(Submitted by Smutmaster Eric, of corpse! 🙂 Thanks, Mr. E, and Happy Sunday Funday to all you Kinky Ho-mies! 😉 xoxo)
Dirty Deeds (2014)
Co-workers Carrie (Stormy Daniels) and Justin (Xander Corvus) are both in need of some extra money. Carrie’s looking for her own place, after discovering her boyfriend’s secret sex tape and Justin’s saving for an expensive engagement ring to satisfy his obnoxious girlfriend. As a result, they begin working odd jobs for extra money.
More Cast: Ryan Driller, Dahlia Skye, Gabrielle Paltrova, Erik Everhard, Misty Stone, Daniel Hunter & Joanna Angel.
There’s no real surprise what direction the storyline goes, but it has good sex scenes and is very funny. Stormy and Xander are both good throughout, but it’s Joanna Angel that steals the show in a hilarious non-sex role. I promise it won’t feel like a job watching it and I’m sure you’ll make a sticky mess!
(Submitted on this glorious Game of Thronespremiere day by Mr. Smutmaster Eric…Thank you, my Kinkiest of Ho-mies! #dracarys 😉 xoxo)
A Clockwork Whore: Part 1 (2011)
Madison Ivy is an ultra-sexual youth in futuristic America. She and her fellow droogies, Zoe Voss and Gia Dimarco go on a wild spree of sex and crimes. Causing trouble on the streets and then fucking each other senseless in the milk bar.
A Clockwork Whore: Part 2 (2011)
We last left Madison and her trumpet of tarts fucking each other senseless at the Korova milk bar. Now they’ve ventured off into the night for a little of the old ultra-sex. The droogies stumble upon a writer’s house, and lucky for them he just happens to have a big cock. First a song and then the hungry whores devour every inch of him.
Rob Zombie: Never Gonna Stop (The Red Red Kroovy) (2001)
(A special Ho-rrorday post brought to you by Smutmaster Eric…Thanks, my festive friend! 🙂 xoxo)
Featuring: Jordan Ladd, Janet Mason & Jason Brown
Pregnant Madeline Matheson (Jordan Ladd) is involved in a car accident. While in the hospital, she’s told that her unborn child is dead. Desperate after trying to have a child for years, she decides to carry the baby to term anyway. The child, a girl, initially appears stillborn. After a while starts living and Madeline names her Grace. It soon becomes clear something is wrong with the baby. It develops unhealthy smells, attracts flies, and craves blood.
Stepmom Loves Morning Wood (2014)
Janet has been married to Larry for years, but her stepson still won’t listen to her! The busty MILF decides to make him listen the best way she knows how. She crawls down under the kitchen table while her husband reads the paper and starts sucking on Jason’s big cock until it’s rock hard. As soon as Larry leaves for work, she clears off the whole table so her horny stepson can fuck her.
Ho-stess’s PS- Happy Mother’s Day from me, too! (Also from “Mommy Got Boobs”…What we won’t do for our kids, amirite? ;))
(First official movie review of the New Year…complete with a hearty helping of #DafoeDong to get this 2017 party started off on a bitchin’ start! Big thanks to Mr. Andrew Peters for giving me more-than-ample reason to delve deep into my Dafoe Fantasies… 😉 xoxo)
If any genre has had its cliches more abused than the horror genre, it’s the action genre. That might be mostly due to the fact that most films, especially now, don’t use just one cliche. They use them all. Now, stop me if you’ve heard this one… a cop is killed by his nemesis that he was tracking down, so the cop’s rogue, doesn’t-play-by-the-rules partner is after the old nemesis with his new play-by-the-books partner and they will do whatever it takes to bring that scumbag down which they do by getting into fights with the chief and getting thrown off the case. Sounds like every buddy cop movie ever, right? Of course it does, but have you ever wondered where it all started? Now, I don’t know for sure if this is exactly where it started, but it’s the first movie I think did all those things correctly and that would be 1985’s To Live and Die in L.A. directed by William Friedkin, who also directed The Exorcist. The guy made one of the scariest movies of all time, so now he’s gonna try to make one of the best action/cop/dramas of all time.
Keeping that in mind, it’s not shot like a conventional movie or what you would expect someone like William Friedkin to direct, who did in such a way that makes the film falsely appear to be amateurish. There are almost no insert shots throughout the film, maybe a few or whenever a character is talking, the camera is focused on the person that they are talking to rather than whoever is talking. Not all the time, but most of the time and it adds something to the film. Not only do you pick up on the reactions of the character being spoken to, but this faux inexperienced filmmaker style adds to the raw grittiness the film punches into your face and – this part is just a hunch on my behalf – the inexperience of one of the characters and also how hazardly the main character may be viewing things as he spins out of control. Friedkin also had an amazing cast to help back up his incredible script, with the likes of William Peterson, John Pankow and Willem Dafoe in your leads, but you also had talents like John Turturro, Debra Feuer, Dean Stockwell, Robert Downey Sr. and Michael Greene in your supporting to cast to help flesh out this seedy version of L.A. I know it sounds ridiculous, L.A. being seedy? This must be a movie…
William Peterson – best known to some of you as Gil Grissom in CSI – plays the out of control, doesn’t play by the rules secret service man in question, Richard Chance. His performance is very arrogant and brash, but he’s full of anger as master counterfeiter and art weirdo Rick Masters (played by the always creepy Willem Dafoe) just offed his partner Jimmy Hart, who only had two more days until he was retired! Talk about bad luck and being at the wrong place at the wrong time as Jimmy is shot in the face with a shotgun and thrown in a dumpster. Jimmy was Chance’s amigo and Chance will do whatever it takes to nail Rick Masters by the balls, however this proves to be a little more difficult as his new partner, John Vukovich, does play by the rules. Oh man, can you believe it? Two guys, one’s a rebel with a leather jacket and the other one wears slacks and does it by the book. What are the odds? Of course, this doesn’t stop Chance from pushing his Vukovich further and further to the edge, since he knows his new partner won’t rat him out. Kinda feels like he’s using him.
You could argue that he is, since Chance seems selfish and doesn’t seem to care about anyone or anything other than what he wants, I mean, he still uses his old informant Ruth for dirt and sex… and dirty sex and if she doesn’t, why, he’ll just have her sent back to jail. This is your good guy, ladies and gentlemen. The only thing making him one is a badge. Chance and Vukovich track down any lead they can to get close to Masters, like tackling Masters’ mule Carl Cody (John Turturro before he disgraced himself by constantly being in Adam Sandler flicks), but even he won’t talk. This doesn’t stop Masters from trying to have Cody killed in prison, worried that he may snitch. Masters even has to waste people he feels are trying to screw him over, so although he comes off as a calm, cool dude, he’s pretty vicious and not someone you would want to double cross.
Eventually Chance and Vukovich go undercover to get close to Masters and they need him to print money to catch him red handed, but in order to do so, they’re gonna need some front money. Too bad the Secret Service are a bunch of tightwads, because now the two need to find another means. Ruth lets it slip that someone is coming in from Hong Kong with $50,000 to buy some diamonds, so that gives Chance the idea to rob the poor sucker, even if Vukovich is kicking and screaming about it the whole time. Wouldn’t you know it, things go wrong and the two agents, who are trying not to get busted illegally robbing someone, find themselves in a really intense and chest gripping car chase, but who are these guys and where did they come from? It’s a quickly revealed little twist, but it’s to show you how far Chance has really fallen and his partner needs to decide if he should roll over on him or keep going along with his plans to get Masters and the are close. Real close, but things are about to get really ugly in one of the most shocking, holy-shit-I didn’t-see-that-coming ending of possibly all time.
William Peterson as Richard Chance is one of my favorite performances of all time. Even though he can be over the top, he’s completely relatable. We all know that guy who acts like a total hotshot. He’s kind of an asshole, but you can sense that he cares and does have a heart, but it’s broken when his partner is killed and he’s going about it the only way he knows will work since he believes the law is broken. He knows the only way to catch someone like Rick Masters is to play at his level, even if it means bringing his honest partner down to their level. Speaking of, John Pankow’s supporting role as John Vukovich is frighteningly realistic. He’s more than worried that they will get caught, he’s panicked about it in such a realistic fashion, especially during the car chase when he’s laughing from nerves that they escaped, to almost crying in panic when he’s almost shot, to nearly getting sick when he’s realizing what they had just done. This car chase, by the way, is in my top three car chases of all time. It goes on for several minutes and never becomes dull or never lets up on the intensity. William Friedkin had previously directed The French Connection which also featured a balls out car chase and I believe he may have outdone himself here. To tie together this wonderfully directed and incredibly stylized film is the soundtrack. Gotta talk about the soundtrack by freaking Wang Chung. Yeah, I know, I was shocked too. You’ll be absolutely floored by how perfect Wang Chung captures the mood and style of the film and accompanies it perfectly. I love this soundtrack so much, I had to track it down on vinyl.
To Live and Die in L.A. is more than just a bundle of cliches that are thrown together really well, mind you. The film itself is masterfully directed by William Friedkin, performed to a perfection by the actors, not to mention it’s completely ‘80s stylish and cool, dripping with mood and style as well as well as a really interesting story. Shout Factory has released the film on Blu-ray under their recently new Shout Select brand and has given it a 4K scan from the original negative supervised by Friedkin himself and gave it some new features as well, including featurettes that look at the stunts, the score and interviews with the cast and crew. There’s also some pre-existing extras, like an audio commentary with the director, an intensive making of featurette and a deleted scene along with the dreaded alternate ending that almost was. There’s a lot here to give you your money’s worth, but me the movie is worth the price alone. To Live and Die in L.A. is one of the best movies of the ‘80s that still holds up today and none of the imitators today can even come close to representing the time period and events that this film does.
I didn’t want to talk about every little part of the film, because not only would that take forever (as there is a lot going on, but it never feel convoluted), but because it would spoil it. I know it seems silly worrying about spoiling a movie that’s over thirty years old, but I love this movie so much, I want people to go out and experience it and feel the way I did when they first watch it. The characters are so sympathetic, even the bad ones, it makes them relatable and the look is something that feels it’s right out of a Michael Mann production with some killer music to boot. To Live and Die in L.A. is not a cliched movie, but I can see how people nowadays would see it as one, but look past those and watch this movie.
Ho-stess’s PS– Willem Dafoe is fucking hot. #ThatIsAll 😉 xoxo
If there ever were a shining example of what an exploitation film is, it would be Pieces directed by Juan Piquer Simon, who also directed Slugs and Pod People, which was featured on MST3K. It’s as if the filmmakers went down some kind of twisted, morbid checklist of a mental patient and making sure each and every element was included. Why, there is something here for everyone; blood, violence, gore, nudity, sex, over the top performances, atrocious dubbing, silly dialogue and even a kung-fu scene. Oh, and how about an homage to the pulp comic The Shadow? Of course, the main element behind the film is a “whodunit” murder mystery, like most slashers, except in the case of Pieces, it’s fairly obvious from the first fifteen minutes, but oddly enough, it’s won’t ruin the experience for you. That’s because this is a balls out, nonsense gory great time of a film.
Grindhouse Releasing has brought you this wonderfully absurd epic in a brand new 4K transfer that looks beyond astonishing. I know the last few films I reviewed I have said that it was so cleaned up properly that it looks like I was experiencing the film for the first time and you can add Pieces to that list. I don’t think I have seen a film cleaned up as damn near perfect as this, to say that this is probably as pristine as it was when it played on film in all those grindhouse theaters nearly thirty years ago.
It opens up sometime in the early 1940s with a young boy putting together a jigsaw puzzle of a nude woman. I can’t think of a more educational way for a growing boy to learn about his interest in girls. For me, it was Bubble Bath Babes on NES, but that’s another story. The child’s mother does what any mother would do and verbally beat the shit out of him and slap him around like a pimp, so the child decides it’s time to take mom out with an axe, cutting her into many pieces for the police to find. The boy is automatically assumed innocent, but this is also coming from a movie that was using a push button telephone in the previous scene and those wouldn’t exist for nearly another thirty years.
Forty years pass and it’s time to complete that jigsaw puzzle. The young boy is now a grown man, but who? For the moment, all we see are leather gloved hands as the film cuts to a young woman skateboarding around the local Boston college campus and crashes through a giant window being carried by two men, which is surprising for two reasons; the first being that I thought this was a gag restricted to cartoons and the secondly, because it comes out of nowhere. But moments later, we see that same young woman studying on the lawn, only to be be decapitated by a man with a chainsaw disguised in what I’m guessing is some sort of gardener fall gear, complete with scarf, trenchcoat, gloves, hat and goggles. So, I guess you can walk away unscathed from crashing through a giant thing of glass only to be snuck up on with a chainsaw. Again, to recap, a screaming woman was decapitated with a noisy, loud saw in broad daylight on a populated college campus… no witnesses, no suspicion. We are only about fifteen minutes into the movie and already it’s the most ridiculous thing ever and that’s a good thing.
Well, a murder calls for the police. Enter Lt. Bracken (played by the late and the great Christopher George) and his partner to investigate and by investigate I mean stand around, chew on cigars and blame others for the murders without doing any actual police work. This is back in the day when actors would research what TV cops did for their roles, not actual cops, but it’s just another layer of charm in the movie. Is charm the right word? They meet with the dean, and his name is apparently “the dean” since he is never referred to by name, who seems to blame everyone from the gardener, Willard, who played Bluto in Popeye (no, seriously, he did) to the anthropology teacher and closet homosexual, Professor Brown. Now for those of you who don’t know your exploitation film actors, the dean is played by Edmund Perdom. Like I said, if you are familiar with his work, the significance of his character should be fairly obvious, regardless of how many red herrings the film tries to throw at you and believe me… they throw a lot at you. It tries to pass off about everyone who has any screen time as the killer. Not very good, since it assumes you are stupid and will blame anyone, just like our film’s detectives. Also, by now you are probably noticing how ridiculous the dialogue is, especially after a student delivers the line, “The most beautiful thing in the world is smoking pot and fucking on a waterbed.” Trust me though, it makes sense in the context of the film. Although, I have to disagree and say that fucking on a waterbed sucks. It’s like two opposite forces pulling apart and it make you seasick. We are getting off topic. (I’m right there with ya, bro…WAAAAAAY overrated!! -D.P.)
Anyway, this is where our main character comes in; Kendall. He’s the campus stud and he’s being asked by the police to do detective work. That’s right, instead of the detectives doing the investigation, they are using a horny college kid that looks like a tiny Steve Guttenberg in a Christmas sweater. And it’s not like they refer to him as the campus stud once. Oh no, they refer to it several times and the films only sex scene is with him and some rando, which the film does offer a shot of his twig and berries. Yup, you just saw Rick from Pod People’s dick. (“Hooray for equality!!” ;))
Eventually realizing that they should probably have an actual undercover cop doing some actual detective work, the police bring in Mary Riggs, ex-pro tennis player turned cop. When you fall from grace, you fall hard, eh? She is under the guise of the campus’ new tennis coach and Kendall’s new affection. This guy tries everything to get in her pants, including saving her from an attacker, which is one of the most out-of-nowhere, infamous scenes. Strolling one night, she is jumped by an assailant and after a few martial arts moves, the guy drops over only to be revealed as Kendall’s Kung-Fu professor, who then passes off his burst of random kicks on an innocent woman because he ate some bad chop suey and darts off into the night with a cheerful, and racist, “So rong!” Ok, where was my Kung-Fu professor when I was in school and just… why? This scene, why? Well, believe it or not, there is an explanation for it. You see, producer Dick Randall was making a bunch of Brucesploitation films (that’s exploitation films that featured Bruce Lee lookalikes to cash in on his death) and decided that Pieces, a film about a guy chainsawing girls to death, needed at the very least one scene of Kung-Fu. Can’t argue with that.
How about taking a break from all of this action for an aerobics scene? Hey it was the ‘80s, there was bound to be one of those somewhere. More bodies turn up with missing pieces and the cops are running out of time before… something. Luckily after some digging, Kendall learns the identity of the killer, who turns out to be the guy you knew it was all along. And just when you think the movie is over, it throws one of the most outrageous final jump scares at you, but at least this one kinda makes sense, unlike the Kung-Fu scene.
I could go on all day about this movie, but trust me when I tell you that you need to see it for yourself. I’ve always believed that no matter what type of horror movie fan you are, whether you are into gore, sleaze, a mystery (as bad as it might be), what have you, you need to see Pieces. Not only is it one of the quintessential exploitation films of all time, it’s also one of the quintessential horror films of all time, being a prime example of the genre as a whole, but also as a slasher and an exploitation film. The film is chock full of blood, guts and body parts and doesn’t shy away from sawing them up into bits. As a girl is decapitated, a fountain of blood splashes across the screen and another girl is cut in half, in which an actual pig carcass was used for the insert! Another girl has her arms cut off, spraying blood all over an elevator. I feel like I need a bucket to catch all of the blood that pours off the screen. For you T&A fans, have no fear, for there is plenty of it. Of course, it’s usually on a mutilated woman, but there are a few shots that were meant to be sexy, especially Kendall’s junk in the moonlit dorm while standing next to a Friday the 13th poster.
This film was a 42nd Street, grindhouse staple, but some of us weren’t fortunate to experience it back in the day. Luckily, Grindhouse Releasing’s newest transfer is absolutely bloody beautiful and the best way to experience all the carnage since the theater. If you do want a theater experience, the Blu-ray has the ported over the audio commentary tracks, one of which is a theater experience, so it sounds like you are with a crowd experiencing it. Most of the special features were brought over from the DVD, which isn’t a bad thing, don’t get me wrong, but the Blu-ray does have new features. My favorite of which is 42nd Street Memories, a feature length documentary featuring William Lustig, Larry Cohen, Frank Henenlotter and so many more. I already mentioned multiple audio commentary tracks and the interviews with the cast and crew are here as well, but one of my favorites it the complimentary soundtrack CD. I didn’t talk much about the soundtrack, but like most good horror films, the soundtrack accompanies the film so well with it’s slow, bassy, almost jazz like score. There are plenty of other extras, the most demanded of which being the original uncensored director’s cut with the Spanish title Mil Gritos Tiene La Noche, giving you two version of the film.
Pieces is a gory masterpiece, revealing in how absurd it is. It takes you along for a ride you never want to get off. It’s like your favorite restaurant; there are so many different ingredients going into this recipe, but JP Simon and crew make it taste like no other that this is the only place you come for it. Very few films live up to their infamy, but Pieces sets that bar.
I’m sorry, but I so don’t get why the world is so enthralled by the Oscars. I’m being forced to watch them right now (fam obligations :(), so I figured I’d do something semi-interesting whilst suffering through (seemingly) endless hours of rich white folks congratulating themselves on being able to pretend things real good-like. (Fun!! ;))
Here, for your viewing pleasure (and my personal sanity) is a handful (or 2 ;)) of Oscar winners in the buff. Not surprisingly, it was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay easier to compile a list of nekkid actresses than actors, so if I forgot any bold #FTW nominees, please feel free to add to my way-too-short (you know what I mean!!! ;)) list of Male Freedom Fighters. 😉 xoxo
2016 WINNER!! Alicia Vikander (Won tonight for The Danish Girl, but I would’ve given it to her -hehe- for Ex Machina instead. ;))
Halle Berry (Won for and showed off teh goodz in Monster’s Ball, 2001.)
Reese Witherspoon (Won an Oscar in Walk the Line in 2005, but here’s her way more interesting turn in Not-That-Twilight, 1998.)
Kate Winslet (Always happy to #FreeTheNipple, thankfully, and she was rewarded for her efforts in The Reader 2008.)
Jennifer Lawrence (Won for Silver Linings Playbook in 2013, and officially won our hearts in Hackmageddon, 2014. ;))
Michael Fassbender (As of this posting he’s not an Oscar winner, but he’s nominated this year for Steve Jobs, so it totally counts ;))
Robin Williams 🙁 (Won for Good Will Hunting, 1997, and was a total badass, as always, in The Fisher King, 1991.)
Ben Affleck (Also won for Good Will Hunting, 1997, and followed his co-star’s footsteps -kinda- in Gone Girl, 2014)
Geoffrey Rush (Won for Shine, 1997 and went full #FTW in Quills, 2000.)
Ho-norable Mention: Harvey Keitel (Incredibly, he’s never won an Academy Award, but you can’t pay the dude to keep his knickers on, and for that, sir, I saluteth thee. :))
Happy Day After (My Bloody) Valentine’s/Walking Dead (aka Daryl Kicking All the Ass!! :))/Deadpool Weekend/Presidents Day, Ho-rror Homies! 🙂 I’ve got a fresh, hot Goon Review cumming right up for ya, but first I wanted to take a sec to send you some Ho-rrorday Cheer. (As is my fiendishly festive way… ;))
(Just wanted to remind you that this is a thing that eXXXists…The world is so beautiful sometimes!! ;))
There have actually been a lot of Presidential themed ho-rror films (for a very rad list of options, check out this article by the Freddy in Space dude, whom I love :)), but my go-to for today is the 2006 David Arquette classic The Tripper.
I might be a wee bit bi-ass-ed, since I’m just slightly fond of Mr. Arquette (meaning, he’s right behind Rick Moranis on my list of all-time crushes :)), but I love this super silly (in a good way! :)) film. I highly rec you add it to your undoubtedly long list of fun-filled President’s Day activities. 😉
Since it’s also #ManMeatMonday (so many reasons to celebrate today! :)), here’s a collection of David Arquette pics that has served me well (hehe ;)) from time to time. (Meaning, I used to rub it out to ’em. Have to be clear about these things… ;)). xoxo
I put off talking about yesterday’s bummer news because it was too sad for me to process and write about in the same day. I know I can’t put off discussing the depressing stuff too much longer, but before I dive into that, let’s have one more happy distraction in the form of LeBron’s contribution to the #FreeTheWiener movement, shall we? (Spoiler Alert: Yes, we shall. ;))
It’s blurry, but it counts!!! 🙂 If you want to see a very well done slo-mo vid of the #FTW action (and you know you do!!! :)), check out Deadspin’s take on it here.
Very well played on this Flashback Front Friday, Mr. J! And since it’s also #FreddyFriday, he’s a little Freddy #FTW action for you, too…You are soooooooo welcum, Kinky Ho-s!! 😉 xoxoxox
Clearly the mouth-watering Man Meat and sultry Scream Queens of Ho-rror deserve their weekly recognition, but it suddenly dawned on me that the magnificent monstrocities that make up our celluloid nightmares weren’t getting their due time in the hashtag spotlight.
To correct that odious oversight, I present you with a brand spankin’ new Kinky Horror tradition: #MMM (Mad Monster Monday) and #MMM (Man Meat Monday). They’re two great tastes that taste great together…just like Nuts and Chocolate!! (Trust me… ;))
For my first-ever #MMM (Mad Monster Monday…not to be confused with that other #MMM, Man Crush Monday) I give you what is surely one of the Top 8 most beautiful pink, gooey blobs ever created, The Yummy Beast from Terrorvision. (I don’t actually know if that’s his name or not, but I’ve been calling him that forever so let’s just go with it, shall we? :))
Ain’t he purdy??? <3 <3<3
Check out this tasty bit o’80’s cheese, if you please…
I sincerely love Terrorvision! It’s got this absolutely appetizing alien, the always astounding Gerrit Graham, and major Medusa bewbage…
It’s the perfect movie, basically. 🙂
(10,000,000 eXXXtra awesome points if you recognize that cleavageactress as Luann Fayette fromMama’s Family. :))
As for your toothsome taste of Man Meat this week, I’ll be serving you up a plentiful portion of one of the hunkiest Ho-s in all of Ho-rrordom: Mr. Jeff Fahey, specifically in Psycho III (which just so happens to be my favorite Psycho incarnation).
(Don’t judge me, Duke!!! Just sit there and look Meaty…and put away those annoying lamps, would ya?? #FTW!! ;))
I’ve had a craving for this man’s Meat since I was first introduced to him in Lawnmower Man, and he’s still as scrumptious as ever…
The “Slutty Santa” look totally works for him, making him a definite #MMM-ILF. 🙂 xoxoxo