#TBT: The “Freddy Phones It In” Edition

Grab your crucifix, kiddies… it’s #ThrowbackThursday!

This week, we’re hanging on telephone and dreaming a dream of Freddy Krueger!
Back in the day, Ol’ Pizzaface had his own telephone hotline (1-900-860-4-Fred; 1-900-909-Fred) where the Dream Weaver himself would tell nightmarish stories to keep you up at night!

But it did cost 2 dollars the first minute and 45 cents for each additional minute…
Howl-ever, thanks to the magic of the internet, we’ve got 44 minutes of free, unfiltered Freddy goodness that’ll have screaming like this…
Think of it like a bunch of one minute audio Tales from the Crypt or, more appropriately, Freddy’s Nightmares. This macabre morsels of frightening Freddy fables are the perfect thing to get you pumped for the upcoming Halloween season… so, get ready for Freddy and click on the boXXX below:

Happy Thursday, Kreeps! 🙂

Kinky Komic Book Review: No Angel: Vol 1

(Submitted by your Super Friend and mine, Mr. Doctor Prince Adam…Thanks, you Naughty Nerd, you! 😉 xoxo)

“No Angel is a cosmological and conspiratorial modern western with super power by way of The Da Vinci Code.”  (Black Mask Studios)

No Angel is an independent comic book, written by the brother sister team of Eric Palicki and Adrianne Palicki.  If that name sounds familiar, it should.  Adrianne Palicki starred in the film Legion, played Mockingbird on Agents of SHIELD and starred in the pilot for the David E. Kelley Wonder Woman series, which never got off the ground.  Her involvement is how this book got on my radar. Thee book starts out with an FBI agent based out of Chicago, returning home to the small town of Tucker’s Mill Wisconsin.  Our protagonist Hannah Gregory, comes upon her old house with her high school friend, now the Sheriff.  The house is now a cordoned off crime scene, as her father and brother have been murdered.  While attending the funeral, Hannah meets a woman who had a relationship with her father.  The woman suggest they should talk, handing Hannah a piece of paper.  Hannah scolds the woman and demands she leaves.  If this is sounding like a paint by the numbers CBS Drama, I thought the same thing at first and was quickly losing interest. However, the book quickly takes an interesting turn, when Hannah reads the note, which has a bible passage on it. This bible passage, tells of angels mating with humans.  Curious, Hannah meets with Miriam Chapman, who tells Hannah that she and her father were indeed a couple, but it was more than just sex.  Miriam and her father believed in the Nephilim , which  are the children created  from the unions of angels and humans.  It turns out that these bible passages have truth to them and that Miriam and Hannah’s fathers research deduced that the bloodline of the Nephilim has survived and that they, along with their family members are descendants of angels.  Adding to the mythology, is that Hannah has a half sister named Jessica. Due to the pairing of two descendants of the Nephilim, she is born complete with actual Angel wings.  I’m sure there are films and television that flirt, or directly deal with the children of Angels  and human fornication. I think the aforementioned Legion starring the co-writer of this book, dealt with a similar idea.  Also, a recent issue of Lucifer, saw  human and a demon give birth to Cain and Abel.  Even Preacher has an angel and demon hooking up and creating a unique offspring.  However, the idea of humans and angels getting together, coupled with the family drama, that originally had my interest waning, actually made the supernatural element more unique.  The further mythology is cool as well. There are several other descendants of angels, that comprise a group know as the Eloise.  The members/descendants of angels are from all denominations of religion, including Christianity, Judaism and Islam.  I love the decision that, while the conception of angels is rooted in Christian mythology, other religions are included as descendants of the Nephilim and  in the group of believers known as the Elioud.  Religion often divides amongst different denominations, so seeing them all come together under a common belief was a welcome change of pace from the reality we live in at times.

With the mythology now set, the revelation (no pun intended), that the death of Hannah’s father and brother was no random robbery is revealed.  The murders were actually part of a string of murders of Elioud members that began 14 years ago,  The killer is a man named Elliot.  Elliot is a member of the group The Watchers, who believe in the Angel Azazel.  According to The Watchers, Azazel understood the tyrannical potential of his fellow angels, went down to Earth and shared secrets with humanity about angels and helping them create weapons that could kill the angels.  For his deeds, Azazel is punished, disfigured and cast out of heaven.  He is chained and buried underground,  However, he gets free by mutating into a horde of spiders.  He and his followers drove the angels into disappearance.  However, now that they are back via their descendants, The Watchers, via Elliot are back on the hunt.  I loved the classical battle of good and evil, where the roles are so clearly defined.  There’s no black and white and sometimes, that’s okay.  Too many characters are shades of grey in modern stories.    The rest of the book is a chase/hunt, with Elliot hunting Hannah and Jessica, while they race to evade him and try to protect other members of the Elioud.   As a result, I agree with the description calling it a modern day western.  In fact, it reminds me a little bit of Logan, with Hannah being this story’s Wolverine and Jessica being the Laura/X-23 character.  There are deaths as a result of this chase.  Miriam is killed by Elliot and when Eliot  has a gun pointed at Hannah ready to pull the trigger, Jessica ignites a fire at the gas station, burning Elliot to death. Jessica is mortified by what she’s done, after her parents have raised her to be pious and live a peaceful life.  Seeing her half sisters pain, Hannah tells a story about her time in the war in Baghdad,  where to save her partner, she threw a grenade into the apartment the sniper was stationed in.  Ultimately, she  saves her partner and got a commendation for it, yet she was ultimately mortified when she realized the sniper was just a boy.  The similarities between the two siblings actions, and reactions to the consequences of their actions, further bonds them.  This is a big moment for Hannah because at the start of the book, she was very closed off towards her family.  However, each issue showed a progression of Hannah opening up to the notion of a sister, accepting her as part of her family and the fact that she’s an angel, before finally accepting her role in Jessica’s life, post Miriam’s death.  I loved the slow burn of this relationship.  It would have been absolutely disingenuous if Hannah embraced and accepted Jessica straight away.  I also really enjoyed the juxtaposition of Hannah’s war time flashbacks, with Jessica killing Elliot.  This book manages to ground  itself in the unfortunate reality of war, while telling a story with overt supernatural trappings. Not many movies, comic books, or television can balance both as good as it is here.

Art is drawn by Ari Syahrazad.  His art is new to me but is very reminiscent of Michael Lark’s work on Daredevil, though that art is slightly more detailed.  This book had everything,  The dark, gritty, earthy look of war.  You feel like you’re in Baghdad, and that your life is in danger, as you track Hannah and her fellow soldier through that warzone.  The creepiest image is easily seeing spiders crawl out of Elliot’s eye socket’s and all over his face.  The second creepiest is a young Elliot being indoctrinated into The Watchers, while staring at the strung up bones of Azazel.  The opening of the door, to reveal Jessica, Hannah’s literal Angelic half sister looked both impressive as it should, yet rather small scale given the homely setting.  It’s a very unique image to behold.  We’ve got grit, we’ve got a creep factor, and we also have big action sequences.  We’ve got a car chase shoot out, that looks like they could be Need for Speed concept art drawings.  There’s also a gas station explosion and Elliott going down in flames, that would make Michael Bay and James Cameron’s testicles tingle. The artist can seemingly draw literally anything the writers throw at him.

I didn’t even know about this book, let alone have any expectations for it.  Yet, here we are and I really liked it.  This book was a four issue mini series but the ending implies that more is to come (no I won’t spoil the ending.)  I definitely want more, especially after the end of the epilogue.  So, do your part, buy this book and read it, so we can get a volume 2. Buy it because independent  comic books don’t always get the love and exposure they deserve.  More importantly, buy this book because it’s a fantastic story!

Hidden Faces: The Masked Edition, Part 3

(Submitted by Smutmaster Eric…Thanks, Your Royal Hineyness! 😉 PS-Thanks for reminding me to get back on the #MonsterMaskMonday tip…Gotta step up the Kinky/Kreepy factor now that #OCTOBER!!! is basically upon us! 🙂 xoxo)

The Strangers (2008)


Featuring:

Kip Weeks as Man in the Mask, Gemma Ward as Dollface, Laura Margolis as Pin-Up Girl, Liv Tyler as Kristen McKay & Glen Howerton) as Mike.


Captain America XXX: An Axel Braun Parody (2014)

Featuring:

Claire Robbins as Sin, Derrick Pierce as Crossbones, Giovanni Francesco as Batroc, Phoenix Marie as Sharon Carter & Jessica Ryan as Hellcat.


Guest Starring:

Diana Prince as Spider-Babe (2017)

#TerrorTrailerTuesday: The “Godzilla Steals The Showa” Edition

Ho-wdy, Goji Ho-mies!

Spawned in the ocean’s depths… it stalks the earth! Belching fire that blasts mighty cities into oblivion! A gory Goliath that lives to kill …kills to live! Diabolical Demon of Destruction… Mightiest Monster of them all… it’s Godzilla, the King of #TerrorTrailerTuesday!

This week, we’ve awoken the awesomely atomic power of the Showa Godzilla! Every single citywide rampage and monster beatdown from 1954 to 1975 is represented in this menacing menagerie of monstrous monstrosities! Godzilla, Mothra, Rodan, King Ghidorah, and the rest of your city-chomping buddies lurk in the trailers below! Get ready for some monster madness, ’cause Godzilla is on the attack!

Check out the trailers below, Kreeps:

Happy #TerrorTrailerTuesday, Ho-rror Ho-mies! xoxo

News Bleed: The “Thank You, Bernie and Suzan” Edition

Float on! IT is the highest-grossing ho-rror film of all time! Variety

Underworld is heading to TV. 🙂 Deadline

Spongebob gets spoopy this Halloween! 🙂 Entertainment Weekly

Kyle “Twin Peaks” Maclachlan joins Eli Roth’s The House With a Clock in Its Walls! Bloody Disgusting

The great Bernie Casey has passed away. 🙁 Washington Post

Hammer Horror star Suzan Farmer has also passed away. 🙁

#MonsterMovieMonday: Nightmare Castle (1965)

Ho-wdy, Kinky Kreeps!

Just another #MonsterMonday here at Kinky Ho-rror! This week, we’re worshiping at the Crimson Altar of the High Priestess of Gothic Ho-rror, Barbara Steele!

Ms. Steele is, without a doubt, THE Queen of cl-Ass-Sick Ho-rror Cinema. Her piercing eyes, her haunting presence, her ghost-like grace…Barbara always looked like she was about to Steele your soul! No coffin could hold her and no force on Earth could stop her! She held her own against the likes of Vincent Price, Boris Karloff, Christopher Lee, and Barnabas Collins! Both ho-rror heroine and ho-rrific monster, Steele is a true fright icon.

Today’s terror tale is Nightmare Castle and it features Goddess Steele at her most frightful. The Gothic Queen does double duty as both the doe-eyed Jenny and the ghostly Muriel… and kills it as both!

It’s an old-fashioned sort of story: castles, romance, and… ghosts! A cozy little tale that’s just perfect for this most ghoulish of seasons. With mad science, fiendish torture, surreal nightmares, and an Ennio Morricone score that sounds like it was composed by The Phantom of the Opera, this is film is pure Gothic bliss. And if Steele’s creeptacular performance doesn’t frighten you, you’re already dead!
Do you dare spend the night at… Nightmare Castle?!

Happy #MonsterMovieMonday, Kreeps!! 🙂

#SeXXXOnSunday: The Odd Jobs Edition

(Submitted by Smutmaster Eric, of corpse! 🙂 Thanks, Mr. E, and Happy Sunday Funday to all you Kinky Ho-mies! 😉 xoxo)

Dirty Deeds (2014)

Co-workers Carrie (Stormy Daniels) and Justin (Xander Corvus) are both in need of some extra money. Carrie’s looking for her own place, after discovering her boyfriend’s secret sex tape and Justin’s saving for an expensive engagement ring to satisfy his obnoxious girlfriend. As a result, they begin working odd jobs for extra money.

More Cast: Ryan Driller, Dahlia Skye, Gabrielle Paltrova, Erik Everhard, Misty Stone, Daniel Hunter & Joanna Angel.


Overview:

There’s no real surprise what direction the storyline goes, but it has good sex scenes and is very funny. Stormy and Xander are both good throughout, but it’s Joanna Angel that steals the show in a hilarious non-sex role. I promise it won’t feel like a job watching it and I’m sure you’ll make a sticky mess!

Rating: Smiths, The 3.5 stars of 

Splatterday Mourning Cartoon: Godzilla – The Firebird

Ho-wdy, Kaiju Krazies!

It’s Splatterday Mourning Cartoon Time (more or less ;)) and we’re unleashing the awesome power of…

and Godzooky…

Yesiree Blob! Our ‘toon today is a monster-bashin’ of the Hanna-Babera Godzilla cartoon!

Okay, so this series was a tick goofy, but that makes it all the better for a Splatterday Mourning ‘toon! It’s basically Scooby-Doo with a whole lotta monster fights and Ted “Lurch” Cassidy as the King of the Monsters! If that alone doesn’t make you want to tune in while eating Boo Berry and wearing yer fancy duds…

…then all ho-pe for humanity truly is lost. 😉

And if you’re one of those people who thinks Hanna-Barbera “ruined” this cartoon by adding Godzooky (basically a reptilian Scrappy-Doo…SO NOT A BAD THING!!!! ;)), just remember…

Toho did it first.

Hear the roar of the mighty Godzilla below:

Happy #Splatterday, Kinky Ho-mies! 🙂 xoxo

Movie Review: Batman & Harley Quinn

(Seemed appropriate for #HarleyQuinnDay…Big thanks to Prince Adam for sharing his Bat-thoughts with us. 🙂 xoxo)

“Batman and Nightwing are forced to team with the Joker’s sometimes-girlfriend Harley Quinn to stop a global threat brought about by Poison Ivy and Jason Woodrue, the Floronic Man.” (Warner Brothers)

This movie had me the minute it was set in the style of Batman: The Animated Series, featuring the voices of Kevin Conroy as Batman and Loren Lester as Nightwing, The new addition to the Bat-Family, comes in the form of Melissa Rauch, of The Big Bang Theory fame, as Harley Quinn. To be honest, it was her casting that worried me. I though her name recognition from TBBT and the signature voice of her character, would take me out of the movie and be a hindrance to the character. However, Melissa was fantastic and except for one time when she screamed at someone in the film, did I recognize it was her and get pulled out of the film, otherwise the actress totally disappeared and all I saw and heard was Harley Quinn. Hearing Kevin Conroy and Loren Lester again, felt so right and sounded like the pitch perfect dynamic duo. It’s like they have been doing this for 25 years straight, with no time lapses in between. Giving a voice to Poison Ivy for this film was Paget Brewster. She was okay, but I don’t think she was distinctly Ivy enough. That’s not necessarily her fault though because, she only had one scene where she employs Ivy’s trademark seductive, hypnotic sexiness to get a man to do her bidding. Poison Ivy’s partner in crime n this feature is Jason Woodrue aka the Floronic Man. The inclusion of this villain fits, given Ivy’s involvement and I really like his inclusion, not because I’m a huge fan of the character but because, he’s never really used. Come to think of it, even amongst Batman’s heavy hitters, Poison Ivy was underused. Even when she featured in episodes of Batman: TAS. The Floronic Man is voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson. This actor voiced The Joker for four seasons on The Batman but never once did I hear The Joker in this performance, which speaks to his range and versatility. Though, his voice is tailor made for portraying a villain.

As for why Harley Quinn would help Batman and Nightwing, it’s because she’s trying to live her life on the straight and narrow. Especially, since she has separated from The Joker. However, due to her criminal past, no reputable organization would hire someone with a criminal past and record, as a psychiatrist. Though, she makes a point at hinting that late nigh risqué movie producers have shown interest. Instead, Harley take a job at a bar called Superbabes. The waitresses all dress up in skimpy superhero costumes and are often ogled and groped by male patrons. One night Harley is grabbed in the ass, flips the customer over a table and starts a bar fight before heading home. This whole time, Nightwing was tailing her, following her back to a rundown, abandoned apartment. Naturally, there is a scuffle and Harley Quinn not only holds her own against Nightwing but knocks him out. When he comes to, Nightwing realizes that he’s tied up. Harley, changing out of her costume is in her bra and panties. She begins being flirtatious with Nightwing, saying they both have something the other wants. Nightwing protests, in a half assed way, before admitting the idea of being with Harley does sound appealing, The lights go out, the costumes come off and the scene cuts away as the implied sex scene happens off screen. Some reactions online, have people up in arms, throwing a hissy fit over this scene. Firstly, some are calling the moment a glorified rape scene, given that he was tied up and at first refused Harley’s suggestion. If you actually rewatch the scene, you can see that it’s quite clear that Nightwing is more than agreeable to having sexual relations with Harley. Once Nightwing agrees, I view the ropes as some kinky, superhero/supervillain role-play type of scenario. Prior to that scene, when both characters were physically fighting, Harley Quinn was verbalizing that she was tired of people telling her what to be and assigning a label to her. For example, some see her as crazy, others see her only as a villain, while others still, view her as a sex object. She mentions, how she wants to be in control and determine who she is. While some see the sex scene as demeaning, only further objectifying Harley, I saw her initiating the flirtation, and being in control of that situation. I saw it as a moment of empowerment for Harley Quinn. That’s my take on the whole “controversy.”

As for why Nightwing was following Harley and not Batman? The Dark Knight was busy doing detective work, uncovering Poison Ivy and the Floronic Man’s diabolical scheme. Firstly, I love that this film focuses on Batman being a detective. To me, Batman: TAS and issues of Detective Comics, are the only two interpretations, that really key in on this aspect of his character. Speaking of our villains’ plan, it involve using samples of Alec Holland’s (Swamp Thing’s) blood, mixed with a chemical agent, that when dispersed, would turn the human population into plant like creatures, such as Floronic Man and Swamp Thing. I like that the evil plot is perfectly symbiotic with the overall goals and beliefs of our villains, unlike that time when Poison Ivy teamed up with Mr. Freeze in 1997, and their plans were in complete opposition and counterintuitive of each other. Back over at Team Batman, when the Caped Crusader rejoins Harley and Nightwing, he catches them in a compromising position. While he doesn’t say it outright, you can tell he is judgemental of what they did. Nightwing responds with; “Oh right, like you’ve never made out with a villain before.” I loved this line because, it’s a clever callback to Batman’s trysts with Catwoman and Talia al Ghul respectively. It also calls out Batman’s hypocrisy in this moment, but also speaks to the closeness and rapport between Batman and Nightwing, that Dick Grayson can speak to Bruce this way. With Harley assisting Batman and Nightwing, you knew humor would be a key feature of this film and it is. As the three drive in the Batmobile to find Ivy’s location, Harley complains that a burrito she ate earlier isn’t agreeing with her and they should pull over. Batman refuses and Harley retorts; you asked for it, before beginning to fire off some farts. Batman & Nightwing’s facial reactions are hilarious. Yes, I know getting laughs from farts is a bit cheap and childish, but in addition to her sexiness, Harley Quinn has always had a childishness about her, so it works. There’s also a scene where Batman calls the Justice League for potential backup. However, all the heavy hitters are off world, so Booster Gold starts naming a bunch of C and D list superheroes that could help out. As Booster Gold’s voice rattles off names through the intercom of the Batmobile, Harley Quinn and Nightwing shake their head no and make faces in disapproval, before ruffling papers to make it sound like their was static, before hanging up on Booster Gold. This was priceless and had me in stiches. Harley Quinn’s influence is clearly rubbing off on Nightwing. Harley takes Batman and Nightwing to a bar for supervillain henchmen, where she meets an informant, who has info on Poison Ivy’s location. To get info out of an informant, Harley has to sing karaoke. That’s not the fun part though, as Melissa Rauch unfortunately is a terrible singer. However, the henchmen featured at this bar, are ones featured in the Batman 66 TV series, specifically noticeable are Catwoman’s henchmen. They even buy Batman a glass of milk, as a nod to his drink of choice on the Adam West series.

When the unlikely trio finds Poison Ivy and Floronic Man, Harley Quinn pretends to double cross Batman and Nightwing, to gain their trust, However, when she pleads with Ivy to not go through with releasing this pathogen, Ivy realizes Harley lied to her. Even Batman tries to appeal to Poison Ivy’s humanity, pointing out that if she makes even one mistake with the formula, all of humanity will be wiped out. When she still doesn’t budge, Harley Quinn removes her mask and makeup, gives Ivy a “puppy dog” look and begins to cry, lamenting that she doesn’t want to die. Ivy can’t resist Harley crying and agrees not to release the toxin on humanity. She too now turns on the Floronic Man. While some may say Poison Ivy’s turn was too easy, I liked it! It really emphasises the close knit relationship and love that Harley and Ivy share. This is both emphasized in the comic books and animated series. There are a few things, that I didn’t like about this film. Aside from the fight scene between Harley Quinn and Nightwing, which was awesome, the action in this film is extremely limited. And when it is their, the film cuts away from it, When you see the henchman bar fight, you’ll know what I mean. Swamp Thing has a cameo in the third act, condemns Ivy & the Floronic Man for what they’ve done, but refuses to get in the fight. He doesn’t get involved because “It’s not his “fight.” What!? How is it not his fight? They tampered with his blood and what they plan to do, is going to alter The Green, the nature that Swamp Thing is sworn to protect. How is that not his fight? It made no sense. What a wasted cameo. Also, I was let down by the final battle with The Floronic Man and it stems (pun intended), from the reasons I just mentioned.

This film has key voice cast from Batman: The Animated Series, the animation style evokes later seasons of Batman: The Animated Series, which was rebranded The New Batman Adventures but one thing that is different is the tone. Sure, there is some dramatic story telling of the classic animated series, but this is more of a comedy set in that world. So prepare yourself for that but you know what, for me, it really works. I have never laughed so much while watching a DC Animated show, or movie. If you want a good laugh and 75 minutes of fun with characters you love, give this film a buy and a watch. Happy Batman/Harley Quinn Takeover Day everyone!

#FrankensteinFriday: Tales of Frankenstein (1958)

“From the beginning of time, many men have sought the unknown, delving into dark regions, where lie those truths, which are destined to destroy him.

Of all these eerie adventurers into darkness, none was more driven by insatiable curiosity, nor went further into the unknown than the unforgettable Baron Frankenstein.

“So infamous were his exploits that his name stands forever as a symbol of all that is shocking, unspeakable, forbidden. Thus, in our day, many a story, which chills the soul and freezes the blood, is truly a tale of Frankenstein.

“Now, join us in the mystery, the excitement, and the stimulation that comes when we tell a story so weird, so dark, so harrowing, that it deserves to be called one of the many TALES OF FRANKENSTEIN.

Ho-wdy, Franken-Homies!

Stop.

It’s Hammer Time here at Kinky Ho-rror! 😉 We’re resurrecting another patchwork corpse-creature from the Hammer House of Ho-rror! From 1958, it’s…

Ho-ping to scare up some recognition in the States, Hammer teamed up Columbia Pictures with the intent of creating 26 electrifying episodes of Franken-stories, with each studio handling 13. Howl-ever, the two studios couldn’t agree on what parts to stitch on and the whole thing fell apart.

Hammer wanted the series to be made in the same style as their Curse of Frankenstein, Columbia owned the TV rights to the Universal films and wanted to use that version. The resulting pilot has elements of both, with Anton “The Man Who Could Cheat Death” Diffring as a Cushing-like Baron Frankenstein and Don “The Creature Walks Among Us” Megowan as a flat-headed monster. Legendary Universal screenwriter Curt Siodmak directed the film in the style of a ’40s monster chiller.

This one’s a must-see for Franken-fans! It’s got chills and thrills for both fans of Hammer and cl-Ass-Sick Universal fright fare! Anton Diffring is a wonderful stand-in for Peter Cushing and the Monster’s real groovy! It really is a shame that this series didn’t get picked up, but what we have is shockingly good!

Do you dare face the challenge of Tales of Frankenstein?!

Happy #FrankenFriday, Kinky Ho-mies!! 🙂 xoxo