Apprehended: The Pokey Edition, Part 1

(Submitted for your #FBF enjoyment by the one and only Mr. Smutmaster Eric…Thanks so much, Kinky Ho-mie…I’d almost forgotten about that time I was totally actually arrested and got thrown into really real jail by that evil sherriff chick. It’s a good reminder to stay on the straight-ish and narrow path!! 😉 xoxo)

I Want to Live! (1958)

Caged Tushy.com (2010)

Diana Prince is arrested and brought down to the prison for booking. The prison guard is pissed off she has to work overtime, so she decides to have fun with the prisoner.

Prison Escape

Ho-stess’s PS- Eric was kind enough to use his #Smutdetective Skillz to dig up this old ep. I did of Playboy’s Foursome, which happens to be where Ariel (aka The Sherriff from the Tushy scene ;)) and I first met. I’ve never actually seen this, but it was the first nekkid thing I shot when I moved to LA, and I ass-ure that everything on my end (hehe ;)) was 2000% sincere. I realized later you’re not actually supposed to be ho-nest on reality shows (doesn’t make for good TV, you see ;)), but I’m glad I didn’t know that going in (hehe, part 2 ;)) and did it myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy way!! 😉

Happy #FBF, Kinky Ho-mies…Go forth and have a Wicked Weekend! 🙂 xoxo

#FBF: The “In Space, No One Can Call Me” Edition

Ho-wdy, Kinky Ho-mies!
We can all agree that Blonde’s Debbie Harry is among the coolest people who ever existed, right?

And we can also H.R. Giger is one of the freakiest, penis-iest artists of all time, correct?

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So what happens when these two tit-ans of awesome get together?


Pure, unadulterated madness.

Yes, dear freaks… back in 1981, Harry and Giger collaborated in a big, bad way.  Harry wanted to take an “alien” approach to her debut album, so she hired the Swedish mad genius to conjure up a nightmarish work o’ art for the cover. The result is Harry lookin’ a great deal like a Cenobite…
Yup, nothing creepy about that.

That’s certainly kookoo… at least, Harry thought so. So much so that she named the album KooKoo after seeing Giger’s work.

In addition to the album cover, Giger also designed and directed two videos for Harry: Backfired and Now I You Know You.  The former looks like the world’s most disturbing magic show, with Giger doing the ol’ sword box trick on Harry. As for the latter, it’s pure Giger. For that video, Giger (xeno)morphed Harry into an otherworldly creature through body paint. I don’t know about you creeps, but I kinda wish Alien: Covenant looked like this.

Check out the madness below:

#FangsFridayFlashback: The “Barnabas Collins Gives Good Head” Edition

Thank God it’s Frid-ay, Kinky Kreeps! ;))

It’s another fang-tastic day, so we’re talkin’ about Barnabas Collins, the groovy vampire from TV’s Dark Shadows!
Before Edward sparkled in the sun, Johnathan Frid as Barnabas Collins was the heartless heartthrob who broke the hearts of teen ghouls everywhere. For monster kids, he was koolest korpse on the small scream.

When Barnabas ruled the night, they plastered his undead mug on just about everything… board games, joke books, toys, comic, and Horror Heads!

What were the Ho-rror Heads, you ask? Well, the Ho-rror Heads were probably the weirdest and most awesome thing to come out the popularity of Dark Shadows… besides the time Barnabas met Bozo the Clown. (True story!! :))

These strange little doll heads were like the unholy love-child of Madballs and carnival punks. They came in Barnabas (‘natch), Quentin the Werewolf, and… a witch. That last one’s a bit odd because the witch in the line is a generic Halloween witch and not Angelique, the main witch on Dark Shadows. But I guess it doesn’t matter which witch is which… 😉

For pure Dark Shadows awesome, check out the commercial below:

#FreddyFriday: The “Screener on Elm St.” Edition

Happy Freddy Friday, Bad Dreamers!

Yesterday, we posted a clas-sick VHS screener promo for Child’s Play featuring Chucky. Well, it turns out that Mr. Fredrick Krueger was in the VHS promo business before Chucky was even packaged!
To scare up some profits, Media Home Entertainment brought Freddy out of the dream world and into the TV screens of potential clients with a 7-minute video promo. The video features Robert Englund in full fright gear, hamming it up with the panache of Hulk Hogan. At this point, Freddy was more of a morbid funnyman than an unholy terror. But we like yuks with our yucks, and Freddy knew how to slay ’em! 😉 Once a monster has had at least one truly scary film, I think they’ve earned the right to sell out.
In addition to some masterful salesmanship from Freddy, there are clips from The Late Show with Joan Rivers, scenes from the first three films, news footage, and other vintage goodies. If you ever wanted an idea of how big Freddy was in the ’80s, all you have to do is watch this video.

Pleasant Nightmares, Freddy Freaks! 🙂 xoxo

#FBF: The “Frankenstein Resurrectus” Edition

Happy The Mummy Release Day, Monster Mashers! 🙂
The film marks the beginning of Universal’s Dark Universe, a series of interconnecting monster movies featuring our favorite ghouls of the past. While we wish they had stuck to pure Gothic Ho-rror, anything that brings attention to Cinema’s Greatest Monsters is worth supporting. And it only makes sense that the Universal Monsters would join in on “shared universe” craze. After all, they created the cinematic sci-fi crossover with 1943’s Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman.

Ho-wever, while The Mummy is the first attempt to start a franchise to under the Dark Universe banner, it wasn’t the first attempt to eXXXhume the great monsters…
Back in the late ’90s, Universal had planned a straight Black-and-White throwback to the classic Frankenstein films, done entirely in CGI! In October 1998, The Hollywood Reporter announced that Universal head (;)) Casey Silver had green-lit the film for release in 2000. The film was set to be the first full-length animated feature by Industrial Light & Magic and was budgeted at 80 million dollars. If all of that wasn’t enough, The Wolfman was also supposed to be in the picture!

Alas, this beautiful nightmare was not meant to be. The project died, but Universal did resurrect the creeps in 2004’s Van Helsing. Oy.
Only 16 seconds of test footage exists for the film, but it’s pretty fang-tastic! The tower is perfect and Frankie’s got those Karloff-ish good looks we all love so very much.  How magical would it have been to have a modern monster film like this?! Hopefully, if the Dark Universe goes on, we may get some installments that have that classic Universal Monsters flavor.

For 16 seconds of pure Monster Magic, check out the video below:

#FBF: The “The Story of a Boy, a Girl and a Universe” Edition

A long time ago in theaters far, far away….
That’s right, pervy Padawans! Yesterday, Star Wars celebrated 40 years of lightsabers, space action, and gold bikinis! In a mere 40 years, this space epic FORCED its way into the hearts of countless of film-lovers everywhere and continues to to be cultural juggernaut. But, like all things, it had to start somewhere…
In the Christmas season, of 1976, audiences were given their first delicious taste of Star Wars with a tempting teaser trailer. The film was nowhere near completion and 20th Century-Fox had seen very few results from the $10 million they invested. Heck, not even the movie’s own crew had seen much of it by then! Understandably, everyone was pretty concerned about this funky space movie from the kid who did American Graffiti.

At a cost of $3,915, the trailer was created to eXXXcite and inspire Fox executives, audiences, and the crew. While it did properly motivate the crew, everyone else was left cold. Fox eXXXecutives were still nervous and audiences apparently laughed at the unfinished footage. When Gene Wilder saw the footage, he said to Fox exec Alan Ladd Jr.,  “Laddie, they’re laughing at your picture.”
It’s eXXXtraordinary to think that this picture that nobody had any faith in would become the giant that it is today. The trailer that inspired dread in the studio and the ridicule of moviegoers actually does have hints of what would make the film a beloved classic today. Sure, it lacks the John Williams theme, features unfinished effects (white lightsabers), ends with a ridiculous(-ly awesome) explosion, is considerably more ominous in tone than the film itself, and has a logo that is foreign to modern eyes… but it sells what is truly important about Star Wars. It promises “aliens from a thousand worlds” and a “big, sprawling space epic.” In essence, that’s Star Wars: an eXXXciting space adventure with eXXXotic creatures, uneXXXplored worlds, and tons of sci-fi wonder. Sure, it’s not a perfect teaser, but it did introduce the world to one of its most beloved franchises.
Feel the Force and check out the teaser below:

 

#FBF: The “Alien Pours It On” Edition

A fine Alien: Covenant Day to all you XXXeno-ho-mies out there! We’re celebrating this glorious day with a cold, refreshing can of vintage terror! It’s your friendly neighborhood XXXXenomorph in a gut-bursting commercial for Pepsi!
To promote the release of 1992’s Alien 3, Pepsi unleashed the beast on the most radically ’90s teens imaginable. After being cornered by the eXXXtra-terror-estrial, the XXXtreme dudes resort to their most powerful weapon: the crisp flavor of Pepsi!
How magical is that? Coke may cause “Mean” Joe Greene to give you his jersey, but Pepsi keeps movie monsters from eviscerating you! I’d say on usefulness, the point goes to Pepsi… with no offense to Mr. Greene.
Can you imagine how many horrible deaths would have been prevented had Ripley just given the beast a Pepsi? It’s not like she wasn’t aware of the awesome power of Pepsi! Here she is having a Pepsi Day without a single care for the fate of humanity! YOU’VE DOOMED US ALL, RIPLEY!

Without any further ado, here’s the commercial. Just remember…

 In Space, No One Can Hear You Say “Pepsi, Please.”

Happy Alien: Covenant Day, Kinky Kreeps!

#FBF: The “When Betty Met Drac” Edition

Ho-wdy, Ho-rror Ho-mies! Is just me or does cartoon flapper eXXXtraordinaire Betty Boop have a thing for the spooky-cool side of (after)life? She’s always running into demons, ghosts, weirdos, and other creep-peeps I really dig! In this Hollywood on Parade short from 1933, Betty really amps up the fright factor by running into Bela Lugosi, the king of Ho-llywood Ho-rror! The short starts innocuously enough with a Hollywood wax museum… then ends with Dracula (presumably) killing Betty Boop! Ho-ly Heck! Before his unholy deed, Dracula utters what may be his greatest quote ever: “You have booped your last boop!” I bet Bram Stoker is kicking himself for not adding that to his novel! 😉

For the greatest crossover in film history, check out the video below:

P.S.: There is some controversy over who is portraying Ms. Boop in that clip. Some claim it’s original “Boop-a-Doop” girl Helen Kane, others say it’s the famous Mae Questal, and still others say it’s Bonnie Poe. We here at Kinky Horror like to think it’s Ms. Poe… if only because it’s awesome to say “Poe” faced Dracula!

 

A comparison between Bonnie Poe and the Betty Boop in the short.

#FBF: The “King Kong’s REAL Thronester” Edition

Ladies and gentlemen, I am here tonight to tell you a strange story… A story so strange that no one would believe it. But, ladies and gentleman, seeing is believing. Back in 1972, stop-motion master David Allen (The Howling, Doctor Mordrid) showed us the greatest thing our eyes have ever beheld… The Return of King Kong! Not just another ape suit, but a stop-motion marvel like the true Kong of 1933. What occasion lead to the resurrection of one of cinema’s great beasts? A car commercial, of course! The Volkswagen of America company recruited Allen to give us a show to gratify our curiosity and promote their Volkswagen 411 4-Door Sedan model, a “Volkswagen big enough for everyone.” The result was a pitch–perfect tribute to the greatness that is 1933’s King Kong. Why, the commercial even has its own Ann Darrow in the form of Victoria Riskin, Fay Wray’s daughter! For even more monster-y goodness, make-up wizard Rick Baker (An American Werewolf in London, The Funhouse) appears as Kong’s arm. Ladies and gentlemen, look at Kong, the Eighth Wonder of the World… and Volkswagen enthusiast!

If you crave more excitement, gaze upon these nifty behind-the-scenes photos:

 

#FlashbackFriday: The “G2, People” Edition

Ho-wdy, Kinky Ho-mies! Jordan Peele just made the transition from side-splitting to bone-chilling today with the release of Get Out, a film that currently has a shocking 100% on Rotten Tomatoes! That’s insane for any directorial debut, especially a HORROR directorial debut! Go Peele… and Horror! 🙂 In ho-nor of Mr. Peele’s scary success, we thought we’d dig up a Key & Peele skit that plays with a classic ho-rror comedy…

I think most of us can agree that Gremlins 2: The New Batch is an awesomely batshit insane eXXXcercise in eXXXcess, but how did it get that way? Key & Peele have the answer in the form Star Magic Jackson, Jr (Jordan Peele), a “Hollywood sequel doctor” sent by the studio to, in his own words, ” oversee things when they ’bout to drop a deuce.” Star takes over and encourages the writers to come up with the most ridiculous Gremlin they can think of. From here, we have an eXXXtremely Hell-arious bit that is funny… because every insane detail mentioned is in the actual movie! Oh, Gremlins 2… you’re completely bonkers! 🙂

Director Joe Dante confirmed the authenticity of the skit on Twitter. 😉

Check out the Mogwai Madness below! 🙂