Slashy Birthday, Dear Jason!

“You see, Jason was my son, and today is his birthday…”

-Pamela Voorhees

Happy Birthday to the seXXXiest, man-meatiest, machete-swingingest movie monster to ever camp it up: Jason “Mah Boo” Voorhees!!! 🙂

Born on June 13th of 1946, Jason was a humble child destined for greatness. After a childhood spent at Camp Crystal Lake (mostly the lake), Jason matured faster than most children… in that he went from 11 to 30 in just five years.

They grow up so fast…

After heroically saving his town from loitering teenagers, Jason became one of the biggest icons of the ’80s. His beautiful mug was plastered on t-shits, toys, a video game for the NES, and just about everything else a ghoul could dream of. The success of Jason Voorhees really opened the doors for Undead American actors in Hollywood.
Jason lives… in the hearts and minds of us. After over 30 years of slashin’, stabbin’, and face-smashin’, the ol’ boy shows no sign of stoppin’. In fact, Jason recently made his grand return to video games, proving that he’s taken over all forms of media as easily as he took Manhattan.

Happy Birthday, Jason! We raise our machetes high in you ho-nor. xoxo

Goon Review: Friday the 13th – The Game

(Submitted by Mr. Andrew Peters, so yell at him about it!! 😉 xoxox)

As a bad omen, to quote Crazy Ralph, “You’re all doomed!”

It may not be Friday the 13th, but the day is finally here. Friday the 13th: The Game has launched on PS4, Xbox One and Steam and needless to say, Jason fans are going rabid. By that, I mean they are bloodthirsty to massacre their friends online and also due to the serious issues the game has been having since the moment it was released, but we can talk about that later. I know the start of this seems like a bad omen for the game and while it’s not perfect nor is it the Friday the 13th game we hoped it would shape up to be, it’s still a tremendous amount of fun despite all of the launch problems along with the other bugs and glitches that are present in the game.

For now, the game is strictly online only, pitting seven players (eight if you manage to radio Tommy Jarvis for help… more on that later) against another player who will be controlling Jason. Guess who everyone wants to play as? During the pre-game cinematic, the counselors sit around a campfire as Jason approaches, dispatching one of them and the other seven are left to scramble. There’s a feeling of anticipation and excitement of whether or not you will be playing Jason. Then once you discover it’s not you, panic and dread start to settle in as you quickly scramble as a counselor to the nearest cabin, searching drawers and shelves for weapons or important vehicle parts that will aid you in your escape. That’s the name of the game here: survival. Players have a set amount of time to survive and they can choose to run from Jason or hide which can be far more difficult that it sounds. You could also find a fuse to repair the phone box to call the police who take a few minutes to arrive, or find missing pieces for one of the two cars or a boat and escape that way. However, once they are fixed and you are fleeing, that doesn’t ensure safety. Jason can appear and halt the car by slamming the hood or yanking the driver of the boat into the water and drowning them. Yes, death truly awaits around nearly every turn here at one of the three maps of Camp Crystal Lake.

Being an online multiplayer, communication is essential for survival (instead of slinging homophobic remarks at one another). Having a headset is a key item the gamer will need before you even start. It’s not mandatory, of course, but it helps to keep in contact with the other players that are in proximity to you. That’s right, you can’t just shout over your headset hoping others will hear you, because that creates noise and makes it easier for Jason to spot you. Only counselors that happen to be nearby can hear one another, unless you have a walkie in which case others with walkies can hear you. I really liked this aspect of the game, because like a horror film, if you walk out into the woods screaming for help, the killer is gonna find you. However, you need to chatter back and forth, so if Jason is close by, he can hear all your little scheming. It’s a real dilemma the game puts you in. To be fair, if Jason is creeping close by, you’ll start to hear that iconic Harry Manfredini score (although one of Jason’s abilities allows him to mute it). My first time playing as Jason, I heard one of the players reveal to another player where he laid a bear trap down and what he planned to do. Needless to say, I sort of crushed that plan by crushing his head.

Each counselor has their own set of skills. Some are better at sneaking or repairs, while others have better stamina or are stronger. Not one counselor is necessarily better than the other, but it’s up to the player on how they use that specific counselors set of skills. I prefer better stamina and health since killing Jason requires a laundry list of shit to do, so I find it better to sneak around. Even if your counselor doesn’t have stats you prefer, there are perks as well only these are chosen at random and cost you experience points. Every match you play earns you points and these points can be spent on improving your character. As I said, for the counselors, it’s totally at random, so you could get something really good like start with a map or a radio or even increase your stamina regeneration that you could then equip to a counselor with lower stamina to even them out. You can also unlock different variations of their outfits, but these can take a while seeing as it takes about ten level ups to get them each time… and there’s 100 levels.

Jason has his own set of unlockables as well that you can purchase using the same points. Seeing as how Jason is overpowered (OP as the kids call it), increasing his stats isn’t necessary and he does have his limitations. Each Jason – represented by different incarnations from various entries in the Friday the 13th series – has their own strengths and weaknesses. Jason from Part 2 can run while his Part 7 counterpart cannot, however he is much stronger and has a faster swim. Different kills can be purchased that Jason can perform with either his hand or the specific weapon that particular Jason is given. Most of the kills are interchangeable between Jasons, but each has three weapons specific kills that only that Jason can use. These kills are brutal the first time you watch them, but even after that initial time, you start to see how poor the animation in this game truly is.

Yes, even though I happen to think most of the character models look decent, especially each Jason, the animations on them are quite awful. Hair seems to unevenly flow in chunks, the mouths don’t open when the speak half the time and I don’t know if this is part of glitching or the animations are incomplete, but often during a kill it’s like whole animations weren’t there. Their expression didn’t morph, it was just like gore appeared on their face suddenly. The best way I can explain it is to ask you think about an exploitation movie’s graphic scene, for example, someone gets shot in the face. Now say you were to cut out all the frames between when the actor gets shot and it immediately picks up afterwards. It looks awkward and really poor. One of the more massive glitches is the constant glitching and hit detection. I can’t tell you how many times characters fell through things or appeared to be floating in air. Hell, a couple times I found characters floating in mid air or sinking into the ground. There were also times when you would swing your weapon at Jason or vice versa and no damage would occur. This is a serious issue that needs to be resolved. Actually seeing as it’s so bad, I’m surprised it was released in this state. One gamer commented that it feels like we paid full price for a BETA and in this sense, I kind of agree with him.

After about logging in around 12 hours of gameplay (note that I am saying “gameplay,” this does not factor in the time spent sitting around waiting for the game to connect), I played as Jason twice which totaled about 15 minutes. 15 minutes out of 12 hours. Are you fucking kidding me? You can set your preference to spawn as Jason more, but I found this didn’t help. There were even instances where one player would play as Jason several times during the duration where others wouldn’t play as him at all. I don’t know how this randomizer works, but it’s one of the many problems that needs to be fixed.

One of the most difficult things about reviewing the game is that you can’t review it if you can’t play it. Sure, I did get to play it, but I spent an equal amount of time, if not more, waiting for the game to find a session I could join or waiting around in lobbies. Not to mention that if you did find a game, staying connected to it was pure luck of its own. At first I thought that maybe it was my internet, so I scrambled around the house shutting off everything that was connected to the wi-fi and once I was in a lobby, it was there that I noticed the incredibly high ping all of the other players had and everyone was having the same connection troubles.

Jason’s biggest adversary wasn’t the players as the counselors or even Tommy Jarvis… it’s the unfortunate developer that miscalculated how many gamers wanted to play, thus not having enough dedicated servers. This plays into why for hours – or for some days – of not being able to find a session to join and play the game. Gun Media took to social media to comment that the players “Jasoned” the servers, meaning that we overwhelmed them and that’s why the game was laggy, slow or you couldn’t connect. I don’t think they meant to make it sound like they were laying blame on us, but they commented that they tripled the numbers of all the pre-orders and so on, only preparing the servers to handle about 30,000 players. When nearly 100,000 players logged on to play during launch, it crashed their servers. I realize they are a small, independent developer and weren’t expecting Call of Duty numbers here, but c’mon… it’s Friday the 13th! This game has been hyped since it was called Summer Camp and changing it to an official Friday the 13th game only made it more popular, so how could you not expect or prepare for this to be monstrous?

I really, really wanted to love this game, I really did. Friday the 13th is my favorite horror franchise and needless to say that Jason is my favorite slasher villain, but even as an extremely die hard Friday the 13th fan, I couldn’t love this game. This is a game only a mother could love. I’m more like, the second stepfather. Even though I didn’t love it, we connected a few times, had a bonding moment here and there and it’s alright. Friday the 13th feels like an unfinished game that was released. I get the feeling the developers felt as if they couldn’t keep on delaying it, having filled the gamer population full of promises and feared the worst if they did. Being launched with a handful of issues, like the glitches, incomplete animations and major, crippling problems like the server downtime, the terrible lag and ping coupled with repetitive gameplay, keeps it from being the perfect horror game it should have been. Nowadays, gamers unfortunately have shorter attention spans and unless it’s the most recent incarnation of Call of Duty, they won’t play long. Seeing as how there are only a handful of things to do, I get the feeling many will find it stale and unfortunately a majority of player will stop playing after several weeks. Maybe the developer should have focused on the single player mode and adding a story during all these delays.

I know I picked the game apart, but I did have a tremendous amount of fun with this game. It was so nostalgic to be running around Higgins Haven from Part 3, Packanack Lodge from Part 2 and even the original Camp Crystal Lake area itself from the first movie. It was almost like being there and it overjoyed both my film and gaming senses as well as it warmed my heart and that’s something this game has a lot of that people seem to be overlooking; heart’ Friday the 13th: The Game was created by fans who cared about this franchise and cared about bringing you the best experience possible. It’s like they wanted you to feel like a counselor at Crystal Lake and it does feel like you are there. It was a blast to creep around cabins looking for items and hoping that I wasn’t making too much noise and working with others to try and survive the night. After all, surviving together is how you make new friends! Seriously, I’m still playing and chatting with a few folks I met playing this game as well as playing with old friends for the first time in what seems like ages. Even when playing as Jason, you can feel everyone working against you, but there’s no greater feeling when you foil their plan which sends them scattering like cockroaches when you flick on the light. You slowly dwindle their numbers and they panic more, becoming more desperate, but it’s all in good fun. Being able to be Jason do some of his iconic kills felt like an accomplishment and playing as Tommy helping others to survive felt like a real heroic feat.

It’s been a real long time since I sat down and played a game online or even wanted to play a game online. Gun Media has captured the true essence of Friday the 13th in a game and I hope all of the bugs and other issues are fixed and maybe a few more skins, added levels and characters. Maybe we’ll see Crazy Ralph in there somewhere? Or how about Steven from Jason Goes to Hell or Tina from Part 7 and she could have telekinetic abilities! Well, let’s just stick with fixing the current issues first.

Happy 33rd Birthday, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter!

Three Times Before You Have Felt The Terror, Known The Madness, Lived The Horror. But This Is The One You’ve Been Screaming For…

Happy Birthday to Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, the greatest (and Crispin Glover-iest) of all the Friday the 13th films!!!!!!! 🙂

Now, if you’ve been paying attention to the site. you know I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEE this jaunty Jason jam! I mean, how can you not?! It has Corey “Feld-Dog” Feldman, Mah Boo, and Crispin Glover at his dirty danciest! 😉 However, if you need further explainin’, allow me to do so in the video below…

We all know how perfect the film is, but did you know there is an alternate ending? It’s crazy to think they almost ended on something other than bald Corey Feldman staring at the camera, but it’s true!

Originally, the ending was supposed to uphold the proud Friday the 13th tradition of a Carrie-like fake-out. After “defeating” Jason, Tommy and Trish (the survivors) wake up to the sound of police sirens. Trish notices water dripping from the ceiling and decides to investigate. She enters the upstairs bathroom and discovers her mother’s lifeless body floating in the bathtub. Suddenly, the mother’s eyes pop open to reveal ghastly white eyes! Jason appears behind the horror-stricken Trish, ready to strike! As Jason is about to finish her… Trish wakes up and it was all a dream.

As, um, interesting as that would have been, I prefer the more Feldman-tastic ending we got. However, I recommend checking out the original  ending below. The original audio is lost, but the cast and crew provide their commentary. It’s a eXXXtremely cool bit o’ Friday history. Mah Boo approves!

Happy Birthday, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter! You’ll forever be slashin’ away at our hearts!! 🙂 xoxoxo

#F134TBTPS

(With Ted White, the sweetest Jason evah! :))(The first time I met the dreamy Mr. Jimmy Mortimer himself :))

(And the pic that got me Twitter-banned for a while…while I was in Japan tweeting about Crispin’s shows, actually, even though I’d had it up ages before that. Hmmm…That CAN’T be a coincidence. Clearly those Twitter bastiches are #TeamFreddy!! ;)) xoxo

Fangoria Remembered: 8 Times Fango Invaded the Mainstream

It has often been observed that all things must end, regardless of the emotions and memories they conjure up. Though it may seem trivial to those outside of the horror community, Fangoria’s announcement that they would not be printing another issue was devastating to those of us who devoured each issue long before the Internet became the behemoth it is today. Like Famous Monster of Filmland before it, Fangoria helped create generations of horror-hungry fiends eager for monstrous movie mayhem. While Fangoria may be gone, it’s up to us to keep its legacy of terror alive and screaming. In that spirit, I’d like to dedicate this post to remembering the times that Fangoria penetrated the mainstream like no other horror magazine has done before or since. Fangoria shall never truly die!

The Simpsons

In the episode 22 Short Films About Springfield, bus driver Otto takes a photograph of Lisa Simpson with gum and other icky things caught in her hair, claiming, “Fangoria will pay me twenty-five bucks for this shot!” According to Wikipedia, the picture was published in Fangoria a few months after.

My Chemical Romance – I’m Not Okay (I Promise)

At the beginning of the video, a character states, “You like D’n’D, Audrey Hepburn, Fangoria, Harry Houdini, and croquet. You can’t swim, you can’t dance and you don’t know karate. Face it, you’re never gonna make it”. Sounds like our kind of guy!

Army of Darkness

Proving once again that he’s the grooviest Deadite slaying badass around, Ash keeps Fangoria in his trunk! Bruce Campbell would continue with this Fango appreciation in My Name is Bruce, proving that Fango is the real Book of the Dead!

Death Proof

Tarantino shoots Fango (and Shock Cinema!) a little love in his half of Grindhouse. We love you, ya inglorious basterd!

30 Rock

Frank Rossitano (Judah Friedlander) looks dressed to kill in his Fangoria shirt, seen in Cleveland. That (30) rocks!

Seed of Chucky

What does Chucky read when he needs to masturbate? Fango, of course! This is probably Fangoria‘s greatest cinematic moment, but I’ll let you decide. What a doll!

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This is perhaps the only film in which Fangoria actually gets the plot going! The main character orders the titular video game through good ol’ Fango! Mnid-blowing!

Friday the 13th Part III

Before her inevitable, Jason-related demise, Debbie reads a Fangoria! What a great way to go!

Fangs for the memories, Fangoria! You’ll continue to live on in our black hearts like the best movie monsters!

News Bleed: The “Stranger Friday” Edition

The Friday the 13th reboot has shut down and Mah Boo is not happy! 🙁 Hollywood Reporter

Stranger Things will happen on Halloween. 🙂 CBS News

Sarah Paulson is on the hunt for a serial killer in Lost Girls. 🙂 Entertainment Weekly

The Suspiria remake has finished filming and is heading Europeon Film MarketTilda Swinton and Jessica Harper together?! Sold! 🙂 Bloody Disgusting

Don’t Breathe director Fede Alvarez has formed Bad Hombre and genre fans rejoice! 🙂 Variety

The Life Super Bowl spot goes full Alien. /FILM

And on a bummer note, Mr. Richard Hatch (Battlestar Galactica) has passed away. xoxo  Bleeding Cool




NES Friday the 13th: The Movie :)

Ho-wdy, you valiant Voorhees lovers! I’m not sure about you kinky kreeps, but I happen to love the living dead poop out of the NES Friday the 13th game…

…And so does director Michael Ramova! So much so that he directed this nifty short film based on that eXXXcellent 8-bit horror show! 🙂 Funded through Indiegogo (by Friday Fiends like me :)), Mr. Ramoval did what Paramount couldn’t and brought Jason to 2017. You just can’t keep a bad ghoul down. 🙂

Check it out below, Kinky Ho-s! 🙂 xoxo

News Bleed: The “Thank You, John Hurt” Edition. :(

First, some happy stuffs:

Stranger Things will happen when Millie Bobby Brown meets Godzilla! 🙂 COMINGSOON.NET

GODZILLATHINGS

Scream again with Drew Barrymore! 🙂 Dread Central

Trick or Treat Studios are about to give us Goosebumps! 🙂 Bloody Disgusting

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Samara scares again on NBC’s Today. 🙂 New York Daily News

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Jason lives… Friday the 13th begins shooting in Spring! 🙂 Movieweb

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And, sadly, John Hurt has passed away….Thank you for everything, literal Sir. xoxoxo Daily Mail

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News Bleed: The “Make Gotham Great Again” Edition

Mark Hamill reads Trump Tweets as the Joker and maintains his place as the jokiest Joker ever. 🙂 Hollywood Reporter
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American Horror Story will be creeping through 2019! 🙂 Entertainment Weekly

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Who better to wish us a happy Friday the 13th than Kane Hodder? 🙂 Bloody Disgusting

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Time to go back to the House on Haunted Hill… Twice! 🙂 Dread Central

House on Haunted Hill

See more of the Eighth Wonder of the World with this Japanese Kong: Skull Island trailer! 🙂 Screen Crush

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William Peter Blatty has passed away. 🙁 New York Times

ExorcistIII11

After 146 years, Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus finally close the curtain on “The Greatest Show on Earth.” 🙁 NPR

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And because I don’t want to leave you on a bummer note, here’s some cl-ass-is Vinny P to brighten your day. 🙂 xoxo

Let’s Party Like it’s Friday the 13th…

…because it is!! 😉

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It took me all day to get this perfection ready to post, but as you will see it was sooooooooooo worth the effort!! 😉 Gotta jet right now or I’m gonna be late for tonight’s plethora of F13 Fan Festivities (which I’ll surely Snap/Instastory about, if you wanna join me ;)), so I’m just gonna leave this here, and we can discuss it upon my return. 😉

Happy Jason’s Day, Kinky Ho-mies!! 🙂 xoxox
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#TBT: The “Billion Dollar Voorhees” Edition

Happy Friday the 13th Eve, Ho-rror Ho-mies!!! 🙂

I don’t know about you creeps, but I’m in a shock ‘n’ roll kinda mood and there’s only one ghoul I can think of that is monster enough to ho-nor Mah Boo with some revolting rockin’ rhythms… Mr. Alice Freaking Cooper!!! 🙂

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Ol’ Black Eyes is back… but he’s not the only one…

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Talk about a Monster Mash of the highest order! 😉 In collaboration to rival David Bowie and Queen’s Under Pressure, Alice Cooper and Mah Boo joined forces in 1986, resulting in three songs created for Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives. These songs were Teenage Frankenstein (another clas-sick!), Hard Rock Summer, and the definitive anthem for Jason’s day, He’s Back (The Man Behind the Mask)!

HesBack1

In a time when his career was just about dead (hard to believe, I know!!), The Coop took a page from Jason’s book and rose from the grave! He’s Back applies almost as much to Mr. Cooper as it does Jason. The success of this song (and the entire Constrictor album that spawned it) served as sign that Cooper was about to return in a big way and he did just that with Poison in 1989. You just can’t keep a bad ghoul down! 🙂

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As for Mah Boo, this really was his return to the Silver Scream! Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning seemingly did what no final girl could ever do: kill off Jason for good! In his place, a two-bit copycat did the slashing! Friday Fanatics demanded the return of the slashiest movie slasher EVER and the studio obliged. He’s Back is a triumphant declaration to the fans, informing us that Jason’s back and he’s here to slay!! 😉

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To promote this beauty of a song, a video was made featuring Jason and Alice doing their  Freaky Fang! Take one part Rocky Horror Picture Show and one part Demons (1985), and you get the greatest (non-Thriller) horror music video of all time! (Unless Helena counts as ho-rror… ;)) Take it away, you gruesome twosome!

Proving that Camp Crystal Lake is still in his heart, Alice still occasionally rocks the mausoleum with this clas-sick! Here he is, performing He’s Back in 1991..

…and in 2013, proving that he and Jason are still the best musical monster buddies ever!! Mah Boo even does away with a pesky paparazzo here!

Keep that Friday Feeling alive, Ho-mies, and prepare to get yo Jason on tomorrow!! 🙂 xoxoxo

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PS- Who wore it better?

alice
alicemesmallNevermind…I know the answer. 😉 #NOTWORTHY!!! xoxoxo

not worthy