Sinful: The Churches Edition, Part 1

(Submitted by our beloved Smutmaster Eric, who’s having to deal with Evil Irma’s wrath today…Stay safe, ho-mie. We’re all praying fer ya! Ps- PROM NIGHT II!!!! You rule, Kinky Ho-mie! 🙂 xoxo)

Featuring: Lisa Schrage, Wendy Lyon, Lindsay Lohan, Alicia Rachel Marek, Pirates & Keanu Reeves.

Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)


Machete (2010)

The Fog (1980)

John Wick (2014)

News Bleed: The “Scream, Vampirella, Scream!” Edition

Scream yet again… The rebooted third season of MTV’s Scream gets a cast and details. Hollywood Reporter

John Carpenter will tell us more Tales for a HalloweeNight this September. 🙂 Bloody Disgusting

The Great Movie Ride at Disney’s Hollywood Studios will close in August. 🙁
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James Cameron goes from director to colonial marine with this sweet new Aliens figure. 🙂 Entertainment Weekly

Get some early Ghoul-tide fear with this teaser for Better Watch Out. 🙂 Movie Web

The Dark Tower is only 95 mins long. Seems short for a story told in eight books… Collider

Hack/Slash vs. Vampirella is creeping onto shelves this Halloween. 🙂 Newsarama

And the Queen of Halloween herself, Elvira, is back in kreepy komic form, thanks to the dynamite folks over at Dynamite! 😉 Bleeding Cool

News Bleed: The “Dark Tower Boogie” Edition

The Thing is getting the board game treatment! 🙂 Digital Spy

Scream Factory unleashes a fog of John Carpenter Steelbooks! 🙂 Dread Central
The Mummy is lookin’ scary in this new featurette. 🙂 /Film

Ellen Page gives zombies the axe in The Third Wave. Bloody Disgusting

Stranger Things is about to get a lot scarier…Just the way we like it! 🙂 io9

Shaw returns! Check her out in this Alien: Covenant prologue. 🙂 Empire

The Gunslinger finally rides into town with this trailer for The Dark Tower! 🙂

The Day Awesome Was Born.

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Greetings, you fabulous fright fiends! I would like to take a moment to ho-nor three of the most awesomely creepy-peeps in fright film history: Handsome Halloweenie Mr. John Carpenter, Hammer Ho-ttie Caroline Munro, and Mummy Maker Karl Freund! Let’s get this Mad Monster Party started, shall we? 🙂

Caroline Munro:  January 16, 1949

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The First Lady of Fantasy! 🙂 Caroline “Forever Goddess” Munro is the only performer that can boast a career that includes being turned into a vampire by Christopher Lee’s Dracula, portraying Vincent Price’s wife in the eXXXcellent Dr. Phibes series, encountering creatures created by Ray Harryhausen, and who was also a Bond Girl! Dang! Those are some spooky-good credentials! 🙂 If that’s not impressive enough, Ms. Munro was the only actress to have been signed to a long-term contract with Hammer Studios! Caroline Munro is pure Ho-rror Ho-tness and is a cult icon of highest order. In addition to her impressive acting resume, the Mighty Munro writes a column for Space Monsters Magazine, proving that she’s still an important player in the ho-rror community… as if there was any doubt. 🙂

Blurry-But-Awesome Caroline Munro Meeting!!!! :)

Blurry-But-Awesome Caroline Munro Meeting!!!! 🙂

Happy Birthday, you Gore-geous Genre Great! 🙂

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John Carpenter: January 16, 1948

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John Carpenter came here to make kickass movies and chew bubblegum… and he’s all out of bubblegum! 🙂 One of the true innovators of genre filmmaking, Mr. Carpenter more-or-less created the slasher genre as we know it today with Halloween in 1978 and just kept on creating clas-sicks for years! The Fog, The Thing, They Live, Escape from New York, and Big Trouble in Little China are all among the best genre cinema has to offer, and I bet few would argue with that. (And those who do are wrong! ;)) In addition to writing and directing awesome movies, he scores ’em! Halloween’s oft-imitated theme was composed by the man himself and remains one of the most spine-tingling horror themes ever! Happy Birthday, you Dark Star! 🙂

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Karl Freund: January 16, 1890

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Now here’s is a devious dude with an eye for terror! Karl Freund was the cinematographer on some of the most monstertastic monster movies ever! His work includes Metropolis, The Golem, Murders in the Rue Morgue (1932), and Dracula with badass bloodsucker Bela Lugosi! As a director, Mr. Freund directed The Mummy (1932) and Mad Love (1935), two fright films I just can’t praise enough! If that wasn’t enough to make him a legend, Mr. Freund is also responsible for the development of the three-camera system used to shoot sitcoms, a system he used on I Love Lucy! Mad Love for Mr. Karl Freund! 🙂

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Happy Birthday to these three Legendary Legends of Awesomeness! (And to anyone else who happens to be celebrating today. :)) xoxoxo

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Goon Review: The Thing (1982)

(Submitted with all the love by Mr. Andrew Peters…Thank you, Ho-rror Ho-mie!! 🙂

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John Carpenter’s The Thing will always hold a special place in my heart. Not only do I consider it to be a masterpiece of both special effects and horror, as in the sense that it is actually terrifying, not only gory, but also as one of the first horror films I remember seeing… and loving. Not only loving the film, loving the creatures and characters, but also loving the feeling of being scared. My step brother and I watched at least once a month from when we were thirteen year olds until his death a few years ago. As growing horror fans, we bonded over and it brought us closer together and dared us to explore other films of the genre at the video store. But those are other stories for another day. Enough being serious… time for some dick jokes!

thing8qIt’s seriously hard to believe that back in 1982, The Thing was a box office bomb. Launching alongside E.T., audiences were primed for a more family friendly alien rather than a shapeshifting gorefest. Critics hated it, fans didn’t seem receptive to it and all of this made John Carpenter sad and rightfully so. The Thing is all about isolation and feeling the dread that the person you’re with may not be who you think they are or even of this world or perhaps you yourself aren’t and there is no escape from there. You’re alone. You’re isolated and paranoid. You’re trapped. The film also has award winning, groundbreaking special effects by Rob Bottin that still hold up to this day and put to shame anything that has come before or after it. Dean Cundy’s lighting only adds to the eerie feel and look of film and the score is underplayed and feels like a performer rather than a piece of sound added on top. The characters work well together and act like they are sick of where they are and each other and this situation doesn’t add to the tension. It’s a perfect blend of all the horror elements, so forget what it was called in the past, because The Thing nowadays is an immortal classic, much like the Universal Monster movies of their time.

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I know when you take a bunch of dudes and isolate them someplace in the winter it sounds like it’s going to be a party, but for the men of U.S. Outpost 31, a research facility in Antarctica, it’s strictly work, although it’s never made clear what exactly that work is. It doesn’t matter though, as it never becomes distracting. We can all just assume it’s some scientific shit, which would make sense. Right from the start, the iconic theme begins to play as two Norwegians in a helicopter pop rifle shots at a dog that happens into the U.S. Outpost 31. Upon landing and in a panic, one of the Norwegians blows up the helicopter (along with his buddy) and begins shouting at the Americans. Unable to understand him and since he did fire a shot and wound one of the Americans, the Norwegian is shot in the head by the supposed leader, Garry.. Don’t mess with ‘Murika! Assuming it’s probably cabin fever, Doc Copper and helicopter pilot RJ MacReady (played by fan favorite Kurt Russell) head over to the Norwegian camp to see what kind of damage they could have done, but it turns out there is something more to what they see. The entire camp is burned down. Wasted. Equipment is smashed, blood stains the walls and they even find a corpse with his wrists and throat slashed, frozen blood pouring from the wounds and that’s not all. They even find a mysterious block of ice where something seems to have found its way out. But that’s not even the tip of the iceberg, for a lack of a better pun. A twisted, mangled corpse that looks like two bodies painfully melting together is found smoldering in the ashes. Grabbing all of this along with some research, they head back to camp. Guess who’s winning the science fair?

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thethingsplitface2Before they can make sense of anything, the dog finally mutates, revealing its true self or should I say true selves? Like a mishmash of a dozen creatures from some nightmare collection, the team can’t believe what they are seeing. Using mankind’s greatest invention, fire, they manage to defeat the beast… or so they think. One of them is assimilated by the thing, but stopped before it can fully imitate him, but one or more of the group isn’t who they seem to be. Soon, paranoia takes over the group and nobody can trust each other. Wilford Brimley even puts in one of my favorite performances ever of an elderly man going totally ape shit and smashing everything in site. At first, it’s assumed he’s only doing so because he’s crazy, but they soon realize he was smashing communications and killed the surviving dogs to ensure that this thing does not leave this icy tomb. Paranoia, stress and isolation become more than unbearable and wear them down as they start turning on each other, but who is who and why are they playing into what the creature wants?

Soon, there is a divide among them and they turn on each other, even going as far as to leave MacReady to die in the cold. Fortunately, he survives, but is it because he is one of those things? How do you know who is really human? After witnessing an infected team member’s head come off and sprout legs and eyes in order to survive after its body is lit on fire, MacReady gets the brilliant idea that every cell of this thing is a living part and will try to survive and comes up with a test that will determine who is who, but will it work? Numbers dwindle, trust is no longer there and comradery is put to the ultimate test if these fellas want to make it until a rescue team can arrive. What is this thing? Where did it come from? Will we find out? Did MacReady’s Chess Machine actually cheat? Some of those will be answered.

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It’s really difficult to discuss The Thing on a critical level, I mean, what can I say that hasn’t already been said? Then again, I don’t think the movie gets enough praise, even though it found its audience over the last two decades and has finally gotten the acclaim and praise it deserved during its initial run. Horror, for me, isn’t all about blood and guts. Although it’s a nice treat, it’s not scary. I’ve always considered isolation, losing my identity and not trusting those around me to be really frightening. That’s what I consider horror, the things I fear most. The Thing plays on those elements perfectly while mixing in blood and gore at the appropriate moments to fully play on the spectrum of horror. To not be able to trust someone you’ve been working alongside for months or years, to feel like you may be something else and not yourself and to feel there is no escape from it… that’s horror. John Carpenter really created something to be terrified of.

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Of course, along with special effects guru Rob Bottin, John Carpenter wanted to also show you what you should be afraid of and it isn’t pretty. Well, it is in a special effects kind of way. These puppets and effects were considered groundbreaking back then and they still look far better than most effects in movies nowadays, especially the less than favorable prequel of the same title. To make a creature that is disgusting and scary is one thing, but to make it believable that this thing can constantly mutate and change and other creatures can birth out of it, that’s an achievement that should be noted. These monsters do just that. They always are oozing and dripping goop, changing from one thing to another and their howls truly sound from another world. Everything put together is nightmare inducing and I love it. The Thing also boasts one of the best jump scares in horror movie history, right after the hallway scene in Exorcist III, when the blood shoots out of MacReady’s hand during the blood test. The first time I ever saw that, I nearly leapt out of my seat and one of my favorite things now is to watch first time watcher’s reactions to it.

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I couldn’t be happier that Scream Factory, one of the greatest distributors of horror films, has released this film in a Two-Disc Special Edition with some out of this world art by Paul Shipper (original reversible artwork included) with a brand new 2K scan from the interpositive and this thing looks absolutely amazing. Sure, I could see how some of the special effects were done, but the magic wasn’t lost on me. The colors, the shadows, everything just pops in this new scan. It also has a brand new 4.1 audio mix from the original 70mm Six Track Dolby Stereo Soundtrack. The first disc is the feature presentation and includes three audio commentaries, two of which are brand new as well as trailers, TV spots and a still gallery. The second disc is where all the goodies are at, including new and vintage interviews, featurettes, artist spotlights, everything that dives into the making of The Thing, cast and crew experiences and interviews (that covers the actors, to composer Ennio Morricone to special effects). There is literally hours here to fill more than an afternoon and you noggin with all kinds of knowledge on the film. An absolute must for not only fans of the movie, but for fans of movie making.
It’s not only one of my favorite horror movies of all time, I consider it be one of my favorite movies of all time. I can’t express my happiness enough with this release and how wonderful of an experience it is (I’m commenting on both the film and this new release). The Thing is truly the ultimate in alien terror, bringing you some of the most believable and outrageously gorgeous special effects, authentic performances that show how heartbreaking friendships can be when you have to set them on fire and the feeling of being trapped as trust begins to vanish. By now, this film is so loved, it’s a must see for all horror fans and is a prime example of sci-fi/horror. So, see why it is and why we all love Kurt Russell so damn much.thethingscream2

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(SFX Wizard Rob Bottin…and friend. ;))

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News Bleed: The Super Cool Edition!!! :)

So much news, so little time!! (I’ve got a real life EXXXorcism to get to!! More on that later, but first, here are some important tidbits fer ya! ;)) xoxo

Zack Snyder Tweeted the Real, Official Batman VS Superman Trailer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(After you clean yourself up, here’s some more. ;))

John Carpenter’s doing cool things…    Pitchfork

So is Rob Zombie…  Bloody Disgusting 

Wonder Woman‘s new director is cool…  Time Magazine

Archie is ALWAYS cool… 🙂  Deadline

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Jared Leto keeps teasing us…NOT COOL!!! 😉 The Verge

If you can’t make it to Anaheim, here’s a way to be part of the grand Star Wars celebration all on your own…Cool!! 😉  StarWarsLive

HandJob Karaoke??? Yes, please!!!! 🙂   Dlisted 

(Apologies for being less than creative with my descriptions this go ’round, but Batman /Superman news has me twitterpated!!! Well, it did ’til I got to Handjob Karaoke, anyway. That snapped me outta my Super Stupor pretty quickly!! ;))

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Have a Wicked Weekend, Kinky Ho-mies…And remember to #FTW!!! 🙂 xoxoxo

Goon Reviews: Escape from New York (Spoiler Alert: It’s Awesome!!! :)

Escape from New York (reviewed by Andrew Peters)

John Carpenter is a man who needs no introduction. It’s amazing to me that one person managed to make some of the most influential movies to multiple genres for nearly a decade, from the late 70’s to the late 80’s. Next to Halloween, Escape from New York is probably his most recognized work, having influenced a slew of mixed media, like the Metal Gear Solid video game series and other post-apocalyptic movies, like Doomsday. Hell, one of my favorite sub-genres to come out of Italy during the whole rip-offsploitation era in the 80’s heavily takes elements and characters from EfNY.

Clearly, the film had a huge cultural impact and still does, especially with the on and off again threatened remake. At the time, the budget was $7 million; the largest John Carpenter had worked with at that point. He had the idea sometime in the 70’s as a nudge to the Watergate scandal, but nobody would touch it. That is, until the success of Halloween.

Kurt Russell plays, scratch that… IS Snake Plissken, an ex war hero turned crook who was just busted for robbery (unfortunately this scene was deleted, but can be found on the previous Special Edition DVD and on the new Blu-ray from Shout Factory) in a post-apocalyptic future where crime is so high that New York, the big apple, now… in 1997, serves as a giant prison colony. Once you get in, there is no coming out. There are no rules, except for the ones the prisoners make. However, he may be given a second chance. You see, the President’s plane happened to go down in NYC and he’s now being held hostage in exchange for full presidential pardons for all felons. Snake is given the option to go in and rescue him within 24 hours or some capsules that were injected into his neck will kill him (a device that was supposed to be revealed as a hoax and was cut, but would later be used in the sequel Escape from LA).

It’s not as easy as it sounds. The Crazies run around the streets at night, killing and eating anyone they come across. Luckily, New York City has a couple of characters still roaming around, like Cabbie (Ernest Borgnine). Cabbie takes Snake to see his old friend Brain (Alien’s Harry Dean Stanton) and his babe-luscious arm candy Maggie (Adrienne Barbeau), because Brain just happens to be The Duke’s right hand man, but who is the Duke you ask? Why he’s the man, A-Number One, in charge in NYC and the man who is holding the President hostage… and in Snake’s way. With the clock ticking and everyone’s life on the line, you’ll most likely be clenching at your sofa and grinding your teeth as the minute’s countdown and Snake’s mission seems to become more impossible.

As I said earlier, Kurt Russell is Snake Plissken and plays him in a grizzled, but charming way, borrowing much inspiration from Clint Eastwood characters. He’s the guy you want on your side, but he’s not the guy you want to cross. He sticks his neck out for what he believes and those fighting with him, but if you’re against him, you definitely don’t want to be sticking your neck out around him, if you know what I mean. Snake goes through a great ordeal of punishment, but he’s so damn tough that you know he can take it. He’s one of those action heroes that you know can’t be killed, but Kurt Russell plays him so he’s not over the top, but he’s still larger than life. He’s the badass with a heart of gold you root for and there is a damn good reason Snake Plissken is one of the most iconic action heroes of cinema.

And what better way to view this action than the newly restored in 2K Blu-ray from Shout Factory. The blacks are very solid and don’t think I noticed much grain or damage. The colors especially look fantastic, seemingly almost comic book like and vibrant. It was like looking at the film for the first time again. I was noticing things I never noticed before and I was in complete awe just looking at the scenery. Even the matte paintings (done by James Cameron) still look realistic and fitting in the rundown world. Usually when films are cleaned up for a Blu-ray release, they tend to reveal the weaknesses of effects, but not here. It looks sharp and beautiful.

The feature disc has a new audio commentary with Adrienne Barbeau and Director of Photography Dean Cundy, as well as some older ones to keep you coming back for more, including one with John Carpenter and Kurt Russell, who always have a great dynamic and make for an entertaining commentary. The second disc is mostly leftover features from the previous Special Edition release of the aforementioned deleted scene, the Return to Escape from New York Featurette, trailers, a photo gallery and some other stuff. The disc does offer a few more features and there is plenty of bang for your buck here.

It goes without saying that this is one of those films that has inspired so many others after it and needs to be seen. It showcases why John Carpenter is one of the best directors of all time, why Kurt Russell is one of the greatest action movie stars ever and why the post-apocalyptic genre is so good.

News Bleed: The Kane Hodder’s Birthday Edition! :)

Happy 60th Birthaversary to one of the most badass mofos every to stalk the planet: Mr. Kane “Mah Boo” Ho-dder!!!

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In Ho-nor of this special day (which was technically yesterday, but whatev ;)), here’s a list of 13 Things You Might Not Know About Our Boy. (Pay special attn. to #9…It’s Daredevil week, after all!! :))

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Now on to the lesser news… 😉

You had me at “Suspiria TV Series”… (but Django‘s cool, too ;))   Variety

I’m officially calling next season of AHS “Bate’s Hotel”… (Kuz Iz Klebber. ;))  Hollywood Reporter

If the Five Night’s at Freddy’s movie is as truly freaky/disturbing as it deserves to be, it’s gonna be awesome!!!  Gamespot

I really wish they would continue the Gremlins story instead of doing yet another remake, but whaddya gonna do?  🙂  Bloody Disgusting 

The Twin Peaks folks make their thoughts on David Lynch known (in a super adorable way! :))  IO9

Retro Promenade has a badass John Carpenter tribute album you can download AT YOUR OWN PRICE here. (Very cool, and I LOVE the art for it!!! :))   Icons of Fright 

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And, sadly, we have to say good bye to another genre legend, Mr. Geoffrey Lewis. 🙁 Thanks for all the happy times, Mr. Lewis. You were in some true classics (by KH standards :)), and you will most definitely be missed. xoxoxo   LA Times 

The Day Awesome Was Born…

I want to take a moment to wish a very Happy Born-day to two of my all-time favorite Ho-rror icons, that Gore-geous Goody Two Shoes, Ms. Caroline Munro, and the Handsome Halloweenie Himself, Mr. John Carpenter. <3333333

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And just to keep it a lil’ bit personal, here are reposts of my “Michelle Myers” JC tribute from his signing for Asylum, and that shining (albeit blurry ;)) moment when I got to meet, hug, and not-so-subtly drool over Ms. Munro at Son of Monsterpalooza last year…Good times!!! 🙂 xoxoxo

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