News Bleed: The “THE GREAT WAR IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Edition

Finally…YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MSN

Another reason to shoot your load… 😉 Hollywood Reporter

Get your first taste of Netflix’s Castlevania! 🙂 i09

Check into Hotel Transylvania: The Series this June! 🙂 Cartoon Brew

Sneak a peek at the Alien 6 Film Collection and the Alien: Covenant Steelbook! IGN

The Resident Evil film franchise is set to rise from the grave with a reboot. (It’s been so long since the Final Chapter came out…IN DECEMBER!!! ;))  Variety

Tom “Spider-Man Not Child’s Play” Holland swings into an Uncharted prequel film. 🙂 Deadline

Cujo will leave his paw print on The Dark Tower. 🙂 Dread Central

The Tales from the Crypt Complete Series Set screams its way onto DVD on Robert Englund’s and my birthday…BEST PRESENT EVER!! :)) Bloody Disgusting

In #NotHorrorButSuckIt news, Tom Cruise confirms that Top Gun II is happening. That Maverick! 🙂 Screen Rant


To a new world of Gods and Monsters… Universal gets serious with their new monster series, now known as the Dark Universe! 🙂 Nerdist

And, sadly, we had to say goodbye to the great Roger Moore this week R.I.P., Mr. Bond. 🙁 xoxo Movie Web

 

Alien: Covenant Review *Spoilers*

(Submitted by Mr. Andrew Phibes…Thanks, Kinky Ho-bo! ;)xoxo)

“Here at least we shall be free; the Almighty hath not built. Here for his envy, will not drive us hence: Here we may reign secure, and in my choice to reign is worth ambition though in Hell: Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven.”

-John Milton, Paradise Lost

 

“I’ll do the fingering.”

David, Alien: Covenant

Alien: Covenant is a strange beast. It’s both a sequel to 2012’s Prometheus and an apology for it. Director Ridley Scott still seems to be interested in the ideas and conceits explored in that film, but also wants to satisfy the fans who were vocal in their burning hatred for it. As a result, Alien: Covenant is a hybrid of Prometheus and the original Alien: a monster mash of high-minded concepts and ghost train theatrics. If you were hoping to see the return of Prometheus‘ Shaw (Noomi Rapace) or more of the Engineers (the extraterrestrial creators of mankind) in this film, I’m afraid you’ll be sorely disappointed. However, if you’re hungry for atmospherics, gore, nostalgia, and tons of monsters, this is the film for you.

Set a decade after Prometheus, Alien: Covenant  concerns the crew of the colony ship Covenant and their discovery of what appears to be an uncharted paradise. It’s revealed that the planet is inhabited by hostile creatures and… well, you know the drill. The film more-or-less plays out the way you’d imagine, though that’s hardly a bad thing. What we have here is essentially a “Greatest Hits” of the Alien franchise. Eggs are hatched, distress signals are answered, creatures burst from stomachs, and faces are hugged. The film does nothing new with the series, but it’s a highly enjoyable return to basics. In that regard, it’s the Star Wars: The Force Awakens of the the Alien series.

Like Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Alien: Covenant  is a soft reboot masquerading as a sequel. Prometheus is essentially jettisoned in favor of a more familiar bit of sci-fi terror. Unfortunately, that means that most of the characters/creatures left alive at the end of Prometheus are disposed of. Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) is given a, um, less-than-happy ending, which I thought was pretty lame. After building the character up and setting up further adventures for her at the end of the previous film, Alien: Covenant gives Shaw the ol’ “Newt/Hicks” treatment. I personally believe that Dr. Shaw deserved a better send-off, but I suppose the studio wanted to distance themselves from Prometheus as much as possible. In fact, the only element from that film that is used to a significant degree in this film is also the one element that was universally praised:  Michael Fassbender.

R.I.P. Dr. Shaw.

Michael Fassbender does double duty as the diabolical David and Walter, the unfortunate android aboard the Covenant. Mr. Fassbender is brilliant in both roles, imbuing both machines with their own distinctive identity. However, it’s David who steals the show and makes this film fantastic. David is delightfully, cartoonishly evil. He’s Michael Gough, Vincent Price, John Carradine, and a cobra fused into an unimaginably hammy chimera of urbane villainy. It truly is a shame they didn’t give him a cape and a mustache to twirl.
There’s also a weird, sexual tension between the two Fassbenders, starting with what is likely the most erotic cinematic flute lesson. The sequence does bring to mind a lot of the weird poetry Prometheus had going for it, and it is probably the most fascinating scene in the picture. At this point, the film takes turns to what could almost be described as “Fassbender porn.” And the internet has already picked up on this. Alien: Covenant isn’t even a week old, yet there’s a disturbing amount of Fassbender X Fassbender fan art. If you think I’m not going to include any of it here, you are deeply mistaken.

While the film generally plays out like a classical monster movie, some of the heavy ideas and literary references of Prometheus do pop up. Questions about the nature of creation are brought up and religious symbolism is scattered throughout. Percy Shelley. Lord Byron, and John Milton are quoted in thematically appropriate ways and Wagner’s Entry of the Gods into Valhalla plays at the end. It’s a little on-the-nose, but it’s all intriguing for what is primarily straightforward creature feature.
As for the rest the rest of the film, it’s loaded with great sci-fi gore, but nothing as intense as Alien‘s dinner scene or the surgery sequence in Prometheus. Katherine Waterston is a fine heroine, but she’s less compelling than the two before her. Is it, as one reviewer put its, a “masterpiece of fear?” No, but it’s an entertaining slice of Alien terror. I wish they had stuck to Prometheus more, but it’s loads of fun.  Alien: Covenant is mostly awesome… mostly.

Final Girl of the Month: Dr. Elizabeth Shaw, Last Survivor of the Prometheus

Happy Alien: Covenant Eve, cool ghouls and groovy ghoulies! We’re celebrating this glorious occasion with a look back at one of the franchise’s greatest heroines… and she’s not Ripley, believe it or not! My dear creeps, we’re taking the time to ho-nor Dr. Elizabeth Shaw, the chick who met her maker and lived to tell the tale!
We all know Ellen Ripley’s the baddest badass to ever bruise those bestial brutes known as Xenomorphs, but I think Dr. Shaw doesn’t get enough love. She made her debut in 2012’s Prometheus, a film that’s as divisive as they come. Personally, I love the heck out of that film and Dr. Shaw is one of the reasons why. While it’s tempting to compare her to Ripley, Shaw is actually very different from that alien slayer in nearly every way. In fact, the only real similarity is that they’re both survivors in Alien films.
The primary difference between Ripley and Shaw is motivation.  Ellen Ripley is a pragmatic woman  whose main objective is survival. She’s the sort who just wants to kill the freaky monster threatening everyone and move on. On the other hand, Shaw is motivated by knowledge. Elizabeth travels beyond the stars to find the answer to the question that has plagued us all since we first walked upon the earth: where did we come from? She’s interested in studying the unknown, something Ellen had no desire to do. Her intellectual pursuits not only set her apart from Ripley, but make her a endearing protagonist in her own right.
Shaw is also awesome in how darn positive she remains throughout the film. While she is  a devout Christian in the film, she’s less a fanatical zealot and more a spiritual optimist. Shaw loses everyone she cares about, has her faith challenged by just about everybody/everything, is nearly killed by one of mankind’s less-than-friendly creators, and experiences unimaginable physical pain. And yet, despite every ghastly thing thrown at her, Shaw still maintains her belief and quest for knowledge. To Shaw, there is always hope. That undying optimism is hard not to admire.
Of course, Shaw also gets mad love for being a complete badass when it matters. In one of the most horrific scenes in modern horror, Shaw discovers she is pregnant with a FREAKIN’ ALIEN SQUID!!! Being an Alien film, you might expect this to be the end of our feisty redhead. No siree, Bob! Shaw takes the awesome approach to the situation. She runs off to an automated surgery table configured for male use and reprograms that shite to perform a C-section on her to remove that tentacled beastie! She did what no other Alien character has done and survived a Chestburster(-like) attack! If that’s not enough for ya, she avoids being crushed by an alien ship and getting killed by an extraterrestrial… while still recovering that nasty surgical wound!

Here’s to you, Dr. Shaw. The truth is out there, so keep searchin’! 🙂
P.S. She also gets major points for being the daughter of a character played by Patrick “SeXXX God” Wilson!

Yes, yes I do.


News Bleed: The “Ripley vs. Re-Animator” Edition

The Friday the 13th game gets a release date…and it’s soon!!!! Rejoice, Friday fiends!!
Screen Rant


Arrow Video re-animates Re-Animator with a brand-new Collector’s Edition! 🙂 JoBlo
The Predator‘s hunt has been moved up to Summer 2018. MOVIEWEB

The truth is still out there… The X-Files returns… again! 🙂 The New York Times
Sigourney Weaver resurrected Ripley for Stephen ColbertBloody Disgusting

And, sadly, Hammer Horror star Yvonne Monlaur has passed away. 🙁 Horror Society

And Erin Moran has also passed away…R.I.P., Shortcake. 🙁 CNN


News Bleed: The “Escape from Pennywise” Edition

It floats in with a new poster and teaser tease. 🙂 Movie Pilot

Robert Rodriguez is in talks to Escape from New York! Entertainment Weekly

The Suspiria remake conjures up an Oscar-winning financial backer. Variety

The first image of Alicia Vikander as Lara Croft has been raided! 🙂 BBC

Is Blumhouse preparing for Five Nights at Freddy’s?! Bloody Disgusting

In space, no-one can check out this Facebook/Alien: Covenant promotion! 🙂 Dread Central

Tom Savini, Doug Bradley, and Pinhead have such sights to show you! 🙂 JoBlo

Life (2017)

If imitation is indeed the sincerest form of flattery, Sony has just paid Alien (1979) one heck of a compliment with Life. That’s not to say that Alien didn’t borrow from a few films. As co-writer Dan O’Bannon famously put it, “I didn’t steal Alien from anybody. I stole it from everybody!”. But Alien had a distinct flavor of its own. From the one-word title to the ever-evolving creature stalking a team aboard a spacecraft to Rebecca Ferguson’s diary logs à la Ripley to the tracking device on the monster to the very tone, this picture owes everything to Alien. There is no way this film could exist without Alien. However, for a fellow like myself who enjoys a good rip-off, this is very much a positive.

I’m honestly glad to see this sort of film with a budget. In most ways, it’s a mockbuster version of Alien, very much in the same way Creature (1985) and Forbidden World are. What’s peculiar about this film is that it was made in 2017. While the other films were capitalizing on something that was a few years old, Life is capitalizing on a film that came out 37 years prior. Strangely, I feel this gives the film a kind of novelty. Were I a betting man, I’d wager this film was not intended to be an homage to the Alien mockbusters of the past… But it does feel a good deal like one.

I apologize if I’ve given the impression that I do not care for this picture, because nothing could be further from the truth. Life never escapes the enormous shadow of Ridley Scott’s picture, but I don’t think it ever really tries to. Stuart Gordon’s Re-Animator is referenced by name, suggesting that the filmmakers assumed that their audience has enough film savvy to pick up on the Alien connection. This film does nothing truly original, but it does it so very well. There’s some wonderful, terrible tension throughout that had me chewing my nails to the tips. Without directly spoiling anything, there is a “Marion Crane” moment that did catch me off-guard, and how grand it to be truly surprised. As for its ending, I did predict it, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love it. In fact, it had me laughing in the right way.  It’s that kind of beautifully morbid punchline that The Cryptkeeper would surely get a kick out of.

The film is structured like a slasher film, with the hapless crew being brutally picked of one by one. As such, we are treated to some fun monster-kill sequences that play with the weightlessness of space in a groovy way that’s likely to satisfy my fellow ghouls. The monster itself is not as memorable as the Giger Alien, but it certainly get the job done. Really, you could say the same of the film. I doubt it will become one of the favorites of the genre, but it’s a gas. Between this and Kong: Skull Island, it seems like the classical monster movie is making a major comeback and that’s peachy-keen in my book. Not every film that comes out is going to be a timeless classic, so it’s good to flick that’s just great fun from its first second to its ending credits. If you can’t look past its similarities to Alien, I can’t lie to you about your chances of enjoying it, but… you have my sympathies.

 

News Bleed: The “Academy Award Winner Godzilla” Edition

They love him, they really love him! Godzilla wins the Japanese Academy Award for Best Picture! comicbook

New Line Cinema plans to bring a little ho-rror to Oz… How wicked! 😉 Variety

The Alien: Covenant trailer is bloody good fun! Collider

The second half of It is supposedly filming soon… and they will all float! Dread Central

Tron is booting up again and Disney’s looking at a real Joker to star! io9

Colossal gets a monstrously awesome poster! 🙂 Bloody Disgusting

News Bleed: The Alien Vs. Mummy Edition

Johnny Depp, Sam Raimi, David Lynch, and other peeps are making a zombie short with teen cancer patient Anthony Conti and the world is more awesome for it! 🙂 Bloody Disgusting

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Ridley Scott bringing Alien terror our way! Deadline

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Resident Evil 7 looks super freaking sweet!!!! IGN

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The Mummy lives again! 🙂 Bleeding Cool

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Lestat is creeping to the small screen! 🙂 Hollywood Reporter

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Fritz Weaver (Creepshow, The Twilight Zonehas passed away. 🙁  New York Times

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Alice Drummond (Ghostbusters has also passed away. 🙁 A.V. Club

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Valerie Gaunt (Horror of Dracula, Curse of Frankenstein) has also passed away…Seriously, #FuckYou2016. 🙁  Tim Lucas / Video Watch Blog

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(Seemed Appropriate 😉 xoxo)

Toy Story (of) 2: Jason vs Alien

Ho-wdy Ho, Ho-rror Ho-mies!! I have not one but(t) TWO beautiful Toy Stories to share with you today, both courtesy of Mr. Andrew Peters (better known ’round these parts as Mr. Goon-y Goon :)). It’s not really a VS sitch, I guess (Jason would always win…hands down, zero argument!! ;)), but more of a Double Feature of Fierceness (copyright: Tyra Banks, I ass-ume ;)). Regardless, strap yourself down and get ready for a metric-ass ton of amazing awesomeness!! (Everyone gets this eXXXcited about toys action figures, right? ;)) xoxo

NECA Classic Video Game Appearance ‘Friday the 13th’ Jason w/ Theme Music Packaging

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What better way to celebrate NECA’s thirteenth figure into their Classic Video Game Appearance series than with Jason Voorhees. But wait, didn’t they do that already? Why, yes. Yes they did. A few years ago at NYCC, they launched this line with an exclusive Jason figure with a glow in the dark mask, but you either had to attend the event or pay an outrageous price afterwards on Ebay. Well, fret no more. No only this affordable and widely available, it’s also got a slightly new paintjob and a few new accessories and something new to the packaging, so this way you aren’t getting a re-release.

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Right away you’re going to notice the coolest addition that I can see trending with this line, theme music packaging! Fans of the game will recognize the little tune from the menu screen which plays when you open it. Gotta hand it to NECA for adding that little extra to give the fans something different. Also included is the decaying, decapitated head of Mrs. Voorhees that comes with a clear stand to give her that floating appearance she has in the game! I think that is by far the neatest addition to the figure. Oh, you also get the classic axe and machete.

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Jason’s paint deco is the same, but instead of his mask glowing in the dark like the NYCC variant does, it’s painted that baby blue he wears so well in the game. Hey, I told you this wasn’t the same thing repackaged.

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Jason stands at the usual 7” inches tall and has 25 points of articulation, while Mrs. Voorhees has, well, none. She’s a floating head, what do you expect? Either way, with the new additions to the figure and the packaging, it makes it worth picking up, especially at a $25 price tag.

And now for Part DeauXXX:
NECA ¼ Scale ‘Alien’ Xenomorph
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NECA has released some great and terrifying looking figures throughout their Alien line, but their latest ¼ scale Xenomorph is both amazing and frightening. I nearly pooped myself (not something I am proud to write about) when I came home from vacation and opened the big package (tee hee) that awaited for me upon my return.

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I gotta be honest here… this is one of the most fantastic looking figures I have ever seen. The attention to detail really brings out the semi-sexual and terror from the original H.R. Giger design. This figure stands on a shelf in the corner of my hallway and sometimes at night, it feels like I’m being stalked by the creature itself. I’m telling ya, this is one might big figure. I half expect this thing to come to life and try to eat me.

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It stands at 22” (which is about two feet tall for those who couldn’t figure that out) and has nearly 30 points of articulation with a fully bendable tail, so he can be posed in all sorts of ridiculous positions. Oh and no worries. That jaw is hinged so you can open it right up and extend his killer little mouth! Not to mention, the attention to detailing is just absolutely too incredible for words. I’ve also loved the looked of the original Xeno, more so than the slight redesign in James Cameron’s sequel, especially with the semi-translucent dome. Something about an eyeless skull underneath that thing, barely visible under what looks like some kind of fogged up helmet is creepy, but also begs the question; how does the Xeno see without eyeballs? If there is anything Alien: Resurrection taught us, it’s that Xenomorphs look really stupid with eyeballs.

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This monstrosity goes for about a hundred big one, which I know seems like a lot for a figure, but you are really getting your money’s worth here. It looks like you would be placing an acid bleeding statue in your own home.