(Submitted by Smutmaster Eric…Thanks, Kinky Ho-mie, and Happy Sunday Funday to all my Kinky Kreeps! 🙂 xoxo)
Captain America: A XXX Parody (2016)
Featuring: Peta Jensen & Charles Dera
Black Widow enters a building, then Tony Stark appears. He asks her to call Captain America, because he won’t answer his calls. When they’re all together, Stark says a General has ordered them to stay in this place they think looks like a prison. An argument, short fight, and sex follow.
A Sluttier Future for All (2013)
In a near-dystopian future, the nymphos are sluttier than you could ever imagine. Ashton Pierce and Bonnie Rotten are the rival gangleaders of their college gone crazy. They get their hands on the foreign exchange student (Marco Banderas), and find out the hard way he’s got enough inches to keep them both happy.
A very Happy Birthday to the Re-Animator himself, Mr. Jeffrey Combs!
There’s no earthly way to express how much I freakin’ ADORE Mr. Jeffrey Combs!!!!!!!! He’s been in phenomenal fright films, has made many Star Trek appearances, played Doctor Strange (Doctor Mordrid counts!), and is always just the screamiest, dreamiest weirdo in anything he graces! *swooooooooooooooon* 🙂
In addition to being beyond seXXXy, Jeffrey Combs is to Lovecraftian sin-ema what Vincent Price is to Poe. He’s been named “the first Lovecraftian actor” for his frequent appearances in Lovecraft adaptations, even playing the cosmic ho-rror author a few times. Of corpse, of all his great HPL roles, his best and most iconic will always be his masterfully insane performance as Dr. Herbert West in the Re-Animator films. With his insane intensity and wicked wit, Dr. West is easily one of the greatest mad doctors to ever mess with the natural order.
One asss-pect of Mr. Combs that doesn’t seem to get a lot of attention is his career as a voice actor. Starting with his freaky-deaky turn as The Scarecrow in The New Batman Adventures, Mr. Combs has done his fair share of voice work for cartoons and video games. While he mostly does the spooky stuff in live-action, Mr. Combs tends to lend his voice to superheroes and supervillains. His wonderous work includes Question in Justice League Unlimited, Kite Man in Batman: The Brave and the Bold, The Leader in The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, Brainiac in Injustice 2, and Ratchet in Transformers: Prime. Way to speak out, Mr. Combs! 🙂
As a testament to his greatness and in observance of Splatterday Mourning, we’ve eXXXhumed some of the epically epic voice work of Jeffrey Combs! First, a video showcasing his many cartoon appearances…
…and a full episode of Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated featuring Mr. Combs as H.P. Love… er, Hatecraft! What better way to ho-nor Combs than with his portrayal of the man who made him a fright icon? 🙂
Happy Birthday to that maestro of Italian ho-rror, Dario Argento!
From his very first picture back in 1970, Signor Argento has been haunting our collective nightmares with some of the most maddeningly beautiful ho-rror films in the world. I mean, the dude puts the “gore” in “gore-geous”! With jaw-dropping camera work, fabulous visuals, and his frequent use of startling colors, Dario Argento brings a painterly beauty to the canvas of cinema. Among his masterworks are Deep Red, site favorite Suspiria, Phenomena with Jennifer Connelly, and 1987’s Opera.
In ho-nor of this mad artist’s birthaversary, we dug up this groovy documentary on the man. It features interviews with ho-rror legends, including John Carpenter, Alice Cooper, and Jessica Harper. Enjoy, Kreeps! 🙂
On this #TerrorTrailerTuesday, we’re paying tribute to a groovy cat who’s real outtasight…
Yes, it’s the Invisible Man, the villain beyond vision! The fiend who can’t be seen! The scourge of locker rooms everywhere! H.G. Wells’ Fantastic Sensation!
While we take it for granted these days, the idea of the invisible man is truly frightening (and ho-rnifying… ;)) one. To quote Claude Rains as the invisible one, “An invisible man can rule the world. Nobody will see him come, nobody will see him go. He can hear every secret. He can rob, and rape, and kill!” I mean, there’s a reason that ho-rror filmmakers have been telling Invisible Man stories for decades now. The threat has all the malevolence and cunning of a sinister genius, but with no way of detecting him.
Of corpse, others have seen the funny side of this kinky kreep. After all, the Invisible Man can’t be invisible without going… au naturel. I daresay there are just as many Invisible Man comedies as there are terror tales. Even James Whale’s The Invisible Man is loaded with large helpings of black comedy. Guess you can’t spell “slaughter” without “laughter”… 😉
Whether you like him scary, silly, or just plain seXXXy, it’s as clear as the monster himself that the Invisible Man is a true icon. So without further a-BOO, here are the terrifying trailers to top off your #TerrorTuesday. 🙂 xoxo
Ho-rrificly Ho-rnifying Bonus: The seXXXy scene that launched a zillion Invisible Man fantasies (at least for me ;)).
Howdy, Human Ho-mies!
So, we just had a total eclipse of the sun this week…
Based on the fact that you are reading this, it’s safe to assume that the world has not been annihilated by botanical beasts from beyond. Which is of Corpse a good thing for us fleshy, leafless folks. Howl-ever, imagine if that weren’t the case. Imagine if something as seemingly innocent as a house plant appeared out of nowhere during the eclipse and slowly planted the seeds of our extinction. Well, it would be a lot like… Now, I’m sure you’re all familiar with that maniacal musical masterpiece… and its ending. You know, where they kill the monster and live happily ever after, right? It’s as traditional as monster movie endings get and that’s not necessarily bad thing. I mean, of Corpse Rick “God’s Perfect SeXXX Machine” Moranis would win the fight and get the girl, right?
Believe it or not, the original ending was far darker and, in my opinion, far more satisfying. As much as I adore the godly perfection that is Rick Moranis, Seymour was kind of a creep. He murdered his way through the story and willingly fed a monster from outer space. Sure, the charm of Manly Moranis made us overlook his misdeeds, but he’s totally the type of character who would get some sort of ghastly punishment in EC-style fright fare… and he initially did! In the film’s initial conclusion, Seymour is eaten by the mean, green Audrey II, just as he was in the original play. Now, if that were it, I think I’d be fine with letting Seymour get his fairytale ending, regardless of whether or not he deserved it… but what happened after that is so wonderfully monstrous that it is truly a shame that it got cut. It’s everything a monster movie fan could Axe for: giant creatures destroying buildings, ho-rrifying practical effects, morbid gags, Harryhausen homages, and just the kind of macabre spectacle we eat up here at Kinky Horror. Unfortunately, audiences didn’t care for it, so they shot the simpler, happier ending that ended up the final film. Guess I can’t blame them for sparing the marvelous Moranis, but the original is just too amazing . It almost works as a short monster movie on its own… and we’ve dug it up for viewing pleasure! Enjoy the madness below, Kinky Kreeps!
Today’s Flashback Fare concerns one Mr. Vincent. Freakin’. Price.
There’s no ghoul in history that gives us those Tingler tingles like Mr. Vincent Price! I mean, he’s one of the indisputable Gods of Ho-rror! The Merchant of Menace! The King of the Grand Guignol! The man’s a legit legend! You could always tell he was having the time of his life… even when it ended… again and again and again! On the Silver Scream, Mr. Price frequently enjoyed one of the finer things in life… dying.
Most people only do it once, but Mr. Price made a living off of it! You think Sean Bean bit his fair share of dust? Ha! He’s but a rank amateur compared to Ol’ Vinnie! Bean’s only danced with the Reaper a mere 25 times… Vincent Price has kicked the bucket (of blood) 32 times! And we’re not even counting his Terror-Vision appearances! He’s been drowned, burnt, poisoned, dissolved by acid, and others far too ho-rrible to name here. But, like any great monster, he just came back for the next fright tale! I wouldn’t be shocked if he rose from his real-life grave to start promote the Sears Art Collection!
To show you how to live your death to the fullest… here are… The Many Deaths of Vincent Price!
Haruo Nakajima was, in more ways than one, the King of the Monsters. From 1954 to 1972, Nakajima was the man behind Godzilla, donning the legendary suit for some of the greatest monster movies of all time. As if one timeless sci-fi icon wasn’t enough, the great Nakajima also portrayed Rodan Varan, Baragon, Gaira, the larva form of Mothra, and several kaijus in both Ultra Q and Ultraman. Nakajima was a true giant in genre cinema and his creatures will continue to inspire both fright and delight in fright fans for many years to come. Haruo Nakajima was an incredible, unstoppable titan of terror.
(Submitted with utmost sincerity by Mr. Anton Phibes…Thanks, Ho-rror Ho-mie…As a Stephen King fangirl, I didn’t want to touch this one!! 😉 xoxo)
I’ve not read a single book in Stephen King’s Dark Tower series. At best, I have passing familiarity with the basics. However, I am aware of the enormity of its fanbase and the lofty expectations thrust upon this particular picture. For a good many years, Hollywood had attempted to bring this towering (Pun very much intended) series to the cinema, with the project being shuffled from one filmmaker/studio to another. With each crumb of new information offered on the project, fans expressed extreme excitement. After many false-starts and failed attempts, the film was finally made. And it is because of this wait that my heart goes out to all the Dark Tower fans. Even in my vast ignorance of the series, I can tell that this is not the Dark Tower film readers were clamoring for.
As a man simply looking for a good time at the movies, I wasn’t entirely displeased. The film had some small delights to offer and was mostly competent. Sure, it was riddled with cliche, but that’s something I can stomach. For the casual viewer, this film might be a pleasantly forgettable romp. It’s a lean, mean fantasy adventure with a few thrills and chills to offer, if nothing truly special. But audiences expected more from this material, and I certainly don’t blame them for doing so. When you’re drawing from a story told in eight volumes, a 95 minute film just isn’t likely to do the trick. From what I’ve gathered, the movie picks bits and pieces from various books in the series for its plot. I’ve also heard it said it that, outside of those cherry-picked elements, has very little to do with the series. As it is, the film’s plot concerns the last Gunslinger and his quest for revenge the Man in Black, a devilish sorcerer out to destroy existence. The Gunslinger is joined by Jake, a young man with the gift of the “Shine”, first seen in King’s The Shining. With The Gunslinger’s skill and Jake’s Shine, they must stop the mad magician before it’s too late.
The primary reason to watch this film are for the performances by the actors. Unfortunately, the script doesn’t allow them to utilize their full potential, but they’re still rather good. Idris Elba is always a fantastic addition to any film and his gruff demeanor suits the Gunslinger well. Tom Taylor as the young Jake is very likable and his performance brings to mind some of the great family fantasies of the ’80s. Matthew McConaughey steals the show with a hammy portrayal of evil that’s delicious in its daffy depiction of deviltry.
The Dark Tower is far from the epic people had hoped for. As agreeable popcorn nonsense, it’s perfectly serviceable. As an adaptation, I feel that fans will likely be disappointed. However, a TV series is still in development, so perhaps that will put the franchise back on the right trail. Let’s hope that the Gunslinger’s next ride is a glorious one.