News Bleed: The “Applause for Jaws” Edition

Hatchet slashes its way back to theater for its 10th anniversary! 🙂 Entertainment Weekly

These unearthed photos from the unaired Nightmare on Elm Street reality show are a dream! 🙂 Bloody Disgusting

The Alien: Covenant Blu Ray will be bursting with unseen footage! Digital Spy

Sink your teeth into Mondo’s vinyl release of the Jaws soundtrack! /FILM

Shhh… a new image from It appears on the cover of a French magazine. CBR

Stranger Things are afoot at Funko. 🙂 Dread Central

Alien: Covenant Review *Spoilers*

(Submitted by Mr. Anton Phibes…Thanks, Kinky Ho-bo! ;)xoxo)

“Here at least we shall be free; the Almighty hath not built. Here for his envy, will not drive us hence: Here we may reign secure, and in my choice to reign is worth ambition though in Hell: Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven.”

-John Milton, Paradise Lost

 

“I’ll do the fingering.”

David, Alien: Covenant

Alien: Covenant is a strange beast. It’s both a sequel to 2012’s Prometheus and an apology for it. Director Ridley Scott still seems to be interested in the ideas and conceits explored in that film, but also wants to satisfy the fans who were vocal in their burning hatred for it. As a result, Alien: Covenant is a hybrid of Prometheus and the original Alien: a monster mash of high-minded concepts and ghost train theatrics. If you were hoping to see the return of Prometheus‘ Shaw (Noomi Rapace) or more of the Engineers (the extraterrestrial creators of mankind) in this film, I’m afraid you’ll be sorely disappointed. However, if you’re hungry for atmospherics, gore, nostalgia, and tons of monsters, this is the film for you.

Set a decade after Prometheus, Alien: Covenant  concerns the crew of the colony ship Covenant and their discovery of what appears to be an uncharted paradise. It’s revealed that the planet is inhabited by hostile creatures and… well, you know the drill. The film more-or-less plays out the way you’d imagine, though that’s hardly a bad thing. What we have here is essentially a “Greatest Hits” of the Alien franchise. Eggs are hatched, distress signals are answered, creatures burst from stomachs, and faces are hugged. The film does nothing new with the series, but it’s a highly enjoyable return to basics. In that regard, it’s the Star Wars: The Force Awakens of the the Alien series.

Like Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Alien: Covenant  is a soft reboot masquerading as a sequel. Prometheus is essentially jettisoned in favor of a more familiar bit of sci-fi terror. Unfortunately, that means that most of the characters/creatures left alive at the end of Prometheus are disposed of. Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) is given a, um, less-than-happy ending, which I thought was pretty lame. After building the character up and setting up further adventures for her at the end of the previous film, Alien: Covenant gives Shaw the ol’ “Newt/Hicks” treatment. I personally believe that Dr. Shaw deserved a better send-off, but I suppose the studio wanted to distance themselves from Prometheus as much as possible. In fact, the only element from that film that is used to a significant degree in this film is also the one element that was universally praised:  Michael Fassbender.

R.I.P. Dr. Shaw.

Michael Fassbender does double duty as the diabolical David and Walter, the unfortunate android aboard the Covenant. Mr. Fassbender is brilliant in both roles, imbuing both machines with their own distinctive identity. However, it’s David who steals the show and makes this film fantastic. David is delightfully, cartoonishly evil. He’s Michael Gough, Vincent Price, John Carradine, and a cobra fused into an unimaginably hammy chimera of urbane villainy. It truly is a shame they didn’t give him a cape and a mustache to twirl.
There’s also a weird, sexual tension between the two Fassbenders, starting with what is likely the most erotic cinematic flute lesson. The sequence does bring to mind a lot of the weird poetry Prometheus had going for it, and it is probably the most fascinating scene in the picture. At this point, the film takes turns to what could almost be described as “Fassbender porn.” And the internet has already picked up on this. Alien: Covenant isn’t even a week old, yet there’s a disturbing amount of Fassbender X Fassbender fan art. If you think I’m not going to include any of it here, you are deeply mistaken.

While the film generally plays out like a classical monster movie, some of the heavy ideas and literary references of Prometheus do pop up. Questions about the nature of creation are brought up and religious symbolism is scattered throughout. Percy Shelley. Lord Byron, and John Milton are quoted in thematically appropriate ways and Wagner’s Entry of the Gods into Valhalla plays at the end. It’s a little on-the-nose, but it’s all intriguing for what is primarily straightforward creature feature.
As for the rest the rest of the film, it’s loaded with great sci-fi gore, but nothing as intense as Alien‘s dinner scene or the surgery sequence in Prometheus. Katherine Waterston is a fine heroine, but she’s less compelling than the two before her. Is it, as one reviewer put its, a “masterpiece of fear?” No, but it’s an entertaining slice of Alien terror. I wish they had stuck to Prometheus more, but it’s loads of fun.  Alien: Covenant is mostly awesome… mostly.

#FBF: The “Alien Pours It On” Edition

A fine Alien: Covenant Day to all you XXXeno-ho-mies out there! We’re celebrating this glorious day with a cold, refreshing can of vintage terror! It’s your friendly neighborhood XXXXenomorph in a gut-bursting commercial for Pepsi!
To promote the release of 1992’s Alien 3, Pepsi unleashed the beast on the most radically ’90s teens imaginable. After being cornered by the eXXXtra-terror-estrial, the XXXtreme dudes resort to their most powerful weapon: the crisp flavor of Pepsi!
How magical is that? Coke may cause “Mean” Joe Greene to give you his jersey, but Pepsi keeps movie monsters from eviscerating you! I’d say on usefulness, the point goes to Pepsi… with no offense to Mr. Greene.
Can you imagine how many horrible deaths would have been prevented had Ripley just given the beast a Pepsi? It’s not like she wasn’t aware of the awesome power of Pepsi! Here she is having a Pepsi Day without a single care for the fate of humanity! YOU’VE DOOMED US ALL, RIPLEY!

Without any further ado, here’s the commercial. Just remember…

 In Space, No One Can Hear You Say “Pepsi, Please.”

Happy Alien: Covenant Day, Kinky Kreeps!

News Bleed: The “Scream, Predator!” Edition

Scream Queens gets the axe at FOX. 🙁 Variety

Jennifer Lawrence shows a lot of heart in this first poster for Darren Aronofsky’s Mother. 🙂 Den of Geek

Predators go tank-ridin’ on the set of The Predator. JoBlo

Leatherface will pick up the chainsaw once again this October. 🙂 Entertainment Weekly

The games will sill be played… New Game of Thrones Spin-offs Details Revealed! Nerdist

Facehuggers are no match for Rick and Morty in this awesome Alien: Covenant promo video. 🙂 Polygon

And, sadly, we have to share the bummer news that Mr. Powers Boothe has passed away. R.I.P. awesome sir. 🙁 xoxo CNN


News Bleed: The “Dark Tower Boogie” Edition

The Thing is getting the board game treatment! 🙂 Digital Spy

Scream Factory unleashes a fog of John Carpenter Steelbooks! 🙂 Dread Central
The Mummy is lookin’ scary in this new featurette. 🙂 /Film

Ellen Page gives zombies the axe in The Third Wave. Bloody Disgusting

Stranger Things is about to get a lot scarier…Just the way we like it! 🙂 io9

Shaw returns! Check her out in this Alien: Covenant prologue. 🙂 Empire

The Gunslinger finally rides into town with this trailer for The Dark Tower! 🙂

News Bleed: The “Rampagin’ Negan” Edition

New Alien: Covenant trailer teases the fate of Dr. Elizabeth Shaw from Prometheus. 🙁 MovieWeb

Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Negan) goes to bat for the Rampage adaptation! 🙂 IGN

J.D. Dillard wants to bring some heart to The Fly remake.  /FILM

Billie “Chanel #3” Lourd screams into American Horror Story. 🙂 Deadline

Stephen and Owen King’s upcoming Sleeping Beauties is already becoming a series. Hail to the King(s)! A.V. Club

And now for thebummer stuff… 🙁

Underdog and Trix Rabbit Creator Joe Harris has passed away. 🙁 New York Times

And legendary insult comic Don Rickles has also passed away. 🙁 CNN

 

News Bleed: The “Escape from Pennywise” Edition

It floats in with a new poster and teaser tease. 🙂 Movie Pilot

Robert Rodriguez is in talks to Escape from New York! Entertainment Weekly

The Suspiria remake conjures up an Oscar-winning financial backer. Variety

The first image of Alicia Vikander as Lara Croft has been raided! 🙂 BBC

Is Blumhouse preparing for Five Nights at Freddy’s?! Bloody Disgusting

In space, no-one can check out this Facebook/Alien: Covenant promotion! 🙂 Dread Central

Tom Savini, Doug Bradley, and Pinhead have such sights to show you! 🙂 JoBlo

News Bleed: The “Academy Award Winner Godzilla” Edition

They love him, they really love him! Godzilla wins the Japanese Academy Award for Best Picture! comicbook

New Line Cinema plans to bring a little ho-rror to Oz… How wicked! 😉 Variety

The Alien: Covenant trailer is bloody good fun! Collider

The second half of It is supposedly filming soon… and they will all float! Dread Central

Tron is booting up again and Disney’s looking at a real Joker to star! io9

Colossal gets a monstrously awesome poster! 🙂 Bloody Disgusting

News Bleed: The “Moseley the Clown” Edition

Take a look at this poster for Netflix’s Castlevania…Fangtastic!! 🙂 IGN

Join the crew of Alien: Covenant for their “Last Supper.” Hollywood Reporter

The election-themed season of American Horror Story will not feature Clinton or Trump… Guess they thought that would be TOO scary. (#bitingpoliticalsatireFTW!! ;)) /FILM

Bill Moseley isn’t clowning around in this Crepitus trailer: 🙂 Dread Central

Friday the 13th: The Series actor Chris Wiggins has passed away. 🙁 Bloody Disgusting

Judge Wapner has also passed away. 🙁 New York Times

And because enough with the sadness already, here’s a much-needed palate cleanser:..YO JOE!!! 🙂 xoxo

News Bleed: The Chucky Dances With Werewolves Edition

Sorry Jack, Chucky’s Back… again! (aka #TheCultofChuckyTeaserIsLife!!! :)) Den of Geek

Alien (and Ridley Scott) go VR! Also #Yay! 🙂 Digital Spy

alienvr

Angus Scrimm Dances With Werewolves in his final performance. 🙁 Dread Central

dances-with-werewolves

Get Charmed again, witches!!! 😉 TV Line

charmed

“Grandma” Leatherface gets the Trick or Treat Studios treatment. 🙂 Bloody Disgusting

leatherface-old-lady

Samara haunts us again in the new Rings trailer. 🙂 Coming Soon

Check into the Bates Motel for the last time in February. Entertainment Weekly

batesmotel