Happy Mystery Science Theater 3000 Season 11 Release Day!!!

SUPER IMPORTANT UPDATE: I FOUND MY CREDIT!!!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled “MST3K Yay!” post…

Ho-wdy, my Mysterious MSTIES! It’s time to get yo happy on, for the ‘Bots are back in town!!! 🙂

Netflix just made the not-too-distant future the right-this-minute present with the release of Mystery Science Theater 3000 Season 11! Following a HUGELY successful Kickstarter campaign (which your Ho-stess happily contributed to! :)), MST3K has risen from the grave with a brand new bag o’ cheesy clas-sicks for ya! The original series is one of the most beloved series in all of nerd-dom and this new one seems to properly capture that ol’ Satellite of Love charm. 🙂

In ho-nor of the Return of MST3K, I thought I’d send some cheesy trailers…the worst I can find! Each trailer is for a film featured on the new MST3K. In total, there are 14 new movies for the hapless ho-st and the ‘Bots to “suffer” through. This new batch of films is made up of some the most delicious cinematic cheese, so I recommend you check them out both with and without Shadowrama. Two of them feature Caroline “Forever Goddess” Munro (Starcrash, At the Earth’s Core), so you know you’re in for some great B-movie awesomeness. 🙂

Check out the trailers below:

Reptilicus

Cry Wilderness

The Time Travelers

Avalanche

The Beast of Hollow Mountain

Starcrash

The Land That Time Forgot

The Loves of Hercules

Yongary: Monster from the Deep

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II

Carnival Magic

The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t

At the Earth’s Core

Welcome Back, MST3K. It’s good to hear you riffing again. 🙂 xoxo


Goon Review: Squirm (1976)

(Submitted by Mr. Andrew Peters…Thanks, Ho-rror McHo-miebot! 🙂 xoxo)

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The ‘70s really loved their nature strikes back movies, didn’t they? Name any kind of animal, insect or what have you, chances are that it was finding some reason to kill people on the big screen. Spiders, bees, bears, sharks, frogs and hell, even rabbits. Someone made a killer rabbit movie starring fricken McCoy from Star Trek. Perhaps the most ridiculous (at least from the perspective on what type of creature they decided to use) is 1976’s Squirm, a movie featuring killer earthworms. Yes, you read that correctly, killer earthworms. Do I need to keep repeating it for it to settle into your brain, since your brain is systematically rejecting it to protect you?

I know, it sounds it’s going to be one silly movie and it is, but it’s not a bad movie. Okay, it’s not a good movie in the traditional sense, but it’s not one of those so-bad-it’s good movies either. It’s just entertaining in its own regard, not really steering too far from the formula of the outsider-comes-to-small-town-and-creatures-kill-people-and-they-learn-the-truth-and-try-to-warn-the-sheriff-who-doesn’t-believe-them-until-it’s-too-late, but it manages to hold your attention, even if the hero is unlikely (really unlikely) and you can barely understand a word that the antagonist is saying through what has to be one of the thickest Southern accents I have ever heard.

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Like all good nature run amok movies, these worms are turned into blood thirsty, human seeking predators through good old fashioned electricity, via down power lines during a real nasty storm and knocking out the power to the small town of Fly Creek, Georgia. Just the name and location assures that some random, easily self contained catastrophe will be blown out of proportion. It’s the perfect redneck disaster, that I’m sure there are town emergency plans for it. Fly Creek also happens to be the primo location for antiquing, which brings our story’s “hero” Mick into the picture. Mick is your typical weenie (I mean, he has to be, he’s there for antiques) from The Big Apple looking for some R&R in the deep south, so far away from civilization that “worm farms” are an actual booming business, but he’s also there to get together with his southern belle, Geri. Upon arriving, Mick immediately annoys everyone on the bus by knocking into them as he departs and then continues to annoy townsfolk when he and Geri arrive in town, including the Sheriff, who looks like a Willem Dafoe body double. Mick also manages to annoy Roger, a man who has the hots for Geri and also talks with such a thick Southern accent, you’ll be turning on the subtitles just to understand what the hell he is saying.

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Man, Mick is getting in way over his head; quickly becoming the most hated person in Fly Creek (and further enforcing as to why we hates them city folk), to becoming the number one wanted man on the Sheriff’s list to entering into a love triangle with Roger and Geri and believe me if she winds up with Roger, it’s only because he’s the only man left alive for Geri to choose from. But let’s not lose sight as to why we are really here; the antiques! Ah, hell yeah and Geri knows just where to go for that shit! Over to Mr. Beardsly’s they go, but the old fart isn’t around… but a skeleton sure is? But who on Earth could those remains be of? Leaving to contact the Sheriff, who isn’t too thrilled about listening to no city folk, they return to find that the remains are gone. The Sheriff believes that it’s all a prank done by Mick, because as we all know, if you’re from a major city, your favorite thing is to inform the local law enforcement of a possible murder only to pull the rug out from under them. However, the two find the remains have somehow relocated to the back of Roger’s truck and with his city/sleuth skills, Mick along with Geri’s sister Alma break into the local dentist office while Geri distracts Roger with some fishing. This scene shocks me for two reasons. First of all, it knocked me back to learn that some place like Fly Creek has even heard of a dentist let alone have one and secondly, leaving Geri with a man who’s mentally unstable and co-runs a worm farm.

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But the worms must be sensing that Mick is on to them and finally make a move as they attack Roger and knock him off the boat, forcing him to run into the woods screaming. Things only get more tense as Geri’s mother seems to be losing her goddamn mind to the point where they may as well take her out back and put her down. Instead of leaving or really doing anything about anything, the worms launch an all out attack on Fly Creek, devouring most of the town and trapping Mick, Geri, Alma and their mother inside their home as it slowly fills up with worms, like it were water. That’s not all. Seems like Roger is now back for sweet revenge! Surrounded by a crazy redneck and killer worms, these babes are lucky they have an antiquing dork to save them!

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So, as I’m sure you were able to gather from reading this, it’s an extremely silly premise, but that doesn’t stop this film from being a complete riot. You also have to hand it to the crew for playing this totally straight. I mean, they know they are in a film about killer earthworms, but they give it 100% and give every take like they are trying to win an Oscar. It actually helps play into why this film is fun to watch, because if this movie were made today, you know they would play it up like they knew they are in a b-movie and it would really lessen the charm the movie has. Nobody sleep walks through their performances and it shows. Everyone seems like they are having fun with their role and as easy as it is to make fun of these characters, it’s just as easy to love them. And a killer worm movie needs killer worm effects. There are plenty of close up of worms “squealing” (distorted pig squealing effects were used), which are gross on their own, but there are also a lot of rubber worms used when people are literally drowning in a room full of them. Even though they are fake, the sight of them jiggling and the thought of drowning in worms while being devoured by them, having them swim up your butt and whatnot, it’s a pretty disturbing thought that will leave you, dare I say ‘squirming’, in your seat.

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For all you worm enthusiasts, you should know that this is the uncut, original release that Scream Factory has graciously restored digitally and not the neutered, PG rated version AIP released back in the day. Not only that, there’s a few extra features I’m sure y’all will find interesting, like the audio commentary with director Jeff Lieberman, as well as a featurette with him and an interview regarding the genesis of Squirm. A few other things like a still gallery and original theatrical trailer are thrown in for good measure, but I’m a big fan of both the new artwork and the classic that features the worms crawling all over the skull. I want an original poster of that, dammit! Myself, like I’m sure most of you did, discovered this movie on MST3K with a lot of edits done to the film, so it was a treat to finally see what scenes were cut and it’s easy to guess why. Some were done because it was considered “too gory” for television (even though it’s pretty tame) and another I’m not quite sure about that seems to feature a “possessed” Roger who wiggles up the stairs like a worm and then bites someone on the leg. Now, it was never indicated that the worms could control your body or give you worm powers, so why then and there? I’m actually surprised it was in the final cut of the film. But like I said, this is the original cut, so maybe it wasn’t in the PG cut. Either way, this movie gave us one hell of a funny Mystery Science Theater episode and we all finally learned what in the hell exactly is an egg cream.