Movie Review: Jeepers Creepers 3

(Full length review submitted by Mr. Anton Phibes…Thanks, Ho-rror Ho-mie. I wasn’t gonna touch this one!! 😉 xoxo)

It’s quite difficult to discuss Jeepers Creepers 3 without mentioning director Victor Salva’s sordid past in some capacity. His actions have divided horror fans and cast a grim shadow on the popular franchise. However, For this review, I will separate the art from the artist. In no way do I condone Salva’s crime, but my opinion will be based solely on the film itself and not on its director. So, when divorced from its creator, is this film any good?

No. Not at all.

Jeepers Creepers 3 takes place after the final moments of the first film.  Brandon Smith reprises the role of Sgt. Tubbs, who joins forces with Sheriff Tashtego  (Stan Shaw) to hunt The Creeper (Jonathan Breck), a winged creature who feeds on human flesh every 23rd day of every 23rd Spring. The two cops eventually team up with Gaylen Brandon (Meg Foster), a half-mad woman who has a history with the creature. Will they succeed in killing the beast or will he feed again in another 23 years? Considering the recent talk of a potential fourth installment, I think you can guess the answer.

Stripped of its controversy, Jeepers Creepers 3 has very little to offer, save for a few unintentional chuckles.  There’s nothing clever, intriguing, frightening, or even weird about it. I’m generally not the kind to be overly critical of a creature feature, but there’s just nothing here. I wasn’t a huge fan of previous entries, but they weren’t quite this bad. And not a fun sort of bad, either. Jeepers Creepers 3 is awful in the most ordinary way. It borrows ideas and frights from other scare fare, but without any life or joy. It’s rare for me not to enjoy a monster-on-the-loose picture, but I’m afraid that this film wasn’t all that frightful.

If you’ve seen the other two films, this one offers nothing fresh or interesting. It teases an origin we never get to see and turns The Creeper’s truck into a Mario Kart-like abomination, but that’s about every new element it has to offer. Imagine a SyFy Channel reboot of the franchise and you’ll have a decent idea of what this film is like. There were a couple of shots I thought were wonderfully moody, but that’s hardly enough to recommend an entire movie. Even the acting, with the exceptional of the great Meg Foster, is blandly poor. Almost everything about this film is uninspired.

The Creeper, once a fairly intimidating force of supernatural evil, is played in a ridiculous manner that suggests camp, but feels out of place in a film that is otherwise pretty straight. Now, I don’t mind a cheeky monster, but it simply doesn’t work here. Even in his first big scene in the film, The Creeper kills all potential menace he might of had by literally wagging a finger at a victim. Apparently, The Creeper enjoys Twilight Zone: The Movie….

If you’re a die-hard fan of this franchise, you may get some amusement out of this film. There are those who’ve been clamoring for this film for over decade now. I’m not one of them, I sincerely hope that this film lives up to their expectations. But for those simply looking for a good monster movie about a man-eating creature that comes every 20-plus years, I suggest you see IT.  Heck, see IT again, if you’ve already seen it. You’ll probably get more out of a repeat viewing of that film than single viewing of this forgettable fright flick.

#TerrorTrailerTuesday: The “Godzilla Steals The Showa” Edition

Ho-wdy, Goji Ho-mies!

Spawned in the ocean’s depths… it stalks the earth! Belching fire that blasts mighty cities into oblivion! A gory Goliath that lives to kill …kills to live! Diabolical Demon of Destruction… Mightiest Monster of them all… it’s Godzilla, the King of #TerrorTrailerTuesday!

This week, we’ve awoken the awesomely atomic power of the Showa Godzilla! Every single citywide rampage and monster beatdown from 1954 to 1975 is represented in this menacing menagerie of monstrous monstrosities! Godzilla, Mothra, Rodan, King Ghidorah, and the rest of your city-chomping buddies lurk in the trailers below! Get ready for some monster madness, ’cause Godzilla is on the attack!

Check out the trailers below, Kreeps:

Happy #TerrorTrailerTuesday, Ho-rror Ho-mies! xoxo

#MonsterMovieMonday: Nightmare Castle (1965)

Ho-wdy, Kinky Kreeps!

Just another #MonsterMonday here at Kinky Ho-rror! This week, we’re worshiping at the Crimson Altar of the High Priestess of Gothic Ho-rror, Barbara Steele!

Ms. Steele is, without a doubt, THE Queen of cl-Ass-Sick Ho-rror Cinema. Her piercing eyes, her haunting presence, her ghost-like grace…Barbara always looked like she was about to Steele your soul! No coffin could hold her and no force on Earth could stop her! She held her own against the likes of Vincent Price, Boris Karloff, Christopher Lee, and Barnabas Collins! Both ho-rror heroine and ho-rrific monster, Steele is a true fright icon.

Today’s terror tale is Nightmare Castle and it features Goddess Steele at her most frightful. The Gothic Queen does double duty as both the doe-eyed Jenny and the ghostly Muriel… and kills it as both!

It’s an old-fashioned sort of story: castles, romance, and… ghosts! A cozy little tale that’s just perfect for this most ghoulish of seasons. With mad science, fiendish torture, surreal nightmares, and an Ennio Morricone score that sounds like it was composed by The Phantom of the Opera, this is film is pure Gothic bliss. And if Steele’s creeptacular performance doesn’t frighten you, you’re already dead!
Do you dare spend the night at… Nightmare Castle?!

Happy #MonsterMovieMonday, Kreeps!! 🙂

#FrankensteinFriday: Tales of Frankenstein (1958)

“From the beginning of time, many men have sought the unknown, delving into dark regions, where lie those truths, which are destined to destroy him.

Of all these eerie adventurers into darkness, none was more driven by insatiable curiosity, nor went further into the unknown than the unforgettable Baron Frankenstein.

“So infamous were his exploits that his name stands forever as a symbol of all that is shocking, unspeakable, forbidden. Thus, in our day, many a story, which chills the soul and freezes the blood, is truly a tale of Frankenstein.

“Now, join us in the mystery, the excitement, and the stimulation that comes when we tell a story so weird, so dark, so harrowing, that it deserves to be called one of the many TALES OF FRANKENSTEIN.

Ho-wdy, Franken-Homies!

Stop.

It’s Hammer Time here at Kinky Ho-rror! 😉 We’re resurrecting another patchwork corpse-creature from the Hammer House of Ho-rror! From 1958, it’s…

Ho-ping to scare up some recognition in the States, Hammer teamed up Columbia Pictures with the intent of creating 26 electrifying episodes of Franken-stories, with each studio handling 13. Howl-ever, the two studios couldn’t agree on what parts to stitch on and the whole thing fell apart.

Hammer wanted the series to be made in the same style as their Curse of Frankenstein, Columbia owned the TV rights to the Universal films and wanted to use that version. The resulting pilot has elements of both, with Anton “The Man Who Could Cheat Death” Diffring as a Cushing-like Baron Frankenstein and Don “The Creature Walks Among Us” Megowan as a flat-headed monster. Legendary Universal screenwriter Curt Siodmak directed the film in the style of a ’40s monster chiller.

This one’s a must-see for Franken-fans! It’s got chills and thrills for both fans of Hammer and cl-Ass-Sick Universal fright fare! Anton Diffring is a wonderful stand-in for Peter Cushing and the Monster’s real groovy! It really is a shame that this series didn’t get picked up, but what we have is shockingly good!

Do you dare face the challenge of Tales of Frankenstein?!

Happy #FrankenFriday, Kinky Ho-mies!! 🙂 xoxo

#MonsterMovieMonday: Killers From Space

Ho-wdy, Kinky Kreeps! I SEE you there!

Just another #MonsterMonday here at Kinky Ho-rror! This week, we’re spacing out with a sci-fi screamer that’ll make your eyes pop! Jeepers Creepers! It’s the peepers of…

Killers from Space is real eye-opener from W. Lee Wilder, brother of the brilliant Billy Wilder! Sure, W. Lee didn’t direct Some Like It Hot, but…

The film stars Peter “Mission: Impossible” Graves as a scientist killed in plane crash who is resurrected by bug-eyed aliens. The saucer-eyed fiends plan to exterminate humanity using giant animals and take over the world…

This one’s a doozy! Featuring the biggest eyes in ho-rror since Peter Lorre, atomic monsters, and terrifying stock footage, Killers From Space is awesome B-movie nonsense to make your Monday monstrous! If it’s good enough for It Follows, it’s good enough for us! 🙂

Killers From Space in It Follows

Stare into the eyes of Killers From Space below:

Happy Birthday, Elvira!

Happy Birthday to the sassy lassie with the classy chassis… Elvira, Mistress of the Dark!!

Yes, Kreeps… the forever gore-geous Cassandra Peterson turned a fabulous 66(6) today, so it’s time to skull-ebrate!

We talk about Elvira A LOT on this site, but that’s only because there would be no Kinky Horror without her! She was (and is) a major influence on all of us spooky cats here! Her killer style, her wicked puns, her… uh, two big pumpkins… Elvira is definitely one of the coolest ghouls in the graveyard and our most HeXXXcellent inspiration! Whether she’s hosting scary shock schlock on TV or vamping it up at theme parks, Elvira will always be our Queen of Halloween. 🙂

In ho-nor of Cassandra/Elvira, we’ve gathered up some of our favorite Elvira Ho-st segments to showcase her eternal badassery. Enjoy 🙂

TCM and AMC Unleash Their Halloween Schedules!

Ho-wdy, Kinky Ho-mies!

As you creeps know, Halloween is literally just around the corner now! Ghosts and ghouls are already taking over the stores and the Cereal Monsters have made their glorious return. Of Corpse, it just isn’t Halloween without a fright film or two… or eighty…

TCM and AMC have got the tricks and treats covered this Halloween! Both have released their schedules and they are fantastic! Between the two, we have slasher favorites, monster cl-Ass-Sicks, Hammer Horror, exported frights, silent screams, cult films, ghost flicks, and other gruesome greats to make your Halloween a scary one! Plus, AMC will be hosting the world terror-vision premiere of Cult of Chucky!!! Unholy crap! That’s scary good!

To help you get your Halloween viewing schedule sorted, here are both line-ups!

TCM:

(Monster of the Month is Dracula)

Sunday, October 1

Dracula (above; 1931) 8 PM
Dracula’s Daughter (1936) 9:30 PM
Son of Dracula (1943) 11 PM

Nosferatu (1922) 12:30 AM

Tuesday, October 3
Universal Horror

Frankenstein (1931) 8 PM
Bride of Frankenstein (1935) 9:30 PM
The Mummy (1932) 11 PM
The Wolf Man (1941) 12:30 AM
Island of Lost Souls (1933) 2 AM
The Black Cat (1934) 3:30 AM
The Invisible Man (1933) 4:45 AM

Sunday, October 8

The Return of Dracula (1958) 8 PM
House of Dracula (1945) 9:30 PM
Billy the Kid Vs. Dracula (1966) 10:45 PM
.

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (192) 12:15 AM
Jigoku (1960) 2 AM
Tokaido Yotsuya Kaidan (1959) 4 AM

Tuesday, October 10

Cat People (1942) 8 PM
The Body Snatcher (1945) 9:30 PM
Martin Scorsese Presents, Val Lewton: The Man in the Shadows (2007) 11 PM
I Walked With a Zombie (1943) 12:30 AM
The Seventh Victim (1943) 2 AM
Bedlam (1946) 3:30 AM
The Leopard Man (1943) 5 AM

Wednesday, October 11

The Ghost Ship (1943) 6:15 AM
Isle of the Dead (1945) 7:30 AM

Friday, October 13

Kiss of the Tarantula (1976) 6:30 AM
Snake Woman (1961) 8 AM
Village of the Damned (1961) 9:30 AM
The Nanny (1965) 11 AM
The Innocents (1961) 1 PM
A Place of One’s Own (1945) 2:45 PM
The Bad Seed (1956) 4:30 PM
The Curse of the Cat People (1944) 6:45 PM

Saturday, October 14

Blacula (1972) 2:15 AM
Scream, Blacula, Scream (1973) 4 AM

Sunday, October 15

Horror of Dracula (1958) 8 PM
The Brides of Dracula (1960) 9:45 PM

The Phantom Carriage (1921) 12 AM

Monday, October 16

The Indescructible Man (1956) 5 PM

Tuesday, October 17

The Devil’s Bride (1968) 8 PM
The Curse of Franenkenstein (1957) 9:45 PM
The Mummy (1959) 11:15 PM
The Curse of the Werewolf (1961) 1 AM
The Plague of the Zombies (1966) 2:45 AM
The Reptile (1966) 4:30 AM

Saturday, October 21

Willard (1971) 2 AM
Ben (1972) 3:45 AM

Sunday, October 22

Dracula, Prince of Darkness (1965) 8 PM
Dracula Has Risen From the Grave (1969) 10 PM

The Monster (1925) 12 AM
Eyes Without a Face (1960) 2 AM
Kwaidan (1965) 3:45 AM

Tuesday, October 24

The Innocents (1961) 8 PM
Diary of a Madman (1963) 10 PM
Curse of the Demon (1958) 12 AM
Carnival of Souls (1962) 2 AM
From Beyond the Grave (1973) 3:30 AM

Saturday, October 28

Mark of the Vampire (1935) 6:15 AM
The Devil-Doll (1936) 7:30 AM
What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962) 9:00 AM
Little Shop of Horrors (1960) 11:30 AM
Village of the Damned (1961) 1 PM
Children of the Damned (1963) 2:30 PM
House of Dark Shadows (1970) 4:15 PM
Night of Dark Shadows (1971) 6:00 PM

The Brood (1979) 2 AM

Sunday, October 29

Taste the Blood of Dracula (1970) 8 PM
Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972) 10 PM

Onibaba (1964) 2:15 AM

Tuesday, October 31

White Zombie (1932) 8:30 AM
Mad Love (1935) 10 AM
Dementia 13 (1963) 11:30 AM
13 Ghosts (1960) 1 PM
The Fearless Vampire Killers (1966) 2:30 PM
House of Wax (1953) 4:30 PM
Poltergeist (1982) 6 PM
The Old Dark House (above; 1932) 8 PM
The Haunting (1963) 9:30 PM
House on Haunted Hill (1958) 11:30 PM
The Cat and the Canary (1939) 1:15 AM
The Old Dark House (1963) 2:45 AM
The Bat (1959) 4:30 AM

AMC:

(Not all of the have details released yet, but we’ll update as this list when they are.)

Halloween (78)
Halloween 4
Halloween 5
Halloween 6
Halloween H2O
Halloween II (09)
Nightmare on Elm Street (10)
Freddy vs. Jason
Friday the 13th Part IX: Jason Goes to Hell
Jason X
Wes Craven’s New Nightmare
Child’s Play
Curse of Chucky
Cult of Chucky
Annabelle
Thinner
Dreamcatcher
Dawn of the Dead (04)
Land of the Dead (05)
House of the Dead 1&2
House on Haunted Hill (99)
Return to House on Haunted Hill
House of Wax (05)
Hellbound: Hellraiser II
Army of Darkness
Van Helsing
Lake Placid
Slither
the Leprechaun franchise

Thanks to Bloody Disgusting and Wonder Alliance for making us aware of these line-ups! 🙂

Splatterday Mourning Cartoon: Monster Force – The Rage of Frankenstein’s Bride

Ho-wdy, cartoon creeps!

It’s Splatterday Mourning again, and we’ve got the perfect cartoon caper to make you scream!

This week’s abominable animation is Monster Force, a 13-episode series by Universal Cartoon Studios and Canadian studio Lacewood Productions. The story is set in approx. 2020 and centers around a group of teenagers (with attitude!!!) fighting the Universal Monsters with futuristic weaponry. It’s a series that proves that Universal has been trying to do the “Dark Universe” thing long before Tom Cruise and The Mummy.

Both Monster Force and The Mummy resurrected the grand ol’ monsters, but with less scares and more radical action. The “Dark Universe” was clearly inspired by the success of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and this series actually got Marv freakin’ Wolfman to write some episodes! I guess it makes some sense… there always was a strange connection between superheroes and monsters….
Considering that nobody ever talks about this one, it’s actually a lot of fun! It’s G.I. Joe fighting cl-Ass-Sick fiends with sci-fi weapons…and every bit as cool as it sounds! 🙂 It even manages to sprinkle in some references to the actual films. Heck, the score in today’s episode quotes the score of Bride of Frankenstein! Plus, check out these monsters:
Groovy.
Check it out below…Happy Splatterday, Kinky Kreeps! 🙂 xoxo

#TerrorTrailerTuesday: The “King of the Silver Scream” Edition

Beep-Beep, Fright Fiends!

2017’s been a real groovy year for The King, hasn’t it?

Mr. Mercedes, The Dark Tower, Gerald’s Game, and IT… no matter where you go, King’s creepin’ up with ya! And with the gargantuan success of IT and the announcement of Suffer the Little Children, it seems like the King renaissance is going to keep on floatin’!
In ho-nor of the man who was Richard Bachman, we’ve gathered up some of the most frightful ‘n’ delighful trailers for some of our favorite King scarefests! Telekinetic creeps, ghosts, things from the grave, killer cars, werewolves, and the Devil himself… these trailers prove that King knows how to show a ghoul a good time! 🙂
Let the trailers begin!!!!!! 

and my personal favorite…

Hail to the King, Baby!

IT (2017) Movie Review

(Submitted by our own Mr. Anton Phibes…Thanks, Ho-rror Ho-mie! 🙂 xoxo)

To say that expectations were high for 2017’s IT would be a grotesque understatement. Based on the best-selling Stephen King novel, the film is the second adaptation of the material, following the much beloved miniseries. Before even a single frame of this latest version came to be, a thunderous jolt of anticipation struck film-goers like a circus locomotive. Thousands of think pieces, fan art, and parodies sprouted up when the very first image of “IT” was released, and that goes doubly so for the trailer. IT was a bonafide cultural phenomena before it was projected on a single screen. Living up to such monstrous adaptations seems impossible, but does IT succeed?  With a big grease-painted grin, I’m very pleased to report that IT is every bit the monsterpiece we had hoped for.

Stephen King’s novel is a massive work of fiction told through narratives alternating between two timelines, so the film wisely adapts the half of the novel that focuses on the seven protagonists as kids. The film advances the setting from the 1950s to the late ’80s, but still maintains much of the source material. In the movie, Bill (Jaeden Lieberher), Beverly (Sophia Lillis), Richie (Stranger Things’ Finn Wolfhard), Eddie (Jack Dylan Grazer), Ben (Jeremy Ray Taylor), Mike (Chosen Jacobs) and Stan (Wyatt Oleff) are all social outcasts in their own way. United by their misfit status, they develop a tight-knit relationship and dub themselves the “Losers’ Club”. When a malevolent shape-shifting killer targets them, the unconventional heroes must conquer their fears to conquer “IT”.
IT is a lot like King’s Stand By Me, but with an eldritch abomination creeping about. It’s almost as much a coming-of-age story as it is a monster movie. Sure, the clown is a fright to behold, but the children are undeniably the heart of the story.  Their struggles, their quirks, and their interactions feel so very real that it’s easy to forget that these are actors reading from a script. They are the kind of “geeky” kids you may have known (or been) growing up, with all the flaws and idiosyncrasies that come with such children. All are incredibly lovable, making the horror (both otherworldly and mundane) that befalls them unbearable. Both their chemistry and individual charms are what elevate this film to greatness and achieve the impressive feat of making a film about a child-eating clown monster heartwarming.

Of course, even with an exceptional group of heroes, a monster movie still needs a credible monster… oh boy! does It succeed in that regard! Actor Bill Skarsgard had some big floppy shoes to fill after Tim Curry’s turn in the miniseries, but he works sorcery here as Pennywise, the clown form of “IT”.  Pennywise’s initial appearances in this film are almost inviting, but there’s always that sense that he’s plotting… and hungry. Even in his most clownishly charming moments, he can barely conceal his ghastly appetite. As the film progresses, Pennywise grows more and more demonic in a truly unsettling fashion. It’s the stuff of nightmares.


There’s been a lot of talk about whether or not the new “IT” is superior to the old one.The way I see it, Tim Curry and Bill Skarsgard are to Pennywise what Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee are to Dracula: two unique actors giving equally brilliant performances as the same monster. Bill Skarsgard’s interpretation is considerably different than Curry’s, but still magnificent in its own way. Curry was pretty darn funny as the hellish harlequin, giving him a comedic edge that makes his more violent moments genuinely shocking. Skarsgard had a more overtly diabolical quality that is still  quite effective. Regardless of which performance you prefer, I think most of us can agree that Bill Skarsgard is a worthy “IT” for a new generation. Bravo to both clowns!

Despite its cast of children, IT is a fairly disturbing movie with some wonderfully nasty bits. Some of the most beautifully wicked scares you’ll see in a big budget fright film are lurking in this film. From the gory to the surreal, there’s a shock here for every taste. There are even some scenes that have an old-fashioned Gothic flavor to them, most of which take place in what is perhaps the best “haunted house” set I’ve seen in years. If you like a wide variety of creepy things, IT’s the spook show for you.

With an already killer box office intake and fabulous reviews, there’s little doubt that a sequel based on the novel’s second half is on its way. In fact, there’s one teased at the very end of the film. While I’ll certainly miss the child actors, I have no doubt that the next one will be another sensational work of horror cinema. I look forward to seeing Pennywise dance again. As for this current installment, stop clowning around and see it as soon as you can! Beep Beep!