Goon Review: The Resurrected (1991)

(Submitted by his Goon-y Greatness, Mr. Andrew Peters…Thank you, Ho-rror Ho-mie! 🙂 xoxo)

The works of H.P. Lovecraft have been adapted (or at the very least, influenced) many, many times over the years across numerous mediums, most notably video games and movies. I’m sure the Stuart Gordon/Brian Yuzna Re-Animator films or From Beyond come to mind and arguably the most stylish and better adaptations, even if they aren’t fairly accurate. They are modern re-tellings of the source material, but there was a time in the early ‘90s when it felt like there were a handful of H.P. Lovecraft films that came out direct video and kinda fell into the void of forgotten films.

It’s not the fault of the films by any stretch of the imagination, but I believe the blame can be (at least mostly) blamed at the feet of the distributors who seemed to get cold feet when it comes to releasing these films. They don’t seem to want to put the money into making these films, yet except big returns and they can’t quite seem to decide if they want it to be PG-13 or R. Although an example like Necronomicon: Book of the Dead is pretty hard R, The Resurrected comes to mind when I think of a missed opportunity and can’t quite seem to decide what it wants to be. On one end, you have the late and talented Dan O’Bannon directing, but you can’t help to feel he was held back. They hire the guy who wrote a draft of Alien and has other phenomenal writing credits, such as Return of the Living Dead, and essentially shackle him down from doing what he wants. The gore is – or was at the time this film was released – not necessarily tame, but definitely dialed down, the same could be said about the language. The Resurrected has a bit of a case of mistaken identity that it’s too tame for something that would be a theatrical release, but perhaps too much for a TV movie, so it should be no surprise that this was a direct to video release.

Still, for being strapped down to an operating table, The Resurrected still manages to be fun and has that early DTV charm that works in its favor. The thing is shot like a made for TV movie, but has higher ambitions even if the budget won’t allow it. This also plays into the cast and their performances, most notably Chris Sarandon who chew so much goddamn scenery that I’m surprised he didn’t turn into a rat and eat all of the dry wall. His performance as the antagonist is cheeky fun and the same could be said for Jane Sibbett who seems to be putting a PS1 era Resident Evil performance (and I mean that in a good way), but unfortunately not for the lead John Terry, who took me til the end of the film for me to recognize that he was Lt. Lockhart in Full Metal Jacket. Now, I think the man is a terrific actor, I just feel like he was wrong for the part. He’s not quite sleepwalking through his role, but feels subdued and that could be because of the confused narrative of the film. And that ‘90s mullet he’s rocking. Get out of here with that nonsense.

The Resurrected sees John Terry as John March, a private detective that’s been hired by Claire Ward (Jane Sibbett) to investigate her husband, Charles (Chris Sarandon), who has been conducting experiments out of his home and eventually out to an old farmhouse where you can assume only the kookiest of mad scientist shenanigans happen. Charles has been becoming increasingly obsessed with his ancestor Joseph Curwen and eventually Charles quits coming home altogether. This is where John March comes in, who upon his investigation, find that Joseph Curwen had been trying to raise the dead and wouldn’t you know it, Charles is acting rather change. Like, he’s talking like he’s from a previous century and his teeth look like burnt pieces of corn. Yes, what is happening is that obvious, so this mystery isn’t so much of a mystery as it is a race to what you already know and for a movie that clocks in at about an hour and forty-five minutes, it can seem at times like it’s going to take a while.

Upon discovering this, John March just kind of accepts it. He seems rather indifferent, but I think that’s the laid back acting style of John Terry seeping through. His crack assistant Lonnie, who I think is supposed to offer the comic relief, but it often falls flat, and even Claire don’t believe him. That is, until they discover a hatch in the old farmhouse that leads to Joseph Curwen’s secret catacombs, sorta like his own personal Batcave. There’s all kinds of weird beakers and tubes with science-y liquids and human remains… some of which seem to be up and walking around. Suddenly, the film breaks into a really weak zombie flick seeing as how there’s only a handful of creatures. Normally, I wouldn’t mind a slow burn, but the majority of this movie is them beating around the bush and trying to solve something you figured out in the first fifteen minutes. This leads John March to confront Joseph Curwen, where you get to see him tear off an orderly’s head with ease as it shoots out blood and that’s not a bad thing.

Right away, the big problem I had with the film was the old fashioned noir setting and storytelling in this contemporary film. When done right it can work (think of something like Sin City), but maybe it’s the writing or as I mentioned the way this movie is shot, it doesn’t work. John March narrates the events occasionally and the film is told in a flashback form that doesn’t mesh a ‘40s mystery style with a low budget ‘90s gore flick. Throw in some over the top performances and it feels more like a spoof that it does an homage. I was genuinely surprised to learn that this was originally slated for a theatrical release, but the releasing company’s bankruptcy halted that and The Resurrected was then sent DTV, which I feel is a better fit and most likely found more of an audience.

Another negative the film has going against was the number of cliches and The Resurrected is a repeat offender. It tries the same cliches again and again, like it truly believes at some point they just might work. Apparently, the film was taken away from director Dan O’Bannon during editing and he completely disowned this movie and honestly speaking, you can kinda tell. It doesn’t quite live up to the type of quality that’s usually associated with his name. As someone who puts his work out there for others to see, I can respect where he’s coming from, but I don’t think the movie was that bad. Sure, it had it’s share of problems and never lived up to its full potential, but I think it has a charm and is kind of fun.

Speaking of fun, there are a few clever creature designs that do look pretty decent… at first, but the more the camera lingers on them, the more it starts to look like a rubber puppet. Most of the gore happens off screen and you just take a look at the aftermath, as if they had the budget to show it, but not show it happening or perhaps they thought it built mood and suspense (spoiler, it doesn’t). There is the aforementioned head ripping scene that I thought was pretty cool and impressive for the budget, but outside of that the film doesn’t offer much to look at. Even the cinematography is pretty dull and is shot like a TV movie and I even assumed it was at times, but occasionally swearing proved otherwise. It’s not a prime example of either a well adapted H.P. Lovecraft story or the excellent work of Dan O’Bannon, but that doesn’t stop it from trying and that shows, making this film pretty decent and giving it a sense that care was put into making this. I would say check it out for some low budget, ‘90s DTV fun.

#TBT: The “EXXXpress Yourself, Stephen King” Edition

Happy Birthday to the KING of Literary Ho-rror, Mr. Stephen King!
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We’ve been talking about this gentleman a lot recently (but also, always because he rules ;)). With trips to The Dark Tower and visits from IT, the recent ho-rror scene has really been dominated by this man who has been in the public eye for over 40 years.  He has weaved timeless nightmares from the mundane and has created creatures that have haunted us for decades and will continue to do so. Stephen King is truly a SHINING star in terror whose words will CARRIE on through the ages… but do you know what’s truly scary?

Stephen King hamming it up in an American EXXXpress commercial!
That’s f-right, kreeps! King made a ghoulish TV appearance for American Express back in the ’80s!
Like Vincent Price in his numerous commercial appearances, King plays up his spooky persona in a deliciously campy way. Dressed as a villain in one of Corman’s Poe films, Stephen King puns his way through a Gothic mansion before promoting the credit card. It’s truly magnificent!

For some conteXXXt, here’s a groovy 1984 article from PEOPLE:

A flash of lightning, banging doors, scurrying hunchbacks, disembodied human arms…and the cameras are rolling. As fog sifts through the haunted house—an old mansion ghouled up for the occasion—horror novelist Stephen King emerges from the gloom with a flaming taper in one hand and a sinister raven in the other. “Do you know me?” he asks.

Then he gestures toward a table littered with applications for a well-known credit card. “Isn’t life a little scary without it?” asks the maestro of macabre fiction. “The next time you visit your favorite haunt, why not apply for an American Express card?”

King’s gig, which will air in late September, highlights the 10th anniversary of one of TV’s most spectacularly successful commercials. When American Express shot the first spot in 1974 of the now famous ad series, featuring a parade of high achievers whose names are often better known than their faces, only six million people owned Amex cards. Now there are some 18 million. And Amex attributes a big part of the rise to their ads—of which King’s is the 61st and most flamboyant. “We are getting more ambitious with our spots,” concedes Glen Gilbert, director of advertising for Amex. “They’re so well established now, it gives us a chance to experiment and have a little more fun.”

The pioneer flasher of the little green card on TV was actor Norman (Three’s Company) Fell, who did a modest talk piece at the check-in desk of a hotel. And Fell remains the only subject who did not say, “Do you know me?” Rather, he began with “Thanks to TV a lot of people know my face, but not many know my name.”

After Fell the ads swung into the familiar opener that has held through all the spots leading into the spectacular by King, who, like most other Amex guests, confesses he was tickled to be asked to appear. “It’s just such a compliment,” says King, whose new novel, The Talisman, co-authored with Peter Straub, will appear soon after the ad. King did the spot more for laughs than for celebrity. “Certainly it’s not going to do much for my literary reputation, although,” he cracks, “many would say that I don’t have a literary reputation to worry about.”

One thing’s for sure. King, whose writings and film versions of Carrie and The Shining have earned him millions, didn’t do the ad for money. And neither have most of the other guest hosts. The $10,000 payment, plus residuals, has not changed in 10 years.

Despite the modest fee Amex has no trouble finding subjects. Together with Ogilvy & Mather, the Manhattan agency that created the campaign, Amex selects the potpourri of known-unknowns for the spots. Though hundreds of unsolicited requests pour in each year, the agency tactfully puts off the volunteers. “I can’t think of an instance in which we chose someone who approached us first,” says an Ogilvy & Mather executive.

One of the most successful invitations went to the late William Miller, Barry Goldwater’s running mate in the 1964 Presidential election. “It was amazing the recognition he got from the ads,” says his widow, Stephanie. “He used to say, ‘I definitely recommend that before someone runs for Vice-President, they do an American Express commercial!’ ”

Another especially popular advertisement was the one in which Tom Landry, the stonefaced coach of the Dallas Cowboys, appeared in a Western saloon decked out as a cowboy and surrounded by redskins—Washington Redskins, that is, in football garb. “My reputation is sort of stoic, which is planned,” says Landry, “so a lot of people were surprised.”

Other Amex stars were themselves surprised to find that the ads improved not only their image but also sales of their products. “It helped business,” says Roy Jacuzzi, founder of the whirlpool-bath company that bears his name. In 1982 he posed in one of his creations with a rubber duck—and artfully saved the show when the whirlpool quit during filming. Roy jumped out and, off-camera, shimmied under the tub with a pair of pliers and a wrench. The bath soon whirled back to life, with the cameras rolling again and a happy proprietor bubbling inside.

Opera star Roberta Peters agrees the spots provide a business boost. “It definitely helped bring people to the opera,” she says of her 1980 commercial. Peters also admits she is recognized more often since doing the ad. While she was trying unsuccessfully to flag down a Manhattan cab one day, a woman stuck her head out of a car window and yelled, “Do it da way you do it in da cammercial!” Peters obliged. She held up her hand and launched into a soprano trill. “Taaaxiii!”

For your viewing pleasure, here’s the commercial:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STEPHEN KING!!! SLEEPWALKERS RULES!!!! 🙂 xoxo

#TerrorTrailerTuesday: The “Super Monsters” Edition

Ho-wdy, Ho-rror Junkies!
Look, up in the sky! It’s a bat! It’s a demon! No, it’s #TerrorTrailerTuesday!

This week, we’re paying tribute to ho-rrific superheroes who fight for truth, justice, and the A-Scare-ican Slay!

Y’know, fiends, movie monsters and comic book heroes have much more in common than we s-care to admit. Both are often depicted as social misfits, are usually created through some bizarre accident, wear a theatrical outfit with a cape and/or mask, and have fabulous powers. The main difference between superheroes and monsters is whether they use their abilities to save or to terrorize. Well, the creeps in today’s trailers like to do a little bit o’ both!

We’ve gathered up the best trailers featuring creatures who walk the line between costumed crusader and monstrous fiend! Grotesque avengers, slimy saviors, mystic masters, demonic defenders, and more lurk in the trailers below!

Check ’em out, Kinky Kreeps! 🙂 xoxo

#MonsterMovieMonday: Killers From Space

Ho-wdy, Kinky Kreeps! I SEE you there!

Just another #MonsterMonday here at Kinky Ho-rror! This week, we’re spacing out with a sci-fi screamer that’ll make your eyes pop! Jeepers Creepers! It’s the peepers of…

Killers from Space is real eye-opener from W. Lee Wilder, brother of the brilliant Billy Wilder! Sure, W. Lee didn’t direct Some Like It Hot, but…

The film stars Peter “Mission: Impossible” Graves as a scientist killed in plane crash who is resurrected by bug-eyed aliens. The saucer-eyed fiends plan to exterminate humanity using giant animals and take over the world…

This one’s a doozy! Featuring the biggest eyes in ho-rror since Peter Lorre, atomic monsters, and terrifying stock footage, Killers From Space is awesome B-movie nonsense to make your Monday monstrous! If it’s good enough for It Follows, it’s good enough for us! 🙂

Killers From Space in It Follows

Stare into the eyes of Killers From Space below:

Happy Birthday, Elvira!

Happy Birthday to the sassy lassie with the classy chassis… Elvira, Mistress of the Dark!!

Yes, Kreeps… the forever gore-geous Cassandra Peterson turned a fabulous 66(6) today, so it’s time to skull-ebrate!

We talk about Elvira A LOT on this site, but that’s only because there would be no Kinky Horror without her! She was (and is) a major influence on all of us spooky cats here! Her killer style, her wicked puns, her… uh, two big pumpkins… Elvira is definitely one of the coolest ghouls in the graveyard and our most HeXXXcellent inspiration! Whether she’s hosting scary shock schlock on TV or vamping it up at theme parks, Elvira will always be our Queen of Halloween. 🙂

In ho-nor of Cassandra/Elvira, we’ve gathered up some of our favorite Elvira Ho-st segments to showcase her eternal badassery. Enjoy 🙂

TCM and AMC Unleash Their Halloween Schedules!

Ho-wdy, Kinky Ho-mies!

As you creeps know, Halloween is literally just around the corner now! Ghosts and ghouls are already taking over the stores and the Cereal Monsters have made their glorious return. Of Corpse, it just isn’t Halloween without a fright film or two… or eighty…

TCM and AMC have got the tricks and treats covered this Halloween! Both have released their schedules and they are fantastic! Between the two, we have slasher favorites, monster cl-Ass-Sicks, Hammer Horror, exported frights, silent screams, cult films, ghost flicks, and other gruesome greats to make your Halloween a scary one! Plus, AMC will be hosting the world terror-vision premiere of Cult of Chucky!!! Unholy crap! That’s scary good!

To help you get your Halloween viewing schedule sorted, here are both line-ups!

TCM:

(Monster of the Month is Dracula)

Sunday, October 1

Dracula (above; 1931) 8 PM
Dracula’s Daughter (1936) 9:30 PM
Son of Dracula (1943) 11 PM

Nosferatu (1922) 12:30 AM

Tuesday, October 3
Universal Horror

Frankenstein (1931) 8 PM
Bride of Frankenstein (1935) 9:30 PM
The Mummy (1932) 11 PM
The Wolf Man (1941) 12:30 AM
Island of Lost Souls (1933) 2 AM
The Black Cat (1934) 3:30 AM
The Invisible Man (1933) 4:45 AM

Sunday, October 8

The Return of Dracula (1958) 8 PM
House of Dracula (1945) 9:30 PM
Billy the Kid Vs. Dracula (1966) 10:45 PM
.

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (192) 12:15 AM
Jigoku (1960) 2 AM
Tokaido Yotsuya Kaidan (1959) 4 AM

Tuesday, October 10

Cat People (1942) 8 PM
The Body Snatcher (1945) 9:30 PM
Martin Scorsese Presents, Val Lewton: The Man in the Shadows (2007) 11 PM
I Walked With a Zombie (1943) 12:30 AM
The Seventh Victim (1943) 2 AM
Bedlam (1946) 3:30 AM
The Leopard Man (1943) 5 AM

Wednesday, October 11

The Ghost Ship (1943) 6:15 AM
Isle of the Dead (1945) 7:30 AM

Friday, October 13

Kiss of the Tarantula (1976) 6:30 AM
Snake Woman (1961) 8 AM
Village of the Damned (1961) 9:30 AM
The Nanny (1965) 11 AM
The Innocents (1961) 1 PM
A Place of One’s Own (1945) 2:45 PM
The Bad Seed (1956) 4:30 PM
The Curse of the Cat People (1944) 6:45 PM

Saturday, October 14

Blacula (1972) 2:15 AM
Scream, Blacula, Scream (1973) 4 AM

Sunday, October 15

Horror of Dracula (1958) 8 PM
The Brides of Dracula (1960) 9:45 PM

The Phantom Carriage (1921) 12 AM

Monday, October 16

The Indescructible Man (1956) 5 PM

Tuesday, October 17

The Devil’s Bride (1968) 8 PM
The Curse of Franenkenstein (1957) 9:45 PM
The Mummy (1959) 11:15 PM
The Curse of the Werewolf (1961) 1 AM
The Plague of the Zombies (1966) 2:45 AM
The Reptile (1966) 4:30 AM

Saturday, October 21

Willard (1971) 2 AM
Ben (1972) 3:45 AM

Sunday, October 22

Dracula, Prince of Darkness (1965) 8 PM
Dracula Has Risen From the Grave (1969) 10 PM

The Monster (1925) 12 AM
Eyes Without a Face (1960) 2 AM
Kwaidan (1965) 3:45 AM

Tuesday, October 24

The Innocents (1961) 8 PM
Diary of a Madman (1963) 10 PM
Curse of the Demon (1958) 12 AM
Carnival of Souls (1962) 2 AM
From Beyond the Grave (1973) 3:30 AM

Saturday, October 28

Mark of the Vampire (1935) 6:15 AM
The Devil-Doll (1936) 7:30 AM
What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962) 9:00 AM
Little Shop of Horrors (1960) 11:30 AM
Village of the Damned (1961) 1 PM
Children of the Damned (1963) 2:30 PM
House of Dark Shadows (1970) 4:15 PM
Night of Dark Shadows (1971) 6:00 PM

The Brood (1979) 2 AM

Sunday, October 29

Taste the Blood of Dracula (1970) 8 PM
Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972) 10 PM

Onibaba (1964) 2:15 AM

Tuesday, October 31

White Zombie (1932) 8:30 AM
Mad Love (1935) 10 AM
Dementia 13 (1963) 11:30 AM
13 Ghosts (1960) 1 PM
The Fearless Vampire Killers (1966) 2:30 PM
House of Wax (1953) 4:30 PM
Poltergeist (1982) 6 PM
The Old Dark House (above; 1932) 8 PM
The Haunting (1963) 9:30 PM
House on Haunted Hill (1958) 11:30 PM
The Cat and the Canary (1939) 1:15 AM
The Old Dark House (1963) 2:45 AM
The Bat (1959) 4:30 AM

AMC:

(Not all of the have details released yet, but we’ll update as this list when they are.)

Halloween (78)
Halloween 4
Halloween 5
Halloween 6
Halloween H2O
Halloween II (09)
Nightmare on Elm Street (10)
Freddy vs. Jason
Friday the 13th Part IX: Jason Goes to Hell
Jason X
Wes Craven’s New Nightmare
Child’s Play
Curse of Chucky
Cult of Chucky
Annabelle
Thinner
Dreamcatcher
Dawn of the Dead (04)
Land of the Dead (05)
House of the Dead 1&2
House on Haunted Hill (99)
Return to House on Haunted Hill
House of Wax (05)
Hellbound: Hellraiser II
Army of Darkness
Van Helsing
Lake Placid
Slither
the Leprechaun franchise

Thanks to Bloody Disgusting and Wonder Alliance for making us aware of these line-ups! 🙂

Fangs for the Memories, Basil Gogos.

Filmland has just lost one of its most famous monsters…

Legendary artist Basil Gogos was, without a doubt, one of the finest painters known to horror. His jaw-dropping, mind-melting portraits of cinema’s greatest fiends graced the covers of many, many issues of Famous Monsters of Filmland. Starting with an eerie portrait of Vincent Price for Famous Monsters #9, Gogos created almost 50 wondrously macabre works for the publication. Gogos often bathed his monstrous subjects with brilliant colors from multiple light sources, highlighting their fearsome features with expressionistic radiance. His subjects included The Phantom of the Opera, Frankenstein, Dracula, The Wolf Man, The Mummy, King Kong, Godzilla, Gill-man, Mr. Sardonicus, Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi, Vincent Price, and many other beloved fright icons. Mr. Gogos also brought his distinctive flair to CD covers for rock acts Rob Zombie, The Misfits and Electric Frankenstein.

Farewell, Basil Gogos. Your paintings brought out the beauty in the beast and inspired generations of monster lovers. Thank you for bringing color to black-and-white monsters. 🙂

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Splatterday Mourning Cartoon: Monster Force – The Rage of Frankenstein’s Bride

Ho-wdy, cartoon creeps!

It’s Splatterday Mourning again, and we’ve got the perfect cartoon caper to make you scream!

This week’s abominable animation is Monster Force, a 13-episode series by Universal Cartoon Studios and Canadian studio Lacewood Productions. The story is set in approx. 2020 and centers around a group of teenagers (with attitude!!!) fighting the Universal Monsters with futuristic weaponry. It’s a series that proves that Universal has been trying to do the “Dark Universe” thing long before Tom Cruise and The Mummy.

Both Monster Force and The Mummy resurrected the grand ol’ monsters, but with less scares and more radical action. The “Dark Universe” was clearly inspired by the success of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and this series actually got Marv freakin’ Wolfman to write some episodes! I guess it makes some sense… there always was a strange connection between superheroes and monsters….
Considering that nobody ever talks about this one, it’s actually a lot of fun! It’s G.I. Joe fighting cl-Ass-Sick fiends with sci-fi weapons…and every bit as cool as it sounds! 🙂 It even manages to sprinkle in some references to the actual films. Heck, the score in today’s episode quotes the score of Bride of Frankenstein! Plus, check out these monsters:
Groovy.
Check it out below…Happy Splatterday, Kinky Kreeps! 🙂 xoxo

#TBT: Electra Woman and Dyna Girl

Ho-wdy, Superfiends! Welcome to another shocking Throwback Thursday!
With Wonder Woman kickin’ all sorts of booty at the Box Office and Captain Marvel set to fly into cinemas, badass superheroines are finally getting their well-deserved time in the Bat-shaped spotlight. Howl-ever, there are plenty of awesome crime-fightin’ women who don’t get the love they deserve. Women like…
Yesiree! Just two years after Wonder Woman came to television, mad geniuses Sid and Marty Krofft introduced us to Electra Woman and Dyna Girl on The Krofft Supershow. The Supershow spawned 16 segments, which were later released as 8 episodes. It was cheap, cheesy, derivative of the ’60s Batman series, and I loved every single thing about it! Just check out this eXXXcellent opening:

True art.

The show’s goofy as all heck, but gleefully so. With a budget of five cents and a Moonpie, the creators built a wackadoo Silver Age comic funhouse of a show that’s beyond words. Diedre Hall and Judy Strangis are both totally groovy as the tit-ular superheroines. Sure, they weren’t exactly Meryl Streep and Helen Mirren, but they didn’t need to be! They were the two awesomely campy super butt-kickers this world needed. If you need someone to beat the snot out of hammy magicians and sinister glam rockers, Electra Woman and Dyna Girl are the far-out chicks for you. 🙂

In ho-nor of this show and its powerful leads, we’ve got a full episode of the show that has to be seen to be believed! It features death traps, hyno-tunes, and a villain who looks like the unholy lovechild of The Joker and Beef from Phantom of the Paradise. Enjoy. 🙂

Stay super, Electra Woman and Dyna Girl!

#TerrorTrailerTuesday: The “King of the Silver Scream” Edition

Beep-Beep, Fright Fiends!

2017’s been a real groovy year for The King, hasn’t it?

Mr. Mercedes, The Dark Tower, Gerald’s Game, and IT… no matter where you go, King’s creepin’ up with ya! And with the gargantuan success of IT and the announcement of Suffer the Little Children, it seems like the King renaissance is going to keep on floatin’!
In ho-nor of the man who was Richard Bachman, we’ve gathered up some of the most frightful ‘n’ delighful trailers for some of our favorite King scarefests! Telekinetic creeps, ghosts, things from the grave, killer cars, werewolves, and the Devil himself… these trailers prove that King knows how to show a ghoul a good time! 🙂
Let the trailers begin!!!!!! 

and my personal favorite…

Hail to the King, Baby!