Splatterday Matinee Virtual Drive-In: The “Titans of Terror” Edition

Salutations, Students of the Macabre! Today is an eXXXtra special day for us Kinky Krees! We’re skull-ebrating the birthdays (and pure amazingness) of a peerless Triple Threat of Classic Ho-rror Greatness: the abominable Vincent Price, the vampiric Christopher Lee, and the madly scientific Peter Cushing!
Yessiree, Blob! Vinnie P. and Chris Lee were born on this day and Peter C. was born yesterday!  We’ve ho-nored the un-ho-ly heck out of these Princes of Darkness many times before, but they deserve it! These three gentle-monsters represent the very best that ho-rror cinema has to offer. Even in the goofiest, ho-kiest picture, these gentleman brought a supernatural grace and dignity. They made our collective nightmares pleasant ones and gave the Creatures of the Night a cool elegance. If there were a Mount Rushmore of Ho-rror (Mount Blood-Gushmore? Mount Rushgore?), you better believe these ghoulish gents would be on it!
For their Birthdays, we’ve put together the very first Kinky Horror Virtual Drive-In! We’re giving you a spooky-cool drive-in eXXXperience from the (dis)comfort of your tomb! There’s just no better way to ho-nor our Birthday Boils than to show off the ghoulish performances that stole our hearts and turned our hair white!.
First, a cartoon starring Mr. Price! After all, it is Saturday morning (somewhere ;)), so let us do it up right! The cartoon is an episode of 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo and it features Vincent Price as… well, Dr. Strange! A legally safe knock-off, that is. Since Vinnie P. inspired Dr. Strange, I suppose we can’t get TOO mad. 🙂 Besides, anything that features Vincent Price fighting ghosts and demons with black magic (and the Scooby Gang! :)) is spooky-cool by me!

Next, a friendly word from our sponsor and Mr. Cushing. (#GushingForCushing :)) You’ll have to pardon Peter… he’s having a guest DROP in! 🙂

Now, an important educational short from Mr. Lee. If you’re going to stay in this crazy game called Life, you’re gonna have to do The Time Warp! You may even need to The Time Warp… again! Mr. Lee is here to show you how it’s done! 🙂

And now…

Hammer Films gave history the (severed) finger with Rasputin – The Mad Monk! Christopher Lee gives one of his best performances as the maniacal mystic. If you ever wanted to see the story of Rasputin done as a Dracula film, this one’s for you!

The Doctor is In… Sane! Vincent Price slays again in this Art Deco nightmare! (Not to be confused with the Kinky Ho-rror writer of the same name…That’s totally a coincidence! ;)0


And for the last of the trailers, Peter Cushing is one of eight potential werewolves in The Beast Must Die, a ho-wlin’ whodunit from the folks at Amicus. The only film with the WEREWOLF BREAK, an inserted 30-second break that asks YOU to guess the werewolf’s identity! (So. Freaking. Rad!!! :))

And now it’s time for our…

Our first film is The Satanic Rites of Dracula, the last of the Hammer Dracula films. It’s nowhere near the quality of the earlier films, but it’s an interesting mix of spy thriller and Gothic ho-rror. Dracula really thinks big in this one. Instead of biting the necks a few buXXXom maidens, he plans on destroying the world! No, Drac! It’s best place to find awesome ho-rror films!

Horror of Dracula (1958)

While it’s not their best film, Satanic Rites of Dracula features Christopher Lee’s Dracula and Peter Cushing’s Van Helsing together again for the last time. Heck, Chris Lee’s Drac even gets some decent lines in this one! It ain’t perfect, but it does showcase two greats doing their freaky thing!

For a bit o’ Lee and Cushing, check out the film below:

INTERMISSION

We’re back! Our last attraction is The Last Man on Earth with, you guessed it, Vincent Price! The film is the first adaptation of Richard Matheson and the closest to the source material. Vinnie P. goes a full-blown stake-out here, eXXXisting as the only human in a world of vampires. What’s great about this film is that it’s one of the few times Vincent Price got to be the hero in a fright film. In this film, he’s not the monster… or is he!?!!? 😉

To see that the Price is Fright, check out the film below:


Here’s to you, gents! Thanks for making the world a creepier place! 🙂

#AssWednesday: The “No Pants Are the Best Pants” Edition, Part 3

(Submitted by Smutmaster Eric…Thanks, Kinky Ho-mie…Happy Hump Day!! 🙂 xoxo)

Featuring: Ekateryna Rak, Mel Gibson, Mackenzie Davis, Nicholas Braun, Josh Fadem & Anessa Ramsey

Import Export (2009, US)

A nurse from the Ukraine searches for a better life in the West, while an unemployed security guard from Austria heads East for the same reason.

Lethal Weapon (1987)

A veteran policeman, Murtaugh, is partnered with a younger, suicidal officer, Riggs. They both have one thing in common: hating working in pairs. Now they must learn to work with one another to stop a gang of drug smugglers.

Freaks of Nature (2015)

In the town of Dillford, humans, vampires and zombies were all living in peace – until the alien apocalypse arrived. Now three teenagers, one human, one vampire and one zombie, have to team up to figure out how to get rid of the visitors.

Death Race 2050 (2017)

In the year 2050 the planet has become overpopulated, to help control population the government develops a “Death Race.” Annually competitors race across the country scoring points for killing people with their vehicles.

Bonus:

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

Scary Shorties: Superman, The Mummy Strikes (1943)

Boils and ghouls, your attention please! Kinky Ho-rror presents an all-old cartoon program, featuring a thrilling adventure of an amazing and incredible personality. Faster than a speeding demon! More powerful than a loco maniac! Able to leap tall tombs at a single bound! Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bat! It’s a witch! No, it’s…
That’s right, boils and ghouls! We’re presenting a classic outing of the Man of Steel in glorious Technicolor! Of course, with our minds in the grave, we picked a short that’s a little on the fright side…
The Mummy Strikes (1943) is the fourteenth of seventeen Fleischer Studios/Famous Studios Superman shorts, but it almost feels like a condensed Universal horror film. There’s a dead Egyptologist. an assistant accused of murder, a terrible curse, and two very unfriendly mummies. The two mummies are actually rather unnerving for a superhero short. It may be rather silly to admit, but this scene still gives me the willies…
I mean, it ain’t Boris Karloff driving a man insane in The Mummy (1932), but that’s still one heck of a resurrection!
This short isn’t as heavy on the superheroics as the other 16 shorts, but it’s got ominous atmosphere in spades. It’s creepy, it’s thrilling, and it has the Big Blue Boy Scout  roughing up some ancient abominations. I’d say there are worse things to get WRAPPED up in on a Saturday Morning!
Hey, if you think that’s a groaner, this short ends on the most wonderfully ho-rrible pun imaginable. It’s a play on a line from Blues in the Night, and I can’t imagine a better way to end a mummy story!
For thrills, chills, mummies, heroes, and puns, click on the moving picture box below:

Have a Super Saturday, Kinky Ho-mies!! 🙂 xoxo

#FBF: The “Adult Swimming with The Tall Man” Edition

You play a good game, boy, but the game is finished. Now… you watch Adult Swim!

In the year of 2004, Adult Swim summoned the late, great Angus Scrimm to ho-st a Halloween marathon of the freakiest episodes of one of Adult Swim’s freakiest shows: Aqua Teen Hunger Force!
Master Scrimm was at his Tall Man best, with a menacing glare and that wonderfully frightful voice. Dressed to kill in black, Scrimm knocks ’em dead with his signature grimaces and a few classic Phantasm quotes sprinkled about. Even in the goofiest setting, there’s nothing like Mr. Scrimm letting out a “BOY!” to freeze the blood and paralyze the soul!
Like Vincent Price before him, it’s clear that he had a “ball” with his ghoulish persona. Each bumper delivers a chill and a wink in a way that only a true Prince of Terror could pull off. Whether in a funeral home or a late night cable spot, The Tall Man knew how to deliver the creeps. Who else but Scrimm could make a shake, some meat, and an order of fries seem so ghastly?

Check out the bumpers/commercials below……if you have the balls! 😉 xoxo

Random Side Note: I totally had a thing for Meatwad back in the day…#MME 😉 xoxo

Happy Mystery Science Theater 3000 Season 11 Release Day!!!

SUPER IMPORTANT UPDATE: I FOUND MY CREDIT!!!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled “MST3K Yay!” post…

Ho-wdy, my Mysterious MSTIES! It’s time to get yo happy on, for the ‘Bots are back in town!!! 🙂

Netflix just made the not-too-distant future the right-this-minute present with the release of Mystery Science Theater 3000 Season 11! Following a HUGELY successful Kickstarter campaign (which your Ho-stess happily contributed to! :)), MST3K has risen from the grave with a brand new bag o’ cheesy clas-sicks for ya! The original series is one of the most beloved series in all of nerd-dom and this new one seems to properly capture that ol’ Satellite of Love charm. 🙂

In ho-nor of the Return of MST3K, I thought I’d send some cheesy trailers…the worst I can find! Each trailer is for a film featured on the new MST3K. In total, there are 14 new movies for the hapless ho-st and the ‘Bots to “suffer” through. This new batch of films is made up of some the most delicious cinematic cheese, so I recommend you check them out both with and without Shadowrama. Two of them feature Caroline “Forever Goddess” Munro (Starcrash, At the Earth’s Core), so you know you’re in for some great B-movie awesomeness. 🙂

Check out the trailers below:

Reptilicus

Cry Wilderness

The Time Travelers

Avalanche

The Beast of Hollow Mountain

Starcrash

The Land That Time Forgot

The Loves of Hercules

Yongary: Monster from the Deep

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II

Carnival Magic

The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t

At the Earth’s Core

Welcome Back, MST3K. It’s good to hear you riffing again. 🙂 xoxo


Happy Birthday, Roger Corman!

A very Happy 91st (!) Birthday to the Pope of Pop Culture, Mr. Roger Corman! 🙂

There’s just no way overstate how Fang-Freakin’-Tastic this audacious auteur of awesome really is! He brought credibility to eXXXploitation films, made indie film-making cool, brought art films like from the likes of Kurosawa and Bergman to the mainstream, and jump-started the careers of everyone from James Cameron to Martin Scorsese. This brilliant B-movie badass also directed the original Little Shop of Horrors, so he indirectly gave us the steamy, dreamy manly meatiness that is Rick Moranis as Seymour Krelborn! For this feat alone, this man is my hero!! 😉
To skullebrate his birthaversary, we’re providing you fright fiends with one of King Corman’s favorites from his own catalogue: 1964’s The Masque of the Red Death!

While Hammer was scoring big with their takes of European fright favorites, Roger Corman went to (vampire) bat for the U.S.A. with his technicolor terror tales adapted from the works of American spookster Edgar Allan Poe. As eXXXcellent as the other Poe flicks are, I think his Masque of the Red Death is the sharpest spike on this iron maiden. Vincent “The Price is Fright” Price is at his Vincent Priciest here, cackling and creeping around as the nastiest monarch this side of King Joffrey! (#timelyreferencesaretimely ;)) The atmosphere is chilling and the cinematograophy is so colorfully creepy, one might suspect that Dario Argento took notes on this flick before making Suspiria. (#thingsthatmakeyougohmm #eventimlierreferencesaretimlier! :))

The film didn’t do too well at the time, but is now seen as a shining example of Corman’s greatness as a director. We here at KH just love it to pieces. If Ingmar Bergman decided to be awesome and make a ho-rror film, he would have made something like this! 🙂

To see Red, click on the box below:

Happy Birthday, Mr. Corman! You rock our kollectively Kinky socks!! 🙂 xoxoxo

Happy Birthday, John Astin!

A Happy Birthday to the mysterious, spooky, and all-together ooky John Astin, the lovable looney who played Gomez Addams on The Addams Family!

With his wild-eyed exuberance and a cheeky grin, John Astin as Gomez was the frightful father every creepy kid dreamt of. On the series, this groovy ghoul had a lust for life (and death) that was irresistible, and his chemistry with Carolyn Jones made us all want a romance like Gomez and Morticia. After Addams, Mr. Astin portrayed mad scientist Prof. Gangreen in three Attack of the Killer Tomatoes sequels, The Riddler in two episodes of Batman with Adam West, a deranged director in an episode of Tales from the Crypt, The Judge in Peter Jackson’s The Frighteners, and had a one-man show as Edgar Allan Poe. While not necessarily genre fare, Mr. Astin played the father of Night Court‘s Judge Harry Stone, a part played by magician, IT star, and KH favorite Harry Anderson (#rawwwwr). For a lifetime of spooky-cool achievements and a vested interest in keeping it creepy, we salute John Astin. Good show, old man!

Happy Birthday, Evil Dead II!

Thirty years ago on this very night, a force of evil beyond description was unleashed upon the human race and it continues to swallow the souls of the innocent to this very day… 

That force was Evil Dead II and it remains a favorite among lovers of the terrifically hilarious. Serving as both a sequel and a remake of sorts, Evil Dead II goes back the original and throws a pie in its face. With inspiration taken from both H.P. Lovecraft and The Three Stooges, this film is a freak show of cartoon violence, slapstick splatter, monstrous monsters, and surreal visuals… and still manages to be darn creepy! Evil Dead II is a ghost train through the warped minds of co-writers Sam Raimi and Scott Spiegel, the former also being the film’s director. In their cinematic funhouse, corpses dance in the night, furniture laughs in maniacal glee, the human hand turns against the body, blood sprays from any source, and madness is king. With very little money, Raimi and his team created a wonderfully nightmarish, visually brilliant,  and utterly strange film that rivals the sights and frights of any “A”  horror picture. On top of all that greatness, it also gave us the Bruce Campbell we all adore today, one-liners and all. After all these years, Evil Dead II is still… groovy.

Take a look behind-the-screams:

Sam Raimi thinks this film will “grab” you:

Happy Birthday, Buffy!! :)


Ho-ly Hellmouth! I can’t believe Buffy the Vampire Slayer is 20 years old today! This is my absolute favorite show of all time, and the fact that sooooooo many people are still celebrating its ass-kicking, vampire-slayin’ glory two decades later is pretty freaking amazing!

Joss Whedon took the cute blonde girl who often dies first in the average horror film and made her a complete and utter badass. She was the one the Creatures of the Night feared. Buffy was a strong female headlining traditionally masculine “action hero” storylines who kicked open the door for more badass babes starring in major shows.

BTVS easily could have been a total campfest, but it respected its characters, genre, and audience. It showed us that slaying vampires and demons could be a total blast (obviously ;)), but still possessed an uncommon depth and make us truly care for its misfits. Buffy was an incredibly smart and important show that will always have a big ol’ stake-shaped place in my heart…#SCOOBYGANG4EVAH!! xoxo

PS- Spike is the seXXXiest vampire ever!!! Suck it, Lestat! 😉 xoxo

PPS- Giles was also freaking hawt…I was sooooo jealous of Ms. Calendar (until…well, you know.)

PPS- I was inspired to do a quickie Buffy tribute today for my weekly #FreedomFriday offering. 🙂

Doctor Mordrid (1992)

(Presented in ho-nor of my work with Full Moon today, and of my forever lust for Mr. Jeffrey Combs. 🙂 xoxox)

Full Moon Features has always been known to be a bit “strange,” but they took that to nearly metaphysical plane with an unofficial adaptation of Marvel’s Doctor Strange. The story goes that producer/director Charles Band held an option for the mystical Marvel comic, but lost it before production started. In a rather pragmatic move, Band decided to go ahead and make the movie… but without Doctor Strange. The result was Doctor Mordrid, a neatly packed dark fantasy that embodies everything that made Full Moon great. Considering that Disney’s take on the Sorcerer Supreme was just released on home video about a week ago, I think it’s a wonderful time to summon Full Moon’s Master of the Unknown.

Our film concerns Anton Mordrid (Jeffrey Combs), an enigmatic sorcerer sent to protect Earth from magical and mystical threats. One such threat is Kabal (Brian Thompson), a malevolent and powerful contemporary of Mordrid’s who intends to literally unleash Hell upon us all. For 150 of Earth’s years, Mordrid has watched and waited for Kabal’s inevitable arrival. When the dark magician makes his presence known, Mordrid seeks out his nemesis and prepares for their final confrontation. Caught in the crossfire is Samantha Hunt (Yvette Nipar), a research consultant to the police and a new ally in Mordrid’s war on evil. Will the good doctor prevail in his honorable quest, or will the Earth be consumed by darkness? That, dear friends, is an answer best answered by the film itself. 

Looking at the other low-budget superhero films of the time ( Captain America,          The Punisher, Fantastic Four, etc.), I doubt the film would’ve changed much if they had retained the Doctor Strange name. The Doctor we got still wears a mystical amulet/blue tunic, astral projects, resides in New York, has a vast library of the occult, battles a former colleague, and defends Earth from the supernatural. Even his cloak is similar to the one featured in early Doctor Strange appearances. There are some major differences, but I have a feeling that very little would’ve changed in an actual Full Moon Doctor Strange. I could be wrong on that, but the superhero films of the time weren’t exactly known for their accuracy. In my eyes, this film is as much a Doctor Strange movie as Nosferatu is a Dracula movie.

If we ignore all Strange-ness, does the film work on its own? I very much think so. Doctor Mordrid  has a noticeably low-budget, but that only adds to its appeal. The film possesses a wonderfully pulpy vibe, as if it were the first part of a serial that never actually existed. Clocking in at a lean 74 mins, this film is 100% free of fluff, leaving nothing but pure B movie magic. Like the absolute best of Full Moon, this film triumphs over its meager budget and delivers solid entertainment in spades. As any lover of weird cinema might expect, Jeffrey Combs is perfect as the titular wizard. Combs has the uncanny ability to be  a real oddball and the coolest cat around in the same instance with complete ease. Just about everyone in this cast is excellent, proving that you don’t need a large budget to attract great talent.

Speaking of great talent, legendary stop-motion animator David Allen brings his own brand of sorcery into the mix. Arguably, the best sequence in the entire film is a showdown between the skeletal remains of a mastodon and a tyrannosaur, animated to perfection by Allen. Much like the sorcerers within the film, Allen bestowed life upon these inanimate monsters and achieved true magic. The sequence is supremely beautiful and likely to thrill anyone with a love for the craft. Admittedly, I am sucker for anything with stop-motion dinosaurs, but this is prime stuff. Besides the battle, Allen also contributed some groovy miniatures and some perfectly wicked demons.

Doctor Mordrid is as great a B movie fantasy as one could hope for. There’s a good deal of excitement and charm to go around for its lean runtime. I highly recommend this film to lovers of the strange side of cinema, as well as those in the mood for some unusual superheroics. It’s rather unfortunate Doctor Mordrid never became a series. This especially odd for a studio know for churning out sequels to so many of their films. Perhaps the success of Disney’s Doctor Strange will bring the good Doctor Mordrid out of retirement. Stranger things have happened…