Carnivorous Cartoon Cavalcade: Tales from the Cryptkeeper – Fare Tonight

Ho-wdy, Fright Fiends! SDCC got in the way of my usual #SplatterdayMourning posting, but there’s no way I’d leave you without a creepy cartoon for your wicked weekend viewing pleasure. So without further ado, I presenteth thee with KH’s very first Carnivorous Cartoon Calvacade. (#GoWithIt… ;))

We’ve got another animated atrocity to thrill you, chill you, and fulfill you! This time, we’re takin’ a scenic walk through the crypt with our favorite Master of Scar-emonies… The Cryptkeeper!

#Hotness

Ghoul-d Ol’ Crypty has done just about everything a creep can SCREAM of… he started with some of the influential fright comics of all SLIME, appeared in movies, had a hit Terrorvision show, made appearances at amusement parks, has had his seXXXy mug plastered on everything known to monsterkind, and even had two records! Of CORPSE, all of that isn’t enough for big shot like Ol’ Crypty. Having scared the pants off of every adult in A-SCARE-ica, The Cryptkeeper intended to do the same to all the little boils and ghouls. Yes, fright friend, Crypty had his own Splatterday Mourning Cartoon… Tales from the Cryptkeeper!
Tales from the Cryptkeeper was essentially a friendly, cleaner version of the HBO show. Howl-ever, that just doesn’t mean this show doesn’t have its fare share of ghouls, ghosts, and goons. For a KILL-dren’s show. there’s still plenty o’ ho-rror to be had!
Our tale from the crypt is bloodsucker entitled Fare Tonight. It’s a twisted tale of two girls who dare ask this biting question: Will the Real Vampire Please Stand Up?
For all you night “people” out there, here’s Fare Tonight:

Pleasant Nightmares!

Splatterday Mourning Cartoon: Return to the Planet of the Apes – Flames of Doom

Ho-wdy, Humans!

The War for the Planet of the Apes is waging in cinemas across the nation, so what better way to skull-ebrate the apes than a damn, dirty cartoon?

Return to the Planet of the Apes  premiered on September 6, 1975 and was broadcast until September 4, 1976, with 13 episodes in total. It was the second television series based on the franchise, following the short-lived live action series that aired the previous year. The series depicts a  technologically advanced society of apes, sticking closer to Pierre Boulle’s original novel than its predecessors. In short, it’s totally worth going ape for. 😉
What’s really cool about this series is that it feels like Planet of the Apes. For the most part, it maintains the overall tone of the previous versions and it’s fairly clever in its writing. Sure, the animation is basically at “motion comic” level, but the art itself is quite beautiful. As a cartoon based on one of the most eXXXceptional sci-fi film series of all time, it’s pretty groovy. It’s dark, it’s thrilling, and it doesn’t have Tom Felton quoting the first film. I’m bananas for it! 🙂


Enjoy the ape-y awesomeness, and have a very splendid Splatterday, Kinky Ho-mies! 🙂 xoxo

Splatterday Mourning Cartoons: Scooby Doo – Nightfright

Ho-wdy, Meddling Kids!

I don’t know about you cats, but I think Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated is HIGH-LY underrated!

There are more incarnations of Scooby-Doo then there are stars in the sky, but Mystery Incorporated  tried to shake things up, while still staying true to the spirit of Scooby-Doo. Cl-ass-sick characters are fleshed out, the monsters are menacing, and it had a genuinely intriguing mystery element. Plus, it had a surprising dark tone. I mean…
Dark!

This was a Scooby-Doo that really knew to give you the willies!

And it had monsters! By Cthulhu, did it have monsters!


Its backgrounds were simply gore-gous! I’d proudly hang any of these in my tomb!
Beast of all, the show was clearly made for us fright freaks. Nearly every episode is loaded with references to the best genre media has to offer. From Twin Peaks..

…to Phantom of the Paradise

This guy’s name is WINSLOW FLEACH

… to Hellraiser

…to a Jeffrey Combs-voiced H.P. Lovecraft parody….
…to Harlan Ellison voicing Harlan Ellison (!)…

…to an entire episode paying homage to War of the Gargantuas. They even include the song from the movie!


In ho-nor of this underrated cartoon, we’ve provided our absolute favorite episode! It’s one big tribute to the greatness of Vincent Price, with plenty o’ nods to the Merchant of Menace!
Happy Splatterday, Kinky Ho-mies! 🙂 xoxo


 

Bride of #TBT: The “Dracula: Cereal Killer” Edition

Ho-wdy, Creatures of the Night!
Since we just escaped the clutches of a werewolf, let’s take look at its ancient enemy: the vampire!
And not just any rinky-dink vampire! We’re talkin’ ’bout the king of all vampires, the Prince of Darkness, one bad bloodsucka… Count Dracula!
Dracula’s met a LLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOTTT o’ monsters over the years… Frankenstein, The Wolf-Man, and other great ghouls… but there is one that stands above the rest: Count Chocula!
Yessiree, Count Chocula met the real Drac back in 1987! Unfortunately, due to controversy (the medallion Drac wears appears to be a Star of David), the pairing didn’t last long and the box was pulled off shelves. However, what we got was pretty groovy. In addition to that sweet box above, we also got this awesome commercial below:

If the next Dark Universe films are anything like that, I’m in!

It’s true what they say: Ladies Love Draculas. 😉 Fangs a lot, Counts! 🙂 xoxo

Splatterday Mourning Cartoons: Bunker Hill Bunny (1950)

Happy Fourth of July Weekend, Kinky Ho-mies! 🙂

It’s another frightfully delightful Saturday morning, so you know what that means….
For this positively patriotic party, we’re bringin’ out one big ol’ star! Ladies and Gentleman, Mr. Bugs Bunny!
We all know Bugs Bunny is the greatest cross-dressin’, wise-crackin’ wabbit in all of cartoondom… but did you know that he served in the American Revolutionary War? Well, we here at KH are here to educate ya! 🙂
In 1950’s Bunker Hill Bunny, American Minuteman Bugs Bunny defends his fort against Hessian Red Coat Yosemite Sam. And Boy Ho-wdy! You better believe some cartoon shenanigans ensue! 🙂
This ‘toon is cl-ass-ic Looney Tunes in conceivable way, with all the sight gags, eXXXplosions,  and Mel Blanc-age a ghoul could possibly want! The short’s superbly funny and the comedic timing is spot-on! Bunker Hill Bunny isn’t one that gets talked about a lot, but it’s simple, looney perfection. It’s the kind of cartoon violence that makes you proud to be an American! Who knew History was this awesome? (Answer: Everyone who’s ever seen 1776, bitches!! 😉 xoxo)
Check out the looney lesson in historical happenings via the big black boXXX below:


Looney Tunes – Bunker Hill Bunny by tgtrhgtr2

Scary Shorties: The Phantom Coach (2010)

(A quickie submitted for your viewing pleasure by More Than a Smutmaster Eric…Thanks, not always so Kinky Ho-mie! 😉 xoxox)

The Phantom Coach (2010)

It’s a beautiful, spooky silhouette puppet film by Richard Mansfield, based on the short story by Amelia B. Edwards. Narrated with a 7:45 running time.

A young man is lost in the snow, with thoughts he’ll die. He then meets an old man that takes him into his house. The old man tells him the depressing story of his life (we don’t hear), and then another tragic tale about a coach.

 

News Bleed: The “Rampage of the Crooked Man” Edition

The Conjuring 2’s The Crooked Man will walk a crooked mile to his own film. 🙂 Variety

Jeepers! The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will meet the Universal Monsters (including Chris “Fright Night” Sarandon as Dracula) this season! Bloody Disgusting

Dwayne Johnson shows off some post-monster destruction in this new Rampage set photo. Dread Central


The Mist series won’t be a “monster show”… boo to that! 🙁 Screen Rant

The Elfman cometh… Danny Elfman is doing the score for Justice League! 🙂
io9

Yo Shiva! The Walking Dead Gets GI Joe-Style Figures exclusive to San Diego Comic Con! 🙂 CBR

Thanks, Caped Crusader… the Bat-Signal will shine over L.A. to honor Adam West. 🙂 Hollywood Reporter

Sadly, Anita Pallenberg of Barbarella fame has passed away. 🙁 The Guardian

Scary Shorties: Tales from the Crypt – The Third Pig

Happy Birthday to one of the creepiest, awesome-est spookshows in the history of Terrorvision, Tales from the Crypt! 🙂

In ho-nor of the birth of Tales from the Crypt, we’re bringing you its death…

Knowing that it would soon be time to head back to the crypt forever, The Cryptkeeper decided to go out with a scream in the form of a batshit insane work of animated carnage known as The Third Pig.
That’s F-right, boils and ghouls! Tales from the Crypt’s last tale was a scary tale of cartoon carnage and hammy horror!
Directed by Bill Kopp and Patrick A. Ventura, The Third Pig is a cracked retelling of—you guessed it—The Three Little Pigs! The tit-ular Third Pig (Cam Clarke of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fame) stands trial for the murder of his two brothers who were actually killed by the Big Bad Wolf (Bobcat Goldthwait). Unfortunately for the poor pig, the jury is made up completely of wolves and they find him guilty. Out for revenge, the Third Pig creates a hideous Franken-pig to avenge his brothers. Looks like The Wolf’s in for a rude a-bacon-ing! 🙂
While that description may sound relatively straightforward, the actual episode is anything but. It’s the kind of wackadoo, Ren & Stimpy-like madness that could only spawn from the naughty ’90s! Sure, it ain’t your typical Tale from the Crypt, but it’s an outrageously weird bit o’ cartoon craziness and a wonderfully ballsy way to end a cl-ass-ic series. 🙂

Go back to the Crypt by clicking on the boXXX below:

 

#FBF: The “Frankenstein Resurrectus” Edition

Happy The Mummy Release Day, Monster Mashers! 🙂
The film marks the beginning of Universal’s Dark Universe, a series of interconnecting monster movies featuring our favorite ghouls of the past. While we wish they had stuck to pure Gothic Ho-rror, anything that brings attention to Cinema’s Greatest Monsters is worth supporting. And it only makes sense that the Universal Monsters would join in on “shared universe” craze. After all, they created the cinematic sci-fi crossover with 1943’s Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman.

Ho-wever, while The Mummy is the first attempt to start a franchise to under the Dark Universe banner, it wasn’t the first attempt to eXXXhume the great monsters…
Back in the late ’90s, Universal had planned a straight Black-and-White throwback to the classic Frankenstein films, done entirely in CGI! In October 1998, The Hollywood Reporter announced that Universal head (;)) Casey Silver had green-lit the film for release in 2000. The film was set to be the first full-length animated feature by Industrial Light & Magic and was budgeted at 80 million dollars. If all of that wasn’t enough, The Wolfman was also supposed to be in the picture!

Alas, this beautiful nightmare was not meant to be. The project died, but Universal did resurrect the creeps in 2004’s Van Helsing. Oy.
Only 16 seconds of test footage exists for the film, but it’s pretty fang-tastic! The tower is perfect and Frankie’s got those Karloff-ish good looks we all love so very much.  How magical would it have been to have a modern monster film like this?! Hopefully, if the Dark Universe goes on, we may get some installments that have that classic Universal Monsters flavor.

For 16 seconds of pure Monster Magic, check out the video below:

#FuckFreddy: Five Rad Robert Englund Roles (in Ho-nor of Our Birthday! :)

Happy Birthday to the Man of our Nightmares, Mr. Robert Englund!! (I hear a lot of folks born on June 6 are pretty badass… ;))

Good Ol’ Robby E…. we all know him as Freddy Krueger, the pizza-faced freak who gives good glove. I mean, there’s no denyin’ that ghoul’s place in ho-rror history. At this point, he’s (arguably) on the same level as Dracula and Frankenstein. As Heather Langenkamp said in New Nightmare, “Every kid knows who Freddy is. He’s like Santa Claus, or King Kong.”

However, as eXXXcellent as Mr. Englund is in that role, we feel that some of his other work goes underappreciated. In ho-nor of birthday, we’re shining a light on some Robert Englund characters that don’t get nearly the same amount of love as Fred Krueger! They may not be as dreamy as The Springwood Slasher, but these performances are a cut above the rest! Without any further a-BOO (I kill myself! ;)), here are five kickass Krueger-free Robert Englund performances! 🙂

1.) The Phantom in The Phantom of the Opera (1989)

Let’s start off with a Fright at the Opera! Yes, my Dark-lings… Mr. Englund took a stab at one of the all-time great monsters of cinema and showed that he really has an ear for music… but I’m not sure whose ear it is! 🙂

This film is an awesomely bizarre (and bizarrely awesome) fusion of Gothic Ho-rror and Slasher Terror, loaded with both gruesome gore and chilling atmosphere. Englund is simply amazing here, juggling hammy monster awesomeness and real emotion with ghoulish grace. Take a bow, Mr. Englund!

2.) Doc Halloran in Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)

Unfortunately, we don’t get to see that much of this “Ahab” (the heroic nemesis of the slasher) in this awesome horror-comedy mockumentary, but what we do see is freakin’ magic! Essentially, Doc Halloran (named after Dick Hallorann from The Shining) is Robert Englund playing Dr. Loomis from Halloween,,, and that’s as cool as it gets! He may not be in it for long, but it’s great to see Robert Englund play a hero for once.

3.) The Riddler in The Batman (2004)

Riddle me this: what happens when Freddy Krueger and Marilyn Manson have a son together? This version of The Riddler from The Batman, of corpse! While this animated series was nowhere near The Animated Series, it still had its fair share Bat-Awesome, including Mr. Englund’s creepy take on The Riddler. Talk about a Questionable character!

4.) Bill Gartley in The Mangler (1995)

The Mangler is perhaps the finest film about a demonic industry laundry press that folds people to death. Stephen King, Tobe Hooper, and our boy Robert join forces to create a pretty bonkers movie about the evils of Capitalism! Caked in old-age make-up, Mr. Englund is deliciously evil, but I suppose that a man who owns a machine called “The Mangler” has to be.  You gotta know when to fold ’em!

5.) Prof. William Wexler in Urban Legend (1998)

Last but not BEAST is the mysterious Prof. WeXXXler, my personal favorite! Okay, so it’s not a flashy part, but I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE me some Urban Legend! Robert Englund may just be a red herring (or is he…? ;))  but he rocks every bit of it! Props, Prof!

Happy Birthday, Birthday Twin!! 😉 xoxo

PS- It’s also Danny Strong’s birthday. Yay! 🙂