Happy (Actual) Birthday, Jessica Harper!!!!!!

12074788_514250872076222_2726234343440072351_nA Very Happy Birthday to Jessica Harper (October 3rd, despite the WRONG info listed on her IMDB page), one of the world’s most amazing actresses of all time, ever!! J-Harp (as I like to call her :)) has appeared in some of the most bizarre films to receive mainstream releases, including Woody Allen’s Stardust Memories, Pennies from Heaven (with Steve Martin), the insanely overlooked Rocky Horror Picture Show follow-up Shock Treatment, a badass episode of Tales from the Crypt (that grossed me out so much when I was little!!!), the brilliantly bonkers Phantom of the Paradise (#BeefLives!!), and the Queen of Italian Ho-rror pictures, Dario Argento’s Suspiria!!!

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As Suzy Bannion in Suspiria, she achieves the rare feat of portraying innocence without ignorance or naïveté, while possessing a knowing look and curious nature. In Phantom of the Paradise, she’s a fantastic “Christine” to a groovy Phantom and belts out a mean tune… and blessed us with the best ho-rror film dance this side of Crispin Glover’s dance in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter. (#BlessedBe. ;)) She took over for Susan Sarandon in Shock Treatment and rocked a little black dress like no one else  No matter the role, she brings a inimitably quirky charm and steals the show. She is the Goddess of Cult Cinema. 🙂

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Happy Birthday, Jessica! All us Kinky Ho-s absolutely adore you!! 🙂 xoxo

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Long Live Suzy Bannion!

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(One of the greatest scenes in all of cinematic history!)

PS- I like to show off my helmet whenever possible… (I know a lot of you guys can relate. ;))

potpPPS- Suspiria!! 🙂

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Apprehended: The Pokey Edition, Part 2

(Submitted by Smutmaster Eric, of corpse…Thank you, Klinky Ho-mie! 😉 xoxo)

Suicide Squad (2016)

Braless & Lawless (2012)

Phoenix Marie and her loser husband Jason need to be on a flight except Jason got his ass thrown into lock up. Can Phoenix use her feminine wiles to seduce the officer and get her husband out?

Down by Law (1986)
Two innocent people are arrested. An interesting third person, with broken English, joins them in their cell. On his idea, they decide to escape from the prison. Their journey is the rest of the movie.

The Dark Knight (2008)

Bonus:

The Inmates

#MonsterMovieMonday: Song at Midnight (1937) – China’s Phantom of the Opera

Ho-wdy, Phantom Phans!

Just another #MonsterMonday here at Kinky Ho-rror. This week, we’re bringing you a phantom of a very different opera. From Paris to China, it’s time for a fright at the opera with Song at Midnight!

Perhaps the most underrated film we’ve ever featured on #MonsterMovieMondays, Song at Midnight is one of the best interpretations of Gaston LerouXXX;s Phantom of the Opera. It’s often called the first Chinese horror film and it is the first time an opera phantom was scarred by acid, a plot element that would be recycled for many future adaptations. While virtually unknown in North America, Song At Midnight seems to be a beloved classic in China. With four films and a TV series based on this movie, it’s clear that this particular Phantom won’t stay dead, even if he still dwells in the shadows.


Don’t eXXXpect any crashing chandeliers or Red Death appearances; this is an entirely different Phantom. An acting troupe arrives at a abandoned theater that is said to be haunted by the spectre of Song Danping, a famous opera singer. Sun Xiao-au, a young male singer hears the ghostly voice Song Danping, who takes Sun on as his protege. Donning an ominous black robe, Song appears before Sun and reveals the shocking truth of his past to the young performer.


Song at Midnight
combines romance, Universal-style ho-rror, and political themes to form a truly unique ’30s monster movie experience. Hauntingly beautiful and EXXXpressionistically eerie, Song at Midnight is perfect ho-rror fairy tale for those who love the Universal Gothics and are inclined to root for the monster. Filled with cl-ass-ic monster movie imagery, tragic monsters, ghostly happenings, and spookshow theatrics, this old-fashioned Gothic tale is perfect for the creepiest time of the year.

Plus, check out that Phantom! Ho-ly crap, that’s awesome!

Click on the boXXX below to experience the Song at Midnight:

Happy October, Kinky Kreeps!

“First of all, it was October, a rare month for boys. Not that all months aren’t rare. But there be bad and good, as the pirates say. Take September, a bad month: school begins. Consider August, a good month: school hasn’t begun yet. July, well, July’s really fine: there’s no chance in the world for school. June, no doubting it, June’s best of all, for the school doors spring wide and September’s a billion years away.

But you take October, now. School’s been on a month and you’re riding easier in the reins, jogging along. You got time to think of the garbage you’ll dump on old man Prickett’s porch, or the hairy-ape costume you’ll wear to the YMCA the last night of the month. And if it’s around October twentieth and everything smoky-smelling and the sky orange and ash gray at twilight, it seems Halloween will never come in a fall of broomsticks and a soft flap of bedsheets around corners.”

-Ray Bradbury


A very mysterious, spooky, and all-together ooky October 1st to all you groovy ghoulies and cool ghouls out there!

October is indeed a special month.  For us ho-rror aficionados, ghouls and ghosts roam throughout the year, but it’s the Halloween season when they reach their full potential and dominate this mortal plane. The wind bustles with the specters of Autumn and the monsters are no longer confined to the dark. For this most glorious month, the grotesque and beautiful become one. Those who generally dwell in the light take time to ho-nor the creatures of the dark. It’s truly the most wonderful time of the year! 🙂

For this entire month, we’ll be handing out both tricks and treats to all you wonderful freaks! We’re painting the town black-and-orange with some of the scariest, creepiest things that go bump in the night! So clap for the Wolfman and whistle past the graveyard, ’cause it’s Halloween Time, Kinky Ho-mies!! 🙂 xoxoxo

#SupernaturalSaturday Comic Review: Lucifer #6

(Submitted by Senor Prince Adam…Thanks for kicking ass, Kinky Kolleague! 🙂 xoxo)

“Rosemary’s just an average American co-ed bringing her boyfriend, Takehiko, home from college to meet her parents, who happen to be Satanists.” (Vertigo)


When I first started reading through this story, I thought that this was going to be a one off filler issue. Instead, what we get is a jaw dropping mythological twist and the setup for the next big arc. The issue starts off very casually enough. It’s about a boy and a girl, heading to a seemingly quaint town in New England, so the boy can meet the girl’s parents. You even see the girl warning the boy that her family is weird and to be prepared for anything. The stereotype is perpetuated by the boyfriends typical reaction of shrugging her warnings off as hyperbole. While this may sound like a typical romance story, it is anything but that. Shockingly, Rosemary and her parents. are part of a group of Satanists, living in the town of Devil’s Knob. Maybe the name of the town and the fact that this is a Lucifer comic book, should’ve made me think twice about writing this issue off as a romantic filler with some scares. As Rosemary tells her boyfriend the history of Satanism in the town, we the reader get just enough exposition that we need for the payoff for the rest of the story, we learn that a resident named Gordo, who started a church because he knew that if he ran a church, he’d never have to pay taxes, That reasoning is so humorous , yet so believable. I can imagine some lazy bastard doing this because he didn’t want to pay taxes. The fact that the church is in part a Satanic church and a club for Death Metal Band, serves the nature and tone of the comic book on the whole and the overall story. Rosemary tries to soften the idea of her parents being Satanists for her boyfriend Takehiko, by telling him that while there is a segment of Satanists who believe in a devil with horns and a pitchfork, for most, including Rosemary and her parents, Satanism is about physical gratification, putting yourself first, lusting after hot people, eating inappropriately, being a bitch or an asshole and treating it like a sacrament. Takehiko asks Rosemary if there are any true demonic or ghost stories associated with the church, she say yes. We then get the story that really kicks this comic into a high gear and it starts to have relevancy. During one of the parties, things got too crazy and the church/house burnt down with a drunk girl named Joanna Newton, who died inside. Gordo then, as folklore tells it, sold the girls soul for money to build a new church. If this were any standard romance story, the boyfriend would cut it and run. Instead, Takehiko says he’s looking forward to meeting her parents and attending their church function. He is ambushed by her parents and other members of the congregation, who are naked except for wearing robes and horns. They pull a blade on him, claiming to sacrifice him for Lucifer.

At this point, Takehiko snaps and calls them blasphemers and summons the supposedly dead Joanna Newton. Turns out Joanna survived the fire and managed to escape, after Gordo and the others left her for dead. This revelation means that, the deal Gordo made in exchange for her soul is incomplete. After learning the demon Gordo made a deal with was Asmodeus, Takehiko summons him. Here’s where the real twist comes in. Asmodeus is Lucifer’s brother and uncle to Takehiko, meaning Takehiko is the first born son of Lucifer. The book ends with Asmodeus ordering Takehiko to return to hell, allowing him to bring Rosemary, while he keeps Gordo as a slave, as a means to fulfill his deal. With Lucifer back in action, Asmodeus indicates it’s time to challenge Mazikeen for the throne and reclaim his birthright, becoming the King of Hell. I’ll be completely honest, I did not see that twist with Takehiko coming. The sad thing on my part, is that there were hints. For example, its mentioned that, his father was long gone and that eventually he would have to deal with the family business. These bits of writing were in bold, so I should’ve paid them more attention. Even worse, there were small demonic wings sprouting out of his back, as he was having sex. I’m going to use the fact that there was a sex scene and the fact that I was so engrossed in the backstory of the Satanic Church, thus I missed it. That’s my story and I’m sticking with it. There was no mention of Lucifer having children in the first story arc and I don’t know enough about Neil Gaiman’s initial run of this series, Given that reasoning, I have to give credit to writer Holly Black, for writing such a fascinating and distracting story.

Art for this issue was drawn by Stephanie Hans. This is a different artist than the first story arc but I liked her work just as much, if not more. While I said that a page or two looked painted in the last story, this whole book had a painted look to it. Specifically, an oil paint style. I don’t think it is actually painted though as it’s not mentioned anywhere in the credits info. Also, they don’t mention a colorist, so I’m going to assume, that too, was done by Stephanie Hans. The opening scenes, with the young couple driving through a wintery New England, was idyllically picturesque. I know people who live in New Hampshire and winter’s can produce quite the snowfall, so this imagery has some accuracy to it. The flashback scenes to the drunken party had this purple filter to them. I’ve seen color pallets such as this used in films and television when people get piss drunk or sky high and I like that this book borrows stylistic choices from other media. The art for the fake Satanic sacrifice ritual poked fun at the stereotypes that are out there about Satanism. I like that the art and this book as a whole, is very self aware and does this sort of thing. While Lucifer and his son look nothing like the stereotypical version of the devil, I’m glad others like Asmodeus do have the more red skinned, horned demon look we are used to. Gives the book some variety. Regarding Takehiko’s red demonic looking wings, as opposed to Lucifer’s white angelic looking wings. I’m going to assume this is due to the fact that Takehiko’s mother is an ancient Japanese demon herself, while we must remember that Lucifer is in fact an angel. Once again there is plenty of nudity in this book and it is very naturalistic and never done to be in your face, or over the top.

This issue is a great example of what a stand alone issue after a main story arc should be. A more personal intimate story that gives the reader time to catch their breath, while at the same time, getting us excited for what’s to come. I am beyond excited for the Game of Thrones-like supernatural battle for the throne of hell, that is about to go down. This book may be about the devil but the quality of writing and art continues to be heavenly good! It’s worth your time and money. After reading this, I am definitely going to do a commentary article on the television series, after Season 3 concludes, especially with Smallville alumni Tom Welling on the series.

Splatterday Mourning Cartoon: The Addams Family – N.J. Addams

Ho-wdy, Kinky Kreeps!

It’s a bootiful #SplatterdayMourning, so Spring out of bed, ’cause it’s toon time! 🙂

Today is October Eve, so who better to spend this creepy-crawly day with than the family that lives Halloween 24/7, The Addams Family!
The Addams clan are certainly no strangers to cartoons, having been  (re)animated many, many times throughout the fears years. Their first cartoon series was in 1972, and they appeared on The New Scooby Doo Movies around that same slime time. They’ve been in cartoon commercials and were rumored to be starring in a full-length stop-motion film by Tim Burton, so The Addamses have a lot of animated awesomeness to their name. As great as all of those Addams Family terror-vision toons are, my personal favorite is the 1992 series, the spine-tingling subject of this #Splatterday!

Oh, howl I LOOOOOOVVE this series! First airing in 1992 and ending in 1993, this incarnation of The Addams Family was made in the swingin’ wake of the 1991 film. What was spooky-cool about this series is that they got the OG Gomez, Mr. John Astin, to once again play the freaky father! How GHOUL is that? Plus, the humor is surprisingly witty and very Addams. For a tie-in, it was pretty groovy!

It used to air on Cartoon Network and later became a staple of Boomerang’s Halloween line-up. If you saw this ‘toon on in the last few years, you knew that the Headless Horseman would be making his yearly ride very soon. To me, this cartoon is the perfect way to usher in the Halloween season and skull-ebrate the triumphant return of October. 🙂
Happy Almost October, Ho-rror Ho-mies!! Enjoy the #Splatterday spoopiness! 🙂 xoxo

News Bleed: The “Hocus Pocus and Scully” Edition

This trailer for It Came from the Desert mixes retro PSAs with awesome giant ant action and I am all about it! 🙂 Bloody Disgusting

Saturday Night Live’s David S. Pumpkins gets animated for Halloween! 🙂 Deadline

Stephen King teases new adaptations of The Stand and Salem’s Lot. 🙂 CBR

Scream, the spooky-cool new Michael Jackson album, is out today with a new augmented reality experience. 🙂 Variety

Get your first look at the new season of X-Files! 🙂 Entertainment Weekly

Hocus Pocus is being remade for the Disney Channel. 🙂 Los Angeles Times

#FBF: Eric’s Top 10 Favorite Playboy Playmates

(Submitted by Smutmaster Eric…Thanks for sharing, Kinky Ho-mie! 🙂 xoxo)

Thanks to Playboy founder Hugh Hefner (April 9, 1926 – September 27, 2017) the world was introduced to so many beauties that were bold enough to take off their clothes to become a Playmate of the Month. Some went on to have stardom in movies and on TV, while others took different career paths. Some died too young, but thankfully many are still with us.

Now, the Top 10 Playmates I love the most:

1. Janet Lupo – Miss November (1975)

2. Shannon Tweed – Miss November (1981)

3. Candy Loving – Miss January (1979)

4. Lynda Wiesmeier – Miss July (1982)

(May 30, 1963 – December 16, 2012)

5. Traci Adell – Miss July (1994) (Ho-stess’s Side Note: Aside from Pammie, Ms. Adell is my personal fave :))

6. Cynthia Jeanette Myers – Miss December (1968)

(September 12, 1950 – November 4, 2011)

7. Petra Verkaik – Miss December (1989)

8. Dorothy Stratten – Miss August (1979)

(February 28, 1960 – August 14, 1980)

9. Pamela Anderson – Miss February (1990) (Ho-stess’s Side Note: #QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!)

10. Julie McCullough – Miss February (1986)

Goon Review: Missing in Action (1984)

(Submitted by Mr. Andrew Peters…Thanks, ya Goon-ie!! 😉 xoxo)

Chuck Norris, perhaps the genesis of what we now know as the meme, was the epitome of “man” in the rah-rah-America, chest thumping, gun shooting, shit ‘sploding, kick-a-man bad ass. He was the kind of man that if you shot him, he would clench up his butt cheeks and fart that bullet right out. Cannon Films recognized this popularity and exclusively signed Chuck to a multi-picture deal, thus bringing us some of the action movie staples that we grew up on in the ‘80s, war movies to be specific. The early ‘80s was a prime time to make Vietnam movies, seeing as how the war was still fresh in our minds, you could shoot them cheap and audiences would flock to them.

If there is one thing Golan and Globus knew how to do better than anyone, it was how to market their film to anyone. The men get plenty of explosions and the women get a number of scenes of Chuck Norris removing his shirt to reveal his ripped, hairy chest for no reason and wearing jeans so tight that any hipster would be envious. There was also a little something for the ladies; to see the sweat glisten off his chest on the hot Vietnam moonlit night, right before he roundhouse kicked a man out a window was worth the price of admission alone. These films from Cannon tended to be (as I heard them best called) B-movies on A-budgets.

Before we get started, Missing in Action and Missing in Action 2 were filmed back to back and Missing in Action is actually the second film in the franchise, believe it or not. However, Cannon felt that Missing in Action 2 was the stronger of the two movies and was released to theaters before the first film, so Missing in Action became a prequel, Missing in Action 2: The Beginning and Missing in Action 2 became Missing in Action. I probably over complicated that explanation, but this is the earliest example of something like this happening that I can think of. Oddly enough, the film very much mirrors the plot of Rambo: First Blood Part II, but Missing in Action was released one year prior. Is this where the idea for the plot of Rambo came from or is it just a coincidence?

Perhaps one of if not his most memorable role, Chuck Norris is Col. James Braddock; a Vietnam veteran who is being disgraced on national television because of his conspiracy theories about Vietnamese POW camps that still contain American prisoners. Braddock stares out of his window deep in thought, chugging an ice cold Bud while totally shirtless, watching the news as they argue whether or not there are American POWs still in Vietnam. Occasionally, he flips the channels to catch Spider-Man cartoons and I seriously thought the film was suddenly becoming a bad bootleg of it, because the shot just meanders for minutes on an episode. There may not seem like there was a purpose for this, but at the time Cannon Films was trying to get their Spider-Man flick off the ground that director Joseph Zito was attached to direct at one point and seeing as how he directed Missing in Action, it seemed like a fun connection.

Braddock comes out of hiding and heads to Vietnam to get some face time with the press and although the Vietnamese government has “witnesses” that claim there are no POWs, he knows otherwise. With the aid of a female reporter whose name escapes me because she matters so little, he uses her as a cover (under the covers) to sneak about a general’s compound to squeeze out some information from General Tran, who you might recognize as Cassandra’s father from Wayne’s World 2. After scaring the shit out of the guy, General Tran coughs up some info on the whereabouts of the prisoners, Chuck escapes a bunch of guards and says goodbye to his female reporter friend and so do we, because she’s not seen or heard from again. I’m certain her only purpose as basically the only female in the movie with a speaking role was to provide some really good side-boob. There are other women in the film, but they are pretty much just topless set pieces. Like I said, Golan and Globus knew how to exploit anything.

His journey continues further into Vietnam, thwarting scumbags that are out to stop him, usually by roundhouse kicking them into or out of things, like windows, walls, you name it. Braddock teams up with an old army buddy, Jack Tucker (M. Emmet Walsh) to help him get what he needs… firepower. And poon, if he wanted, but Braddock ain’t got no time for the pussy. Tuck, on the other hand, practically buries himself in it. Can’t say I blame the man, seeing as he’s afraid to go back into the warzone, but if I him I would be far more concerned with amount of STDs he’s probably contracted. You could wring out his underwear into a beaker and create a new virus.

The two buddies head down river in a sweet, kevlar coated pontoon boat mounted with an M-60 machine gun to continue their search. Needless to say, it’s not going to be easy, especially when there are too many bad guys for Chuck to karate chop or roundhouse kick. Good thing he brought and arsenal with him. After all, you want to see shit get blown up real good, don’t you. The film is odd when it comes to this. The action is either kind of lacking a punch, for lack of a pun, or it is way over the top. For example, when Braddock props a grenade on his jeep, so when the enemy jeep rams it, it explodes. It looks like someone threw a handful of dirt at the thing as people jumped away in all directions. But then you have moments where a camp explodes and Joseph Zito captures it from like four different angles and you watch it from every single one as this things erupts into a giant fireball. Most of the gunfire is reduced to Chuck just spraying a machine gun in all directions as guys fall over, so nothing to comment on that, other than it’s usually to get the body count up. It’s as if they sunk all of their money into a few action scenes and forgot that there were more. Chuck can’t karate kick his way out of all of them!

Saying that Missing in Action is a product of its era is an understatement. It very much spoke to an early ‘80s, post Vietnam when there was a strong sense of American pride, bitter from losing a controversial war. Much like Rambo: First Blood Part II, audiences were given a disgraced war hero given a chance at redemption, so he plunges into the depths of his formal Hell to rescue some POWs. Needless to say, Rambo is much better looking and better made film, but it also had about $42 million dollars more to spend. Given for what it is, Missing in Action is a pretty decent action flick that gives you exactly what you want; a brooding hero with a vendetta and a mission and nothing is going to stop him. The film isn’t necessarily non-stop action, taking breathers occasionally to develop plot, but when it does that the scene usually ends with a group of bad guys bursting into the room to either get drop kicked or blown away. Both are done well and you totally buy Chuck as war hero Braddock, but the film isn’t the best display of what a leading man Chuck Norris can be, as he doesn’t have a massive amount of dialogue and his fight scenes are usually over quick and he’s often paired with people that know how to fight back or take a licking.

Not taking anything away from the film, because it’s an absolute blast and with or without nostalgia, it’s a prime example of ‘80s action exploitation films, but I don’t believe it holds up as well as most of us remember. Sure, Chuck Norris is bad ass as Braddock, there’s plenty of shootouts and explosions, American pride for sale and what not, but it feels a bit like Rambo-lite. Again, not taking anything away from the film and certainly not the performances, because these characters are fun as hell, but it’s not as grand as I recall. That’s a side effect with most Cannon movies, seeing as they were made cheap and on the fly. Of course being younger when we first viewed these, they are going to seem much larger than life, but thirty years later, you can definitely see the weaknesses of them. However, that doesn’t affect the long lasting staying power of these movies and that’s what Cannon (unintentionally?) did; made fun as hell flicks that get some mileage and Missing in Action is a ton of fun.

#TBT: The “Freddy Phones It In” Edition

Grab your crucifix, kiddies… it’s #ThrowbackThursday!

This week, we’re hanging on telephone and dreaming a dream of Freddy Krueger!
Back in the day, Ol’ Pizzaface had his own telephone hotline (1-900-860-4-Fred; 1-900-909-Fred) where the Dream Weaver himself would tell nightmarish stories to keep you up at night!

But it did cost 2 dollars the first minute and 45 cents for each additional minute…
Howl-ever, thanks to the magic of the internet, we’ve got 44 minutes of free, unfiltered Freddy goodness that’ll have screaming like this…
Think of it like a bunch of one minute audio Tales from the Crypt or, more appropriately, Freddy’s Nightmares. This macabre morsels of frightening Freddy fables are the perfect thing to get you pumped for the upcoming Halloween season… so, get ready for Freddy and click on the boXXX below:

Happy Thursday, Kreeps! 🙂