(Submitted for your scientific approval by one Mr. Smutmaser Eric…Thanks so much, Kinky Ho-miebot, and Happy Sunday Funday to all my lil’ Kinky Ho-s! 🙂 xoxo)
Ass Effect: A XXX Parody (2017)
Runtime: 22 min
Commander Shepard (Eric Everhard) visits non-human researcher Dr. Liara T’Soni (Rachel Starr) to discuss an attack by Cerberus, a human-survivalist paramilitary group led by the enigmatic Illusive Man. He suggests she should’ve known what Cerberus was planning. She says he’s not really here to discuss that, then switches the topic to a woman named Miranda he’s been with. He admits he has, then they start fucking soon after
Guardians of the Gonads: A DP XXX Parody (2017)
Runtime: 24 min
The galaxy has a new enemy: The Universal Church of Truth.
The mysterious Magus is their one God – the beautiful Matriarch, their figurehead.
They have one aim…convert the universe by any means possible! The galaxy must respond.
Star-Lord (Michael Vegas) & Gamora (Cassidy Klein) take on this mission without the others.
(Submitted by our Goon Reviewer, Mr. Andrew Peters…Thanks, Ho-rror Ho-mie! 🙂 xoxo)
Well, the future didn’t quite turn out the way the ‘90s thought it would, did it? Computers, as advanced as they are, can’t quite do everything we thought they would do, especially make a computer virus biological and giving the host the ability to shoot it out of their eyes. Kinda missed the mark on that one just a bit. Black leather jackets with random pieces of plastic armor stapled to them didn’t quite become the fashion trend we expected them to, nor did using way too much hair gel and spiking it in random directions. You know what else didn’t work out? The cynical, snarky attitude of these movies that seemed to scream, “fuck you, grandpa! You’re too old and slow and we’re hip!” I don’t really know where I’m going with this and my segway isn’t really going to work the way I thought it was going to, but I think regardless of how bad these movies got, we always remembered them; Hackers, The Lawnmower Man, The Net, or any movie that featured someone frantically typing a keyboard spouting nonsense, really… I could go on.
And then there are the films we have forgotten, until you see them and then you wish you could forget all about them. Movies like Game Over, aka Maximum Surge and Cyberjack, aka Virtual Assassin (I can never tell which is more stupid’ the actual title or the alternate title), the latter of which I recently picked up at a pawn shop for sixty cents and no matter how many times I stick a fork in the light socket, I can’t short circuit my brain and burn the memory of this movie out of my head. I don’t know how else to explain how generically stupid it is, but this is one of those instances where that makes it more enjoyable. How else to explain it? Well the film is pretty much Die Hard mixed with every bad ‘90s cyberpunk movie, complete with bad wardrobes and goofy techno-babble and there isn’t really anything to comment on without making fun of it since it’s wildly ridiculous… so let’s just do that, shall we?
Michael Dudikoff, who must have been taking a break from “starring” in all those American Ninja movies, stars as ex-cop turned janitor, Nick James. Oddly enough, at no point does he shout at anyone, “I’m Nick James, bitch!” Can we pause for a second and ask the real question at matter here; does anything really star Michael Dudikoff? I mean, sure the guy kinda knows martial arts, but let’s face it… he’s kind of a weenie, with his prepubescent teen voice and his, erm, beautiful head of hair. Alright, so the guy may not quite be at the level of B-movies, but I would say at least C to higher grade of Z-movies.
Anyway, he’s the janitor at this high tech, super lab place that makes all kinds of techy, computery things. You know, the kind that doesn’t matter, because even for made up mumbo-jumbo it’s total bullshit. It’s here that a scientist, Dr. Royce and his way too hot daughter, Alex (Suki Kaiser), are developing some kind of a computer virus that is becoming too intelligent (I think, seeing as it’s kind of unclear) and is the first virus that can also become biological that will give the host supercomputer powers, I guess since it’s heavily foreshadowed that’s what will happen later. This calls the attention of an elite hacker terrorist group led by Brion James who sports a black leather jacket with shoulder pads that only could have existed in the ‘90s and created by Rob Liefeld and hair styled after Dragon Ball Z’s Gogeta. He and his goons storm the place and take it over, threatening to execute everyone inside if they don’t get control of the virus. But there is one slight oversight to their plan… their roster of employees fortunately doesn’t include the janitorial staff, which seems to only compose of one man. And that man is none other than Nick James, who is almost immediately discovered and shot in the arm, but luckily he’s a tough guy in a ‘90s action movie, so he just walks that shit off. He kinda just hides in a vent for a while and watches as some of the hostages get wasted and Alex’s father gets shot dead for trying to shutdown the virus. Come to think of it, he’s kind of a lousy hero.
He eventually does come out of hiding, take out some of the terrorists using gimmicks like a hologram where he uses multiple images of himself to outsmart a goon and sock him right in the nose. It’s a scene that tries to make the hologram scene from Total Recall more artsy, like 2001 with strobing lights that follow people running down a hallway. It actually makes the action scene a little confusing. Anyway, Nick finally gets a gun and mows down the stereotyped thugs, including the black guy who speaks with a Rastafarian accent, because his trait is that he’s the black guy. There’s also the wildman with bleach blonde hair named Numb who is constantly cackling madly to himself and intently staring at people and saying off putting, creepy things in an attempt to be, well, creepy, but he’s more annoying and I wish I could repeatedly kick him in the nuts until he’s crying so hard that he can no longer cry and make noise. He could not exit the movie fast enough. But that’s just me.
Finally, they break through the firewalls, hack the mainframe and Brion James hooks himself into the computer and uploads the virus into himself and, boy, do I feel stupid for writing all of that out. Brion James can now shoot green computer energy from his eyes and hack into things, like SWAT team members that are apparently androids and has them attack the police so he can make his escape. However, he didn’t count on the resilience and martial arts training of a computer engineering conglomerate’s janitorial custodian! The final confrontation is extremely flaccid. It’s like sex lasting only a few seconds and you’re like, “oh, that’s it?” But, you’re happy it’s just over. That’s this movie.
I did skip a few things, like how Brion James is the one who caused Nick to lose his job as a police officer, but once you see how lousy he was at his job, I would say that it was overdue or he was gonna be on his way out the door sooner or later. There’s also a subplot that involves a sportsball team (they never say which sport, but I would guess that it’s baseball) and Nick and Alex constantly make jokes about how their outfield sucks or whether or not this team won the big game, but it’s just trappings. Nick has also lost a lot of money betting on this team and owes some mobster a ton of money who eventually comes after him, but Nick runs away and then it’s dropped faster than Cannon Film’s Masters of the Universe 2. I think it was just a way to show off their pointless technology, like the CRT videophone.
You know what? Let’s talk about the technology for a second. In these type of movies, there is this needlessness to overly complicate something that is already fine and simple. Take for instance a security card you scan through a reader on a door. You swipe it, the reader accepts it, the door unlocks and you go through it. Simple and effective. Toward the beginning when Nick goes to work, he swipes his card and then a monitor in front of him has to display his own photo and personal information – which I’m sure he’s more than well aware enough of – and then it has to read it back to him. Why? Because, computers! And technology! Look at how advanced it is! Isn’t that more impressive than just swiping a goddamn card? It does give Michael Dudikoff the opportunity to throw out a one liner. Here’s a spoiler; it sucks.
First of all, how the hell did this movie cost two million dollars? I don’t even see half of that on screen, which is something that seems to be a staple of these movies; over expensive that doesn’t perform at the box office or goes straight to video and is almost immediately forgotten about. I mean, this is a film that doesn’t even have a Wikipedia entry nor are there any reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. It seems that the whole world doesn’t know about this movie, so allow me to be one of the few to introduce you to this direct to video dreck. Sure, the plot is nothing more than a rip-off of one of the greatest action movies of all time, but the aesthetic of putting it in an overly complicated and silly cyberpunk world makes it fun simply for the aesthetic. And its overall badness.
(Submitted by a truly hardcore fan of the entire Ape-y series, Mr. Anton Phibes…Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us, ya dang dirty human!! 😉 xoxo)
We’ve all been to the Planet of the Apes before. Many times, in fact. The first visitation was in 1968 and it was a most magnificent trip. We made frequent stays throughout the ’70s. All were incredibly lovely, but lacking the majesty of the first. After a long hiatus, we journeyed back with Tim Burton in 2004, but I think we’d rather forget about that one. Our last two “Ape” vacations were pleasant enough, but I feared that the magic was gone. They certainly looked nice, but there was nothing really memorable about them. That’s why It is with great pleasure that I report that War for the Planet of the Apes is not only a fantastic return to the Planet, but perhaps the best since the first.
War for the Planet of the Apes is still very much a Planet of the Apes, but the “War” aspect is very prominent . The film takes inspiration from war movie classics like The Great Escape, Bridge on the River Kwai (based on a novel from the author of Planet of the Apes), and Apocalypse Now. Odd influences for a science fiction film, but it all works so very well. And while War of the Planet of the Apes does indeed draw from these sources, it still feels very much like its own film.
Picking up not long after the previous film, the movie depicts the further escalation of the conflict between ape and man. The ape clan, led by the chimpanzee Caesar (Andy Serkis), is at war with a military faction known as Alpha-Omega, lead by The Colonial (Woody Harrelson) Not wanting to suffer any more ape casualties, Caesar plans to relocate the clan from San Francisco to the desert. However, on the the night before their journey, the apes are attacked by Alpha-Omega, who kill Caesar’s wife and child. Filled with rage, Caesar begins a quest to avenge his kind.
The film is truly spectacular in every sense of the word. There’s a grandness to the entire picture, not dissimilar to the epics of David Lean. Director Matt Reeves does a masterful job balancing summer movie thrills, genuine suspense, and moving drama, even offering moments of silence that add weight to the proceedings. Reeves maintains a dark tone, but tempers it with moments of beauty. War for the Planet of the Apes is a grim film in some respects, but it offers hope and still serves as a rousing display of ape-based action. Of course, a planet like this is only as good as the apes that inhabit it. And these apes are among the most human in the entire franchise. All of the ape actors are incredible and imbue their simians with personality, but the movie rightfully belongs to Andy Serkis. Serkis was fantastic in the previous entries, but his performance is downright perfect here. His face, his emotions, and his power all shine brightly through the digital make-up. It’s easy for one to forget that Serkis is actually a human in real life. If any modern performer comes close to the magic that Lon Chaney had, it’s Andy Serkis.
As Caesar’s great enemy, Woody Harrelson is dynamite. Fearsome, cold, brutal… Harrelson’s Colonel is beyond chilling at times. Along with this version of Caesar, I believe The Colonel is destined to become one of the icons of this franchise. Newcomer Amiah Miller is beyond endearing as the mute Nova, named for Linda Harrison’s role in the first two original PotA. She often steals the scene without saying a word, although she does get to sign a few.
War for the Planet of the Apes ends on a landscape that brings to mind the original film, hinting at what lies ahead. If they do another sequel, I will certainly see it. But I think they should end the reboot franchise here. I can’t imagine a more beautiful conclusion to this franchise than this. If this ends up being our last trip to the Planet of the Apes, I’d be more than satisfied. Hail Caesar.
The War for the Planet of the Apes is waging in cinemas across the nation, so what better way to skull-ebrate the apes than a damn, dirty cartoon?
Return to the Planet of the Apes premiered on September 6, 1975 and was broadcast until September 4, 1976, with 13 episodes in total. It was the second television series based on the franchise, following the short-lived live action series that aired the previous year. The series depicts a technologically advanced society of apes, sticking closer to Pierre Boulle’s original novel than its predecessors. In short, it’s totally worth going ape for. 😉 What’s really cool about this series is that it feels like Planet of the Apes. For the most part, it maintains the overall tone of the previous versions and it’s fairly clever in its writing. Sure, the animation is basically at “motion comic” level, but the art itself is quite beautiful. As a cartoon based on one of the most eXXXceptional sci-fi film series of all time, it’s pretty groovy. It’s dark, it’s thrilling, and it doesn’t have Tom Felton quoting the first film. I’m bananas for it! 🙂
War is upon us, folks… the War for the Planet of the Apes, that is!
The third chapter of the Planet of the Apes reboot saga is upon us and it looks totally ape-tastic!! 🙂
However, before we go to War, we must remember the Battle…
Yes, Battle for the Planet of the Apes, the much-maligned final installment. Most fans agree that it’s the worst of the series. So do I, but that’s only because the rest of the films are so solid! Personally, I think that Battle for the Planet of the Apes is an eXXXcellent conclusion to the OG series. Sure, it looks like it was made for about 3 nickels and a MoonPie, but that’s part of the charm. It plays like an eXXXtended episode of the great 1974 TV series. Plus, it gave us two truly eXXXceptional things:
The “Ape has killed Ape” chant:
and Paul Williams performing on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson!
Yes, it’s true! To promote his role in this film, singer/songwriter/Human Muppet Paul Williams appeared on Johnny Carson’s show in full ape make-up and sings Here’s That Rainy Day! It’s completely surreal and one of the reasons why we love Paul Williams! Words cannot do justice to it, so here it is… in all its Ape-tastic glory!
A long time ago in theaters far, far away…. That’s right, pervy Padawans! Yesterday, Star Wars celebrated 40 years of lightsabers, space action, and gold bikinis! In a mere 40 years, this space epic FORCED its way into the hearts of countless of film-lovers everywhere and continues to to be cultural juggernaut. But, like all things, it had to start somewhere… In the Christmas season, of 1976, audiences were given their first delicious taste of Star Wars with a tempting teaser trailer. The film was nowhere near completion and 20th Century-Fox had seen very few results from the $10 million they invested. Heck, not even the movie’s own crew had seen much of it by then! Understandably, everyone was pretty concerned about this funky space movie from the kid who did American Graffiti. At a cost of $3,915, the trailer was created to eXXXcite and inspire Fox executives, audiences, and the crew. While it did properly motivate the crew, everyone else was left cold. Fox eXXXecutives were still nervous and audiences apparently laughed at the unfinished footage. When Gene Wilder saw the footage, he said to Fox exec Alan Ladd Jr., “Laddie, they’re laughing at your picture.” It’s eXXXtraordinary to think that this picture that nobody had any faith in would become the giant that it is today. The trailer that inspired dread in the studio and the ridicule of moviegoers actually does have hints of what would make the film a beloved classic today. Sure, it lacks the John Williams theme, features unfinished effects (white lightsabers), ends with a ridiculous(-ly awesome) explosion, is considerably more ominous in tone than the film itself, and has a logo that is foreign to modern eyes… but it sells what is truly important about Star Wars. It promises “aliens from a thousand worlds” and a “big, sprawling space epic.” In essence, that’s Star Wars: an eXXXciting space adventure with eXXXotic creatures, uneXXXplored worlds, and tons of sci-fi wonder. Sure, it’s not a perfect teaser, but it did introduce the world to one of its most beloved franchises. Feel the Force and check out the teaser below:
“Here at least we shall be free; the Almighty hath not built. Here for his envy, will not drive us hence: Here we may reign secure, and in my choice to reign is worth ambition though in Hell: Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven.”
-John Milton, Paradise Lost
“I’ll do the fingering.”
–David, Alien: Covenant
Alien: Covenant is a strange beast. It’s both a sequel to 2012’s Prometheus and an apology for it. Director Ridley Scott still seems to be interested in the ideas and conceits explored in that film, but also wants to satisfy the fans who were vocal in their burning hatred for it. As a result, Alien: Covenant is a hybrid of Prometheus and the original Alien: a monster mash of high-minded concepts and ghost train theatrics. If you were hoping to see the return of Prometheus‘ Shaw (Noomi Rapace) or more of the Engineers (the extraterrestrial creators of mankind) in this film, I’m afraid you’ll be sorely disappointed. However, if you’re hungry for atmospherics, gore, nostalgia, and tons of monsters, this is the film for you.
Set a decade after Prometheus, Alien: Covenant concerns the crew of the colony ship Covenant and their discovery of what appears to be an uncharted paradise. It’s revealed that the planet is inhabited by hostile creatures and… well, you know the drill. The film more-or-less plays out the way you’d imagine, though that’s hardly a bad thing. What we have here is essentially a “Greatest Hits” of the Alien franchise. Eggs are hatched, distress signals are answered, creatures burst from stomachs, and faces are hugged. The film does nothing new with the series, but it’s a highly enjoyable return to basics. In that regard, it’s the Star Wars: The Force Awakens of the the Alien series.
Like Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Alien: Covenant is a soft reboot masquerading as a sequel. Prometheus is essentially jettisoned in favor of a more familiar bit of sci-fi terror. Unfortunately, that means that most of the characters/creatures left alive at the end of Prometheus are disposed of. Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) is given a, um, less-than-happy ending, which I thought was pretty lame. After building the character up and setting up further adventures for her at the end of the previous film, Alien: Covenant gives Shaw the ol’ “Newt/Hicks” treatment. I personally believe that Dr. Shaw deserved a better send-off, but I suppose the studio wanted to distance themselves from Prometheus as much as possible. In fact, the only element from that film that is used to a significant degree in this film is also the one element that was universally praised: Michael Fassbender.
R.I.P. Dr. Shaw.
Michael Fassbender does double duty as the diabolical David and Walter, the unfortunate android aboard the Covenant. Mr. Fassbender is brilliant in both roles, imbuing both machines with their own distinctive identity. However, it’s David who steals the show and makes this film fantastic. David is delightfully, cartoonishly evil. He’s Michael Gough, Vincent Price, John Carradine, and a cobra fused into an unimaginably hammy chimera of urbane villainy. It truly is a shame they didn’t give him a cape and a mustache to twirl. There’s also a weird, sexual tension between the two Fassbenders, starting with what is likely the most erotic cinematic flute lesson. The sequence does bring to mind a lot of the weird poetry Prometheus had going for it, and it is probably the most fascinating scene in the picture. At this point, the film takes turns to what could almost be described as “Fassbender porn.” And the internet has already picked up on this. Alien: Covenant isn’t even a week old, yet there’s a disturbing amount of Fassbender X Fassbender fan art. If you think I’m not going to include any of it here, you are deeply mistaken.
While the film generally plays out like a classical monster movie, some of the heavy ideas and literary references of Prometheus do pop up. Questions about the nature of creation are brought up and religious symbolism is scattered throughout. Percy Shelley. Lord Byron, and John Milton are quoted in thematically appropriate ways and Wagner’s Entry of the Gods into Valhalla plays at the end. It’s a little on-the-nose, but it’s all intriguing for what is primarily straightforward creature feature. As for the rest the rest of the film, it’s loaded with great sci-fi gore, but nothing as intense as Alien‘s dinner scene or the surgery sequence in Prometheus. Katherine Waterston is a fine heroine, but she’s less compelling than the two before her. Is it, as one reviewer put its, a “masterpiece of fear?” No, but it’s an entertaining slice of Alien terror. I wish they had stuck to Prometheus more, but it’s loads of fun. Alien: Covenant is mostly awesome… mostly.
Happy Alien: Covenant Eve, cool ghouls and groovy ghoulies! We’re celebrating this glorious occasion with a look back at one of the franchise’s greatest heroines… and she’s not Ripley, believe it or not! My dear creeps, we’re taking the time to ho-nor Dr. Elizabeth Shaw, the chick who met her maker and lived to tell the tale! We all know Ellen Ripley’s the baddest badass to ever bruise those bestial brutes known as Xenomorphs, but I think Dr. Shaw doesn’t get enough love. She made her debut in 2012’s Prometheus, a film that’s as divisive as they come. Personally, I love the heck out of that film and Dr. Shaw is one of the reasons why. While it’s tempting to compare her to Ripley, Shaw is actually very different from that alien slayer in nearly every way. In fact, the only real similarity is that they’re both survivors in Alien films. The primary difference between Ripley and Shaw is motivation. Ellen Ripley is a pragmatic woman whose main objective is survival. She’s the sort who just wants to kill the freaky monster threatening everyone and move on. On the other hand, Shaw is motivated by knowledge. Elizabeth travels beyond the stars to find the answer to the question that has plagued us all since we first walked upon the earth: where did we come from? She’s interested in studying the unknown, something Ellen had no desire to do. Her intellectual pursuits not only set her apart from Ripley, but make her a endearing protagonist in her own right. Shaw is also awesome in how darn positive she remains throughout the film. While she is a devout Christian in the film, she’s less a fanatical zealot and more a spiritual optimist. Shaw loses everyone she cares about, has her faith challenged by just about everybody/everything, is nearly killed by one of mankind’s less-than-friendly creators, and experiences unimaginable physical pain. And yet, despite every ghastly thing thrown at her, Shaw still maintains her belief and quest for knowledge. To Shaw, there is always hope. That undying optimism is hard not to admire. Of course, Shaw also gets mad love for being a complete badass when it matters. In one of the most horrific scenes in modern horror, Shaw discovers she is pregnant with a FREAKIN’ ALIEN SQUID!!! Being an Alien film, you might expect this to be the end of our feisty redhead. No siree, Bob! Shaw takes the awesome approach to the situation. She runs off to an automated surgery table configured for male use and reprograms that shite to perform a C-section on her to remove that tentacled beastie! She did what no other Alien character has done and survived a Chestburster(-like) attack! If that’s not enough for ya, she avoids being crushed by an alien ship and getting killed by an extraterrestrial… while still recovering that nasty surgical wound!
Here’s to you, Dr. Shaw. The truth is out there, so keep searchin’! 🙂 P.S. She also gets major points for being the daughter of a character played by Patrick “SeXXX God” Wilson!
(Submitted by Smutmaster Eric…who, for the record, has a vastly different POV of the actual Guardians of the Galaxy than yours truly. It’s in my personal Top 3 comic movies, so I’m definitely going to be checking this parody out based on Eric’s glowing rec…Thanks, Kinky Ho-miebot! 🙂 xoxo)
Gnardians of the Galaxy (2015)
Running Length: 46 Mins.
Aaron Wilcox as Pecker Quill / Star Load Daisy Ducati as Gamwhora Shane Diesel as Crax April O’Neil as Rocket Raccooch AJ as Groin
We meet Star Load in the process of stealing the “Infinity Bone” orb. After it’s in his possession, he’s interrupted by Kokrath (Tabitha Stevens) who wants it for herself. He gets by her and is next seen on a prison planet called “The Kum.” He joins forces with the other heroes and the sexy space adventure takes off!
Gnardians is somewhat shorter than Guardians of the Galaxy, but overall more entertaining. The big budget hit didn’t have a marvelous moment and I couldn’t find an interesting trait between the five heroes. In the parody the dialogue is funnier and the characterizations a lot more enjoyable. I like the make-up, how the villain is defeated, the original theme song heard during the opening credits and its two sexual scenes are more exciting than watching numerous dull battle sequences.
Can be viewed for free on Woodrocket.com and is on the DVD Gnardians Of The Galaxy And Other Porn Parodies.
(Submitted by with love by Mr. Prince Adam…Ho-pe you’re having a very Happy New Comic Book Day, Kinky Ho-mies! xoxo)
“Written by Brian K. Vaughan (Lost, PRIDE OF BAGHDAD, EX MACHINA) and with art by Pia Guerra, this is the saga of Yorick Brown–the only human survivor of a planet-wide plague that instantly kills every mammal possessing a Y chromosome. Accompanied by a mysterious government agent, a brilliant young geneticist and his pet monkey, Ampersand, Yorick travels the world in search of his lost love and the answer to why he’s the last man on earth. Collects issues #1-5.” (Vertigo)
This comic book gets a lot of critical praise and is lauded in the fanboy community as well! The way some of my friends talk about it, you’d think it’s the greatest thing you’ll ever read. Having just read the first volume, I just don’t get the high praise. For me it was okay, but I definitely had problems with it. One of the things I did like, was the idea that a virus/plague was killing every male on Earth. Now I didn’t like it because my male brethren were dying off. However, this was an intriguing plot point that is unique to any comic book I’ve ever read. The male death epidemic, allows the story to give us incredibly strong, prominent and badass female characters. Sure, Yorick Brown is the last man and he’s at the center of this story, along with his pet monkey Ampersand but this story would be pretty boring if it was about a dude and his monkey. By the way, this book gets extra points because a lead character has a pet monkey. The monkey is a pest, and a pain in the ass to Yuri, which drives most of the humor in this post-apocalyptic story. Also it reminds me of Friends and Joey. The president is obviously now a woman, and Yorick’s mother is a state representative in Washington. In an effort to set the scene for these two characters and this book before the male population goes extinct, this book gets quite political. We see Yorick’s mom arguing with a male counterpart over the issue of an abortion amendment. We see the soon to be President in Israel in the midst of Israeli/Palestinian warfare. Both abortion and the Israeli/Palestinian conflict are still big issues even a decade plus after this book was published. I’m pleased that these issues are present, as comic books rarely touch on them. I only hope that it wasn’t all for exposition, or that it doesn’t get lost in the shuffle, when the story shifts its focus to Yorick’s journey. Speaking of Yorick’s journey, to find out the nature of the virus, why he wasn’t affected by it, he’s joined by two other awesome female characters. The first is Agent 355. The character is tasked by the President to guard and escort Yorick from Washington to Boston. The interesting thing about Agent 355 is that she is no simple body guard, she is a member of the clandestine group Culper Ring. She says they are a part of American history but you can sense there’s more going on with this group and I can’t wait to delve into that history and their ultimate machinations in future volumes. The third member of Yorick’s Scooby gang is Doctor Allison Mann. Dr. Mann is a geneticist, with a special aptitude for cloning. She successfully attempted the cloning process before, and cloning Yorick seems like a way of re-establishing the male population to ensure the births of future generations of humanity. If you suspend disbelief, that sounds like a viable option and she sounds like someone who can get it done.
The main antagonist of this first five issues is the Daughters of the Amazon. They view extinction of all men as a blessing and as a chance to rise up and return Earth to its glory days, when it was led by only woman. These women take Amazon mythology to its extreme. To the point where they cut off one breast because it makes it easier to shoot a bow. If one of their ranks or another woman doesn’t fall in line with the exact ways of the group they are killed. Brian K. Vaughan writes the Daughters of the Amazon with the most extreme stereotypes people have of feminists. This group of women are man hating vandals, societal disrupters and killers. I don’t think the writer is doing this to disparage normal, sane and legitimate feminist, he’s just creating a hyper stereotypical version, who do horrible things so that the readers have an antagonist to root against and despise. If he depicted feminists as they really are, this book would have zero action beats at all. It’d just be marching and protesting. While that may be real world appropriate, it translates to one boring comic. With Yorick, Agent 355 and Dr. Mann getting into confrontations and being on the run from the Daughters of the Amazon, this book has a bit of a Mad Max vibe going for it. The book ends with our trifecta in a bind. Not only are they on the run from Amazon wannabe’s, but they reach Dr. Mann’s Boston lab, only to find the building and her research up in flames. However, the perpetrator of this arson, is a lieutenant general of the Israeli Defense Force. She was seen briefly and early in the story and is after Yorick, to ensure the future of her nation. That’s what I liked about this book. What I didn’t like was Yorick. This guy is in his mid-20’s, jobless and is obsessed with maintaining a long distance relationship with a girl who, it is clear that she’s on the verge of breaking up with him, so the guy proposes to her over the phone. What a douchebag. When the plague hits and all the men die, and it becomes clear that he is the only person capable of insuring humanity’s ultimate survival, his only concern is going to Australia to find his girlfriend. Really? I mean the savior of humanity throughout the book, acts like a petulant child when he doesn’t get his way. Yeah, if the future of the human race was really left up to someone like him, I’d rather we all die off. The other thing the book does poorly is deal with the relationship between Yorick and his sister Hero. He tells us how close they are, yet we never see them interact. A flashback to Yorick and Hero’s youth would’ve helped build the bond. Instead, we see Hero at the very beginning and end of the book. At the beginning, we see her banging her figherfighter boyfriend in the back of a fire truck, while at the end we see her with one boob and she is one of the members of Daughters of the Amazon tasked with finding Yorick. Seems to me Brian K Vaughan jumped the gun with her character arc, if you can call it one. Then there’s the issue of the plague killing all the men. The biggest plot point of this book and we don’t get so much of a hint at what it is, or what might have caused it. I understand there’s lots of story left to be told but come on, tease us with something.
Pia Guerra is the artist on this book and it’s the first time I’m seeing her work. To me it has a similar style to the artist of iZombie. While the work is good, given the nature of this story, there aren’t many action scenes to gush on about. I do like the picture of the wives of the dead republican male senators, approaching the White House with weapons, demanding their husband’s places on the senate. The image looked like something akin to zombie’s attacking in a movie or TV show. The page where Yorick gets into a fight with a few Daughters of the Amazon’s resembled the aftermath of an nWo wrestling match. A couple Amazon’s held Yorick down, while the ring leader roughed him up a bit. There was even spray paint involved! The final splash page is an aerial shot showing our characters lost in a literal fork in the road, with the road making the shape of a Y. Now that’s a cool way to end the first arc of a book. Ultimately though, I wish cover artist J.G. Jones was doing the interiors. His art is far more realistic looking and suits the real world story and scenario’s this book deals with.
I’m mostly split on this book. There’s a lot to like about this book but there’s a lot I don’t like about this book. Right now, I’m skewing more negative, due to an unlikable idiot of a main character, under developed backstory and character relationships, and bad pacing in certain places. I’ll probably give this book another go, in the hopes that another volume will build on the parts I did like, and reveal answers to the questions I have about the virus/plague. After Volume 1, I’m left wondering “Y” The hell do so many of my friends and critics think this book is great!?