News Bleed: The “THE GREAT WAR IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Edition

Finally…YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MSN

Another reason to shoot your load… 😉 Hollywood Reporter

Get your first taste of Netflix’s Castlevania! 🙂 i09

Check into Hotel Transylvania: The Series this June! 🙂 Cartoon Brew

Sneak a peek at the Alien 6 Film Collection and the Alien: Covenant Steelbook! IGN

The Resident Evil film franchise is set to rise from the grave with a reboot. (It’s been so long since the Final Chapter came out…IN DECEMBER!!! ;))  Variety

Tom “Spider-Man Not Child’s Play” Holland swings into an Uncharted prequel film. 🙂 Deadline

Cujo will leave his paw print on The Dark Tower. 🙂 Dread Central

The Tales from the Crypt Complete Series Set screams its way onto DVD on Robert Englund’s and my birthday…BEST PRESENT EVER!! :)) Bloody Disgusting

In #NotHorrorButSuckIt news, Tom Cruise confirms that Top Gun II is happening. That Maverick! 🙂 Screen Rant

To a new world of Gods and Monsters… Universal gets serious with their new monster series, now known as the Dark Universe! 🙂 Nerdist

And, sadly, we had to say goodbye to the great Roger Moore this week R.I.P., Mr. Bond. 🙁 xoxo Movie Web


Creepy Comic Carnival: The “You Big Dummy” Edition

Dedicated to Don Rickles. xoxo

“Ladies and gentlemen, attention please!
Come in close, so everyone can see!
I got a tale to tell.
A listen don’t cost a dime..
..And if you believe that, we’re gonna get along just fine!”

Salutations from the Carnival, culture vultures! Our dead-lining act is real wooden one from the demented dummies at EC Comics! It concerns a voice-thrower with a secret so shocking, it’ll leave you speechless! From the putrid pages of Tales from the Crypt #28, it’s The Ventriloquist’s Dummy!

Y’know, my fabulously freaky friends… horror dummies are a rather dull bunch. They either come to life to engage some rather tired terror or they play mind games with weak-minded. Well. our performer ain’t no dummy-dummy! This seasoned pro has an act that’s really FLESHED out! Impressively, for a monster from the ’50s, there ain’t a single termite to be found. Armed with a twinning secret, this old-timer is ready to show Today’s dull dolls how it’s done!

For your amusement and education, I give you The Ventriloquist’s Dummy!

Heh. How’s that for a punchline, creeps? I gotta HAND it to Larry: he kept his brother close!

Of course, with a yelp yarn this disgusting, HBO just had to take a stab. They got a Scream Team to Hand-le this one! Richard “The Omen” Donner helmed this doll scripted by Frank “The Walking Dead” Darabont. The late. great Don Rickles played the ventriloquist with a fistful of terror. As a terror-ific tribute to the creep-comic, Rickles’ voice-thrower shares a last name with artist “Ghastly” Graham Ingels. Don’t be a dummy! Check out this Chiller-Diller below!

Sorry, Folks! The Carnival is closed. All Out and Over, All Out, All Over!

Creepy Comic Carnival: The “Pranks for Nothing!” Edition

(Submitted by that Interdimensional Man of Mystery known only as…The Talker. Thanks for this festive fiXXX, Ho-rror Ho-mie! :)) xoxo

“Ladies and gentlemen, attention please!
Come in close, so everyone can see!
I got a tale to tell.
A listen don’t cost a dime..
..And if you believe that, we’re gonna get along just fine!”

Step right up, my foolish friends! To-day is indeed a rare one: April Fools’ Day. What a truly glorious howl-iday this! Ghouls and boils are encouraged to commit as many horrible, nasty acts to their “friends” and “loved ones” as possible, and the victims are just supposed to laugh it off ’cause tradition! Heck, lyin’ is grinned upon, if you do it well enough! It’s cruel! It’s mean! It’s a gas! Even your old boney Talker likes to gag around on this day! Why, about an hour ago, I gave a fellow a peanut can full of snakes… Cobras, that is!

If there’s any group of creeps who appreciate a sick joke, it’s the fine fiends over at EC Comics! Their joke concerns two doctors and a corpse that’s not quite dead. Puzzled, my abominable audience? See, I’m not the sort to spoil a good punchline, so I’ll let the comic tell this twisted joke. Chickens need not read on! With sickening artwork by Jack Davis, this one will surely knock ya dead! From the putrid pages of Tales from the Crypt #37, it’s Dead Right!

Still craving some jolting japes, folks? Well, good ol’ Horrorwood’s got ya covered! See, when HBO’s Tales from the Crypt was still hauntin’ the airwaves, they adapted just about every EC chiller-diller they could get their slimy claws on, including Dead Right! Under the new title of Abra Cadaver, the HBO skeleton crew made the men brothers and added some good ol’ fashioned nudity and a tinge o’ gore! For your amusement and education, I present Citizen Kane


Sorry, Folks! The Carnival is closed. All Out and Over, All Out, All Over!

Happy Birthday, John Astin!

A Happy Birthday to the mysterious, spooky, and all-together ooky John Astin, the lovable looney who played Gomez Addams on The Addams Family!

With his wild-eyed exuberance and a cheeky grin, John Astin as Gomez was the frightful father every creepy kid dreamt of. On the series, this groovy ghoul had a lust for life (and death) that was irresistible, and his chemistry with Carolyn Jones made us all want a romance like Gomez and Morticia. After Addams, Mr. Astin portrayed mad scientist Prof. Gangreen in three Attack of the Killer Tomatoes sequels, The Riddler in two episodes of Batman with Adam West, a deranged director in an episode of Tales from the Crypt, The Judge in Peter Jackson’s The Frighteners, and had a one-man show as Edgar Allan Poe. While not necessarily genre fare, Mr. Astin played the father of Night Court‘s Judge Harry Stone, a part played by magician, IT star, and KH favorite Harry Anderson (#rawwwwr). For a lifetime of spooky-cool achievements and a vested interest in keeping it creepy, we salute John Astin. Good show, old man!

Happy Birthday, William Gaines!

A very Happy Birthday to beloved comics MADman, William Gaines! 😉

Bill Gaines is the groovy ghoul who published EC Comics, creating generations of wonderful lunatics! Gaines introduced light-hearted gore and morbid merriment to comics, and gave us a true comic book hero: The Crypt Keeper. If you prefer yuks to yuck, Gaines was also the man who drove us mad… by publishing Mad Magazine!   When his comics were under attack for their “questionable morality,” Gaines fought the good fight and spoke at the Senate Subcommittee on Juvenile Delinquency to defend  his horror comics.  Some say it was a mistake, but we salute Mr. Gaines for having the courage to stand up for his medium. For making the world Madder and publishing the best terror tales, we will always love the Holy Heck out of Bill Gaines! 🙂 xoxo

For all you EC Fan-Addicts out there, check out this segment from the Horror Hall of Fame with Gaines himself:

#FBF: The Evil-lution of “And All Through The House…”

(It’s just not Cryptmas without a look back at this Ho-rrorday Cl-ass-ic…Submitted by Anton Phibes. Thanks, you festive fella, you!! 😉 xoxo)

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December… That it was time to begin our Ghoultide Celebration! To most fright fans, the festival of Christmas is as sacred as Halloween. After all, this is the time of Grinches, Krampus, and other mythical creatures. We tend to celebrate this time of year in our own inimitable way. ‘Tis the season to be scary, after all! We’ll kick off this slayride by discussing a classic Holiday tale, “…And All Through The House!”

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“…And All Through the House” first appeared in “Vault of Horror #35,” and it may just be the single most famous terror tale those GhouLunatics at EC every devised. illustrated by legendary artist Johnny Craig, it is the story of an adulterous murderess and a mental asylum escapee dressed as St. Nick. As always with EC, this putrid shocker ends with a wonderfully morbid punchline. What makes it great is that it builds tension in only a few pages, and ends with a terrific black-as-coal final panel. Not only is it a wonderful chiller, it may also be one of the first horror stories in media to depict a murderous Santa, now a trope in horror fiction. For those who haven’t read this classic, you can read that poisoned chestnut below:







So popular was the story that when Milton Subotsky and Freddie Francis made their adaptation of Tales from the Crypt in 1972, And All Through the House was the first segment. Joan Collins stars as the adulteress who learns that Santa ain’t as jolly as one might think. I have a soft spot for this one. The maniac in this one has almost a melancholic quality and the blood is a wonderfully bright mix that makes me think of my beloved Hammer Horror films. Not bad, but the next version is so good, it’s become a classic to people who have never even read an EC comic…


In 1989, producers Richard Donner, David Giler, Walter Hill, Joel Silver, David Geffen and Robert Zemeckis lauched the horror anthology series Tales From the Crypt for HBO, featuring the beloved Cryptkeeper, a creature far removed in appearance to his comic counterpart, but alike in his corn-on-the-macabre attitude. (HA!! Good one!! -D.P.)


The first episode produced was a new version of”…And All Through the House” written by Fred Dekker (The Monster Squad) and directed by Robert Zemeckis (Back to the Future, Who Framed Roger Rabbit).In this take, the great Larry Drake of Darkman and Dr. Giggles fame stars as the Kreep Kringle from the asylum. Unlike the 1972 version, this one feels very much like an EC story, with over-the-top gruesomeness, Hitchcockian suspense, and a gleeful blak humor to it. As it stands, I don’t think anyone could top this small-screen classic.


Any of these takes are just the ticket for the horror fan to start the season with. Merry Christmas, and don’t let anyone in, no matter how rosy his cheeks are.

Coal for your Stocking: 5 Creepmas Episodes of Terror-Vision Favorites!

(Submitted by a gent who is chock fill o’ Ho-rrorday Cheer, Mr. Dr. Anton Phibes. A very scary Creepmas to you, my good  very bad sir. 😉 xoxo)


GOOD LORD!! *choke*

We only have five days until Creepmas! We have to get as much Merry Madness out there before the big day! The “slay” bells must ring so loud as to wake the dead and we must drown ourselves in Egg Nog! There’s only so much time to make the our days scary and dark! To help keep Creepmas in your wonderfully dark little hearts, we here at Kinky Horror would like to share with you some must-see Horrorday class-sicks  to keep that Ghoul Log burning! These little lumps of coal are some the most festive installments of some of our favorite horror shows on the small scream and we hope these winter scary tales scare the (Charles) Dickens out of you and help to make your Creepmas delightfully weird.


1.) American Horror Story – Unholy Night

American Horror Story: Asylum is a firm lock for my second favorite season (my heart belongs to Freak Show), and a perfectly macabre bit of genre television with a host of creeps and madmen to delight and drive mad. One of the craziest crazies in the crazyhouse is a psychotic “Santa Claus”  with a mean naughty streak and a penchant for spreading Creepmas fear! Ian McShane plays the krooked Kringle to repugnant perfection and his slaying is made all the more gruesome when juxtaposed with the warm trappings of the season. Christmas with the inmates can be a scream!

“There is no God, but there is a Santa Claus!

-Leigh Emerson, Killer Santa


2.) Tales from the Darkside – Seasons of Belief

You know Krampus, The Grinch, The Bumble, and the Gremlins… but do you recall the most fearsome monster of all?

The Grither is a ferocious beast that lives in a cave on the other side of the mountain that Santa resides, housed inside the wreckage of a ship. The Grither hates nothing more than to hear his name taken in vain and will punish any fool who dares to utter his name. Tales from the Darkside was never my favorite horror anthology shows, but this episode is a woefully under-seen Creepmas treat. Just… don’t say his name, okay?


3.) Invader Zim – The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever

Invader Zim is perhaps the darkest program ever to masquerade as a “kid’s show”, and we absolutely adore it for that very reason. The plot concerns a hopelessly inept alien invader looking to conquer a small, obscure planet… Earth. For this Creepmas special, the titular Zim looks to achieve conquest by pretending to be Santa and sending us to his homeworld to be imprisoned. This is perhaps the only animated “family” special to end with Santa mutating into a horrible, ungodly monstrosity and being launched into space to die. Merry Christmas, Earth Monkeys!


4.) The Addams Family – Christmas with the Addams Family

Terror-vision’s first family of fright celebrate’s Creepmas in their own inimitable way. Of all the specials on this list, this is probably the most traditional, complete with seasonal decor, a reaffirmation to the existence of Santa, and a warm carol sung to the audience. However, the whole affair is seasoned with that special arsenic-flavored humor that has made the Addams clan so dear to us all. Why not spend Creepmas with the Family?


5.) Tales from the Crypt – And All Through the House

We close this selection Creepmas goodies with a visit to the Crypt of Terror. And All Through the House is certainly a class-sick of the highest order, first appearing in the pages of Vault of Horror, being brought to death by Hammer director Freddie Francis in the Amicus version of Tales from the Crypt, and finally making it to the small scream. This sadistic Santa story is a favorite of many of us here at KH and as a treat to all you festive freaks, we present this Ghoultide masterpiece in its entirety! Naughty… or nice?


We hope these creepy chestnuts make your Horrorday as scary as it is merry and we’ll end our seasonal offering with a sincere and simple…


and a Happy New Fear! 🙂


Scary & Fright: Five Merrily Morbid Melodies for the Ho-rrordays


Seasons Beatings, my fellow fright fiends! 🙂 Creepmas (known to normies as “Christmas”) is just around the corner and it’s time for us festive freaks to celebrate the second most wonderful time of the year in our own, inimitable way. Though Krampus has already made his yearly visit, that doesn’t mean that we can’t still make this a Black Christmas. After all, a great man(?) once said, “Kids are swell, but ghouls from Hell do like Christmas too!” So, with that said, here are some non-conventional carols to bring out the Spirit of the Season from whatever ancient tomb it’s buried in.

Happy Fangs – All I Want for Christmas is Halloween

What a charming sentiment! Though we here at Kinky Ho-rror love both Ho-rrordays, we have to admire this ghoul’s message of spooky-cool Halloween love. Recently featured on The Purple Stuff Podcast (one of my faves! :)), this is an underrated and rockin’ “carol” that’s begging to be unearthed! Happy Halloween, Christmas Revelers!

Santa Claus is Coming to Town – Alice Cooper

Ah, a Creepmas classic interpreted by Ol’ Blackeyes! Dear Mr. Cooper is one of our favorite morbid minstrels, so who better to stand in for Bing Crosby as our voice of Creepmas? Santa CLAWS is coming to town as always, but only The Coop can bring out the menace of this standard without even changing the lyrics! As an added treat, here’s Cooper’s song set to Santa’s Slay, a true Creepmas masterpiece! School’s out for Christmas!

Monster Holiday – Lon Chaney Jr. 

While we will always adore Bobby “Boris” Pickett’s original 1962 follow-up to his Monster Mash, we feel we must shine the spotlight on this 1964 cover by the Lonster. The man was the Wolfman and the Son of the Phantom of the Opera, so he was certainly an authority on the subject of Monster Culture. Chaney’s ghoulish vocals are ideal for this track, which brings to mind Tim Burton’s Nightmare Before Christmas long before Jack took over Christmas… and Hot Topic. Hairy Christmas, Dear Wolfman!

Slayrider – Morgan Aimes

Oh, Boy! This is a track from the Silent Night, Deadly Night and it’s a freaking awesome one! Like the Cooper track, Slayrider actually contains rather traditional Santa Claus imagery, but the synth tune is both creepy and kinda groovy! After hearing this, one can’t help but have visions of Billy (from Silent Night, Deadly Night, of corpse) slashing through your head! A forgotten classic from a seasonal slasher favorite!

Christmas Rap – The Crypt Keeper

Last, but never ever least, we have a track from the greatest Creepmas album of all time, Tales from the Crypt: Have Yourself a Scary Little Christmas! This is the album that really brings in the Hellidays around my ho-usehold! Every track is an absolute treasure, but if I must pick one, it must be Christmas Rap, an original terror-tune that not only features our beloved Crypty busting a rhyme, but name-drops a whole lot of classic monster & madmen! It’s just not Creepmas without a visit to the Crypt!

I hope this list of Creepmas Scarols has put you in the Ho-rrorday spirit and we hope iwhen Santa comes down your chimney, he isn’t carrying an axe! (Unless you’re into that… ;)) Scary Creepmas to all and, to all a good fright!


My Top 5 Tales from the Crypt Fap-Worthy Moments.

So, yeah…More bum-mer news. I don’t think the Universe got my message re. “enough already!!”. The voice of Disney’s dashing foXXX Robin Ho-od also p-ass-ed away today. I can’t possibly eXXXplain to you ho-w much I LOVE that movie, and what a huge crush I had on that version of Robin Ho-od when I was but(t) a wee one. I can tell you, though, that I am super duper eXXXtra sick of getting sad news every five minutes, so I’m here to give your brainho-le something happy to focus on for a bit. (Apologies if that was super annoying to read, but I’m trying to replace sadness with perviness…Ho-w’s it working for ya? ;))


Remember that one day when we actually had happy news? (That some would say turned into bad when they announced there’d be no Cryptkeeper in this version, but I’m still ho-lding out ho-pe that it’s gonna kick ass. :)) Well, let’s build on that, shall we? Here, in absolutely no particular order (aside from the first one :)), are the Top 5 SeXXXiest Episodes from the Tales From The Crypt HBO series, in my own, personal opinion. (Bear in mind that I’m doing zero research here…These are just what I remember thinking of fondly when I was a sad, sad teenager with no internet porn and had to live for shit like this. If I forgot any of your fave moments definitely feel free to chime in. Otherwise, just go with it and enjoy the “inspirational” views. 😉 xoxo)

1. Michelle Johnson (hehe ;)) in Split Second.


One of my all time fave eps, and also my all time favorite nekkid moment: Coincidence? Absolutely not. 😉 I couldn’t find a proper embeddable clip, so fast forward to the 12:57 mark to marvel in the bodacious bathing boobies.  (After that you might want to actually cum back and watch the ep, ‘cuz it’s a goodie. Bewbage takes priority, though, of corpse. ;))

2. Teri Hatcher in The Thing from the Grave


Alas, no actual nudity here, but she was sooooooooo insanely hot in this it didn’t even matter (not posting the whole ep, though, because standards ;)). Plus, she got tied up, and rescued by a sweet, heroic dude in glasses (#clarkkentfetishalert!!), so eXXXtra seXXXy points for both of those. 🙂


3. Lysette Anthony in Forever Ambergris



I actually really enjoy this ep, but it befuddles me. They left out the whole ambergris plot point from the comic, so it’s now just a pun that has zero to do with the story…Strange. If you can get past that, though, it’s still a good watch (for a couple of reasons ;)). Start at the 24:40 mark for more of this lovely lady. 🙂


4. Sherrie Rose in Only Skin Deep AND On a Deadman’s Chest

Sadly, Ms. Rose doesn’t get nekkid in Only Skin Deep, but she’s still sexxxy, creepy, and feminist and I love her in that ep. so it gets a mention. If you wanna check out her “tattoo” (yeah, that’s it… ;)), though, skip right to the 6:21 mark in Dead Man’s Chest.





(Fun Note: Miss Rose has a son in real life with The Comedian, aka actor Jefferey Dean Morgan…How funny is that?? ;))

5. Brad Pitt in King of the Road

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Ok, here’s the part where me having a vagina factors into things… 😉 There are many other lovely nekkid scenes in Tales (maybe I’ll do a Part 2 on another, happier day :)), but, as I said, I was a teenage girl when I did my initial TFTC watchin’. I had no idea who this hot as holy heck guy was, or why this Tales ep was so different from the others (I found all that out later), but I was MESMERIZED by the “bad guy” in this ep. I was so mad at the stupid, dumb-dumb, stupid girl for betraying Billy for her father at the end (spoiler ;))!! I guess I begrudgingly understand now (if I still disagree ;)) why we’re supposed to dislike this dude, but I have zero shame in my King of the Road-loving game. Billy (Brad) is dangerously hot, there’s an awesome Warren Zevon soundtrack, the cop dude is a dumbass who needs to accept responsibility for himself, and Brad Pitt has that panty-drenching Tongue Waggle thing down pat…What’s not to love???

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(Ohhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhh…That’s the stuff!!! #sploooosh!!!)

This is another bewbless ep, but screw it. I “enjoyed myself” (if ya get my drift ;)) during many a viewing when I was young(er!! ;)), and it’s probably my favorite episode of all of them (don’t judge!! ;)), so it’s totally Full Ep Worthy. 🙂

Feeling any better? I am (a little, at least :)), so I leave you on this happy bittersweet note. Thanks for the epic awesomeness, Mr. Bedford. You are loved by so many of us. xoxo

Spreading Yuletide Fear with the Cryptkeeper

(submitted by Anton Phibes, and fully endorsed by moi, as this is THE XXX-mas album of all XXX-mas albums…Thanks, Ho-liday Ho-rror Ho-mie!! 🙂 xoxo)


Earlier this month, we talked about the EC Comics classic, “And All Through The House.” Not contented by merely hosting one of the all-time great Creepmas stories, the Cryptkeeper blessed us, the unworthy, with a Christmas album. The result was “Have Yourself a Scary Little Christmas,” a compendium of Yuletide carols mangled by the Cryptkeeper himself. “Have Yourself a Scary Little Christmas” was released in 1994 by The Right Stuff, a subsidiary of Capitol Records. Being a Tales from the Crypt release, you can bet that there are puns galore, all delivered perfectly by John Kassir AKA the fleshier CK. Being long out of print, the CD is sometimes listed at a somewhat high price. As a treat to you fiends, we have posted the entire album below! Personally, I’m particularly fond of T’was the Fright Before Christmas, a parody poem that brings to mind memories of the Nightmare Before Christmas. Merry Creepmas, Boils and Ghouls!

Track 1 and 2: Intro to album and Deck The Halls With Parts of Charlie

Track 3: Juggle Bills

Track 4: We Wish You’d Bury the Missus

Track 5: Moe Teitlebaum

Track 6: A Christmas Card For The Cryptkeeper

Track 7: Christmas Rap

Track 8: Intro To Cryptkeeper Family Xmas + Cryptkeeper`s Family Xmas

Track 9: Twas The Fright Before Christmas

Track 10: 12 Days Of Cryptmas

Track 11: Intro To Revenge Of The Cryptkeeper + Revenge Of The Cryptkeeper

Track 12: Have Yourself A Scary Little Christmas

Track 13 Should Old Cadavers Be Forgot

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