#WaybackWednesday: The “My First Xenomorph” Edition (aka Happy Alien Day!)

Happy Alien Day, Xeno-Homies! Is that eXXXcitement you’re bursting with… or are you having a “John Hurt” moment? Either way, you’re in the right frame of mind! 🙂
The Alien series is just about the greatest Sci-Fi/Horror franchise in the cosmos. It has some perfectly gruesome monsters, tons of thrills & kills, and one of the most badass badasses in the history of badassery in the form of Ms. Ellen Ripley. Even the worst installments in the franchise (I’m looking at you, Alien3!) are still solid monster movies and that is beyond rare for any franchise. In short, the Alien series kicks all the Xenomorph ass! 🙂

In ho-nor of the frightening franchise, I thought we’d look at the heart of any sci-fi franchise… TOYS!!! 🙂
The Alien series is a dark, grotesque series of gory horror films loaded with lots o’ swearing and phallic imagery… so it only makes sense to make a toyline based on it! Well, that’s what the folks at Kenner thought! In 1979, Kenner brought the terror and gloom of Ridley Scott’s Alien to toy shelves everywhere with a target set, a board game, a “movie viewer,” and an 18″ action figure based on the extra-TERROR-strial.

The latter of those (understandably) frightened the heck out of folks back then. Parents bombarded the company with a good many angry letters about how terrifying the 18″ horror was. Parental outrage and poor sales forced Kenner to pull the figure off shelves, so I guess you don’t need to blast an alien into space to kill it…
Kenner’s figure may have died, but, like Ripley in the fourth film, it was resurrected decades later in a big, bad way. In 2014, a toy company called Gentle Giant a released 24″ reproduction of the original 18″ figure. The fear figure retailed at $500… and sold out almost immediately!


Since that initial failure, Alien has spawned many successful toy lines, including an Aliens-based one by Kenner in the 1990s.

Those ’70s suckas may not have been ready for the radness, but Alien has since proven to be an unstoppable force in merchandising. Thank you, Kenner… you gave us one of the coolest monster toys of all time and opened the airlock for decades of awesome Alien toys.
Check out the commercial below for a classic Alien Attack:

Happy Alien Day, Kinky Ho-s…Here’s a ho-rrorday hug for ya! 😉 xoxo

 

News Bleed: The “The Nun Gets a Clue” Edition

This new Clue (1985) documentary will unravel the mystery. (PS- #FUCKYEAHCLUEROCKS!!!!! 🙂 Bloody Disgusting
New plot details emerge for Rampage and it sounds like a monstrously good time! 🙂 MovieWeb
The tree-mendous From Hell it Came creeps onto Blu-ray. 🙂 Dread Central

The unbelievable Night Trap gets an unbelievable re-release on PS4 & Xbox One! 🙂 Polygon

Jeff Goldblum, uh, finds a way into Jurassic World 2! 🙂 Hollywood Reporter

Taissa Farmiga of AHS fame will scare the holy heck out of us in The Nun! Entertainment Weekly

Stephen King will shine in a Mr. Mercedes cameo. (Ps- #FUCKYEAHSTEPHENKINGROCKS!!! :)) JoBlo

Scary Shorties: Superman, The Mummy Strikes (1943)

Boils and ghouls, your attention please! Kinky Ho-rror presents an all-old cartoon program, featuring a thrilling adventure of an amazing and incredible personality. Faster than a speeding demon! More powerful than a loco maniac! Able to leap tall tombs at a single bound! Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bat! It’s a witch! No, it’s…
That’s right, boils and ghouls! We’re presenting a classic outing of the Man of Steel in glorious Technicolor! Of course, with our minds in the grave, we picked a short that’s a little on the fright side…
The Mummy Strikes (1943) is the fourteenth of seventeen Fleischer Studios/Famous Studios Superman shorts, but it almost feels like a condensed Universal horror film. There’s a dead Egyptologist. an assistant accused of murder, a terrible curse, and two very unfriendly mummies. The two mummies are actually rather unnerving for a superhero short. It may be rather silly to admit, but this scene still gives me the willies…
I mean, it ain’t Boris Karloff driving a man insane in The Mummy (1932), but that’s still one heck of a resurrection!
This short isn’t as heavy on the superheroics as the other 16 shorts, but it’s got ominous atmosphere in spades. It’s creepy, it’s thrilling, and it has the Big Blue Boy Scout  roughing up some ancient abominations. I’d say there are worse things to get WRAPPED up in on a Saturday Morning!
Hey, if you think that’s a groaner, this short ends on the most wonderfully ho-rrible pun imaginable. It’s a play on a line from Blues in the Night, and I can’t imagine a better way to end a mummy story!
For thrills, chills, mummies, heroes, and puns, click on the moving picture box below:

Have a Super Saturday, Kinky Ho-mies!! 🙂 xoxo

Happy Beaster: Five Rotten Rabbits to Haunt Your Horrorday

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Beaster, you egg-cellent fright fans!  As an Easter gift to all you perturbing Peeps out there, I thought I’d draw attention to a race of creatures capable of unfathomable terror… Bunnies!
On this site, we often talk of ghouls, ghosts, madmen, creatures, demons, bugaboos, boogeymen, freaks, creeps, and just about everything that goes bump in the night… but it’s the Bunny you must fear above all. With teeth as sharp as daggers and eyes that are often as red as fresh blood, the Bunny hops along this earth with silent menace and a nose twitching like an unhinged lunatic. The worst of these creatures is The Easter Bunny: a being who barges into the homes of little ones, leaving… eggs. Why does he do this? Nobody really knows. Perhaps, when they hatch, they’ll unleash horrible, toothy beasts with taste for human flesh. Maybe that’s how he spies on you… each egg serving as his eyes.  Whatever the reason, it must be nefarious. That is, after all, the nature of the Bunny.
To celebrate the day, I have arranged a list of the most terrifying bunnies to ever haunt the screen.  I must warn you, dear readers, that there will be intense bunny-based horror in the following videos and images. Now that you have been warned, we can hop right into the madness.

1.) The Hat Rabbit from Twilight Zone: The Movie

Our first beastly bunny makes the briefest of appearances, but leaves a heck of an impression. Appearing in Joe “Gremlins” Dante’s wonderfully cartoonish take the classic It’s a Good Life story, this featured creature turns  Kevin “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” McCarthy’s simple hat trick into a feat of monstrous magical mayhem! Ta-Da!

2.) The Lepus from Night of the Lepus

This is film, coincidentally, has the same plot as my recurring nightmare: a group of giant, mutant rabbits ravage a small town and feast upon the innocent. To make things even more ghastly, the filmmakers used actually bunnies to portray the monsters! Janet Leigh stars as one of the humans hunted by the rabid rabbits. I hope they don’t make her go Psycho…

3.) The Easter Bunny from Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey 

Without a doubt, the most terrifying thing in a film that deals with Hell, Satan, and Death! In Hell, Ted is forced to face his “irrational” fear of The Easter Bunny. I always knew that The Bunny was in league with The Devil!

4.) January Q. Irontail from Here Comes Peter Cottontail

How could one resist a stop-motion bunny from Rankin-Bass and Vincent Price? Dressed to scare in frightful black, this Price-voiced fiend will stop at nothing to do Easter HIS way. Irontail’s Easter would include chocolate tarantulas, octopi, and Easter galoshes replacing the Easter bonnets. Where do I sign up for this Easter?

5.) The White Rabbit from Jan Svankmajer’s Alice 

Jan Svankmajer is certainly a stop-motion genius, but darn if he doesn’t know how to scare the stuffing out of us. Why, he does the same to his characters. In his take on Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, his White Rabbit is a taxidermy rabbit who is losing sawdust, which flows out of his stomach. When his stuffing falls out, he simply secures the whole in his chest with pins and eats the sawdust! I bet Walt Disney wishes he had come up with that quirk!

Honorable Mention:  The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

I excluded this big bad bunny from the main list because I wanted to spotlight lesser-known rabbit creeps. Most people are very familiar with this bad-tempered rodent. However, that doesn’t mean he isn’t a formidable fiend. I mean, he’s got a vicious streak a mile wide! He’s a killer! There’s much to fear about this fuzzy lil’ devil.

Happy Beaster! Don’t let the Easter Bunny get ya!

Scary Shorties: Hyde and Hare (1955)

In almost any given situation, Bugs Bunny is just about the smartest smartass in the room. He’s Groucho Marx in a world of Margaret Dumonts. Bugs would almost always beat the odds, no matter how the stacked the deck was. That Looney Toon was the underdog you just knew was going to come up on top. Yet despite his remarkable winning streak, there’s one ghoul he just couldn’t lick…
In 1955’s Hyde and Hare, Bugs Bunny was pitted against the most two-faced of all classic monsters… Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. In a rather unusual situation for the hilarious hare, Bugs is the victim here and remains so. Of all the monsters and madmen he’s encountered, Hyde was one he couldn’t do away with gags and pranks. There are no pies in the face or dynamite explosions… only a rabbit on the run from fiend. In a way, this makes this the closest thing to a true Looney Tunes horror film. Most of the action is Bugs trying to elude the mad monster. But as Bugs quickly discovers, there is nowhere to run and nowhere to Hyde…

The ending of this short is particularly fascinating. After having drank all of Dr. Jekyll’s infamous formula, Bugs turns into a hideously green monster. However, unlike the good doctor, Bugs Bunny’s personality remains intact! Dr. Jekyll has a hidden side and an inner evil that’s brought out by the potion.. but Bugs only changes physically. Bugs Bunny is, and always has been, a monster!
For a game of Hyde and Shriek, check out the cartoon below:

 

Happy Mystery Science Theater 3000 Season 11 Release Day!!!

SUPER IMPORTANT UPDATE: I FOUND MY CREDIT!!!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled “MST3K Yay!” post…

Ho-wdy, my Mysterious MSTIES! It’s time to get yo happy on, for the ‘Bots are back in town!!! 🙂

Netflix just made the not-too-distant future the right-this-minute present with the release of Mystery Science Theater 3000 Season 11! Following a HUGELY successful Kickstarter campaign (which your Ho-stess happily contributed to! :)), MST3K has risen from the grave with a brand new bag o’ cheesy clas-sicks for ya! The original series is one of the most beloved series in all of nerd-dom and this new one seems to properly capture that ol’ Satellite of Love charm. 🙂

In ho-nor of the Return of MST3K, I thought I’d send some cheesy trailers…the worst I can find! Each trailer is for a film featured on the new MST3K. In total, there are 14 new movies for the hapless ho-st and the ‘Bots to “suffer” through. This new batch of films is made up of some the most delicious cinematic cheese, so I recommend you check them out both with and without Shadowrama. Two of them feature Caroline “Forever Goddess” Munro (Starcrash, At the Earth’s Core), so you know you’re in for some great B-movie awesomeness. 🙂

Check out the trailers below:

Reptilicus

Cry Wilderness

The Time Travelers

Avalanche

The Beast of Hollow Mountain

Starcrash

The Land That Time Forgot

The Loves of Hercules

Yongary: Monster from the Deep

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II

Carnival Magic

The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t

At the Earth’s Core

Welcome Back, MST3K. It’s good to hear you riffing again. 🙂 xoxo


#TBT: The “Monster Mufflers” Edition

Ho-wdy, Ho-rror Ho-mies! As you creeps probably know, the Universal Monsters are getting a brand-new shared universe, and they’re hoping to give Marvel a run for their “mummy!”
We here at KH love a good Monster Mash, especially one from the original House of Horrors.  Starting with 1943’s Frankenstein meets the Wolfman, Universal has had a rich history of having grand ol’ ghouls go face-to-fang. However, there are two iconic monsters that have yet to appear in the same film…

Yes, it’s true… The Mummy and The Invisible Man, Universal’s baddest bandaged baddies, have never co-starred in a film together! Now, I know there’s a fair chance that the “wrap” stars will appear together in an installment of the new franchise, but it’s been over 80 years! You would think that Universal would throw us an invisible and/or mummified bone, but they never did.

However, the gauze ghouls did get a chance to share the spotlight in a commercial for Meineke Mufflers in 1988. Not only are The Mummy and The Invisible Man here, but they are positively horrible.. in a good way! 🙂 That Mummy could stomp around in a real monster movie, as far as I’m concerned! I don’t recall the Invisible One being much of a driver, but I suppose The Mummy would need a new a muffler for the ol’ chariot… 🙂

It’s not Universal, but it does the trick!

Check out the creepy commercial below:

#WaybackWednesday: The “Invasion Will Be Televised” Edition

1953’s War of the Worlds is, without a doubt, one of the seminal science fiction films of the 1950s. It has been selected for preservation by the Library of Congress, won an Oscar for Best Visual Effects, spawned countless imitators, and gave MST3K’s Dr. Clayton Forrester his name(clearly, the ultimate ho-nor ;)). Even after 63 years in Earth time, the film is still one of the greatest achievements in Sci-Fi cinema. There have been many adaptations of the H.G. Wells story, but the 1953 one towers above them all. Heck, I still get chills every time I watch this scene:

At the end of the 1953 film, the seemingly indestructible aliens perish. The narrator informs the audience on what has happened:

“The Martians had no resistance to the bacteria in our atmosphere to which we have long since become immune. Once they had breathed our air, germs, which no longer affect us, began to kill them. The end came swiftly. All over the world, their machines began to stop and fall. After all that men could do had failed, the Martians were destroyed and humanity was saved by the littlest things, which God, in His wisdom, had put upon this Earth.”

But what if that wasn’t the end? What if the aliens weren’t killed, but had slipped into a state of suspended animation? We didn’t really defeat them the first time, so what could possibly do to stop them? Unfortunately for Mankind, these grim speculative questions became a horrifying reality…

In 1988, the invasion continued with a TV series of the same name. The series was indeed a direct follow-up to the 1953 film, utilizing the same war machine designs and other familiar elements. However, these Martians are far more brutal than the originals ever were. These extraterrestrial devils gouge out eyes, pierce checks, and graphically burst out of human disguises. For a show from the ’80s, this was pretty gnarly stuff.

The producer of the original film, George Pal, actually started developing a War of the Worlds TV series back in the ’70s, but passed away before it came to be. Personally, I think the first season of this show is an excellent continuation, even if it’s a tad more gruesome than its predecessor. (That’s a plus in my book, but I know it’s not everyone’s cup o’tea. ;)) The second season changed the formula for the worse, but I still recommend the first to my fellow Earthlings.

Watch the pilot below and witness the War of the Worlds:

#FBF: The “Beetlejuicing in the Graveyard” Edition

Ho-wdy, Kinky Ho-mies! As Bobby “Boris” Pickett taught us, monsters love to bust a move…when they aren’t bustin’ heads! 😉 To help prove that, Universal Studios gathered up their grooviest ghoulies and took them to the stage to shock ‘n’ roll! Beetlejuice’s Rockin’ Graveyard Revue was a theme park show hosted by…wait for it…Beetlejuice!!! 🙂

The Ghost with the Most was joined by Dracula, The Wolfman, Frankenstein, The Bride of Frankenstein, and The Phantom of the Opera… Talk about Monsters of Rock! Our beloved monsters first appear in their classic costumes, but go ghoulishly glam after the first minute.

(You gotta love this Phantom, who looks like an unholy hybrid of Sting, David Bowie, and The Joker!)

Since yesterday was the 29th anniversary of Beetlejuice, I thought I’d eXXXhume this Monster Mash and present ya with a birthday BJ… 😉 Enjoy the fab flashback, freaky fiends! 🙂 xoxo

 

Life (2017)

If imitation is indeed the sincerest form of flattery, Sony has just paid Alien (1979) one heck of a compliment with Life. That’s not to say that Alien didn’t borrow from a few films. As co-writer Dan O’Bannon famously put it, “I didn’t steal Alien from anybody. I stole it from everybody!”. But Alien had a distinct flavor of its own. From the one-word title to the ever-evolving creature stalking a team aboard a spacecraft to Rebecca Ferguson’s diary logs à la Ripley to the tracking device on the monster to the very tone, this picture owes everything to Alien. There is no way this film could exist without Alien. However, for a fellow like myself who enjoys a good rip-off, this is very much a positive.

I’m honestly glad to see this sort of film with a budget. In most ways, it’s a mockbuster version of Alien, very much in the same way Creature (1985) and Forbidden World are. What’s peculiar about this film is that it was made in 2017. While the other films were capitalizing on something that was a few years old, Life is capitalizing on a film that came out 37 years prior. Strangely, I feel this gives the film a kind of novelty. Were I a betting man, I’d wager this film was not intended to be an homage to the Alien mockbusters of the past… But it does feel a good deal like one.

I apologize if I’ve given the impression that I do not care for this picture, because nothing could be further from the truth. Life never escapes the enormous shadow of Ridley Scott’s picture, but I don’t think it ever really tries to. Stuart Gordon’s Re-Animator is referenced by name, suggesting that the filmmakers assumed that their audience has enough film savvy to pick up on the Alien connection. This film does nothing truly original, but it does it so very well. There’s some wonderful, terrible tension throughout that had me chewing my nails to the tips. Without directly spoiling anything, there is a “Marion Crane” moment that did catch me off-guard, and how grand it to be truly surprised. As for its ending, I did predict it, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love it. In fact, it had me laughing in the right way.  It’s that kind of beautifully morbid punchline that The Cryptkeeper would surely get a kick out of.

The film is structured like a slasher film, with the hapless crew being brutally picked of one by one. As such, we are treated to some fun monster-kill sequences that play with the weightlessness of space in a groovy way that’s likely to satisfy my fellow ghouls. The monster itself is not as memorable as the Giger Alien, but it certainly get the job done. Really, you could say the same of the film. I doubt it will become one of the favorites of the genre, but it’s a gas. Between this and Kong: Skull Island, it seems like the classical monster movie is making a major comeback and that’s peachy-keen in my book. Not every film that comes out is going to be a timeless classic, so it’s good to flick that’s just great fun from its first second to its ending credits. If you can’t look past its similarities to Alien, I can’t lie to you about your chances of enjoying it, but… you have my sympathies.