Goon Reviews: Death-Scort Service

(I have totally been wanting to check this one out, and now I am officially adding this to my Must View Queue. Thanks for the rad review, Mr. Goon-y Goon. 😉 xoxo)

DEATH-SCORT SERVICE REVIEW (by Andrew Peters)

If there’s a film that features some good looking tattooed girls getting completely naked, there’s a good chance I’m going to clear my schedule for the evening so I can give that said film a watch. That’s what happened with Death-Scort Service, a title I really like because I can’t decide if it’s more cheeky than it is cheesy and it features a handful of babes and a buffet of blood.

The film comes from director Sean Donohue and Gatorblade films, in association with The Sleaze Box and boy, do they really bring you back to a time when shot-on-video movies ruled the horror section in the mom and pop video store. The movie loves to flaunt its lovely ladies who are kind enough to strut their fully nude, tops and bottoms, sexy bodies for the film, for your entertainment and pleasure and then to brutally massacre them in a barrage of excessive violence and gore and I mean that in a good way. Yes, gorgeous girls like Amanda Welch, Cayt Feinics, Jehz Ayala, Ashley Lynn Caputo, Alice Reigns, Bailey Paige and of course, Krystal Pixie (and my apologies to any I may have left out) are here for your pleasure and coat their naked bodies in some fantastically well done blood and guts.

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When you live in Las Vegas and there isn’t much to do, I guess you gotta kill local call girls. That’s the premise of Death-Scort Service in the broadest sense, but there’s a little more to it than that, even if it is just a little. Some maniac with a raspy voice that is in completely different audio quality than what was used to record sound for the rest of the movie is calling local Las Vegas call girls that all seem to live in the same place and paying them to strip… and die! One at a time, these vegas call girls are being murdered and one of them is beginning to notice that her roommates and fellow hookers are missing.

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And that scene repeats itself; creep calls the escorts, they say where to meet, they show up and get nekkid, they die, repeat. It isn’t until about twenty minutes in that one of them mentions this string of disappearing girls has been happening for some time and that her friend went missing. Nothing else is mentioned again until almost an hour in (and it’s the same thing), but that gap is filled with more death and nudity. Normally, I would get tired of that, but these girls keep it at that certain kind of sexy sleaze that I like. It doesn’t hurt that a weird, funky, but cheap soundtrack is looping. I’m not sure if it’s catchy or eating my brain.

Certainly, the film does have a conclusion with a twist. Two of the girls think the person making the phone calls is the killer. Screw calling the cops! They don’t care about hookers anyway and when you don’t have a pimp to protect you, it’s up to you. So they devise a plan, even though it’s not a well thought out plan, it’s still a plan nonetheless. What’s a girl to do when she makes her living turning tricks? Hooker’s justice! I love the idea.

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The film gleefully revels in being your peeping tom eye as the shots linger on the girls undressing, rubbing themselves down, bathing, being mutilated. It’s a closet pervert or voyeurs’ dream. I gotta hand it to Mr. Donohue; to me, these are some of the sexiest girls and it was a delight to watch them undress and do their thing. Of course there is a little something for the ladies. You get to see an old, bald bearded biker dude wag his dick and balls around. (“YES!!! SCORE!!!” -D.P.)) I kinda wish we would see more of that in movies.

But surely it’s more than gore and hot nude girls, right? Well, no. Not really. The little gaps in between are filled with the girl’s banter, which it’s best to say they are best left to their other *ahem* talents. But hey, it’s super low budget and shot-on-video, so it has an added charm to the overall mix.

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Given the title and the content that lies within the movie, it’s a nostalgic trip to the days of the small town video stores (you know the kind that had that dust and plastic smell), scanning through the horror movies and picking up the big box that’s all sun faded. The box art would feature some hot babe barely clothed and the title of the film would sound so awesome, you rented it without looking at the back. Then you get it home and realize that not only is the thing shot on a consumer grade camera, but the girl on the cover is nowhere to be found. You feel lied to, but you still watch it because you paid for it and it’s while watching it, you see how sleazy the film is. There is an undeniable charm. You feel dirty, but good about it. It’s that filthy little secret you can’t wait to show your friends. The massive amounts of gore and nudity are pleasing and when it’s over, you can’t wait to tell your friends about this hidden gem. That’s what Death-Scort Service was to me.

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If you are looking for something with a story and character arcs, you’re gonna want to look elsewhere. However, if you happen to be looking for an expose of some of the cutest tattooed girls being cut open and skinned alive, then Death-Scort Service is gonna be pleasing for you. It’s a film that’s going to leave you feeling dirty, but you’re gonna like it for that.

  • TyGrr

    I like the old school-exploitation vibe of the trailer. Sounds like it has all the right ingredients: boobs and blood. Gonna have to check it out. Kewl review.