Carnivorous Cartoon Cavalcade: Tales from the Cryptkeeper – Fare Tonight

Ho-wdy, Fright Fiends! SDCC got in the way of my usual #SplatterdayMourning posting, but there’s no way I’d leave you without a creepy cartoon for your wicked weekend viewing pleasure. So without further ado, I presenteth thee with KH’s very first Carnivorous Cartoon Calvacade. (#GoWithIt… ;))

We’ve got another animated atrocity to thrill you, chill you, and fulfill you! This time, we’re takin’ a scenic walk through the crypt with our favorite Master of Scar-emonies… The Cryptkeeper!

#Hotness

Ghoul-d Ol’ Crypty has done just about everything a creep can SCREAM of… he started with some of the influential fright comics of all SLIME, appeared in movies, had a hit Terrorvision show, made appearances at amusement parks, has had his seXXXy mug plastered on everything known to monsterkind, and even had two records! Of CORPSE, all of that isn’t enough for big shot like Ol’ Crypty. Having scared the pants off of every adult in A-SCARE-ica, The Cryptkeeper intended to do the same to all the little boils and ghouls. Yes, fright friend, Crypty had his own Splatterday Mourning Cartoon… Tales from the Cryptkeeper!
Tales from the Cryptkeeper was essentially a friendly, cleaner version of the HBO show. Howl-ever, that just doesn’t mean this show doesn’t have its fare share of ghouls, ghosts, and goons. For a KILL-dren’s show. there’s still plenty o’ ho-rror to be had!
Our tale from the crypt is bloodsucker entitled Fare Tonight. It’s a twisted tale of two girls who dare ask this biting question: Will the Real Vampire Please Stand Up?
For all you night “people” out there, here’s Fare Tonight:

Pleasant Nightmares!

Splatterday Mourning Cartoons: Scooby Doo – Nightfright

Ho-wdy, Meddling Kids!

I don’t know about you cats, but I think Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated is HIGH-LY underrated!

There are more incarnations of Scooby-Doo then there are stars in the sky, but Mystery Incorporated  tried to shake things up, while still staying true to the spirit of Scooby-Doo. Cl-ass-sick characters are fleshed out, the monsters are menacing, and it had a genuinely intriguing mystery element. Plus, it had a surprising dark tone. I mean…
Dark!

This was a Scooby-Doo that really knew to give you the willies!

And it had monsters! By Cthulhu, did it have monsters!


Its backgrounds were simply gore-gous! I’d proudly hang any of these in my tomb!
Beast of all, the show was clearly made for us fright freaks. Nearly every episode is loaded with references to the best genre media has to offer. From Twin Peaks..

…to Phantom of the Paradise

This guy’s name is WINSLOW FLEACH

… to Hellraiser

…to a Jeffrey Combs-voiced H.P. Lovecraft parody….
…to Harlan Ellison voicing Harlan Ellison (!)…

…to an entire episode paying homage to War of the Gargantuas. They even include the song from the movie!


In ho-nor of this underrated cartoon, we’ve provided our absolute favorite episode! It’s one big tribute to the greatness of Vincent Price, with plenty o’ nods to the Merchant of Menace!
Happy Splatterday, Kinky Ho-mies! 🙂 xoxo


 

Scary Shorties: The Phantom Coach (2010)

(A quickie submitted for your viewing pleasure by More Than a Smutmaster Eric…Thanks, not always so Kinky Ho-mie! 😉 xoxox)

The Phantom Coach (2010)

It’s a beautiful, spooky silhouette puppet film by Richard Mansfield, based on the short story by Amelia B. Edwards. Narrated with a 7:45 running time.

A young man is lost in the snow, with thoughts he’ll die. He then meets an old man that takes him into his house. The old man tells him the depressing story of his life (we don’t hear), and then another tragic tale about a coach.

 

Splatterday Mourning Cartoons: Garfield and Friends – The Horror Hostess

Ho-wdy Cartoon Creeps! On Tuesday the 19th, a great icon of Ho-rror celebrated his 39th birthday…

Of Corpse I’m talking about Garfield the cat, the comic creation of Jim Davis.
What’s that you say? Garfield isn’t a ho-rror icon? Oh, my darklings… I’m sorry to say, but you’re wrong… DEAD wrong!

For starters, Garfield’s Halloween Adventure is the greatest animated Halloween special of all time and forever! Sure, Charlie Brown’s awesome and all, but let’s get real; that “Red Baron” nonsense is a total drag! Plus, there isn’t a single scare in the whole special. That’s why GHA reigns supreme… there’s absolutely no filler and it has scares o’plenty. Only a child with nerves o’ steel can look upon these ghost pirates without shrieking…
See? Those things are NIGHTMARE FUEL!

Still not convinced? Feast your eyes and glut your soul on this grim tale from the ACTUAL Garfield comic strip from 1989:

Holy Crap!

Still a non-believer? Well, I’ve got the perfect pair of Terror Toons for you! From the uber awesome Garfield and Friends, it’s part one and two of The Horror Hostess!

Ahh… isn’t that a tit-le that just speaks to you? It certainly speaks to me! What’s even better is that this two-parter centers around an Elvira parody and features all sorts of ghoulish delights! Monsters! Dragons! Black Magic! Shrinking Victims! Why, it sounds like my birthday! 😉
Another spooky-cool aspect of this episode is that the Ho-rror Ho-stess is voiced by scream queen Brinke Stevens! Now That’s ho-rror cred!
Don’t be a scaredy cat… check out the Ho-rror of The Horror Hostess below:

All hail Garfield, Master of Fright! 🙂

Scary Shorties: Tales from the Crypt – The Third Pig

Happy Birthday to one of the creepiest, awesome-est spookshows in the history of Terrorvision, Tales from the Crypt! 🙂

In ho-nor of the birth of Tales from the Crypt, we’re bringing you its death…

Knowing that it would soon be time to head back to the crypt forever, The Cryptkeeper decided to go out with a scream in the form of a batshit insane work of animated carnage known as The Third Pig.
That’s F-right, boils and ghouls! Tales from the Crypt’s last tale was a scary tale of cartoon carnage and hammy horror!
Directed by Bill Kopp and Patrick A. Ventura, The Third Pig is a cracked retelling of—you guessed it—The Three Little Pigs! The tit-ular Third Pig (Cam Clarke of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fame) stands trial for the murder of his two brothers who were actually killed by the Big Bad Wolf (Bobcat Goldthwait). Unfortunately for the poor pig, the jury is made up completely of wolves and they find him guilty. Out for revenge, the Third Pig creates a hideous Franken-pig to avenge his brothers. Looks like The Wolf’s in for a rude a-bacon-ing! 🙂
While that description may sound relatively straightforward, the actual episode is anything but. It’s the kind of wackadoo, Ren & Stimpy-like madness that could only spawn from the naughty ’90s! Sure, it ain’t your typical Tale from the Crypt, but it’s an outrageously weird bit o’ cartoon craziness and a wonderfully ballsy way to end a cl-ass-ic series. 🙂

Go back to the Crypt by clicking on the boXXX below:

 

Scary Shorties Double Feature: Wot a Night (1931) and Magic Mummy (1933)

Ho-wdy, Kartoon Kreeps! It’s another supernatural Saturday Mourning.. um, morning here in Karloffornia. You know what that means…

YES!!! Is there anything in this crazy ol’ world of ours better than a cartoon? Yes… TWO CARTOONS!!

We’ve got a doozy of a double feature of shorts starring Tom and Jerry, but not the ‘toons you’re thinking of…
Before the Cat and Mouse played their game of cat-and-mouse, these two were in shorts and they did… everything! These kartoon kats were lawyers, hunters, plumbers, hobos, and every other job with potential for shenanigans! Oh, the shenanigans! 🙂

Our first Fright-Toon is a decidedly un-smutty submission by the eXXXtraordinary Smutmaster Eric! Thank you, you morbid master of media! xoxo 🙂

This is the first film in Van Beuren’s Tom and Jerry series, later re-issued as Dick and Larry.

The Van Beuren Studios was an American animation studio which produced theatrical cartoons from 1928 to 1937.

Our second film is Magic Mummy, in which T&J run afoul of a Phantom of the Opera-like spook and a musical mummy. With Universal’s The Mummy coming out next week, I figured this was one worth unearthing. Heck, this ‘toon beat Universal to the punch with its lady mummy, although I’d bet the new one doesn’t sing like Betty Boop. 🙂

Speaking of Betty Boop, this cartoon does have that kind of surreal, Fleischer-like vibe that we love here at Kinky Horror. It’s got rubbery limbs, skeletoons, and all the spooky-cool cartoon craziness you need for a kickass Saturday Morning! 🙂


If you’re looking to unwrap some more cartoon madness, check out the short below:

Scary Shorties: Swamp Thing – The Un-Men Unleashed

Ho-wdy, ho-rror ho-mies! It’s another Supernatural Saturday morning here in Horrorwood, so we got cartoon chiller to make your heart sing! See that figure lurching about the bog? The tall gentleman with the green thumb and the mossy hair? No, my freaky friend… that ain’t swamp gas. It’s…
That’s right, Kinky Kreeps! Ol’ Tall, Green, and Gruesome got his very scare-toon that aired from 1990 to 1991. Sure, it didn’t last long, but each episode is a slice of aged cheese that’s rich with all the radical ’90s flavor you krave.

Like Troma’s Toxic Crusaders, the Swamp Thing cartoon took a classic creature and Captain Planet-ed him up in a big, bad way! I  LOOOOOOVVVE super important environmental messages in cartoons, and this one certainly had one! Sure, like all programs of this nature (Ha!), Swamp Thing’s message probably wasn’t all that sincere… but these ‘toons always worked on me as a kid!  If Swamp Thing gives a hoot, than so do, muthafuckasI! 🙂

Despite only lasting 5 episodes, there was a plethora of glorious Swamp Thing mechandise swamping the shelves. This included a paint-by-number kit, a board game, T-shirts, children’s slippers, a bop bag, pencil sharpeners, and…wait for it… chalk! The line also had some kickass playsets that let you spread Swamp Thing’s message of environmental preservation… with violence! Check out these sweetazz commercials:

For your Saturday morning pleasure, we have the first episode of this swamp-tastic show! It’s exactly the kind of thing you should be watching with a bowl of Boo Berry and some monster pajamas. So, sit back and get swamped with Swamp Thing!

Like your wackily wonderful Wild Thing parody opening theme states, Swamp Thing… you are AMAZING! 🙂

Scary Shorties: Mickey’s Mechanical Man (1933)

Before Richard Matheson brought a robot into the ring and Toho had one rough up an ape, Disney gave us both of those wonderful things in 1933’s Mickey’s Mechanical Man, a knockabout cartoon caper that pits machine against beast. The short is about Mickey Mouse training a robot to fight an ape in a boxing match and… do I need to say anything else!? I mean, that’s pure monster movie magic as it is! Disney has produced more sophisticated shorts, but who needs sophistication when you have beastly brutes monster-mashing each other in glorious black-and-white?!

Mickey’s Mechanical Man is a fairly one-note short, but it plays that note so magnificently! There are gags aplenty and enough machine-on-monster action to satisfy  all you creature-craving crazies out there. Mickey and Minnie are always welcome, and the ape is as perfectly monstrous as one could hope for. As for the animation, it’s fluid, lively, and… well, Disney!
While there’s much to love about this ‘toon, the highlight is the tit-ular Mechanical Man. I’m a sucker for vintage/retro robots, and this affable automaton certainly fits the bill. Every bit of animation for the ro-boxer is brilliantly herky-jerky. The spasmodic, robotic pugilist moves like a wind-up toy with very little use for physics. It’s this kind of character and animation that make these cartoons such a blast to watch! Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto!

Check out the Battle of the Century below:


Scary Shorties: Minnie the Moocher (1932)

Hi-de-hi-de-hi, Cartoon Creeps! Today’s Terror Toon is a real swingin’ wake from the cats at Fleischer Studios and the Hi-De-Ho Man himself, Mr. Cab Calloway! The short is Minnie the Moocher and it’s a trip! And when I say “trip,” I sure-as-heck mean it!
Released in 1932 by the aforementioned Fleischer Studios, MInnie the Moocher represents everything Fleischer was and everything Disney wasn’t, Disney made (for the most part) safe, friendly cartoons for good little boys and girls. However, Fleischer’s toons were aimed at rowdy adults with a taste for the weird. Fleischer Studios was basically a dollop of Dali for animation admirers.
Minnie the Moocher is the quintessential example of that Fleischer surrealism. A rotoscoped Cab Calloway ghost walrus(!) leads the ever-popular Betty Boop and Bimbo through a nightmare world inhabited by inebriated skeletons, death row inmates in spectral form, and grotesqueries with little use for logic and physics.  It seems like a drug-fueled nightmare, and it very well could be! You see, Minnie the Moocher is named for the Calloway song that plays throughout the short… and it is unquestionably about drugs! The word “cokey” in the song means exactly what you think it does and “kicking the gong around” here refers to smoking opium, although it was later applied to smoking marijuana.

This short was one of three shorts Fleischer Studios made with Cab Calloway. While the other two (Snow White and The Old Man of the Mountain) are fantastic in their own right, they don’t have the same whacked-out magic of Minnie the Moocher. There really is no other cartoon of the era that is a masterfully wackadoo as this grand work of weird. Even as a ghost walrus, Cab Calloway is just the coolest cat around. Cab’s radness and the exquisite insanity of the whole thing make this one of the true clas-sicks of animation. 🙂

For a bit o’ Hi-De-Ho-rror delivered the Fleischer way, check out the short below:

Scary Shorties: Superman, The Mummy Strikes (1943)

Boils and ghouls, your attention please! Kinky Ho-rror presents an all-old cartoon program, featuring a thrilling adventure of an amazing and incredible personality. Faster than a speeding demon! More powerful than a loco maniac! Able to leap tall tombs at a single bound! Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bat! It’s a witch! No, it’s…
That’s right, boils and ghouls! We’re presenting a classic outing of the Man of Steel in glorious Technicolor! Of course, with our minds in the grave, we picked a short that’s a little on the fright side…
The Mummy Strikes (1943) is the fourteenth of seventeen Fleischer Studios/Famous Studios Superman shorts, but it almost feels like a condensed Universal horror film. There’s a dead Egyptologist. an assistant accused of murder, a terrible curse, and two very unfriendly mummies. The two mummies are actually rather unnerving for a superhero short. It may be rather silly to admit, but this scene still gives me the willies…
I mean, it ain’t Boris Karloff driving a man insane in The Mummy (1932), but that’s still one heck of a resurrection!
This short isn’t as heavy on the superheroics as the other 16 shorts, but it’s got ominous atmosphere in spades. It’s creepy, it’s thrilling, and it has the Big Blue Boy Scout  roughing up some ancient abominations. I’d say there are worse things to get WRAPPED up in on a Saturday Morning!
Hey, if you think that’s a groaner, this short ends on the most wonderfully ho-rrible pun imaginable. It’s a play on a line from Blues in the Night, and I can’t imagine a better way to end a mummy story!
For thrills, chills, mummies, heroes, and puns, click on the moving picture box below:

Have a Super Saturday, Kinky Ho-mies!! 🙂 xoxo