devised. illustrated by legendary artist Johnny Craig, it is the story of an adulterous murderess and a mental asylum escapee dressed as St. Nick. As always with EC, this putrid shocker ends with a wonderfully morbid punchline. What makes it great is that it builds tension in only a few pages, and ends with a terrific black-as-coal final panel. Not only is it a wonderful chiller, it may also be one of the first horror stories in media to depict a murderous Santa, now a trope in horror fiction. For those who haven’t read this classic, you can read that poisoned chestnut below:

allthroughthehouse2

allthroughthehouse3

allthroughthehouse4

allthroughthehouse5allthroughthehouse6

Vault_of_Horror_35_09.jpg-original

Vault_of_Horror_35_10.jpg-original

So popular was the story that when Milton Subotsky and Freddie Francis made their adaptation of Tales from the Crypt in 1972, And All Through the House was the first segment. Joan Collins stars as the adulteress who learns that Santa ain’t as jolly as one might think. I have a soft spot for this one. The maniac in this one has almost a melancholic quality and the blood is a wonderfully bright mix that makes me think of my beloved Hammer Horror films. Not bad, but the next version is so good, it’s become a classic to people who have never even read an EC comic…

atth1

In 1989, producers Richard Donner, David Giler, Walter Hill, Joel Silver, David Geffen and Robert Zemeckis lauched the horror anthology series Tales From the Crypt for HBO, featuring the beloved Cryptkeeper, a creature far removed in appearance to his comic counterpart, but alike in his corn-on-the-macabre attitude. (HA!! Good one!! -D.P.)

atth7atth8

The first episode produced was a new version of”…And All Through the House” written by Fred Dekker (The Monster Squad) and directed by Robert Zemeckis (Back to the Future, Who Framed Roger Rabbit).In this take, the great Larry Drake of Darkman and Dr. Giggles fame stars as the Kreep Kringle from the asylum. Unlike the 1972 version, this one feels very much like an EC story, with over-the-top gruesomeness, Hitchcockian suspense, and a gleeful blak humor to it. As it stands, I don’t think anyone could top this small-screen classic.

santae

Any of these takes are just the ticket for the horror fan to start the season with. Merry Christmas, and don’t let anyone in, no matter how rosy his cheeks are.