#SeXXXOnSunday: The Odd Jobs Edition

(Submitted by Smutmaster Eric, of corpse! 🙂 Thanks, Mr. E, and Happy Sunday Funday to all you Kinky Ho-mies! 😉 xoxo)

Dirty Deeds (2014)

Co-workers Carrie (Stormy Daniels) and Justin (Xander Corvus) are both in need of some extra money. Carrie’s looking for her own place, after discovering her boyfriend’s secret sex tape and Justin’s saving for an expensive engagement ring to satisfy his obnoxious girlfriend. As a result, they begin working odd jobs for extra money.

More Cast: Ryan Driller, Dahlia Skye, Gabrielle Paltrova, Erik Everhard, Misty Stone, Daniel Hunter & Joanna Angel.


Overview:

There’s no real surprise what direction the storyline goes, but it has good sex scenes and is very funny. Stormy and Xander are both good throughout, but it’s Joanna Angel that steals the show in a hilarious non-sex role. I promise it won’t feel like a job watching it and I’m sure you’ll make a sticky mess!

Rating: Smiths, The 3.5 stars of 

#TerrorTrailerTuesday: The “Invisible Touch” Edition

Ho-wdy, Ho-rror Ho-mies!

On this #TerrorTrailerTuesday, we’re paying tribute to a groovy cat who’s real outtasight…

Yes, it’s the Invisible Man, the villain beyond vision! The fiend who can’t be seen! The scourge of locker rooms everywhere! H.G. Wells’ Fantastic Sensation!

While we take it for granted these days, the idea of the invisible man is truly frightening (and ho-rnifying… ;)) one. To quote Claude Rains as the invisible one, “An invisible man can rule the world. Nobody will see him come, nobody will see him go. He can hear every secret. He can rob, and rape, and kill!” I mean, there’s a reason that ho-rror filmmakers have been telling Invisible Man stories for decades now. The threat has all the malevolence and cunning of a sinister genius, but with no way of detecting him.

Of corpse, others have seen the funny side of this kinky kreep. After all, the Invisible Man can’t be invisible without going… au naturel. I daresay there are just as many Invisible Man comedies as there are terror tales. Even James Whale’s The Invisible Man is loaded with large helpings of black comedy. Guess you can’t spell “slaughter” without “laughter”… 😉

Whether you like him scary, silly, or just plain seXXXy, it’s as clear as the monster himself that the Invisible Man is a true icon.
So without further a-BOO, here are the terrifying trailers to top off your #TerrorTuesday. 🙂 xoxo

Ho-rrificly Ho-rnifying Bonus: The seXXXy scene that launched a zillion Invisible Man fantasies (at least for me ;)).

#FBF: The “Happy Birthday, Shelley Duvall!” Edition

Happy Birthday to the always amazing Ms. Shelley Duvall! 🙂

Shelley Duvall is one of the most awesomely eccentric women in entertainment history. She made her film debut in Robert Altman’s utterly bizarre Brewster McCloud.  After that, Ms. Duvall teamed up with Altman for six more films: McCabe & Mrs. Miller (1971), Thieves Like Us (1974), Nashville (1975), Buffalo Bill and the Indians, or Sitting Bull’s History Lesson (1976), 3 Women (1977), and  Popeye (1980). For her work in 3 Women, she earned the Best Actress prize at the Cannes Film Festival. Beyond Mr. Altman, Ms. Duvall worked with Woody Allen in Annie Hall (1977), Terry Gilliam in Time Bandits (1981), and Steve Martin in Roxanne (1987).

Shelley Duvall went on to become an unconventional icon of fantasy television. In 1982, Duvall narrated, ho-sted, and was eXXXecutive producer on the fantasy anthology Faerie Tale Theatre, which won a Peabody Award, TCA Award and Golden CableACE. The series is quite wonderful, filled with beloved Ho-llywood stars, theatrical effects, and an offbeat charm. Any series that has Vincent Price as the Magic Mirror in Snow White and Jeff Goldblum as the Big Bad Wolf in Three Little Pigs is pure magic in my book. 🙂
In 1985, she created Tall Tales & Legends, another fantasy anthology. That series only lasted 9 episodes, but it earned Duvall an Emmy nomination. It’s worth noting that one of the 9 episodes is an adaptation of ho-rror classic The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. That’s a story we lose our heads over… 😉

Speaking of ho-rror, Ms. Duvall has dabbled in spooky stuff a few times. As most of you know, she played Wendy Torrance in Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining, a favorite of many, many fright fans. She also starred in Frankenweenie (1984) by Tim Burton, who would go on to direct a Faerie Tale Theater episode. In the (jugular) vein of her previous shows, Duvall created a short-lived ho-rror anthology called Nightmare Classics. Keep it kreepy, Ms. Duvall! 🙂

In ho-nor of her birthday, we dug up an episode of Nightmare Classics! It’s a vamp-tastic retelling of Sheridan le Fanu’s Carmilla, starring Meg “Psycho II” Tilly and Roddy “Fright Night McDowall. Enjoy, Fright Fiends!

Happy Birthday, Shelley Duvall! You truly are a Shining star! 🙂 xoxo

#FBF: The “ToXXXic Tim” Edition

Ho-wdy, My Curry-craving creeps! As we all know, Tim “Wadsworth” Curry is just about the seXXXiest villian in… well, just about everything he’s in! That smooth baritone just makes every part eXXXtra hot… even when he’s playing sentient pollution! That’s right, ho-mies! Tim Curry played the bad guy (shocking!) in 1992’s FernGully: The Last Rainforest, which is basically like cartoon Avatar… except a gazillion times better! In the film, Curry gets to go full Frank N. Furter as he sings a seductive song… about polluting the world. Oh, Curry… only you could make being a Captain Planet villain seem cool! 🙂

That’s all well and good, but nothing beats seeing the man do his thang! if you need more Curry in your diet, check out Tim Curry recording the song below! Tim Curry, you’re totally toXXXic! 🙂

Side Note: These eXXXist, and I own them. (Thanks to Mr. DinosaurDracula and his awesome Fun Pack this month. :))

Happy Birthday, John Bloom! :)

JoeBob3Hiya, Ho-rror Ho-mies! As you fright fiends probably know, I adore the Holy Heck out of Joe Bob Briggs. I mean, what slime-loving, dead-disrespectin’ horror fan doesn’t?  That terror-ific TeXXXan trailer tenant is eXXXploitation Cinema’s Chosen Warrior and is no doubt responsible for turning many of us on to some frighteningly fun drive-in clas-sicks. While I loves me some Joe Bob, I want to send some sincere birthday love to a man who gets far less credit than he deserves: Mr. John Bloom. xoxoxo

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Joe Bob is the Batman to John Bloom’s Bruce Wayne (or the Hyde to his Jekyll, if you prefer ;)). John Bloom is an investigative reporter, essayist, author, actor, all-around badass, and the man behind Joe Bob Briggs. To distinguish his film criticism from his journalism, Mr. Bloom created Joe Bob Briggs with the intent of reviewing the weird, twisted films that were frowned upon by the mainstream. John/Joe Bob championed the drive-in films we love at a time when they were severely savaged. As both Joe Bob and John Bloom, he has had articles published in magazines and newspapers across the country, including Playboy, The Village Voice, and Rolling Stone!

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In 1986, John/Joe Bob was asked to be a guest host on Drive-In Theater, a late night B-movie show on The Movie Channel. John was so insanely popular that they dropped the “guest” and had him on as the full-time ho-st, up until a format change killed the show. Before its unfortunate demise, Joe Bob’s Drive-In Theater was the network’s highest-rated show and ran for almost ten years, earning Mr. Bloom two Ace Award nominations. At this point, John’s career was in full “Bloom” (;)), with appearances on The Tonight Show, Larry King Live, and many others. Mr. Bloom was only off the air for four months before he landed the show that made him a legend to all of us drive-in mutants: Monstervision! 

In the late ’90s, John Bloom hosted the God Stuff segment on Comedy Central’s The Daily Show, making him one of the very first correspondent on the sensational satirical news show.  If that wasn’t enough, he was on the show long enough to see Craig Kilborn leave and Jon Stewart take over! If ya’ll want some ho-ly hilarity, check out the video below 🙂 :

In addition to television, John Bloom has also appeared on the Silver Scream. Being a huge fan of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Mr. Bloom was given a scene in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 as Joe Bob. (Unfortunately, both the scene and Joe Bob got cut. :() Later, Mr. Bloom not only got to appear in Martin Scorsese’s beloved Casino, but got first billing, the chance to work with Robert DeNiro, AND a truly memorable scene! Damn, Son! 🙂

Not content with the other billion accomplishments, John Bloom has a number of acclaimed books under his belt. Profoundly Erotic: Sexy Movies that Changed History and Profoundly Disturbing: Shocking Movies that Changed History are must-reads for eXXXplotation film lovers!  For true crime readers, Evidence of Love: The Candy Montgomery Story is a favorite for many, to the point where it was adapted for television as A Killing in a Small Town! His most recent book, Eccentric Orbits: The Iridium Story, was one of the Wall St. Journal’s Best 10 Books of 2016! 🙂

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Whether it’s defending the drive-in or penning gripping non-fiction, John Bloom is truly a master of his craft. For those only familiar with the “Joe Bob” side, I highly recommend you check out Mr. Bloom’s other work.

Thank you for being so damn amazing, Mr. B. 😉 xoxoxo

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Equine: The Giddyup Edition, Part 2

(Submitted by our beloved Smutmaster Eric…Thanks, Kinky Ho-mie, on behalf of myself, and whoever keeps cumming to this site searching for “horse pussy”. 😉 xoxo)

giddyupFeaturing: Jennifer Connelly, Muriel Montossé, Jamie Foxx, Amanda Plummer & Possessed Rocking Horse.  (#Fuck. #Yes. :))

Career Opportunities (1991)

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Cecilia (1983)

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Django Unchained (2012)

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8½ Women (1999)

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Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)

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(Ho-stess’s Side Note: I FREAKING LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is all. ;))

Bonus:

Chelsea Handler

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Ho-stess’s Bonus: Putin and Trump (and I’m pretty sure zero Photoshop… ;))

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Ho-stess’s Bonus Bonus: Prom Night II nudity…because it’s awesome and you could probably use a palate cleanser. 😉 xoxo

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#SexOnSaturday: The Outdoor Sex Edition, Part 3

(Submitted by Smutmaster Eric…Love ya, my eXXXtra kinky Ho-mie!! 😉 xoxo)

Featuring: Eva Lovia, Tommy Gunn, Bonnie Rotten and Xander Corvis.

Teachers 2 (2015)

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Young and horny freshman Mindy is having an affair with her Professor. He requests that she spy on their rival university and discover their secret to academic success.
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Real Wife Stories Vol. 18 (2014)

(vignettes)

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Bonnie And Xander (2012)

Infamous criminal Bonnie Rotten has escaped ZZ Penitentiary and can’t wait to get fucked hard by her husband Xander, but this bitch is on the run and history’s hottest crime duo will do whatever it takes to stay together and raise hell!

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Ass Candy (2015)

(vingnettes)

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Last Stop, Buttfuck Nowhere (2014)

Krissy Lynn was hitchhiking across America using her big tits to get rides, when Mick Blue pulled over to pick her up. She was in the car for less than five minutes before she started being disrespectful and annoying, Mick decided to teach this horny slut a little respect!
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#MMM Part 2: The Gorgeous Guys of Ghostbusters Edition.

I know I’m doing a lot of Ghostbuster posts (and there are still more to cum!! ;)), but I make no apologies for that. I love the franchise (obviously :)), and I LOVED the new movie, so I’m all about celebrating this glorious Ghostbusting renaissance.

Chris Hemsworth: Duh. He’s Thor. He’s the worldwide definition of #ManMeat, basically.

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Those glasses (lenses or no ;)), make him all the hotter to me. The only role he’s done that comes close to this level of Manly Meatiness was his turn in Vactaion…I mean, we don’t know that was a prosthetic, right?? (Let me have my dreams!!!! ;))

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Ghostbusters: Answer the Call also featured another one of my current crushes, Mr. Zach Woods. (#AllTheRawwwwwwr) I didn’t know going in that he was in it, so you should’ve heard the squeeeeeeeeeees I let loose when he rocked the opening scene.

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Apparently a lot of people know/love him from The Office, but I’ve never seen that show. My lust for him cums purely from his portrayal of Jared/Donald on Silicon Valley, where is essentially the human embodiment of seXXXuality. 🙂

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(Me-owwwwwwwww, Mr. Woods!!! :))

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And that, my freaky fiends, brings me to my Main Man of Meatiness: Mr. Rick Moranis.

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He was perhaps my first crush ever, and remains my #1 source of Fantasy Fodder to this day.

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I was super bummed he didn’t make a cameo in the new GB, but I’ve got my fingers (and other things ;)) crossed that we’ll see him again in the sequel. 🙂

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He is sincerely one of the seXXXiest dudes of all time in my eyes…He’s my super duper #MCE. <333333333

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#ManMeatMonday: The Legendary Edition.

Hiya, Kinky Ho-mies! If you follow along on any of my “social media” (as the kiddies say ;)), you already know I have zero choice but to gush (hehe ;)) about the two legendary legends I was fortunate enough to meet (and hug! :)) over the weekend.

The first Hunk o’ Man Meat being offered up today is one Mr. Clint “Freaking” Howard. 🙂 I have crushed on him for yeeeeeeeeears now, and not only did I finally get to meet him (yay!!! :)), but he was also kind enough to sit down with me for an eXXXclusive Kinky Ho-rror interview!! (EXXXtra yay!!! :))

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I am so happy to report that The Ice Cream Man is every bit as sweet (get it?? ;)), charming, and unapologetically unique as we’d all ho-ped he’d be. I’m ho-ping to get the interview footage edited into something watchable this week (we chatted a long time, so there’s lots to go through! :)), so I can post it here to share with my Kinky Ho-bots ASAP.

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Your second slice of sensual sustenance is Curry flavored!! (My cheese factor knows no bounds!!! ;))

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That’s right, my lil’ Ho-bots…I got to meet Wadsworth/Pennywise/Darkness/Dr. Frank-N-Furter/Long John Silver (I love Muppet Treasure Island and I’m not ashamed to admit it!!! ;)) himself, the beyond Legend-ary Mr. Tim “Also Freaking” Curry!!!

He was so unbelievably kind and patient to all the gazillions of fans waiting to greet him at The Hollywood Show. It was Mr. Curry’s very first convention appearance ever, and us lowly civilians and teh fancy celebri-types were equally eXXXcited to get the chance to tell him ho-w much he has meant to all of us over the years.

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I didn’t want to take up too much of his time, so I just kinda gave him hugs and told him he was a sincere icon and that I was too ho-nored for words to meet him. I ho-nestly felt bad for forcing him to take a pic with me; it had already been such a long day for him! I felt so selfish shoving myself next to him to get my Ultimate Clue Fangirl Wet Dream Shot, but I knew I’d regret it for the neXXXt 10,000 years if I didn’t. So, I got my silly (yet badass/awesome/forever-treasured :)) pic taken and hustled away to let all his other admirers have a chance to bug him, too. 😉

I left wondering if he resented me for taking up his time and shoving my wannabe- Yvette bewbage in his face, but it turns out I needn’t have worried. He was so incredibly sweet that he sent someone to track me down to give me this message, which genuinely made me cry happy tears:

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I’m tearing up just thinking about it again…It was so surprising and touching, and a genuine relief to know I hadn’t bothered him too much!! 🙂

In ho-nor of this Weekend of Wonderousness, I present you with some bonus (me-free :)) shots of this week’s Manly Meatiness…They’re finger-lickin’ good!!! 😉 xoxox

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(Pretty sure that answers that…#RAWWWWWWWWWWR!!! 🙂 xoxo)

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(A-freaking-men, interwebz!! :))

The Elephant Man is a Stud…

…aka Fact against Ballyhoo: Cinema’s Elephant Man and the Real Joseph Merrick (if you want to get all serious-like ;)).

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Let me preface this by stating that I could not love The Elephant Man (1980) any more than I do. I’d even go as far as to say that it is quickly becoming one of my favorite films. At mind, I am an adult who appreciate well-developed drama and artistry (and bewbs). At heart, I am a child who loves the sideshow, it’s “freaks,” and romanticized accounts of social misfits who ultimately get their due (and bewbs ;)). These characteristics are what attract me to the Universal Monsters and to the films of Tim Burton. Without any snide intention, I truly love and thrive on films that, even on a simplistic level, celebrate the odd and remarkable people of the world. Simplistic is the key word for the treatment of “John” Merrick in David Lynch’s masterwork. Now, simplistic is hardly a bad thing, but the film, this beautiful work of art, does strip Joseph Merrick (his actual name) of any real complexity and convinces us of the horror and tragedy of sideshow life that isn’t quite there.

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For the sake of fairness, I must state that Dr. Frederick Treves (the man Anthony Hopkins portrays) is responsible for much of this and that the film is mostly faithful to his accounts. However, much of the Treves book is inaccurate, to the point where its subject’s name is wrongly stated. (#WTF, T-bone??)

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(Image of Mr. Merrick published in the British Medical Journal in 1886)

Sideshow operator Tom Norman’s account of events is probably no-less biased, but it does challenge the Treves book. What we have in the film is a version of the story. Like Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, this is a drama, first and foremost. To illustrate this, I will compare the film (briefly…don’t worry!! ;)) to Mr. Merrick’s life. This is not to take anything from this extraordinary film, but to highlight the life of a highly remarkable individual and, in a small way, look at the interesting relationship between adaptation and fact.

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(A photograph of Joseph Merrick, taken in 1889 and published in the British Medical Journal with the announcement of Merrick’s death.)

The Sideshow:
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Film: The Elephant Man is prisoner in the sleazy underworld of the traveling sideshow. Forced to suffer humiliation at the hands of the cruel Mr. Bytes, Merrick is treated as a monster and is horribly abused.

Life: In reality, historians point out that Tom Norman (the real Bytes) and Mr. Merrick were financial equals and that the rudeness displayed in public may have been part of the act. John chose to display himself and part of this was to play the part of a half-human, half-elephant from Africa.
He was said to be well-treated and that Norman was a decent fellow. In fact, because Norman paid for the venue/lodging/food, he made less than Mr. Merrick. Norman’s son unearthed the testimony of a hospital porter who claimed that Merrick asked more than once: “Why can’t I go back to Mr Norman?”

Staying at London Hospital and Belgium: 

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Film: Merrick is taken in by the Royal London Hospital, then kidnapped by the contemptible Bytes, carried off to Belgium in a cage with some rather unfriendly baboons.

Life: Merrick went off to Belgium of his own accord when the freakshow began to fall out of favor in London. His partner robbed him and he returned to London distressed. The scene at the Liverpool station with the mob is unfortunately accurate.It was at this point that Merrick was admitted to the hospital. In the hospital, Merrick was largely confined to his room. Treves said he intended to save him from the humiliation of public exhibition. However, the Elephant Man was constantly visited by curious members of high society. According to Norman, Merrick was “constantly seen and examined” by a “never-ending stream of surgeons, doctors and Dr. Treeve’s friends.” The hospital became a freakshow of its own.

Death:

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Film: Merrick, after years of sleeping upright because of his condition and is near the end of his life, decides to sleep like a normal man for the first time. He had experienced theater as he had dreamt, and passed away (peacefully, triumphantly :)) after a good night’s sleep.

Life: Treves argued that Merrick’s death resulted from his “pathetic but hopeless desire” to sleep “like other people”. (#Dick) Norman, however, believes that Merrick had taken his own life. Merrick was found dead in the middle of the afternoon, and thus not during a natural sleep. He was lying in a position that he knew would cause asphyxiation.

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Was it the sideshow or the hospital that truly made Joseph Merrick a freak? The film makes it clear, but real life is more ambiguous. However, from what we know, the sideshow circuit was not the hell depicted in the movie. While it’s true that there is much deviation from the truth, as I previously stated, the film is drama of the Elephant Man. It’s hard to argue that a cruel sideshow is more sensational than a benevolent one. After-all, it cannot be denied is that the film has given Joseph Merrick a new immortality (and rightfully-earned SeXXX Symbol Status), and for that we must be grateful.

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If you managed to get all the way through this only slightly kinky post, I thank you. If not, just take away this gist and I’ll be happy: THE ELEPHANT MAN RULES AND YOU SO NEED TO WATCH THIS MOVIE. (As soon as Halloween is over… ;)) xoxoxo

PS- A quickie tribute to my new perma Man Crush… #art 😉 xo

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