#FreddyFriday: The “Screener on Elm St.” Edition

Happy Freddy Friday, Bad Dreamers!

Yesterday, we posted a clas-sick VHS screener promo for Child’s Play featuring Chucky. Well, it turns out that Mr. Fredrick Krueger was in the VHS promo business before Chucky was even packaged!
To scare up some profits, Media Home Entertainment brought Freddy out of the dream world and into the TV screens of potential clients with a 7-minute video promo. The video features Robert Englund in full fright gear, hamming it up with the panache of Hulk Hogan. At this point, Freddy was more of a morbid funnyman than an unholy terror. But we like yuks with our yucks, and Freddy knew how to slay ’em! 😉 Once a monster has had at least one truly scary film, I think they’ve earned the right to sell out.
In addition to some masterful salesmanship from Freddy, there are clips from The Late Show with Joan Rivers, scenes from the first three films, news footage, and other vintage goodies. If you ever wanted an idea of how big Freddy was in the ’80s, all you have to do is watch this video.

Pleasant Nightmares, Freddy Freaks! 🙂 xoxo

#FuckFreddy: Five Rad Robert Englund Roles (in Ho-nor of Our Birthday! :)

Happy Birthday to the Man of our Nightmares, Mr. Robert Englund!! (I hear a lot of folks born on June 6 are pretty badass… ;))

Good Ol’ Robby E…. we all know him as Freddy Krueger, the pizza-faced freak who gives good glove. I mean, there’s no denyin’ that ghoul’s place in ho-rror history. At this point, he’s (arguably) on the same level as Dracula and Frankenstein. As Heather Langenkamp said in New Nightmare, “Every kid knows who Freddy is. He’s like Santa Claus, or King Kong.”

However, as eXXXcellent as Mr. Englund is in that role, we feel that some of his other work goes underappreciated. In ho-nor of birthday, we’re shining a light on some Robert Englund characters that don’t get nearly the same amount of love as Fred Krueger! They may not be as dreamy as The Springwood Slasher, but these performances are a cut above the rest! Without any further a-BOO (I kill myself! ;)), here are five kickass Krueger-free Robert Englund performances! 🙂

1.) The Phantom in The Phantom of the Opera (1989)

Let’s start off with a Fright at the Opera! Yes, my Dark-lings… Mr. Englund took a stab at one of the all-time great monsters of cinema and showed that he really has an ear for music… but I’m not sure whose ear it is! 🙂

This film is an awesomely bizarre (and bizarrely awesome) fusion of Gothic Ho-rror and Slasher Terror, loaded with both gruesome gore and chilling atmosphere. Englund is simply amazing here, juggling hammy monster awesomeness and real emotion with ghoulish grace. Take a bow, Mr. Englund!

2.) Doc Halloran in Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)

Unfortunately, we don’t get to see that much of this “Ahab” (the heroic nemesis of the slasher) in this awesome horror-comedy mockumentary, but what we do see is freakin’ magic! Essentially, Doc Halloran (named after Dick Hallorann from The Shining) is Robert Englund playing Dr. Loomis from Halloween,,, and that’s as cool as it gets! He may not be in it for long, but it’s great to see Robert Englund play a hero for once.

3.) The Riddler in The Batman (2004)

Riddle me this: what happens when Freddy Krueger and Marilyn Manson have a son together? This version of The Riddler from The Batman, of corpse! While this animated series was nowhere near The Animated Series, it still had its fair share Bat-Awesome, including Mr. Englund’s creepy take on The Riddler. Talk about a Questionable character!

4.) Bill Gartley in The Mangler (1995)

The Mangler is perhaps the finest film about a demonic industry laundry press that folds people to death. Stephen King, Tobe Hooper, and our boy Robert join forces to create a pretty bonkers movie about the evils of Capitalism! Caked in old-age make-up, Mr. Englund is deliciously evil, but I suppose that a man who owns a machine called “The Mangler” has to be.  You gotta know when to fold ’em!

5.) Prof. William Wexler in Urban Legend (1998)

Last but not BEAST is the mysterious Prof. WeXXXler, my personal favorite! Okay, so it’s not a flashy part, but I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE me some Urban Legend! Robert Englund may just be a red herring (or is he…? ;))  but he rocks every bit of it! Props, Prof!

Happy Birthday, Birthday Twin!! 😉 xoxo

PS- It’s also Danny Strong’s birthday. Yay! 🙂

Goon Reviews: NECA’s ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3’ Clothed Dream Warriors Freddy

(If ever there was a #SexxxySunday-worthy post, this is it. Thanks for the visual stimulation, Mr. Goon-y Goon!! 😉 xoxo)

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NECA’s ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3’ Clothed Dream Warriors Freddy 

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You know who makes great toys? NECA. If you haven’t heard about them by now, they have been dominating the toy world of Science Fiction and Horror for, oh, at least the past decade. Although they have numerous licenses and lines, one of my favorites is their clothed retro line, inspired by the Mego figures of the ‘70s. Mego figures were 8” action figures of DC and Marvel Superheroes made in the ‘70s that had clothing and were fully poseable, but they didn’t look nearly as awesome as these. Well to their credit, it was the ‘70s and toy making had yet to be perfected.

The newest addition to that line is their clothed Freddy figure from A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3: Dream Warriors and boy, is it dreamy (see what I did there?). The body is the same as previous, which doesn’t matter since it covered in clothes. Speaking of the clothes, this one differs slightly from the Freddy’s Revenge clothed figure, as the sweater is tattered and the pants have a dirt wash to them.

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This figure stand at 8” tall and is fully poseable for any nightmarish – or dreamy – pose that you want. It comes with a removeable hat and the ‘chest of souls’ that clips on, so you pose Freddy to lift his shirt to show off his sexy abs, err… or whatever that mess is. Need to fold your clothes? Here’s the washboard, amirite, ladies and gents? (Ha!!! -D.P.) It all comes packaged in a resealable clamshell featuring some bad-ass artwork by Mondo stud Jason Edmiston! The figure goes for about $30 and is available now.

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This figure looks great, in or out of the package, and the multiple articulation offers some great scary and iconic poses, although the figure has a little trouble standing, so I would suggest ordering some stands from NECA or buying some at a local toy shop.

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News Bleed: The “We Don’t Need Another Nightmare Reboot” Edition.

Howdy, Kinkbots! Here’s a sneaky peek at what’s hoppin’ in Ho-rrorland for ya. 🙂

As much as I loathe the idea of yet another NOES remake, I’m kinda down with the idea of “Frederique” Krueger. 😉 Bloody Disgusting

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Monster Cereals are blippen ALIVE, bitchez!!!!!! Oh happiest of sugar-coated days!!! 🙂  General Mills

Chris Farley as Shrek: What Might’ve Been.  Den of Geek

Saw Dudes + Monster Stuffs? Yes, please!! 🙂  AV Club

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Saw Dude+ Mortal Kombat? Um, Hell Yes, please!!! 🙂  Arrow in the Head

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Emperor Ming and Al Swearengen will be on the next season of Game of Thrones, which rocks and all, but the real question is…WHAT ABOUT JON SNOW???? NY Post

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AHS: Hotel will feature hot girl-on-girl action, which rocks and all, but the real question is…WHAT ABOUT FINN WITTROCK’S TIGHTY WHITIES???  US Weekly

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It’s ScareLa time, which means we can openly start counting down the seconds ’til Halloween (and not look like the psychopaths we really are… ;))

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Have a Spooktacular weekend, Ho-rror Homies. Here’s The Phantom of the Opera Selling Condoms to put you in proper #FBF party mode. 🙂 xoxo

 

Karnal Kombat Episode 6: This Ain’t Game of Thrones vs. A Wet Dream on Elm Street

It’s been a while, but I was finally able to get back in the studio and krank out a new Karnal Kombat Episode. I know Game of Thrones is probably stretching (hehe ;)) the definition of Ho-rror a bit, but it was really hard (hehe, xs 2 ;)) to concentrate on anything else ’round finale time. 😉 xoxoxo

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1-900-EVIL :)

If you ever check in over on my DianaprinceXXX blog, you might know I recently started working for the DreamLover site. I’m having fun with it so far (thanks again to all my friends from there! :)), but I can’t help being reminded of the old 900 numbers I got in sooooooooo much trouble over when I was a wee one. 🙂 I’m sad to say that I was sincerely addicted to these things (see this classic Simpsons ep for a disturbingly accurate portral ;)), and charged up over $6000k in fees to my unsuspecting friends and family’s phone lines before I was finally “cured” of my ailment. (Not eXXXactly a high point of my childhood… ;)) This story might be a little cooler if I had been calling something rad like the Freddy hotline but, alas, as intriqued as I was by the “scary” numbers, my main addiction at the time was the Corey Hotline. (I was Ho-nestly too chicken to call the Ho-rror ones. The Coreys were nice, safe, hunky, and educational…I learned Corey Feldman’s favorite food was Taco Bell Bean Burritos from that Ho-tline!! #SoulMates #MoneyWellSpent ;))

Witness the commercial that I VCR-d (#ImOld) and played over and over over again, thus causing my downfall…(I can’t imagine what I would’ve done if Corey actually teXXXted me back, DreamLover style!! I probably would’ve 900 number-ed my family onto welfare or something!! Thank goodness for the not so state-of-the-art technology of those days… ;))

Now I ask you, what red blooded 9 (?) year old girl could resist that amount of raw seXXX appeal?? I was set up, I tells ya!! I never stood a chance against the intoXXXicating lure of The Coreys!!!! #onlyhuman 😉

Now that I’m a grown up (kind of ;)), I wish all those 900 numbers I was scared of back in the day were still around so I could call ’em up and show ’em who’s so not a chicken!!! (That’d learn ’em!! ;)) Unfortunately 900 numbers are officially no more, but we can still revisit their glory days where all things that once were awesome still live: You Tube. 😉

Here, in absolutely no particular order, are some of the most Totally Terrifying 900 number commercials that have stuck with me since way back then (with a couple of Ho-norable mentions at the end that I couldn’t find actual vids for…I guess not everything awesome has found a YT Ho-me yet. ;)) Try not to get too creeped out by all this epic scariness, will ya? (Especially that frightening “Freddy Freaker” one…*shivers* ;))  xoxoxo

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SeXXXy Saturday Quickie. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hiya, Kinky Ho-s. 🙂

I’m on a work trip in NYC this wknd, so I probably won’t have time to do a proper posting until I get back to LA on #MMM-Day. In the meantime, I thought I’d share some happy news to hold you over: Kotobukiya has finally announced that the insanely GORE-GEOUS Jason/Freddy figurines I’ve been drooling over for ages now are very close to becoming widely available…HOORAY!!! 🙂

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Freddy is due out in Oct., and Jason is scheduled for January…FINALLY!!!! (Took them long enough to decide when I could throw my Superman wallet at ’em!!! ;)) xoxo

Happy Birthday Damian and Freddy!! :)

(I feel like I’m forgetting someone…Oh well. Must not be that important. 😉

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(Freddy does so love his My Little Ponies…Just a quick bit o’ trivia for ya! ;))

As if that wasn’t reason enough to throw your parteh panties on off, it’s also the first day of the Great Horror Campout…YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! 🙂 Here’s a sneaky peak at the Official Dossier for this year’s festivities:

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Sounds frighteningly awesome, right??? 🙂 I don’t think there’s a more fitting way to celebrate Mr. K’s special day!! I just need to remember to heed this invaluable advice…

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Have a beautiful, wonderful, happy/horrific day, Ho-mies! I shall share as much of my GHC experience as I’m able with you upon my return. (Or should I say “if” I return…? ;)) xoxoxo