#FangsFridayFlashback: The “Barnabas Collins Gives Good Head” Edition

Thank God it’s Frid-ay, Kinky Kreeps! ;))

It’s another fang-tastic day, so we’re talkin’ about Barnabas Collins, the groovy vampire from TV’s Dark Shadows!
Before Edward sparkled in the sun, Johnathan Frid as Barnabas Collins was the heartless heartthrob who broke the hearts of teen ghouls everywhere. For monster kids, he was koolest korpse on the small scream.

When Barnabas ruled the night, they plastered his undead mug on just about everything… board games, joke books, toys, comic, and Horror Heads!

What were the Ho-rror Heads, you ask? Well, the Ho-rror Heads were probably the weirdest and most awesome thing to come out the popularity of Dark Shadows… besides the time Barnabas met Bozo the Clown. (True story!! :))

These strange little doll heads were like the unholy love-child of Madballs and carnival punks. They came in Barnabas (‘natch), Quentin the Werewolf, and… a witch. That last one’s a bit odd because the witch in the line is a generic Halloween witch and not Angelique, the main witch on Dark Shadows. But I guess it doesn’t matter which witch is which… 😉

For pure Dark Shadows awesome, check out the commercial below:

#TBT: The “Chucky Killed the Video Star” Edition

Hidey-Ho, Kinky Hos! Wanna play?

Who doesn’t love dolls? They’re just about the only companion who will stay with you forever… your friend to the end, if you will…
Yes, some dolls laugh, some cry, some blink their eyes, and some go tinkle in their pants… but the doll we prefer is a cut above the rest…
Of corpse, I’m talkin’ about Chucky, the tiniest tit-an of terror since Peter Lorre!
Yikes! Sorry, Mr. Ray!

Anyway, Back in the glory(hole) days of VHS,  studios would send VHS screeners of their new releases to video stores to entice them to stock their shelves with those movies. Well, MGM really took it to next level with their screener for 1989’s Child’s Play! They actually got the star of the film to scare ’em straight!
In this 6(66) minute video, The Chuckster goes huckster! Brad Dourif voices the killer doll, who brags about his slashing boXXX office success, (g)rave reviews, and even takes time to smack-talk Freddy and Mah Boo… not cool, Chuck!

The video also includes clips and the most ’80s theme song to ever ’80s. In short, this Child’s Play screener is Chuck-ing great! 🙂

Check it out, kreeps!

#WaybackWednesday: The “My First Xenomorph” Edition (aka Happy Alien Day!)

Happy Alien Day, Xeno-Homies! Is that eXXXcitement you’re bursting with… or are you having a “John Hurt” moment? Either way, you’re in the right frame of mind! 🙂
The Alien series is just about the greatest Sci-Fi/Horror franchise in the cosmos. It has some perfectly gruesome monsters, tons of thrills & kills, and one of the most badass badasses in the history of badassery in the form of Ms. Ellen Ripley. Even the worst installments in the franchise (I’m looking at you, Alien3!) are still solid monster movies and that is beyond rare for any franchise. In short, the Alien series kicks all the Xenomorph ass! 🙂

In ho-nor of the frightening franchise, I thought we’d look at the heart of any sci-fi franchise… TOYS!!! 🙂
The Alien series is a dark, grotesque series of gory horror films loaded with lots o’ swearing and phallic imagery… so it only makes sense to make a toyline based on it! Well, that’s what the folks at Kenner thought! In 1979, Kenner brought the terror and gloom of Ridley Scott’s Alien to toy shelves everywhere with a target set, a board game, a “movie viewer,” and an 18″ action figure based on the extra-TERROR-strial.

The latter of those (understandably) frightened the heck out of folks back then. Parents bombarded the company with a good many angry letters about how terrifying the 18″ horror was. Parental outrage and poor sales forced Kenner to pull the figure off shelves, so I guess you don’t need to blast an alien into space to kill it…
Kenner’s figure may have died, but, like Ripley in the fourth film, it was resurrected decades later in a big, bad way. In 2014, a toy company called Gentle Giant a released 24″ reproduction of the original 18″ figure. The fear figure retailed at $500… and sold out almost immediately!


Since that initial failure, Alien has spawned many successful toy lines, including an Aliens-based one by Kenner in the 1990s.

Those ’70s suckas may not have been ready for the radness, but Alien has since proven to be an unstoppable force in merchandising. Thank you, Kenner… you gave us one of the coolest monster toys of all time and opened the airlock for decades of awesome Alien toys.
Check out the commercial below for a classic Alien Attack:

Happy Alien Day, Kinky Ho-s…Here’s a ho-rrorday hug for ya! 😉 xoxo

 

#TBT: The “Headshrinkers Ball” Edition

Are you looking to shrink the heads of your enemies to harness their spirit without the hassle of decapitating them? Boy, have we got the toy for you!

Released in the monster-loving ’60s, Pressman’s Witch Dr. Head Shrinkers Kit is the perfect toy for the little Wednesday or Pugsley in your life. Like all artists, the witch doctor has to start somewhere, so grant your child a HEAD start on their career with this charming little kit. unfortunately, this nifty kit is hard to come by and we certainly don’t encourage any traditional methods of headshrinking… at least, not in public. Pressman says, “Now, shrunken heads for all occasions, collect ‘em, swap ‘em, give ‘em to your witch doctor friends. You can always cook up more with Pressman’s Witch Dr. Head Shrinkers Kit!”

Harmless? Non-Toxic? You just lost a customer, Pressman!

Thank Goodness it’s here! Ralph’s was out!

The Tools for Success!

Get a-Head in life and check out the commercial below:

Goon Reviews: Child’s Play (1988)

(Submitted by our Ho-mie in Ho-rror, Mr. Andrew Peters. Thanks, Friend Till the End!! 😉 xoxox)

During the mid ‘80s, for some reason we latched on to two foot tall, creepy dolls with lifeless eyes that we could dress as the toy we all just had to have. Be it a Cabbage Patch Kid or a My Buddy, these things were everywhere. They even had their own cartoons. I was more of a Teddy Ruxpin guy, until one night I was listening to it and it started eating my tape and the voice sounded all demonic and warped. I threw that thing in the bottom of my closet and never touched it again. My Buddy and Cabbage Patch Kids though… never trusted them. They always looked like they were watching you with their emotionless gaze and they were enough nightmare fuel to get me through my childhood.

My Buddy looks eerily familiar...

My Buddy looks eerily familiar…

So, of course someone saw this and thought, “hey, a movie about a killer children’s toy is a great idea!” If we’re being totally honest, it is and I would do the same thing. Having a doll come to life and go on a murderous rampage isn’t exclusively scary to kids, it’s also scary to adults. In fact, I think it’s more frightening for adults, because you lack a child’s imagination. It’s because of movies like Child’s Play that we had to live in fear of our toys and question what exactly it was that we were hearing when we heard something go bump in the night. Director Tom Holland seemed to have a knack for this, previously having directed Fright Night, a vampire movie that explores a young teenager who suspects his neighbor is a vampire and lives in constant fear of this. Noticing a trend in his films? Tom Holland likes to frighten you where you think you are safe, which is how good horror works.

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So, we’re gonna be jumping right into the action here. What was happening? What were they doing? Who knows, but something is going down. After his partner Eddie bails on him, notorious serial killer Charles Lee Ray (a combination of Charles Manson, Lee Harvey Oswald and James Earl Ray) has finally been put down by detective Mike Norris after a shootout in a local, um, Chicago (?) toy store, but not before Charles Lee Ray, aka Chucky, does some sort of ritualistic voodoo chant on a Good Guys doll, which is this movie’s equivalent of something like a Cabbage Patch Kid or My Buddy. I know, this sounds ridiculous, but the guy was dying and he had to try something. Lightning strikes and blows the whole toy store to hell and propels Det. Norris out the window with nothing more than a few mere scratches. All in a day’s work when you’re in an ‘80s movie.

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But now we are introduced to the movie’s central character, little Andy Barclay. He’s just a six year old boy who wants nothing more for his birthday than a Good Guys doll. Unfortunately for him, his single mother can’t afford it, because she’s too preoccupied working her ass off to keep a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. She does manage to scrape together a few bucks and get him some clothes for Andy, since he does need them after all. That. Heartless. Bitch. How dare you give your growing boy what he actually needs instead of what he wants! Luckily, some hobo just so happens to be selling a Good Guys doll behind her work, so she risks her job and snatches it up to bring home to Andy, who couldn’t be happier with his new gift.

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However, Andy’s mother has to work late, so her friend Maggie volunteers to watch him. Andy and his new friend Chucky are watching the news when they are sent to bed. Chucky wants to continue watching the news, but that bitch Aunt Maggie won’t let him, so Chucky stalks her around the apartment before whacking her in the head with a toy hammer and sending her falling out the window and crashing onto a car below. Worst babysitting gig ever.

It’s actually a really creepy scene and uses POV’s effectively, because you already know what Chucky looks like, so what exactly are they hiding? You do get a glimpse of him from another angle as he darts past an opening in a hallway and appears to be about child height, so could it actually be Andy? The police seem to think so, but Andy’s mother has a hard time believing he could be capable of such a thing. You know, until Andy’s caught cutting school after Chucky tells him to go to an old hideout where his partner Eddie is hiding and the place ends up exploding. You think you know your own child and then they are the prime suspect in two murders.

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That scene was also cleverly shot, using POV, except this time it’s a little more clear that it’s not Andy, since he’s wandering around outside looking for Chucky. This charade can’t go on much longer, so the film has Ms. Barclay pursuing this Chucky character and finds out that his real name and tracks down the hobo who sold it to her and learns that it was from the toy store the night Charles Lee Ray was murdered! What a string of unfortunate coincidences. But a talking doll? That’s crazy, right? Well, only way to find out is to ask the doll himself and that’s when this movie really becomes what everyone knows.

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They spent about half the movie making you question that it may not be the doll and then he begins screaming and swearing at Ms. Barclay, pretty much clearing up any doubts you may have had. Director Tom Holland spent half of the movie setting this up, so when you actually see Chucky come to life, it’s shocking and scary… which it is. The first time I ever saw that, it scared the crap out of me and to this day, it still gives me goosebumps. Of course, that’s also due to the incredible special effects by Kevin Yagher and crew. Oh, and Brad Dourif’s malign voice. One moment, he can be speaking to you softly in such a trusting way and the next, he’s thundering from the depths of his throat in such a way that will permanently haunt you. That’s why his voice works to well for Chucky. As a doll, or a killer in a doll’s body, he can be deceiving and trusting, but when you cross him, he will send chills down your spine.

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Chucky believes he’s invincible, until he goes after Det. Norris and gets shot and finds out that it hurts and bleeds. Figuring that the person who taught him the voodoo spells would have an answer, Chucky finds his old friend only to find out some bad news; he’s actually becoming the doll. That’s right, he’s been spending far too much time in that body and the only way to get out of it is to transfer his soul into the first person he revealed himself to. Looks like Chucky’s got a date with a six year old boy… wait, that sounded wrong. But again, you start to see a change in Chucky’s look, becoming more human looking in his doll form and it’s unnerving and weird. But that’s exactly what we want. Anyway, the hunt for Andy is on and Chucky is running out of time. But then again, so are Det. Norris and Ms. Barclay!

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The original Child’s Play, I feel, is a film that’s hurt by its sequels. Sure, Chucky cracks jokes in this and there are funny moments, but the sequels really took off with that idea and even sewn him back together which took away from him actually looking scary. It’s like when people try to make a scary looking clown that they are missing the point that normal looking clowns are scary on their own. Most people today probably think of the “Hot Topic” Chucky that doesn’t care about getting a new body back, that doesn’t look scary, that has elaborate murders and a goofy sidekick. But there was a time when he was actually frightening and had a purpose. You know how when you go into an old store or your grandparent’s house and there is that creepy looking doll just sitting there and it’s just a normal doll? I really enjoy this movie for that reason. Chucky was something we were all terrified of as kids. He was that toy we all wanted, but then feared because we knew it was truly sinister.

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It was nice to see this movie in a new 2K transfer from  Scream Factory. They always do such a nice job cleaning up the prints instead of just giving you another digital transfer that doesn’t look all that great. They even invited director Tom Holland to do a brand new audio commentary (finally!), which all other releases kept passing on for whatever reason. It also includes two other older commentaries with Alex Vincent, Catherine Hicks, Kevin Yagher, David Kirschner and Screenwriter Don Mancini. There’s even select scene commentaries with the man, er, doll himself, Chucky! Scream Factory also threw in some new old footage from Howard Berger that goes behind the scenes of making the Chucky doll and there’s even an all new interview with him as well. The final new featurette is an interview with Ed Gale, the actor who played Chucky when the animatronic doll couldn’t do the trick. You got a few other older features and your usual original theatrical trailer to round off this two-disc set that any boy would be happy to get for their birthday.

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Child’s Play is a really cool concept that wasn’t played that much with back in the day and helped bring an slasher icon to the ranks of Freddy and Jason, even if they continued to take him in the wrong direction with each sequel. I will never say this about any role in any film, but I honestly could never picture anyone but Brad Dourif doing his voice. It’s that iconic.

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Director Tom Holland and Star Charles Lee Ray.

Director Tom Holland and Star Charles Lee Ray.

thandme(Director Tom Holland and Kinky Ho-stess Derpy Diana.;))

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Goon Review: NECA ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2’ 8″ (hehe ;) Clothed Leatherface

(Yeah, yeah, Leatherface…That’s what they all say!! 😉 Here to tell us the ho-rrifying truth about all your bits and pieces is The Goon-y Goon himself, Mr. Andrew Peters. Thanks for keeping the realness, Ho-rror Ho-mie!! 😉 xoxo)

Aren’t sure what to get that special someone for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2’s 30th birthday? Well, it’s never too late and NECA has just the toy for you special deviants out there. Adding another Mego inspired figure to their clothed line, Leatherface cuts his way way in! Get the saw pun? Yeah, no worries, folks. I’ll be here all weekend.

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If that Jason Edmiston artwork doesn’t make you grab this figure like it’s a trophy for best tasting meat in all of Texas, then maybe you need some glasses. Like the ones Rick had before Leatherface killed him and his friend! Oh, I’m getting sidetracked. That blister packaging is resealable, like usual.

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Speaking of the usual, Leatherface stands at 8” tall and is fully poseable… amirite, ladies… and fellas? Don’t want to discriminate. His clothing is extremely detailed, like they shrunk the actual wardrobe down to fit this figure. He comes with the electric carving knife, an alternate hand to be used with the chainsaw and, oh that’s right! His chainsaw. Holy sweet, Lord of the Harvest, this thing takes up almost the entire packaging! If anyone says Leatherface ain’t packing, they ain’t seen this.

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A quick side note about the accessories and hands; it’s a little different this time. Usually the thumbs aren’t connected to the hands and you slip those over the accessories. Well, not this time. Now the handles on the chainsaw and knife come off at one end and slip through the now connected hands that don’t open. I felt like I was going to break it and I’m not sure about this new addition. Maybe they are trying to see if it works?

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If you haven’t gone out and bought this figure by now, then we aren’t friends anymore. NECA will also be adding an 8” Chop Top figure this Fall to the line and you wouldn’t want Bubba to be by his lonesome, now would you? Go get it for about $25, you coonshits!

Ho-stess’s PS- 

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That is all. 😉 xoxo

Ghostbusters Goodness Galore!!

I figured after that last somewhat-heated post, we could all use a lil palate cleanser. Remember that Ghostbusters has always been, and always will be, just big, goofy fun, and as long as The Interwebs eXXXist, nothing can take that away from us…Now brace yourselves for this #NOSTALGIABOMB!!!!!! 😉 Happy Ghostbusters Day, Kinky Ho-mies!! 🙂 xoxo

(See…Sometimes change can be a good thing! 😉 xo)

Toy Review: ¼ SCALE ‘PREDATOR’ HUNTER FIGURE

(Submitted by Mr. Andrew Peters…Thanks, Ho-mie!! 🙂 xoxo)

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He may be one ugly mother fucker, but this figure is absolutely beautiful. The latest ¼ scale figure from NECA, the Special Edition Jungle Hunter Predator, can now battle it out with the ¼ scale Xenomorph that was previously released. The detailing and paint design on this figure is absolutely amazing, right down to every last detail.

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Those details include the mesh netting, decorative skull and bones necklaces, a removable laser cannon blaster and extendable blades. Unfortunately, no removable mask this time. However, that’s because it houses a small cell battery to power the LED laser tracker located on his mask and that weird Predator language on his wrist computer.

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At 19 inches tall, the figure also has over 20 points of articulation and I can say that I was rather impressed with how well the figure stood on its own without a stand, offering many different and iconic predator poses. I was a little bummed his hand doesn’t quite reach his wrist computer, but that’s just nitpicking.

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I half expect this thing to come to life, jump out of the box and start fighting with my ¼ scale Xenomorph, which honestly would be pretty cool to see. If you want to get one yourself, it is available now, but at about $100, that may be a little steep, but you are getting one really kick ass figure.

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Ho-stess’s PS– Just because it’s awesome. 😉 xoxo

Toy Story (of) 2: Jason vs Alien

Ho-wdy Ho, Ho-rror Ho-mies!! I have not one but(t) TWO beautiful Toy Stories to share with you today, both courtesy of Mr. Andrew Peters (better known ’round these parts as Mr. Goon-y Goon :)). It’s not really a VS sitch, I guess (Jason would always win…hands down, zero argument!! ;)), but more of a Double Feature of Fierceness (copyright: Tyra Banks, I ass-ume ;)). Regardless, strap yourself down and get ready for a metric-ass ton of amazing awesomeness!! (Everyone gets this eXXXcited about toys action figures, right? ;)) xoxo

NECA Classic Video Game Appearance ‘Friday the 13th’ Jason w/ Theme Music Packaging

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What better way to celebrate NECA’s thirteenth figure into their Classic Video Game Appearance series than with Jason Voorhees. But wait, didn’t they do that already? Why, yes. Yes they did. A few years ago at NYCC, they launched this line with an exclusive Jason figure with a glow in the dark mask, but you either had to attend the event or pay an outrageous price afterwards on Ebay. Well, fret no more. No only this affordable and widely available, it’s also got a slightly new paintjob and a few new accessories and something new to the packaging, so this way you aren’t getting a re-release.

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Right away you’re going to notice the coolest addition that I can see trending with this line, theme music packaging! Fans of the game will recognize the little tune from the menu screen which plays when you open it. Gotta hand it to NECA for adding that little extra to give the fans something different. Also included is the decaying, decapitated head of Mrs. Voorhees that comes with a clear stand to give her that floating appearance she has in the game! I think that is by far the neatest addition to the figure. Oh, you also get the classic axe and machete.

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Jason’s paint deco is the same, but instead of his mask glowing in the dark like the NYCC variant does, it’s painted that baby blue he wears so well in the game. Hey, I told you this wasn’t the same thing repackaged.

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Jason stands at the usual 7” inches tall and has 25 points of articulation, while Mrs. Voorhees has, well, none. She’s a floating head, what do you expect? Either way, with the new additions to the figure and the packaging, it makes it worth picking up, especially at a $25 price tag.

And now for Part DeauXXX:
NECA ¼ Scale ‘Alien’ Xenomorph
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NECA has released some great and terrifying looking figures throughout their Alien line, but their latest ¼ scale Xenomorph is both amazing and frightening. I nearly pooped myself (not something I am proud to write about) when I came home from vacation and opened the big package (tee hee) that awaited for me upon my return.

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I gotta be honest here… this is one of the most fantastic looking figures I have ever seen. The attention to detail really brings out the semi-sexual and terror from the original H.R. Giger design. This figure stands on a shelf in the corner of my hallway and sometimes at night, it feels like I’m being stalked by the creature itself. I’m telling ya, this is one might big figure. I half expect this thing to come to life and try to eat me.

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It stands at 22” (which is about two feet tall for those who couldn’t figure that out) and has nearly 30 points of articulation with a fully bendable tail, so he can be posed in all sorts of ridiculous positions. Oh and no worries. That jaw is hinged so you can open it right up and extend his killer little mouth! Not to mention, the attention to detailing is just absolutely too incredible for words. I’ve also loved the looked of the original Xeno, more so than the slight redesign in James Cameron’s sequel, especially with the semi-translucent dome. Something about an eyeless skull underneath that thing, barely visible under what looks like some kind of fogged up helmet is creepy, but also begs the question; how does the Xeno see without eyeballs? If there is anything Alien: Resurrection taught us, it’s that Xenomorphs look really stupid with eyeballs.

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This monstrosity goes for about a hundred big one, which I know seems like a lot for a figure, but you are really getting your money’s worth here. It looks like you would be placing an acid bleeding statue in your own home.

Toy Story: NECA’s ‘Jason Lives’ Ultimate Jason

(reviewed by Andrew Peters…Thanks, ya great big Goon-y Guy, you!! 😉 xoxo)
In 2016, Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives – my favorite of the series I may add – will celebrate its 30th Anniversary. Holy cow, thirty years already? I feel like it’s the most stylish of the bunch in the franchise, blending gothic horror atmosphere, moody lighting and playing with series, picking on the tropes and making some tongue in cheek jokes without making it a full spoof. And of course it introduced us to zombie Jason. It’s my favorite looking Jason and NECA, being a skilled and appreciative toy company, has commemorated the film’s anniversary with the new Jason Lives Ultimate Jason and boy, oh boy, is it ever ultimate.

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For starters, the packaging is replica of the VHS box art, which I have always loved. Just looking at it makes me want to dust off my VHS copy and pop it in. To hell with my Blu-ray and DVD! The inside of the packaging is the bottom of Jason’s coffin, which is such a clever little touch.

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This figure is newly sculpted and they didn’t skip any gruesome little detail. I mean, look at that mug for crying out loud! Ech. Not only that, but this 7” figure has over 25 points of articulation for all kinds of creepy poses and comes with a handful of signature weapons from the film, including his combat knife, the trademark machete, the fence post that brought him back to life, his tombstone and of course, his hockey mask. I should also note that he comes with an interchangeable hand designed to hold the machete.

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Ring in the new year and celebrate the film’s 30th Anniversary with this amazing figure. It goes for about $25 and is available now. It is easily my favorite Jason figure out there and I’m so happy NECA gave this rendition of Jason the ultimate treatment.

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